进军美利坚作文-miaz/lupisces

lupiscesUID: 2231942

9.24 作文 The best way to travel is in a group led by the guide.

第一次交，大家猛拍吧，我不介意~

What is the best way to travel? It is a question without a fixed answer because everybody can choose his best way at his will. Some believes that travel in a group is more convenient while others enjoy hanging out alone. However, my experience tells me that I feel more comfortable when traveling alone.

In the first place, I believe that travel should be a way for us to relax rather than just sightseeing. And the best way to relax is to do what you are interested in. By arranging your trip according to your taste, you can choose those places of interests, plan how long you stay in each one, and the sequence of visiting them. However, as a member in a group, the guide will do all the things above for you. You can’t spend more time on your favorite architecture, instead, you have to pay attention to things that do not fit your interest but are of common taste.

Furthermore, in order to take you to all the wonders during the trip, the guild is always setting a full schedule for you. You have to get up early, give limited attention or only a glance to every scenic spots, then get on the bus and be taken to the next spot, which is circulated everyday during your trip. At the end of the day, you may feel nothing but exhausted. However, if you travel alone, you can stop whenever you need a break. After you feel refreshed, you can keep on your own journey. I believe that if you want to know a place, you should not only listen to what the guild says and give a glance to that object, that’s far from enough. You should stay with the native and use your heart to feel the place, the thing you have no time to do if you are with a busy guild.

However, many people will say that a group-trip with a guild saves them great trouble. They don’t need to buy tickets, reserve a hotel room or even book a table in a restaurant. I have to admit that they are telling the truth but their definition of a travel is different from mine.

To sum up. I prefer traveling alone to joining in a group because I like to spend my time freely visiting my places of interests without others telling me what I should do next.


（404 words）

hmnsunUID: 2653457

What is the best way to travel? It is a question without a fixed answer because everybody can choose his best way at his will. Some believes that travel in a group is more convenient while others enjoy hanging out alone. However, my experience tells me that I feel more comfortable when traveling alone.% g+ i$ i" l( n9 c, V5 {2 q" t' ]4 s# Z

$ M( M, F6 i: s- LIn the first place, I believe that travel should be a way for us to relax rather than just sightseeing. And the best way to relax is to do(visit) what you are interested in. By arranging your trip according to your taste, you can choose those places of interests, plan how long you stay in each one, and the sequence of visiting them. However, as a member in a group, the guide will do all the things above for you. You can’t spend more time on your favorite architecture(这个词适合这里的语境么), instead, you have to pay attention to things that do not fit your interest but are of common taste.
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( C7 i( c$ `4 l. xFurthermore, in order to take you to all the wonders during the trip, the guild is always setting a full schedule for you. You have to get up early, give limited attention or only a glance to every scenic spots, then get on the bus and be taken to the next spot, which is circulated everyday during your trip. At the end of the day, you may feel nothing but exhausted. However, if you travel alone, you can stop whenever you need a break. After you feel refreshed, you can keep on your own journey.（you can keep on your own journey after you feel refreshed） I believe that if you want to know a place, you should not only listen to what the guild says and give a glance to that object, that’s far from enough. You should stay with the native and use your heart to feel the place, the thing you have no time to do if you are with a busy guild.
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* f9 f1 K3 S) p. D# F6 [; ^However, many people will say that a group-trip with a guild saves them great trouble. They don’t need to buy tickets, reserve a hotel room or even book a table in a restaurant. I have to admit that they are telling the truth but their definition of a travel is different from （that of）mine.
& z( Z. C$ O, s1 ^3 L- n/ U# V
- ~8 g' q' i9 i# P. hTo sum up. I prefer traveling alone to joining in a group because I like to spend my time freely visiting my places of interests without others telling me what I should do next.

思路比较清晰，语法不错，但是段落内部的组织应该注意一下。注意语言的连贯性。有些表达可以在精炼一些。
1# lupisces

半夏之北UID: 2517498

What is the best way to travel? It is a question without a fixed answer because everybody can choose his best way at his will. Some believes that travel in a group is more convenient while others enjoy hanging out alone. However, my experience tells me that I feel more comfortable when traveling alone.

In the first place, I believe that travel should be a way for us to relax rather than just sightseeing. And the best way to relax is to do what you are interested in. By arranging your trip according to your tastes, you can choose those places of interests（interest）, plan how long you(will) stay in each one, and the sequence of visiting them. However, as a member in a group, the guide will do all the things above for you. You can’t spend more time on your favorite architectures, instead, you have to pay attention to things that do not fit your interests but are of(感觉换成meet) common tastes

Furthermore, in order to take you to all the wonders during the trip, the guild is always setting a full schedule for you. You have to get up early, give limited attention or only a glance to every scenic spots, then get on the bus and be taken to the next spot, which is circulated everyday during your trip. At the end of the day, you may feel nothing but exhausted. However, if you travel alone, you can stop whenever you need a break. You can keep on your own journey when you feel refreshed . I believe that if you want to know a place, you should not only listen to what the guild says and give a glance to that object, that’s far from enough. You should stay with the native and use your heart to feel the place, the thing you have no time to do if you are with a busy guild.

However, many people will say that a group-trip with a guild saves them great trouble. They don’t need to buy tickets, reserve a hotel room or even book a table in a restaurant. I have to admit that they are telling the truth but their definition of a travel is different from mine.

To sum up. I prefer traveling alone to joining in a group because I like to spend my time freely visiting my places of interests(interest) without others telling me what I should do next.


景点应该用places of interest.另外我查了一下interest 和taste用做品味和兴趣时是可数名词。
两个主体段我感觉一直在重复关于导游安排好所有的事不能好好的旅游这一个意思，第二个分论点不太明显。
语法和用词很好啊~加油哦\(^o^)/~

lupiscesUID: 2231942

9.26
It is better to broad knowledge of many academic subjects than specialize on one specific subject.


Nowadays, there are many discussion about whether students should broad their knowledge in various fields or just focus on their major or interests. In my opinion, if a student don’t find out which kind of career he wants to pursue, he should learn more before making a lifetime decision. However, if he knows his career goal definitely, he can specialize on that subject. As an undergraduate, I know clearly what I want so I prefer to specialize on one specific subject.

In the first place, during our college study, we get acquainted to many professionals who teach us the theories and latest trend of our major. These professionals are specialized on their major for some many years before achieving such a high academic status. Their achievements are made not because they broad knowledge in many subjects but because they devoted themselves to the specific field for a very long time. We respect them and being such a specialist is always my dream since I read a sentence saying they are those who bring out the secrets of nature and apply them for the happiness of the man.

Furthermore, in practice, most of us will work after graduation. Therefore, we need specific knowledge in the field that you are in, which means that you can do your job better than those without such specific understanding. Besides, you can apply what you’ve learnt in college to your job and then get a new idea of that specific knowledge, the process from which we gain experience. It is known to all that experience is not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you. On the contrary, if you know nothing specific about what you’re doing, it takes a long time to be professional in your job.

Admittedly, a person with broad knowledge will have a cleared vision and enjoy popularity among others in our daily life. However, if such a person has a specific job without specific knowledge, how can he achieve a better position in his field? Of course, if the person is both erudite and professional in certain field, the thing will be totally different.

Taking all the considerations above, most of college students should develop a career path and
learn more in that field to fulfill their goal. In the meantime, they can broad their vision by learning other subjects.

emily-luckUID: 2410641

4# lupisces

Nowadays, there are many discussion about whether students should broad their knowledge in various fields or just focus on their major or interests. In my opinion, if a student don’t(can't比较好吧) find out which kind of career he wants to pursue, he should learn more before making a lifetime decision. However, if he knows his career goal definitely, he can specialize on that subject. As an undergraduate, I know clearly what I want so I prefer to specialize on one specific subject.5 W$ j% P: I1 H; e

|In the first place, during our college study, we get acquainted to many professionals who teach us the theories and latest trend of our major. These professionals are specialized on their major for some many years before achieving such a high academic status.（这里是不是有点时态问题呢？before...之前用完成时） Their achievements are（后面devoted用的是过去时，前后时态要一致） made not because they broad knowledge in many subjects but because（可以省略） they devoted themselves to the specific field for a very long time. We respect them and being such a specialist is always my dream since后面的这句话表达的意思不是很清楚 I read a sentence saying they are those who bring out the secrets of nature and apply them for the happiness of the man.' ]这句（（））% m' l% J" [7 C, [; d2 Q
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Furthermore, in practice, most of us will work after graduation. Therefore, we need specific knowledge in the field that you are in, which means that you can do your job better than those without such specific understanding. Besides, you can apply what you’ve learnt in college to your job and then get a new idea of that specific knowledge, the process from which we gain experience. It is known to all that experience is not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you.not ...but 用了两次了，最好不要重复 On the contrary, if you know nothing specific about what you’re doing, it takes a long time to be professional in your job.

Admittedly, a person with broad knowledge will have a cleared（应该是很广泛的意思吧，用wide,extensive,or comprehensive怎么样） vision and enjoy popularity among others in our daily life. However, if such a person has a specific job without specific knowledge, how can he achieve(重复使用了，换个gain,get) a better position in his field? Of course, if the person is both erudite and professional in certain field, the thing will be totally different. (这句表达不好，有点中国式英语的感觉)

Taking all the considerations above, most of college students should develop a career path and1 K4 y& `7 q$ g% z9 X
learn more in that field to fulfill their goal. In the meantime, they can broad their vision by learning other subjects

不太会改哈，有不正确的地方，请见谅。作文写的挺有自己的特色的，加强用词的准确，使用些很棒的长难句一起 加油哈~
ps上辅导班的老师说，作文要有些长难句，出彩的地方~~分数就上去了

spyUID: 2295035

Nowadays, there are many discussion（单复数） about whether students should broad their knowledge in various fields or just focus on their major or interests. In my opinion, if a student don’t（单复数） find out which kind of career he wants to pursue, he should learn more before making a lifetime decision. However, if he knows his career goal definitely, he can specialize on that subject. As an undergraduate, I know clearly what I want so I prefer to specialize on one specific subject.

In the first place, during our college study, we get acquainted to many professionals who teach us the theories and latest trend of our major. These professionals are specialized on their major for some many（好像没见过some many的用法）years before achieving such a high academic status. Their achievements are made not because they broad knowledge in many subjects but because they devoted themselves to the specific field for a very（very可以不要） long time. We respect them and being such a specialist is always my dream since I read a sentence saying they are those who bring out the secrets of nature and apply them for the happiness of the man.

Furthermore, in practice, most of us will work after graduation. Therefore, we need specific knowledge in the field that you（we）are in, which means that you can do your job better than those without such specific understanding. Besides, you can apply what you’ve learnt in college to your job and then get a new idea of that specific knowledge, the process from which we gain experience. It is known to all that experience is not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you. On the contrary, if you know nothing specific about what you’re doing, it takes a long time to be professional in your job.(时态不对)

Admittedly, a person with broad knowledge will have a cleared vision and enjoy popularity among others in our daily life. However, if such a person has a specific job without specific knowledge, how can he achieve a better position in his field? Of course, if the person is both erudite and professional in certain field, the thing will be totally different.

Taking all the considerations above, most of college students should develop a career path and learn more in that field to fulfill their goal. In the meantime, they can broad their vision by learning other subjects.

标准的结构体，小错误有点多，第一点理由描述的不是很好，用了不少复杂句，我都把复杂句忘光了

lupiscesUID: 2231942

10.1
Good looks and dresses are more important for success than good ideas.

What factor plays a more important role in determining success? Some may reply that it is good looks and dresses that influence success more; others will probably argue that it should be good ideas. As far as I know, I prefer that good ideas are of greater importance than good looks and dresses in determining success.

First and foremost, we all know that a good idea can start the process of pursuing success. Under this circumstance, it is just like a goal, such as starting your own business with a gift of money. With a good idea, a person can then work out a plan, do some research, and set a schedule, realizing the idea step by step. Of course, the idea should feasible. Therefore, a good idea is the very beginning of the process to succeed. Without an aim, what will you do?

Another reason is that a good idea can help you out of difficulties. After you establish a goal, such as setting up your own business as mentioned above, you may face a lot of problems that trouble you, perhaps including the placement, the rent, the staff and even the decoration of your work place. Then you have to handle these various troubles. However, there is not a useful method for you to apply to all the problems efficiently, which means that you should solve them case by case. A good idea that comes up to your mind may be the right solution. Without good ideas, how can you handle all these difficulties in the right way and then have you business operating?


Admittedly, good looks and dresses may play a role in success. However, they are hardly important. No one would say that people that do not look pretty or dress fashionably can never reach their goal. Nor can anybody attain whatever they want by just standing there showing their gorgeous face and dress. There are many other essential factors that should be taken into consideration, such as an attainable goal, hard-working, determination and so on. Given the comparison of the importance of appearance and ideas, the appearance is inappreciable.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

论证基本很流畅L是否应该加一些具体的例子进去？

DriftKingUID: 2664045

Good looks and dresses are more important for success than good ideas.
粉色的lz不用理会，是我觉得写得好的，需要学习的

~8 v; Q
What factor plays a more important role in determining success? Some may reply that it is good looks and dresses that influence success more觉得别扭; others will probably argue that it should be good ideas. As far as I know, I prefer that good ideas are of greater importance than good looks and dresses in determining success.

First and foremost, we all know that a good idea can start the process of pursuing success. Under this circumstance, it is just like a goal, such as starting your own business with a gift of 嘛意思？ money. With a good idea, a person can then work out a plan, do some research, and set a schedule, realizing the idea step by step. Of course, the idea should feasible. Therefore, a good idea is the very beginning of the process to succeed. Without an aim, what will you do?

Another reason is that a good idea can help you out of difficulties. After you establish a goal, such as setting up your own business as mentioned above, you may face a lot of problems that trouble you, perhaps including the placement, the rent, the staff and even the decoration of your work place. Then you have to handle these various troubles. However, there is not a useful method for you to apply to all the problems efficiently, which means that you should solve them case by case. A good idea that comes up to your mind may be the right solution. Without good ideas, how can you handle all these difficulties in the right way and then have you这里应该是your business operating? % [, l- f  n" t$ A% g


Admittedly, good looks and dresses may play a role in success. However, they are hardly important(unimportant). No one would say that people that(/) do not look pretty or dress fashionably can never reach their goal. Nor can anybody attain whatever they want by just standing there showing their gorgeous face and dress. There are many other essential factors that should be taken into consideration, such as an attainable goal, hard-working, determination and so on. Given the comparison of the importance of appearance and ideas, the appearance is inappreciable.

lz的思路很清晰，内容也很好，并且层次很分明
只是读着老不顺，有些生硬的感觉，建议加强下单词和句子，语法
加油！

lupiscesUID: 2231942

10.3
The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the environment issue is a hot topic not only in our daily discussion but also in the summit meetings of the leaders from different countries. Since the environment problems concern all people on the earth, we all have to shoulder the responsibility of handling it. Letting the individual change the whole situation is a mission impossible.
      In the first place, the current environmental crisis is not caused by one individual but by the whole human society. The global warming, the diminishing of the tropical forests, the hole in the ozone and all other climate problems are resulting from human activity. After the industrialization, the environment is destroyed by our development in an unparalleled speed, such as the construction of buildings which need huge amount of forest timber, the improvement of transportation which exhales carbon dioxide that more than the trees on our planet can take in. As we can see from the fact, it is the whole society that benefit from the process which do great harm to the environment. Therefore, it is unfair to ask some of us to take all the duty to make a change while others can take a free ride.
      Furthermore, it’s beyond one’s efforts to conquer a universal problem. For instance, a single country tries its best to improve the energy system within its border and achieve a great success, which means that the production of green house gas is largely reduced in this country. However, all other countries make no efforts or even pay no attention to the problem. Then it’s not hard to imagine the result that the problem finally gets worse. Obviously, the cooperation of all human society is the only way to make a difference in the final result.
     However, the cooperation does not mean that every individual country must pay the same attention to the problem and take the same action towards it. We have to admit that every country plays the role of destroying the environment to a different degree so the most advanced ones ought to make a greater contribution because they sacrifice more resource on our planet. In the mean time, other developing countries should do their part accordingly.
     To sum-up, the environmental issue is not a problem caused by individual and it’s also too complex to be handled by a single person. What we should do is to unite as a group to remove the problem we all contribute to.


406 words

LRXSSUID: 2695903

Nowadays, the environment issue is a hot topic not only in our daily discussion but also in the summit meetings of the leaders from different countries. Since the environment problems concern all people on the earth, we all have to shoulder the responsibility of handling it. Letting let is ok,letting 好像有截然不同的意思the individual change the whole situation is a mission impossible.
In the first place, the current environmental crisis is not caused by one individual but by the whole human society. The global warming, the diminishing of the tropical forests, the hole in the ozone and all other climate problems are resulting from human activity. After the industrialization, the environment is destroyed by our development in an unparalleled speed, such as the construction of buildings which need  needs huge amount of forest timber, the improvement of transportation which exhales carbon dioxide that is more than the trees on our planet can take in这句话太长了.As we can see from the fact, it is the whole society that benefitbenifits from the process which do great harm to the environment. Therefore, it is unfair to ask some of us to take all the duty to make a change while others can take a free ride.   好句子！
      Furthermore, it’s beyond one’s efforts（偶感觉应该改为能力之类的词） to conquer a universal problem. For instance, a single country tries its best to improve the energy system within its border and achieve a great success, which means that the production of green house gas is largely reduced in this country. However, all other countries make no efforts or even pay no attention to the problem. Then it’s not hard to imagine the result that the problem finally gets worse. Obviously, the cooperation of all human society is the only way to make a difference in the final result.
     However, the cooperation does not mean that every individual country must pay the same attention to the problem and take the same action towards it. We have to admit that every country plays the role of destroying the environment to a different degree so the most advanced ones ought to make a greater contribution because they sacrifice more resource on our planet. In the mean time（meantime  就可以啦）, other developing countries should do their part accordingly.
To sum-up, the environmental issue is not a problem caused by individual and it’s also too complex to be handled by a single person. What we should do is to unite as a group 感觉可以去掉to remove the problem we all contribute to.

wawabjUID: 2536676

The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the environment issue is a hot topic not only in our daily discussion but also in the summit meetings of the leaders from different countries.（咱两真是太心有灵犀拉。哈哈PS我也经常用nowadys,it's a hot topic bla bla bla） Since the environment problems concern all people on the earth, we all have to shoulder the responsibility of handling it. （个人觉得这个地方加个连词比较好比如just/only/however）Letting the individual change the whole situation is a mission impossible.

In the first place, the current environmental crisis is not caused by one individual but by the whole human society. The global warming, the diminishing of the tropical forests, the hole in the ozone and all other climate problems are resulting from human activity. After the industrialization, the environment is destroyed by our development in an unparalleled speed, such as the construction of buildings which need huge amount of forest timber, the improvement of transportation which exhales carbon dioxide that more than the trees on our planet can take in. As we can see from the fact, it is the whole society that benefit from the process which do great harm to the environment. Therefore, it is unfair to ask some of us to take all the duty to make a change while others can take a free ride(这句不错嘿嘿).' B( w- T5 v! z- f4 \

Furthermore, it’s beyond one’s efforts to conquer a universal problem. For instance, a single country tries its best to improve the energy system within its border  and achieve a great success, which means that the production of green house gas is largely reduced in this country（这一句内容连贯性上不太好）. However, all other countries make no efforts or even pay no attention to the problem. Then it’s not hard to imagine the result that the problem finally gets worse. Obviously, the cooperation of all human society is the only way to make a difference in the final result.5 L) Q: \% T* L* W2 q$ ]1 {
" O
However, the cooperation does not mean that every individual country must pay the same attention to the problem and take the same action towards it. We have to admit that every country plays the role of destroying the environment to a different degree so the most advanced ones ought to make a greater contribution because they sacrifice（换一个词吧） more resource on our planet. In the mean time, other developing countries should do their part accordingly.

To sum-up, the environmental issue is not a problem caused by individual and it’s also too complex to be handled by a single person. What we should do is to unite as a group to remove the problem we all contribute to.4 A6 J9

不错呢，mia用的词都挺高级的。这个破题的思路也不错。句子再整理整理，我觉没啥问题啦

lupiscesUID: 2231942

Agree or disagree: it is more important to have the rules about the types of clothing that people are allowed to work and school( e

Nowadays, there is a debate on whether it is important to have rules about the types of clothing that people are allowed to work and school. There are many people holding different reasons for their choices. In my opinion, I prefer to have rules that regulate the clothing in the workplace and school.

In the first place, people wearing uniforms look more formal when they are at work. When clients enter the company, they may regard the staff as more professional and the whole workplace seems to be in harmony. Besides, researches have found that people wearing proper uniforms show more sense of responsibility and are more likely to devote themselves to work, improving the production in the end. However, if the staffs all wear clothes of their own, not only the uniformity of the company will be lost but also the company can not benefit the boost of production. In addition, it is polite to dress formally and makeup when being with the clients. Therefore, wearing the allowed clothes is essential for many corporations.

Furthermore, allowing people, especially students, to wear clothing of their own is always creating a phenomenon that they compare their clothing with one anther. This phenomenon is now popular within numerous schools and some workplace and then results in more students paying more attention to fashion, to brands and even to premiums, distracting their concern on study that should have been the focus. Poor students may be laughed at and even be humiliated due to their appearance. With the development of economy, the gap between the rich and the poor will be further widened. As a result, it will strengthen the tension between the two groups of students, which will do great harm to the future of our next generation.

Admittedly, we all know that it’s not necessary for all workers to wear uniforms, such as engineers who stay at offices most of the day and others who work at home. However, after weighing the pros and cons on rules about uniforms, the outcome will be obvious that taking on uniforms will eliminate so many problems that can eventually make our offices and schools more harmonious.

361
这篇写的好累，因为字数难凑啊

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

Nowadays, there is a debate on whether it is important to have rules about the types of clothing that people are allowed to work and school前面是不定式后面是名词..?--allowed to wear in company and school. There are many people holding different reasons for their choices. In my opinion, I prefer to have rules that regulate--好 the clothing in the workplace and school. 开头明确

In the first place, people wearing uniforms look more formal when they are at work. When clients enter the company, they may regard the staff as more professional and the whole workplace seems to be in harmony. Besides, researches have found that people wearing proper uniforms show more sense of responsibility and are more likely to devote themselves to work, improving the production in the end. However, if the staffs all wear clothes of their own, not only the uniformity of the company will be lost but also the company can not benefit the boost of production这里貌似不是很强,可以进一步解释. In addition, it is polite to dress formally and makeup when being with the clients. Therefore, wearing the allowed clothes is essential for many corporations.

Furthermore, allowing people, especially students, to wear clothing of their own is always creating a phenomenon that they compare their clothing with one anther--可以分开来写有点长. 攀比之心的表达貌似有点中式. This phenomenon is now popular within numerous schools and some workplace and then results in more students paying more attention to--from...to连接 fashion, to brands and even to premiums, distracting their concern on study that should have been the focus. Poor students may be laughed at and even be humiliated due to their appearance. With the development of economy, the gap between the rich and the poor will be further widened. As a result, it will strengthen the tension between the two groups of students, which will do--be harmful or lead to harm great harm to the future of our next generation.

Admittedly, we all know that it’s not necessary for all workers to wear uniforms, such as engineers who stay at offices most of the day and others who work at home. However, after weighing the pros and cons on rules about uniforms, the outcome will be obvious that taking on uniforms will eliminate so many problems that can eventually make our offices and schools more harmonious. 很多句子其实都是简单句子拼在一起, 可以适当用些简短的复杂句子.思想不错,个别有中式句子,这个我们都存在.

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

do harm to..我谷歌了下, 有这个phrase. 只是以前我常用形容词的形式..嘿嘿