Issue186 by Jeremie 请多指教:)

JeremieUID: 2622601

ISSUE186  "Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world."
写得不是很熟练，恳请各位同仁指正!

I strongly agree that people are more concerned with practicality in modern times when only efficiency is to be most valued. All the things around us are evaluated by what extent of practicality they finally attain. However, this idol, which dominates people for long , will surely do harm to our future as the fact that it ignores so much spiritual wealth we should otherwise cherish.

It is no denying that the world goes to a more and more high degree of practicality. We have not get far to find concrete examples, since anyone who receives education can comprehend the conception, from the childhood. We study for a high grade instead of the interest of various knowledge; we seem to fight for a qualification which permits us into another place allowing us to fight for a high grade. Most of us attend to colleges directly aiming at finding a high-salary job in the future, and thus courses such as computer technology, economy, advertisement are highly pursued and fast developed. In the contrary, those subjects which cannot bring people profit at present, such as history, literature, philosophy, are unfortunately ignored. As a result, the new generations become more and more superficial, less and less rich in spirit.

And this is also the case with the business field, where profit is the ultimate target. Sometimes, companies are more likely to expand themselves, rather than devote a small part of wealth, at least, to society; rather than contribute to protecting the environment; rather than improve the quality of the staff's life only because it has nothing to do with the current profit.Armed with more and more high technologies, more and more advanced systematic theories, we fall into a quagmire we make by ourselves.

However practical the circumstance around us, we should stand up to the reality by admitting the fact that our happiness and high scores, more profit and advanced technologies deprive our joy and fun in life. Instead, people suffer more from the pressure in everyday life and even the mental diseases. We can catch a glimpse of a common person around us to describe the situation. He has cars; he has more than one house; he has also many plans to have his wealth valued-added. On the other hand, he has to maintain his cars and houses; he has to occupy himself in buying insurance, paying for all kinds of bills. He does all these for leading a happy life on purpose but a destroyed one in effect. Material things are practical and sometimes can satisfy people in all aspects; but without correct conduct, without health habit of enjoying life, we may get little value from them. Practicality makes us efficient, but may lead us to the modern times satirized by Chaplin.

Anyway, practicality should be reasonable regarded and shouldn't be our long-time idol. Otherwise, we will make great sacrifice without enjoying the evanescent as well as colorful life.

DidasWUID: 2666962

I strongly agree that people are more concerned with practicality in modern times when only efficiency is to be most valued（这个to be是不是不用加了，感觉不加也能说得通，而且第一句是一个事实判断，能不能考虑把strongly去掉，总感觉……而且有一点很关键，be concerned with 是一个主动的动作，好像是参与涉足的意思，我个人觉得更准确点应该是用concerned more about，浅见）. All the things around us are evaluated by what extent of practicality they finally attain. However, this idol, which dominates people for long , will surely do harm to our future as the fact that it ignores so much spiritual wealth we should otherwise cherish.

It is no denying that the world goes to a more and more high（high好像不用more吧， higher and higher 就可以了吧……） degree of practicality. We have not get far to find concrete examples,（这个用法不太知道） since anyone who receives education can comprehend the conception, from the childhood.（我想知道下这句大概说什么意思，我能力有点差，sorry） We study for a high grade instead of the interest of various knowledge; we seem to fight for a qualification which permits us into another place allowing us to fight for a high grade. Most of us attend to colleges directly aiming at finding a high-salary job in the future, and thus courses such as computer technology, economy, advertisement are highly pursued and fast developed. In the contrary, those subjects which cannot bring people profit at present, such as history, literature, philosophy, are unfortunately ignored. As a result, the new generations become more and more superficial, less and less rich in spirit.（这段后半段写的很通畅，比较有IMPACT，但是前半段感觉稍微滞涩了些）

And this is also the case with the business field, where profit is the ultimate target. Sometimes, companies are more likely to expand themselves, rather than devote a small part of wealth, at least, to society; rather than contribute to protecting the environment; rather than improve the quality of the staff's life（有个词叫living standard是生活水平的意思，有时候可能会简单些，小建议） only because it has nothing to do with the current profit.Armed with more and more high technologies, more and more advanced systematic theories, we fall into a quagmire we make by ourselves.

However practical the circumstance around us, we should stand up to the reality by admitting the fact that our happiness and high scores, more profit and advanced technologies deprive our joy and fun in life. Instead, people suffer more from the pressure in everyday life and even the mental diseases. We can catch a glimpse of a common person around us to describe the situation（我个人觉得用look into会比describe更好些）. He has cars; he has more than one house; he has also （also has）many plans to have his wealth valued-added. On the other hand, he has to maintain his cars and houses; he has to occupy himself in buying insurance, paying for all kinds of bills. He does all these for leading a happy life on purpose（已经用了for了，on purpose是不是多余了） but a destroyed one in effect（建议这样改一下，He does all these for leading a happy life, but a total mess is all that he gets）. Material things are practical and sometimes can satisfy people in all aspects; but without correct conduct, without health habit of enjoying life, we may get little value from them. Practicality makes us efficient, but may lead us to the modern times satirized by Chaplin.(个人估计LZ跟我干了同样的事情，写这个MAN的例子写HIGH了就忘记这段要干嘛了，你应该是想说仅仅追求实用而放弃精神方面的价值，反而会让生活变得miserable，所以后面应该点下题。点明这个man如果可以在追求自己的内心快乐和现实生活的富足间找到平衡，他会活得更好些。不知道我理解的对不对，你要想拿什么东西砸我，麻烦挑贵的扔，MP3手机ZIPPO均可，显示屏就算了)

Anyway, practicality should be reasonable regarded and shouldn't be our long-time idol. Otherwise, we will make great sacrifice without enjoying the evanescent as well as colorful life.

DidasWUID: 2666962

在WORD上做好了颜色，到这上面发现没了，抱歉抱歉。

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... 6amp%3Btypeid%3D101

大家长期互拍好了，我看你给别人改的也蛮认真的，认品牌而来

DidasWUID: 2666962

不好意意思，倒数第二段最后的那些评论，我好像是没把那段最后一句话读进去，不过确实应该点题点的再明确些吧。个人认为应该点到PRACTICALITY的oppsite也很重要才是。而LZ里面仅仅说了CONDUCT AND ENJOYING LIFE.个人认为好像有点浅，而且conduct 也可以是从practicality出发的。

再次为错误评论抱歉

DivineUID: 2650173

补充一下楼上的评论
1 本文主要论点是许多spiritual的东西也拥有价值，但不幸的是被忽视了 例如文学历史，以及公司对除了盈利之外的东西的关注，或者一个人的快乐生活 对于段落展开 公司那段有点不够，倒数第二段长了些，另外就是写学生那段立意很好，但是写得的确不太流畅，作者重新修改一下，会很精彩（这篇是限时的吧）
2 既然作者提到了大公司，其实也可以写另一个论点，就是有的行为可能现在看不实用，但长远看来是会带来好处的 这样就可以解释公司为什么需要考虑环境，员工福利，等等 一句话就是要可持续发展，不能眼光短浅
这样写的话就可以在学习那一段也自圆其说，就是学习文史现在看来没用，但对人的影响是深远的....诸如此类 这样文章就更饱满了
3 倒数第二段如何精简，我的想法是把he的主要特点提炼出来，就是struggle to maintain a material life standard， overlooked spiritual wealth. 然后写一下危害

DidasWUID: 2666962

5# Divine
赞下楼上的第三点summarize