棉花糖的作文贴，欢迎你来阅读和批改~~

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

大放假的终于写了第一篇作文，新人刚刚上手，十分忐忑和状况外，欢迎批评指教，我会很感激的！！:loveliness:

10.2
    Sitting in an extremely comfortable chair alone, reading and drinking in a completely quiet atmosphere, is a particularly relaxing way for many people to lose pressure. However, although many claims that spending time alone is the best way to relieve stress, from my point of view, there only exists the most suitable way for different people in varied times rather than a best way, because of the changing of circumstances and diversities of personalities.

    Admittedly, to certain people, shutting the door and shunning from others really works. Temporary escape is not what to blame. And if some are optimistic and strong enough to pass through the forest of pressure without disturbing others or relying on the outside world, it is a big pleasure to appreciate. However, to the majorities, why not having more choices and solutions?

    Initially, stress comes from places of difference, as a result, people had better deal with it depends on the current situation, in order to overcome the glooms efficiently. Imagine that you are facing a big challenge in work, which very likely brings nervous and anxious, or you are experiencing an end of a relationship, which also easily results in losing confidence, would you consider being alone is the best way for both circumstances below? Probably not. For the former situation, personally overcoming can be a more effective way. Since this kind of working stress, also can be called fear, is born out of one's deep heart, nothing can be more successful than simply conquer it with your own courage and wisdom. On the other hand, hanging out with friends, presumably is a better solution to the latter problem. Friends are good at sharing sorrows, telling jokes, curing hearts and rebuilding the confidence, while aloneness may make it worse.

    Furthermore, for varied personalities, every one deserves a unique way to set themselves free from stress. Due to this evil named "stress", sensitive girls burst into tears, busy housewives engage in quarrels, immature juniors even turn to fights. These are all signs indicating people are trying to find a way out for overwhelmed pressures. In spite of some are really bad ones, they make sense when once connecting with the identities. Thus, if persuading them to transfer into positive motions, we cannot simply say that spending time alone is the best way. Good suggestions according to their characteristics are obviously more acceptable.

    From what has been mentioned above, it is not difficult to conclude that how to get rid of stress differs from one to another. Spending time alone is one way, but I can't perceive it as the best in millions of circumstances to billions of populations. More reasonable is that to try the most suitable route, which can straightly and quickly lead to the paradise of your heart.

自我意见是加快速度，因为没有限时磨蹭了好久好久好久。还有思路不是很开阔，需要练习得更有逻辑。
加油加油，期待一点点进步和成长吧！

wttyuseUID: 2755832

好棒~~

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

2# wttyuse
谢谢你的鼓励~~嘿嘿 今天出去玩了 现在马上开始改你的！

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

4# chenyyalex 也谢谢你！！！很有用！！！！

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

10.5 作业来喽
09.01.17 NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

    Getting up late and leaving out the breakfast, which is said to be the most impressive meal of a day; Sitting behind a computer or television for a whole day and eating a big quantity of junk food; Gulping a huge hamburger with fried potatoes in a fast food restaurant on the way home. That's part of the true scene of today people's bad eating habits, which is getting even worse and worse. Although mamy claims that advertising is the most suspective murderer to people's healthy eating habits, from my point of view, only people ourelves can kill our healthy life style, and we should not blame advertising to make a cover of our own faults.
    Admittedly, advertising indeed makes an influence on consumer's behaviour. For instance, big food brands like Coca Cola and Mcdonald's invite many celebrities, especially some idols of the youth, to play roles in their commercials. The actors and actresses in those commercials are always enjoying food and drinks that contain high calories and low nutrient substances, as if eating those harmful food makes a successful career and a beautiful life. Thus, some people, particularly juniors, are easily effected to imitate this behaviour of having unhealthy food. However, other factors that infect people's eating habits must be taken into consider, such as the humanity of following others and lack of awareness of maintaining good ways of living .
    Initially, people are not only misled by advertisements, but also their families and friends. There is a saying goes like "You are what you eat", and I have two stories to exemplify in both sides. One of my university classmates, Katherine, who used to get colds and fever easily, is becoming better recently, owing to her newly habits of eating green vegetables and fresh fruits instead of her favourite snacks, which is formed by the encouragement of her roommates. On the contrary, my cousin brother, who graduated last year and then started to work in a famous company, has gained 10 pounds of weight, because of not having lunch and dinner on time and frequently hanging out to barbecue and beers with working colleagues at midnight. People who are close to each other are likely to behave the same at table.
    Furthermore, the awareness of living a healthy life is essential. That is to say, whether adapting into a healthy eating habitat mostly determines by people's desire. Only the realization born out of the deep heart can lead to an honest and rational choice of food. People should recognize that seeking for healthy life is an intrinsic activity, which means we choose to be healthy basically due to itself, not what it can bring to us. And eating habit is usually a good sign of one's life style.
    From what has been mentioned above, it is not difficult to conclude that advertising is not the most important cause of unhealthy eating habit. Instead, I perceive people's psychology of having the same habits with others and lack of healthy awareness are what to blame. As a result, I suggest that the government and media should appeal for the public's attention of developing a healthy and happy way to eat and live.
哇咔咔 比第一篇用时缩短啦~~不过还是有一个小时多。。。
欢迎宝贵意见！继续加油！！
10.5独立.doc (17 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2010-10-5 21:12:51 上传

下载次数: 3

asamsunUID: 2884772

改好了，膜拜中～呵呵～

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

7# asamsun I'm flattered 哈哈
谢谢你的指正，我现在确实很有点虎头蛇尾的倾向，每次写到后面文思都渐渐枯竭= =继续加油啦！！

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

杯具额 被这篇折磨到了。。写了我两个小时。。。这样下去怎么行啊！呼唤拓展思路的方法~~~
=========半夜的分割线============
我我我好像写得有点跑题 我回去改。。同组的童鞋先见谅！

10.7独立.doc (17 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-10-7 17:40:44 上传

下载次数: 5

10.7 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success.
Experiencing an end of a relationship, having troubles at work or study, losing purse or cards on the way home, so many smaller or bigger stuffs easily lead us to heart-broken. However, from my point of view, attitude is the most crucial part toward whether failure or success. Thus, I agree that to maintain in a good mood when facing obstacles is more significant than pursuing achievements constantly, because of the rarity of success, the hard of remaining positive, and the same essence behind.

Initially, how could people arrive at paradise without getting through floors of hells? That is to say, chance of encountering success is much more precise than failure, and one may lose for a great many times before a final win. For instance, the former gymnastic athlete of China, Liu Xuan, who is exellent at playing the balance beam, had been losing all the golden medals in every competition before she finally got one in the Olympic Game. It is reported that even during the bluest time, Liu keeps her smiling on face. If not insisting on with a positive attitude, success will never come and failure will last without limits.

Furthermore, being optimistic and full of hope is exactly much harder then utilizing the pursuit of achievement as a cover of one's losing. On one hand, it is a natural instinct that people are afraid of admitting their own fault, which they considered it humiliating. To shun from losing face, the majorities choose to ignore the past and change into another new way. On the other hand, although some are brave enough to face the failure, they may reasonably drop into gallons of glooms, regretting and crying on what they did. Hence, only people who can deal with both barriers can survive.

Last but not the least, happiness is the merit of life all the time, while success and failure are both passing clouds. One can find a sense of satisfication from achievements, and can also get a kind of bitter-sweet from failures. My friend Katherine who successfully found a high-salary job after graduation brought her family into an extremely cheerful atmosphere. However, although she was condemned frequently at work for the lack of experience, everyone in her family thought it was good for her to grow mature as soon as possible. Since making efforts to work things out is aimed to become happier, why not picking up the sweets of losing at the same time?

From what has been mentioned above, it is not hard to conclude that active attitude is a must to beautiful life. Remember keeping in a good mood not only when things are going well, but also at the times of darkness. In this way, failure will then have another name called " the mother of success".

cairen1986UID: 2599310

9# cecyleyueyue


Experiencing an end of a relationship, having troubles at work or study, losing purse or cards on the way home, so many smaller or bigger stuffs easily lead us to heart-broken. However, from my point of view, attitude is the most crucial part toward whether failure or success. Thus, I agree that to maintain in a good mood when facing obstacles is more significant than pursuing achievements constantly, because of the rarity of success, the hard of remaining positive, and the same essence behind.句子太长了  逻辑很好8 M0 e# y- I& y, t

) O2 o8 M( w6 f" b; Y8 y- Y. S* |Initially, how could people arrive at paradise without getting through floors of hells? That is to say, chance of encountering success is much more precise than failure, and one may lose for a great many times before a final win. For instance, the former gymnastic athlete of China, Liu Xuan, who is exellent at playing the balance beam, had been losing all the golden medals in every competition before she finally got one in the Olympic Game. It is reported that even during the bluest time, Liu keeps her smiling on face. If not insisting on with a positive attitude, success will never come and failure will last without limits.（段开头就应该出现自己的观点）
" f( R7 o# F8 @. J* A& h5 G! {" T- u# o% L
Furthermore, being optimistic and full of hope is exactly much harder then utilizing the pursuit of achievement as a cover of one's losing. On the one hand, it is a natural instinct that people are afraid of admitting their own fault, which they considered it humiliating. To shun from losing face, the majorities choose to ignore the past and change into another new way. On the other hand, although some are brave enough to face the failure（是不是应该倒装啊）, they may reasonably drop into gallons of glooms, regretting and crying on what they did. Hence, only people who can deal with both barriers can survive.
: e$ c& g2 h6 `" ^3 I2 `
9 j7 E3 ]) d+ SLast but not the least, happiness is the merit of life all the time, while success and failure are both passing clouds. One can find a sense of satisfication from achievements, and can also get a kind of bitter-sweet from failures. （for example。。。）My friend Katherine who successfully found a high-salary job after graduation brought her family into an extremely cheerful atmosphere. However, although she was condemned frequently at work for the lack of experience, everyone in her family thought it was good for her to grow mature as soon as possible. Since making efforts to work things out is aimed to become happier, why not picking up the sweets of losing at the same time?; u& A: z% U* \9 K# B
2 @3 E. O0 [; O1 ?' B
From what has been mentioned above, it is not hard to conclude that active attitude is a must to beautiful life. Remember keeping in a good mood not only when things are going well, but also at the times of darkness. In this way, failure will then have another name called " the mother of success".

逻辑很好，就是句子有点长 适当有短句  写的可以 加油吧

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

10# cairen1986 谢谢 说的很对！

caomiao723UID: 2686630

改好啦，水平有限，请见谅~

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

12# caomiao723
谢谢！第二段逻辑确实很混乱。。因为我一开始审错题了。。我以为是比较 在失败的时候 是继续追逐获得成功重要 还是保持良好心态重要，所以第二段想说，在失败的时候，能保持良好心态面对错误比要用获得成功当借口逃避失败好。。总之很纠结的思维~~~
按照正确的题目理解，第二段该改成，保持好心态有时候比成功更难，论述逃避面对和一蹶不振那两点，然后因为这种坏心理会阻碍继续进步和接下来的成就，所以保持良好心态相比成功来说更加重要。
再次感谢你费心帮我分析逻辑上的问题，我真的很需要，谢谢！！！

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

10.9
1、语言、句式什么的没的说，excellent；
2、逻辑有点混乱，老实说我无法清楚地弄懂三个分论点之间的并列或递进关系，这是作文的大忌，比朴实无华的语言更严重；
3、倒数第二段的论点和例子结合得不是非常紧密，应该强调的是女主人公在多重打击下的乐观心态而非其家人的看法；
4、第一段有点长了，建议删减；
5、老实说我倒觉得我应该多多学习，大家都写得不错。。。；
6、感觉时间用的太多的话，一天一篇坚持写，30篇后保证你半个小时一篇。

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

汗， 是10.7。。。