进军美利坚作文-miaz/lupisces

lupiscesUID: 2231942

上面2个都太谦虚了啊。。。

lupiscesUID: 2231942

10.14
It was easier to make a success for people in the past than people now

Nowadays, many people are complaining that it is harder to succeed now than before. they argue that people in the past could obtain economical gains through some simple discoveries, which seems obvious to us today. However, is it really the case? Are there less chance to succeed in the modern era? My answer is an emphatic no.

To discuss the likelihood to succeed, we should first clarify the definition of success. If you deem success as large amount of money or a mansion in the downtown area, it is apparent that owning these is not easy task to neither you or your ancestors because we all know that the wealthy are always a minority in any forms of society. However, if you conceive of success as a better living standard, you have to admit that you are lucky compared to the ancient on the this planet, who had to face starvation when they ceased to cultivate or hunt. It is common sense that our predecessors were living at the mercy of the weather. But looking around, we will find most of us are in comfortable environment. We don’t have to hunt in a primitive forest to get enough food; instead, we can stay in a safe building without much worrying about the earthquake and the flood, not to mention the dangerous beasts. Therefore, how you define success casts great influence on your judgment on this comparison.

Another point I want to present is that today there are still, maybe more and more mysteries waiting for us to discover under the rapid development of science and technology. Suppose when you are in the outer space, maybe traveling in a spacecraft, you must be exposed to so many wonders that intrigue you to find out the stories behind them, which is even impossible for people the past to conceive. Whenever you really make such a discovery, you will be world-famous or even win a Nobel due to your significant achievement to the exploration toward the universe. Is it difficult? Of course. Because success is never a easy project, not only to you but also to your ancestors.

Besides more untapped fields that we can devote ourselves to until winning a price, there are many other possibilities for us to consider, such as the devices for recreation, which the previous people had no idea or had no chance to come up with these ideas because they were leading a demanding life and had to think more about the harsh reality.

To sum up, we should never say that success can be more easily achieved by our fathers. What we should do is to focus on your goal and immerse yourself in the way to success, making every efforts to realize it.

458

超了几分钟，因为计时器竟然没有响！但是看到字数，觉得hoho，我还是可以写的了这么多字的~

狠批狠批！

DriftKingUID: 2664045

10.14
It was easier to make a success for people in the past than people now$ s- i2 h" K, n: L" v/ r0 _0 J
) @. m  X0 h, R$ I, _$ G$ Q
Nowadays, many people are complaining that it is harder to succeed now than before. they argue that people in the past could obtain economical gains through some simple discoveries我觉得这个有点绝对和狭义, which seems obvious to us today. However, is it really the case? Are there less chance to succeed in the modern era? My answer is an emphatic no.观点是不同意

To discuss the likelihood to succeed, we should first clarify the definition of success. If you deem success as（这个颜色的你不用理会是我觉得用词比较好，需要学习的，哈哈） large amount of money or a mansion in the downtown area, it is apparent that owning these is not easy task to neither you or（我记得是either..or；neither...nor的搭配） your ancestors because we all know that the wealthy are always a minority in any forms of society. However, if you conceive of success as a better living standard, you have to admit that you are lucky compared to the ancient on the this planet, who had to face starvation when they ceased to cultivate or hunt. It is common sense that our predecessors were living at the mercy of the weather. But looking around, we will find most of us are in comfortable environment. We don’t have to hunt in a primitive forest to get enough food; instead, we can stay in a safe building without much worrying about the earthquake and the flood, not to mention the dangerous beasts. Therefore, how you define success casts great influence on your judgment on this comparison.成功的定义会决定成功的难易度，如果是想做富翁，那么大家都不容易。如果是有个好的生活标准，我们确实比较好。

$ z  P! H/ O" U' R, G3 s
Another point I want to present is that today there are still, maybe more and more mysteries waiting for us to discover under the rapid development of science and technology. Suppose when you are in the outer space, maybe traveling in a spacecraft, you must be exposed to so many wonders that intrigue you to find out the stories behind them, which is even impossible for people the past to conceive. Whenever you really make such a discovery, you will be world-famous or even win a Nobel due to your significant achievement to the exploration toward the universe. Is it difficult? Of course. Because success is never a easy project, not only to you but also to your ancestors. 现在仍然有很多迷需要我们去解开，所以从这个角度来说，我们和祖先一样都不太容易成功。我感觉没有递进或者并列，所以开头Another point。。。

x, B% p
Besides more untapped fields that we can devote ourselves to until winning a price, there are many other possibilities for us to consider, such as the devices for recreation, which the previous people had no idea or had no chance to come up with these ideas because they were leading a demanding life and had to think more about the harsh reality

sum up, we should never say that success can be more easily achieved by our fathers. What we should do is to focus on your（前边是we后便就成your了，不知道这个有没有关系了） goal and immerse yourself in the way to success, making every efforts to realize it.  Y- s& ]" V* P& v
: n) j( B( ]) k

这篇作文挺囧的，不过miaZ同学作文写得行云流水，遣词造句出神入化的，内容丰富多彩，
只是觉得结构和观点有些乱，因为一会我们都不容易，一会我们比古人更容易成功，一会又都不容易了。。。
又碰到一个牛人，被打击了，向你学习！

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

Nowadays, many people are complaining你们俩都这开头 that it is harder to succeed now than before. they argue that people in the past could obtain economical gains through some simple discoveries, which seems obvious to us today. However, is it really the case? Are there less chance to succeed in the modern era? My answer is an emphatic no.

To discuss the likelihood to succeed, we should first clarify the definition of success. If you deem success as large amount of money or好 a mansion in the downtown area, it is apparent that owning these is not easy task to neither you or your ancestors because we all know that the wealthy are always a minority in any forms of society. However, if you conceive of success as a better living standard跟有钱不是一个意思吗, you have to admit that you are lucky compared to the ancient on the this planet, who had to face starvation when they ceased to cultivate or hunt. It is common sense that our predecessors were living at the mercy of the weather. But looking around, we will find most of us are in comfortable environment. We don’t have to hunt in a primitive forest to get enough food; instead, we can stay in a safe building without much worrying about the earthquake and the flood, not to mention the dangerous beasts. Therefore, how you define success casts great influence on your judgment on this comparison对比不错这段的

Another point I want to present is that today there are still, maybe more and more mysteries waiting for us to discover under the rapid development of science and technology. Suppose when you are in the outer space, maybe traveling in a spacecraft, you must be exposed to so many wonders that intrigue you to find out the stories behind them, which is even impossible for people the past to conceive. Whenever you really make such a discovery, you will be world-famous or even win a Nobel due to your significant achievement to the exploration toward the universe. Is it difficult? Of course. Because success is never a easy project, not only to you but also to your ancestors.

Besides more untapped fields that we can devote ourselves to until winning a price, there are many other possibilities for us to consider, such as the devices for recreation, which the previous people had no idea or had no chance to come up with these ideas because they were leading a demanding life and had to think more about the harsh reality.好的


To sum up, we should never say that success can be more easily achieved by our fathers. What we should do is to focus on your goal and immerse yourself->ourselves in the way to success, making every efforts to realize it. 写的很好的很理性的,句子不错,行就这水平去上场吧,等你凯旋

DriftKingUID: 2664045

hi
有几个问题想请教下，有时间帮我看看吧
关于你帮我改的作文
1、你说我第二段的例子不太好，我后来仔细想想，感觉不出来，你能指出不足，或者举个你觉得恰当的吗？O(∩_∩)O~
2、还有就是你觉得我这个思路有没有问题，跑题不跑？
谢谢你

lupiscesUID: 2231942

10.16
Years from now, people will have more leisure time.

In recent years, many experts predict that years from now, people will have more leisure time compared to the past. Their reasons abound. However, as far as I know, the trend that they suggest will not necessarily happen.

Many of those people holding the view believe that with the advancement of science and technology, things we invented will save our time in many different fields then there will be absolutely more time left for pleasure. However, let’s see what happened during the past decades. After industrialization, the development of any area blooms: the advent of stream engine that reduces the time we need to transport, the invention of telephone that allows us to talk to your relatives or any one you know immediately and the creation of the computer and internet which change our life profoundly, just to name a few. But what do you find after all these come out? Do our parents spend more time with you or you have more time playing with your pals? The answer is a certainly no. The pace of life is increasing as fast as the technology advances.

What’s the reason behind these incredible phenomenon? In my opinion, perhaps it is social pressure and the style of life people choose to live that account. It is known that people today face more severe competition in the workplace, as well as the children face in their school, compared to the situation in the past when families enjoyed more time together. It is an obvious fact beyond any doubt that human stimulate the competition. In addition, the life is much greater in the form of material gains people today can get from the market so more people are pursuing materialistic success, such as buying premiums, luxury limos or even mansions. As a result, how can we stop our stride towards all these signs of a better life?

I believe that nobody will disagree with the idea that years from now, more significant inventions and discoveries will show up. But given my analysis that what will happen to our lives is depending on the choice of life style and the leisure time is an indication of the choice, we can figure out that people may not have an easier life if they still hold the same attitude towards life. Therefore, the judgment that years from now, people will have more leisure time is not convincing.


400
开始计时器没开始计，估计超时了，哎

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

In recent years, many experts predict that years from now, people will have more leisure time compared to the past. Their reasons abound. However, as far as I know, the trend that they suggest will not necessarily happen.
开头很好,明天就这么写

Many of those people holding the view believe that with the advancement of science and technology, things->developed facilities we invented will save our time in many different fields then there will be absolutely more time left for pleasure. However, let’s see what happened during the past decades. After industrialization, the development of any area blooms: the advent of stream engine that reduces the time we need to transport, the invention of telephone that allows us to talk to your relatives or any one you know immediately and the creation of the computer and internet which change our life profoundly, just to name a few. But what do you find after all these come out? Do our parents spend more time with you or you have more time playing with your pals? The answer is a certainly no. The pace of life is increasing as fast as the technology advances.

What’s the reason behind these incredible phenomenon? In my opinion, perhaps it is social pressure and the style of life people choose to live that account. It is known that people today face more severe competition in the workplace, as well as the children face in their school, compared to the situation in the past when families enjoyed more time together. It is an obvious fact beyond any doubt that human stimulate the competition. In addition, the life is much greater in the form of material gains people today can get from the market so more people are pursuing materialistic success, such as buying premiums, luxury limos or even mansions(说手表,手表奢华..我的想法嘿嘿). As a result, how can we stop our stride towards all these signs of a better life?可以在后面说说人类为了过上奢华的生活拼命攥钱, 导致没什么leisure time.

I believe that nobody will disagree with the idea that years from now, more significant inventions and discoveries will show up. But given my analysis that what will happen to our lives is depending on the choice of life style and the leisure time is an indication of the choice, we can figure out that people may not have an easier life if they still hold the same attitude towards life. Therefore, the judgment that years from now, people will have more leisure time is not convincing. 语言一直不错, 下周考..?我老记得你是明天..汗. 保持这个水平没什么问题.注意别跑题. 有时候我写写就走别的地方去了

lupiscesUID: 2231942

10.19
该重视学习concepts& ideas呢，还是重视学习facts呢？

Recent years, there is a hot debate on whether the students should pay more attention on learning concepts and ideas or facts when studying. As far as I am concerned, the concepts and ideas are just necessary for us to better understand the facts, which is much more important in our study and later work.

As we all know that facts are useful when we deal with a problem or make a choice because they are practical. Let’s take history as an example. Why need we study history? Because what we learn from the past can be applied to the situation now or at least shed a light on our thought, shaping our mind or behavior in a certain way. More specifically, you can predict the outcome of certain event if the event is a repetition from the past; if it’s a fairly new thing, what happened when a “new” thing came out in the past could give you some inspiration. That’s why we always tell ourselves or friends: Don’t make the same mistake again and you should learn a lesson from your history.

For us, facts are not only useful in avoiding making the same mistake but also can help form our own way in viewing the world around us. Learning history make people wisdom. We will have plenty of our own thoughts and opinions towards the things we see, encounter and deal with after we experience enough facts. That is why infants and children are deemed immature. They know little facts no matter from books or experiences of their own or of others. After we experience something and learn enough from it, we will have our own judgment rather than just follow others. What’s more, the facts in the books can also enrich our knowledge, show us a way to deal with problems and enlighten us in some potential way.

Admittedly, concepts and ideas are necessary in our study because they can help us better absorb the facts, categorize the facts and deal with the facts more systematically. And for teachers, they can facilitate the teaching and assist in explaining the facts. However, when we left school, does it really matter when we forget the precise definition of a certain term? Of course not if we can still handle the problem well.

To sum up, taking the considerations above, I feel more confident to conclude that the students should pay more attention on learning facts than concepts and ideas when studying.

430

今天没东西写，就把19号的写了，呵呵

doubledianUID: 2661760

Recent years, there is a hot debate on whether the students should pay more attention on learning concepts and ideas or facts when studying. As far as I am concerned, the concepts and ideas are just necessary for us to better understand the facts, which is much more important in our study and later work.5 k" F. S7 @! w, A9 v. Q, h! F
- R& l" ^1 h7 J+ K" C! ?) r
As we all know that facts are useful when we deal with a problem or make a choice because they are practical. Let’s take history as an example. Why need we study history? Because what we learn from the past can be applied to the situation now or at least shed a light on our thought, shaping our mind or behavior in a certain way. More specifically, you can predict the outcome of certain event if the event is a repetition from the past; if it’s a fairly new thing, what happened when a “new” thing came out in the past could give you some inspiration. That’s why we always tell ourselves or friends: Don’t make the same mistake again and you should learn a lesson from your history.

For us, facts are not only useful in avoiding making the same mistake but also can help form our own way in viewing the world around us. Learning history make people wisdom. We will have plenty of our own thoughts and opinions towards the things we see, encounter and deal with after we experience enough facts. That is why infants and children are deemed immature. They know little facts no matter from books or experiences of their own or of others. After we experience something and learn enough from it, we will have our own judgment rather than just follow others. What’s more, the facts in the books can also enrich our knowledge, show us a way to deal with problems and enlighten us in some potential way.（这个地方不用复数吗？？）

Admittedly, concepts and ideas are necessary in our study because they can help us better absorb the facts, categorize the facts and deal with the facts more systematically. And for teachers, they can facilitate the teaching and assist in explaining the facts. However, when we left school, does it really matter when we forget the precise definition of a certain term? Of course not if we can still handle the problem well.) t4 }( o7 m! f

To sum up, taking the considerations above, I feel more confident to conclude that the students should pay more attention on learning facts than concepts and ideas when studying.说说总体影响啊，我感觉我是在读一篇例文，你是除了liu和奔跑之后，我见到的第三个作文写的如此好的人，思路很清晰，观点很明确，词汇用的也很好，我自己作文水平太次了，所以有些小的错误我可能没发现什么的，请谅解，继续加油！！争取满分！！

shirley072UID: 2712200

Recent years, there is a hotdebate on (on the topic) whether the studentsshould pay more attention on (to) learningconcepts and ideas or facts when studying. As far as I am concerned, theconcepts and ideas are just necessary for us to better understand the facts,which is much more important in our study and later work.(个人感觉which应该直接用fact来强调，我第一遍就把这里的which直接理解成了concepts…are necessary for us…which is much important…)

As we all know that facts areuseful when we deal with a problem or make a choice because they are practical.Let’s take history as an example. Why need we (Why dowe need to) study history? Because what we learn from the past can beapplied to the situation now or at least shed a light on our thought, shapingour mind or behavior in a certain way. More specifically, you can predict theoutcome of certain event if the event is a repetition from the past; if it’s afairly new thing, what happened when a “new” thing came out in the past couldgive you some inspiration. That’s why we always tell ourselves or friends:Don’t make the same mistake again and you should learn a lesson from yourhistory.(感觉这个例子着重强调了从历史能够学到很多东东，应用到现在，但是没有感觉到fact被强调，比如在我看来，what we learn from the past就有可能是fact也有可能是concept)

U: t
For us, facts are not only usefulin avoiding making the same mistake but also can help form our own way in viewingthe world around us. Learning history make people wisdom. We will have plentyof our own thoughts and opinions towards the things we see, encounter and dealwith after we experience enough facts. That is why infants and children aredeemed immature. They know little facts no matter from books or experiences oftheir own or of others. After we experience something and learn enough from it,we will have our own judgment rather than just follow others (为什么会有这个结论？楼主是想说follow ideas么？). What’s more, the facts in thebooks can also enrich our knowledge, show us a way to deal with problems andenlighten us in some potential way.

Admittedly, concepts and ideasare necessary in our study because they can help us better absorb the facts,categorize the facts and deal with the facts more systematically. And forteachers, they can facilitate the teaching and assist in explaining the facts.However, when we left school, does it really matter when we forget the precisedefinition of a certain term? Of course not if we can still handle the problemwell.

To sum up, taking theconsiderations above, I feel more confident to conclude that the studentsshould pay more attention on learning facts than concepts and ideas whenstudying.

句子表达非常清晰，并且结构多变，读起来很舒服~~~

liuxiaoyinUID: 2631993

Recent years, there is a hot debate on the topic whether the students should pay more attention on learning concepts and ideas or facts when studying. As far as I am concerned, the concepts and ideas are just necessary for us to better understand the facts,把逗号去了吧，加逗号反而不明确which修饰的中心词 which is（are） much more important in our study and later work.

As we all know that facts are useful when we deal with a problem or make a choice because they are practical. Let’s take history as an example. Why need we study history? Because what we learn from the past can be applied to the situation now or at least shed a light on our thought, shaping our mind or behavior in a certain way. More specifically, you can predict the outcome of certain event if the event is a repetition from the past; if it’s a fairly new thing, what happened when a “new” thing came out in the past could give you some inspiration. That’s why we always tell ourselves or friends: Don’t make the same mistake again and you should learn a lesson from your history.最好在段尾从history回归fact。

[email=!@For]For[/email] us, facts are not only useful in avoiding making the same mistake but also can help form our own way in viewing the world around us. Learning history make people wisdom. We will have plenty of our own thoughts and opinions towards the things we see, encounter and deal with after we experience enough facts. That is why infants and children are deemed immature. They know little facts no matter from books or experiences of their own or of others. After we experience something and learn enough from it, we will have our own judgment rather than just follow others. What’s more, the facts in the books can also enrich our knowledge, show us a way to deal with problems and enlighten us in some potential way.

Admittedly, concepts and ideas are necessary in our study because they can help us better absorb the facts, categorize the facts and deal with the facts more systematically. And for teachers, they can facilitate the teaching and assist in explaining the facts. However, when we left school, does it really matter when we forget the precise definition of a certain term? Of course not if we can still handle the problem well.

To sum up, taking the considerations above, I feel more confident to conclude that the students should pay more attention on learning facts than concepts and ideas when studying.
总评：很好，就不夸你了没别人夸过很多了。托福作文应该没问题，祝你好运~~~

lupiscesUID: 2231942

People will spend less time in cooking and preparing food in 20 years later.

Nowadays, more and more people predict that people will spend less time cooking and preparing food 20 years later. The underlying assumptions are that the standard of life will be better then than at present and people will choose to dine out to spend their money. However, I think both assumptions may not certainly happen in reality.

Under the development of new technology, prepared food can be found in almost every supermarket, which needs mere heating in the microwave for several minutes. In the mean time, we have to admit that quickening pace of life make people spend more time at work and then choose to purchase the microwaved food or go to restaurant instead of cooking themselves. However, more and more studies shows us that the half-prepared food is less nutrient than food cooked in the original way, not to mentioned the taste that is awful or at least too usual to be delicious. 20 years later, I believe more people will realize the fact and abandon the prepared food. In addition, what if there will be another economic depression in the near further which largely reduces the value of money? Then how we afford the high prices for the dishes in the restaurants or the costly food in stores compared to the dishes made by ourselves?

Even if we will gain a harvest in the future, we may not spend less time in cooking. It is common sense that we will enjoy more leisure time when the economy is in a boom. What will we do to consume our spare time? Maybe more people will develop an interest in cooking and devote themselves in creating new recipes and share them with family and friends. For instance, my mom is a good cook and enjoys making us delicacies. Therefore, when she get more time, she will try more recipes and prepare us with more tasty dishes. We’ll never know whether the interest of people will shift to this field so it is too early to conclude it may not happen.

Taking all considerations above, it is too imprudent to draw such a conclusion that people will spend less time cooking and preparing food 20 years later since everything can change and mostly in a way we can not expect.

380
留了5分钟修改，字数就少了。。这篇写的有些无语

fanfan0502UID: 2439300

Nowadays, more and more people predict that people will spend less time cooking and preparing food 20 years later. The underlying assumptions are that the standard of life will be better then than at present and people will choose to dine out to spend their money. However, I think both assumptions may not certainly happen in reality. (think的否定应该提前吧，而且both和not一起是半否定，不是全否定)

Under the development of new technology, prepared food can be found in almost every supermarket, which needs merely heating in the microwave for several minutes. In the mean time, we have to admit that quickening (这个词怪怪的~) pace of life make (has made) people spend more time at work and then choose to purchase the microwaved (microwave是n.) food or go to restaurant instead of cooking themselves. However, more and more studies shows us that the half-prepared food is less nutrient (nutritious) than food cooked in the original way, not to mentioned
(这个短语用的好，学习~) the taste that is awful or at least too usual to be delicious. 20 years later, I believe more people will realize the fact and abandon the prepared food. In addition, what if there will be another economic depression in the near further which largely reduces the value of money? (这句很好~) Then how we afford the high prices for the dishes in the restaurants or the costly food in stores compared to the dishes made by ourselves?

Even if we will gain a harvest in the future, we may not spend less time in cooking. It is common sense that we will enjoy more leisure time when the economy is in a boom. What will we do to consume our spare time? Maybe more people will develop an interest in cooking and devote themselves in creating new recipes and share them with family and friends. For instance, my mom is a good cook and enjoys making us delicacies. Therefore, when she get more time, she will try more recipes and prepare us with more tasty dishes. We’ll never know whether the interest of people will shift to this field so it is too early to conclude it may not happen.

Taking all considerations above, it is too imprudent to draw such a conclusion that people will spend less time cooking and preparing food 20 years later since everything can change and mostly in a way we can not expect.


一看就知道楼主是准备过GRE的，文章结构清晰，很多句子值得学习，少量错误
个人感觉，托福不像GRE，不需要辨证，站在一边就可以了，所以结论可以不用说everything can change/we can not expect，而应直接站在自己的立场上，就说people will spend more time就可以了。

fanfan0502UID: 2439300

楼主水平很高，要帮我回改哦~多提些建议~谢啦!

melody106UID: 2559573

Nowadays, more and more people predict that people will spend less time cooking and preparing food 20 years later. The underlying assumptions are that the standard of life will be better then than at present and people will choose to dine out to spend their money. However, I think both assumptions may not certainly happen in reality.
' m, I8 D2 r, e1 M! }" V9 w( | 0 x% j/ s5 I8 ~! s; U
Under the development of new technology, prepared food can be found in almost every supermarket, which needs mere heating in the microwave for several minutes. In the mean time, we have to admit that quickening pace of life make people spend more time at work and then choose to purchase the microwaved food or go to restaurant instead of cooking themselves. However, more and more studies shows us that the half-prepared food is less nutrient than food cooked in the original way, not to mentioned the taste that is awful or at least too usual to be delicious. 20 years later, I believe more people will realize the fact and abandon the prepared food. In addition, what if there will be another economic depression in the near further which largely reduces the value of money? Then how （can）we afford the high prices for the dishes in the restaurants or the costly food in stores compared to the dishes made by ourselves? 7 S* O! k9 R9 T2 l5 X, Z

3 Z* c7 c7 i9 V  O* o/ XEven if we will gain a harvest in the future, we may not spend less time in cooking. It is common sense that we will enjoy more leisure time when the economy is in a boom. What will we do to consume our spare time? Maybe more people will develop an interest in cooking and devote themselves in creating new recipes and share them with family and friends. For instance, my mom is a good cook and enjoys making us delicacies. Therefore, when she get more time, she will try more recipes and prepare us with more tasty dishes. We’ll never know whether the interest of people will shift to this field so it is too early to conclude it may not happen.; j4 ~2 m/ w) l  f1 X: s$ y6 E
2 Q3 \) N5 g9 h: w6 S
Taking all considerations above, it is too imprudent to draw such a conclusion that people will spend less time cooking and preparing food 20 years later since everything can change and mostly in a way we can not expect
用词句型很好，结构也很完整，值得学习。