FannieHsu的作文贴

FannieHsuUID：2861996

为了加入IBT的独立写作小组，为了自己的托福努力！我会好好完成我的作文的！哈哈！

FannieHsuUID：2861996

8月5日的作文

As the high speed growth in education now, more and more younger children are facing the competition comes from others. I totally agree that younger school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language. Here’re my reasons on it.
Firstly, every child has their own dream and interest. We will receive many different answers if we ask a class of kids what they want to be in the future. That’s why I agree children should get variety kinds of courses. They can find what they really like and dislike. Take me as an example, when I was a primary student, I like dancing best. But my dad, a math teacher at university, ordered me to study math more and more hardly. That made me have no time practising dancing. He said math was so important for my whole life. But I really hate it. Until now, math is my weakest course because I don’t like it. And because of lacking practice, I don’t dance any more. But one of my dancing classmates has become a famous dancer in our country. That’s really a sad thing for me. We need to persist in our own interests whatever happens.
Secondly, we can learn a lot through different courses. Every course has their own knowledge. It’s no harm for children to learn new knowledge. As a child, the universe is mystical. There are so many things they don’t know. Nowadays, the educators focus on the integrated abilities of children. More and more compositive tests are involved in entrance exams. That’s why many parents send their kids to learn different kinds of courses so that they can enter in a good school. Let’s think about it. There are two kids, one of them can play music instruments, knows a lot of historical knowledge and can do math questions very quickly while the other only can sing. If you are a teacher, which children do you like to admit him entering? To learn more kinds of courses can be more competitive among the students.


Thirdly, art and music are able to reduce the children’s pressure. Math, science and history are the basis course. Most of students are required to study these kinds of knowledge. But art and music don’t. Most of the children who study the two
courses come from their own interests. A professor said, to learn art and music, you could find who you were. Art and music can help children grow happily and healthily. When the children is tired on math and history, they can spend a little time playing and listening to the music or drawing some pictures to reduce the pressure. If they know nothing about these courses, what can they do when they are sad?
Young children are facing a real competitive world. As their parents and teachers, we need to consider a lot to them, to build a perfect education system for them. So I agree that younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

kila1002UID：2806614

改好了~~

zhuminhappyroseUID：2517250

As the high speed growth in education now, more and more younger children are facing the competition comes from others. I totally agree that younger school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language. Here’re my reasons on it（感觉去掉顺一些）.7 W6 H4 g( A/ g4 a# {+ p; D4 ~, F" J
Firstly, every child has their own dream and interest. We will receive many different answers if we ask a class of kids what they want to be in the future. That’s why I agree children should get variety kinds of courses. They can find what they really like and dislike. Take me as an example, when I was a primary student, I like dancing best. But my dad, a math teacher at university, ordered me to study math more and more hardly. That made me have no time practising dancing. He said math was so（very 感觉so…that连用才比较顺哈） important for my whole life. But I really hate it. Until now, math is my weakest course because I don’t like it. And because of lacking practice, I don’t dance any more. But one of my dancing classmates has become a famous dancer in our country. That’s really a sad thing for me. We need to persist in our own interests whatever happens.5 x3 ~5 P* y. Y( a. R

Secondly, we can learn a lot through different courses. Every course has their own knowledge. It’s no harm for children to learn new knowledge. As a child, the universe is mystical. There are so many things they don’t know. Nowadays, the educators focus on the integrated abilities of children. More and more compositive tests are involved in entrance exams. That’s why many parents send their kids to learn different kinds of courses so that they can enter in（into） a good school. Let’s think about it. There are two kids, one of them can play music instruments, knows a lot of historical knowledge and can do math questions very quickly while the other only can sing. If you are a teacher, which children do you like to admit him entering(去掉)? To learn more kinds of courses can be more competitive among the students.% [( J) z( H. N/ M3 d
m: N$ u. i8 b( F! I. R  z9 y' S
Thirdly, art and music are able to reduce the children’s pressure. Math, science and history are the basis course. Most of students are required to study these kinds of knowledge. But art and music don’t. Most of the children who study the two , C" |; f2 t% \3 p& Scourses come from（due to或者because of这里不应该再用谓语动词了） their own interests. A professor said, to learn art and music, you could find who you were. Art and music can help children grow happily and healthily. When the children is tired on math and history, they can spend a little time playing and listening to the music or drawing some pictures to reduce the pressure. If they know nothing about these courses, what can they do when they are sad?（反问句很好！）

Young children are facing a real competitive world. As their parents and teachers, we need to consider a lot to them, to build a perfect education system for them. So I agree that younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

我感觉句子有点简单了，多点强调句，倒装，复杂点的句子就更好了~
不过，感觉例子举得很好啊，举自己的例子很有说服力~
加油！

FannieHsuUID：2861996

改好了~~
kila1002 发表于 2010-8-6 23:40

谢谢kila的指点，小妹一定努力~~

FannieHsuUID：2861996

As the high speed growth in education now, more and more younger children are facing the competition comes from others. I totally agree that younger school children should be required to study art and ...
zhuminhappyrose 发表于 2010-8-7 00:30

rose的建议很好啊，我也觉得我句子太简单了，但是不知道怎么改善额

FannieHsuUID：2861996

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

As a university student, I totally disagree that students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities. You know why? Here're my reasons.

An important reason is that we can find what's our true interests during the part-time jobs. Some university students don't like their major since they entered into the schools. They are forced to study it because they want to be university students. But they have another choice when they're in universities. They can find some new and interesting areas which will be their career in their lives.

Otherwise, if you are interested in your major. You can find some part-time jobs which are related to your majors so that you can collect more practical experience. A friend of mine, for example, works in a company of Fortune 500. She told me she was hired among 300 candidates because of her experience in part-time jobs. She did 3 part-time jobs when she was in university. All of them are related to her major, she loves her major so much. And she learnt a lot of practical knowledge that she wouldn't study from classes. She was aware of the importance of practical experience as soon as she entered in university. Now she lives comfortably and vividly. I think she is an good model for the university students to understand how necessary the part-time jobs are!

Last but importantly, to take a part-time job is a good way for university students experience what the whole society is. Most people say that it's good to be a student. There are many difficulties in the real society. Students who are always in the school live the lives with less unfair and bad things. As he become a person who need to earn money by himself and be apart from his parents and his family, a lot of things he should know. That's a process that will happen in everyone's life. It will be better if you have experienced and understand what the society is when you're a student. You won't need a long time to adapt to the situation.

To take a part-time job can make a university student get a progress in his life. We need to consider our own future when we are a student. Of course, we need to get ready for the future, too. So we should try and try among our practical experiences, then, we will find what we really want and what we want to be, right?

王亚冉UID：2758328

总体上说你的思路很清晰，除了个别有些句子略显冗余之外~
下面是我改好的作文链接，你只能下载，不能上传哈？郁闷~
有空也去看看我的拙作吧，要毫不留情，先谢谢啦~

FannieHsuUID：2861996

8# 王亚冉

多谢多谢，建议无比宝贵~~

FannieHsuUID：2861996

Entertainment makes life more funny and interesting, especially in movies and TV programs. They have a huge influence on people. Talking about people's favourite films and TV series is more and more popular around the world. Also, different kinds of films have their own fans. Someone like hollywood's, someone love korean, others prefer Chinese and so forth.I think I disagree that movies and TV programs in one's own country are more interesting than those made in other countries. Here're my reasons.

Firstly, to watch more movies and TV programs come from other countries can cultivate people's knowledge of culture in different nations. It's an effective way for countries to show their own specialities to outsiders. Take South Korea as an example, more and more korean people become popular, even world well-known stars now, because of their own films and TV programs. When their first video entered in my country seven years ago, they got a huge percentage of watching, particular in middle-aged women and young person. My mom was one of them at that time, she told me that TV program had an apparent korean life style and she liked it very much. Different culture can make people open eyes on a new leaf, and movies and TV programs afford people such an oppotunity.

Secondly, it's boring for people to watch their own movies and TV programs oftenly. We can't learn a lot from our own programs. We know clearly about the theme or definition from those videos. But we can study many new things and knowledge from other countries'. If you want to go abroad, you can watch that country's program so that you can practise your listening and speaking as well as its national culture. It's a good way for people who wants to live other country to adapt to the new life quickly.

Last but importantly, international films and TV programs can promote national's communication. To establish a basic economy in our country, we should communicate with international people. And the media plays an important role on it.It used to be slowly for spreading a piece of news from one country to another. As the birth of high technology comes, a high-speed platform can make people from different nations communicate easily. We can know what happens and changes now these days through international TV programs and movies.

Different countries have the culture belongs to themselves. More culture we know, more develop future we have. Movies and TV programs can make us happy and moved, also can teach us knowledge. So I think people should watch more movies and TV programs from other countries.

yandong1208UID：2798280

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

As a university student, I totally disagree that students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities. You know why? (感觉有些口语话)Here're my reasons.

An important reason is that we can find what's our true interests during the part-time jobs. Some university students don't like their major since they entered into the schools(这句表达不是很好). They are forced to study it because they want to be university students. But they have another choice when they're in universities. They can find some new and interesting areas which will be their career in their lives. （句型太单一了亲爱的，一直是they..they..，而且没有说服力啊）

Otherwise, if you are interested in your major. You can find some part-time jobs which are related to your majors so that you can collect more practical experience. A friend of mine, for example, works in a company of Fortune 500. She told me she was hired among 300 candidates because of her experience in part-time jobs. She did 3 part-time jobs when she was in university. All of them are related to her major, she loves her major so much.（两个完整的句子不可以直接用逗号连接哦） And she learnt a lot of practical knowledge that she wouldn't study from classes. She was aware of the importance of practical experience as soon as she entered in university. Now she lives comfortably and vividly. I think she is an good model for the university students to understand how necessary the part-time jobs are!

Last but importantly, to take a part-time job is a good way for university students experience what the whole society is. Most people say that it's good to be a student. There are many difficulties in the real society. Students who are always in the school live the lives with less unfair and bad things. As he become a person who need to earn money by himself and be apart from his parents and his family, a lot of things he should know. That's a process that will happen in everyone's life. It will be better if you have experienced and understand（时态不一致） what the society is when you're a student. You won't need a long time to adapt to the situation.

To take a part-time job can make a university student get a progress in his life. We need to consider our own future when we are a student. Of course, we need to get ready for the future, too. So we should try and try among our practical experiences, then, we will find what we really want and what we want to be, right?（多变化句型，一直是we..we...）

小毛病其实挺多的，语法上有一些，句意的表达不精炼，变化较少，词语的使用也比较简单。

多练习吧！

一起加油！批改得有点晚，不好意思啊。

sourjuiceUID：2869051

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and TV programs made in one’s own country are more interesting than those made in other countries.

Entertainment makes （加our）life more funny and interesting, especially in movies and TV programs. They have a huge influence on people. Talking about people's favorite films and TV series is more and more popular around the world. Also, different kinds of films have their own fans. Someone like hollywood's, someone love korean, others prefer Chinese and so forth.　I think I disagree that movies and TV programs in one's own country are more interesting than those made in other countries. Here're my reasons. 开头段挺充实的。

Firstly, to watch more movies and TV programs come from other countries can cultivate people's knowledge of culture in different nations. It's an effective way for countries to show their own specialities to outsiders. Take South Korea as an example, more and more korean people become popular, even world well-known stars now, because of their own films and TV programs. When their first video entered in my country seven years ago, they got a huge percentage of watching, particular in middle-aged women and young person. My mom was one of them at that time, she told me that TV program [url=]had an apparent korean life style[/url](不太明白） and she liked it very much. Different culture can make people open eyes on a new leaf, and movies and TV programs afford people such an oppotunity. 观点和例子不错，感觉有的句子可以简略些。

Secondly, it's boring for people to watch their own movies and TV programs [url=]oftenly[/url]（often） . We can't learn a lot from our own programs. We know clearly about the theme or definition from those videos. But we can study many new things and knowledge from other countries. If you want to go abroad, you can watch that country's program， so that you can practise your listening and speaking as well as its national culture. It's a good way for people who wants to live （in）other country to adapt to the new life quickly.

Last but importantly, international films and TV programs can promote national's(nation’s) communication. To establish a basic economy(basic economy好像不太合适) in our country, we should communicate with international people. And the media plays an important role on it. It used to be slowly for spreading a piece of news from one country to another. （这句话有点问题，改换一下顺序比较好）As the birth of high technology comes, a high-speed platform can make people from different nations communicate easily. We can know what happens and changes now（now去掉） these days through international TV programs and movies.

Different countries have the culture belongs to themselves. More culture we know, more develop future we have. Movies and TV programs can make us happy and moved, also can teach us knowledge. So I think people should watch more movies and TV programs from other countries.

总体看来观点表达不错，就是个别叙述可以简略一下。

终于发上来了，都不能粘附件，等了好久。

FannieHsuUID：2861996

8.12

As we all know, people suffer a lot in our society. Everyone around the world is competitive in their lives. To be a succeed person can happen on every people. However, in my perspective, we don't need to show our strengths and accomplishments apparently so that we can make success.

One of the most important reasons is that we will suffer much pressure on people's thought. Take me as an example. I won the first scholarship when I was a fresher in the university. As I became a sophomore, I told myself that could not fail to win the scholarship again because my teacher took me as a model in the class. Most of my classmates came to me about their confused questions which they didn't understand in class. Some of my classmates even set me as their competent whom they wanted to catch up in the semister. I warned myself that if I failed to won the scholarship again, I would make a lot of people disappointed. Although I won the champion scholarship again, I still feel a lot of pressure in my whole university life.

Secondly, propaganda will make people think you are a self-proud person. In our tradition, parents always tell us not to express how strong and rich we are in front of other people. We should be a kind, friendly not self-proud people so that we can make a lot of friends in our lives. I had got a friend who always uderrates my other friends because she has a rich family. She liked to show what she bought newly and to receive people's compliment. At last, she lost all her friends because she didn't make friends with her heart but taking advantage.

Every coin has two sides. When you are an interviewee, you need to show your confidence and strength in order to win the position that you want. In this situation, you must make sure other people can see your accomplishments.Therefore,  you can make a successful life.

In a nutshell, to make sure other people know about your strengths and accomplishments has advantages and disadvantages. Different situations can make different thoughts. But in my opinion, people should not show our own abilities too apparently in front of others.

超时10分钟，刚开始写的时候脑子一片空白，这题好难额。。。

hove1111UID：2571450

作文口语化的内容太多了