求拍吖。。。Kathryn进军美利坚作文11月21

kathryn慕云UID: 2638683

第一次写作文（貌似有大一一年没写过），词汇和语法都知道自己是什么水平，请你们释放心中的怒火哈。。。狠拍吧！
最后一句话是抄袭了小猪的，获得的允许的，为了凑字数啊，我也米有办法



In the lecture the speaker  has entirely different ideas on the topic about what caused the transition from the cottage industry to the factory industry which made in the reading passage.The speaker holds the following opposite opinions.

First,the speaker thought that  it wasn't the advance in technology play a important role in the transition but the capitalist hire more workers.The more workers they hired,the more prosperity they made.There is some new invention be used in this aspect.

Second, she took an example about holland to demonstrated that the establishment of a stronger legal protection for private property didn't cause the shift from the cottage industry to the factory industry. Such as other places,even they  had the stronger legal protection,but their cottage industry didn't  become factory industry.

Finally。Contradicting what is stated in the reading that it didn't save on costs.It took a lot of money on the built,hire  the supervisors,and so on.

rachel1102UID: 2657934

In the lecture the speaker  has entirely different ideas on the topic about what caused the transition from the cottage industry to the factory industry which made in the reading passage.The speaker holds the following opposite opinions.6 s$ h0 A+ ]9 B- o$ _
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First,the speaker thought that  it wasn't the advance in technology play a (an)important role in the transition but the capitalist hire more workers.The more workers they hired,the more prosperity they made.There is(到底该用什么时态我也不清楚，但是你前面用了过去时，这里是不是也改用过去时？) some new invention be used in this aspect.第一个理由我听的时候没理解，看了你的作文后才知道是这个道理。写的挺好，但是听力后面好像还有蒸汽机的一些信息，这个我也没听清楚，要是补进去会更好。

Second, she took an example about holland to demonstrated that the establishment of a stronger legal protection for private property didn't cause the shift from the cottage industry to the factory industry. Such as other places,even they  had the stronger legal protection,but their ottage industry didn't  become factory industry.很好，简单明了。

# U
Finally。Contradicting what is stated in the reading that it didn't save on costs这句式我第一次见，是不是没有谓语动词啊？.It took a lot of money on the built,hire  the supervisors,and so on.
是不是应该有个结尾段总结一下啊？我是第一次写这种作文，自己写的很不好，所以没什么资格评论你的。总的来说感觉你写的很清楚，是不是可以多些细节？
继续努力，加油~

ly8768UID: 2452066

1# kathryn慕云

In the lecture the speaker has entirely different ideas on the topic about what caused the transition from the cottage industry to the factory industry which made in the reading passage. The speaker holds the following opposite opinions.

First, the speaker thought that it wasn't the advance in technology play a(an) important role in the transition but the capitalist hire(hiring,应该是个名字短语) more workers. The more workers they hired, the more prosperity they made. There is some new invention be used in this aspect.


缺少细节

Second, she took an example about Holland to demonstrated(demonstrate) that the establishment of a stronger legal protection for private property didn't cause the shift from the cottage industry to the factory industry. Such as other places, even they  had the stronger legal protection, but their cottage industry didn't  become factory industry.

Finally,Contradicting what is stated in the reading that it didn't save on costs. It took a lot of money on the built, hire  the supervisors, and so on.

就是写的太少了，缺乏细节

kathryn慕云UID: 2638683

According to the lecture,the professor casts doubt on the author's opinion that the decline of reading literature have no negetive effects.The professor think the condition of that is the development of society,and states the following opinions.  

First of all,the professor said that there is so many good books to read also include the literature,and the people have different way to read those books.So,their overall ability to think may not wither.

Second,the professor stated that even the lack of interest in reading literature,but the people can receive the literature from the cinema,pop music and so on.They are also a sort of cultural.

Finally,the professor thought that the decline in readership of English lecture wasn't a bad development for the nation.Because most people don't understand what the writer's literature says.It just a normal phenomenon。

Of course,there is other opinions which thought by people about the lecture’s reading in this society.But only the three reasons had point out in the lecture.


整个就在凑字数样的，脑袋里米有货啊。。。。~~~~(>_<)~~~~

185583323UID: 2591089

也可以让Tony 教授帮助修改哦
http://www.tonyjiaoshou.com/tobbs/?fromuid=93

kathryn慕云UID: 2638683

On account of the quickening pace of society, the Internet and public transportation go increasingly required. I am inclined to the view that we should spend more money on Internet's construction.

Initially, the main reason for my propensity is that Internet makes our life more convenient. There is no denying the fact with the development of science. We receive education through the Internet.
This can be aptly exemplified by the following case. We used to spend a great deal of time going to school and with a lot of students study in a small classroom. However, with the development of Internet, we can stay at home and have our class. We save much time to do other things, after my study I will play the piano and have a talk with my friends. In addition, Internet also makes our work efficient. Further lending credence to my position is the example of my friend Gee that who works in a company. He usually have participate his meeting through the computer.Obviously, how important the Internet is.

Another equally significant reason for my inclination lies in the fact that Internet has enriched our daily life. There is a mass amount of interesting information from the Internet. Moreover, we often search the Internet. I can think of on matter illustrate than the example of Lily, who relax herself through the Internet. She is one of my friends who most like to play the computer. Everyday she watches movies, listen to the music, and research the news through the Internet more than 5 hours. According to the current survey done by Chinese Internet Union (CIU),more than 78％ of the people in our city said that the Internet work plays an essential role in our daily life, we should cost more on its building.So, we need improve our networking.

Admittedly, this is not the whole story. The public transportation can not readily be ignored. It has shortened the distance between outsides and us. However, the Internet makes our life more efficient, convenient, and colorful. Therefore, I reinforce my standpoint that strengthens the Internet construction.

kathryn慕云UID: 2638683

求拍。。。

sdwgdUID: 2501451

On account of the quickening pace of society, the Internet and public transportation go increasingly required. I am inclined to the view that we should spend more money on Internet's construction.0 e4 @0 [#

$ r4 b) I0 Y$ F2 UInitially, the main reason for my propensity is that Internet makes our life more convenient(加上compared with the past times or decade会好点). There is no denying the fact with the development of science. We receive education through the Internet. (合并成一个句子好点，There is no denying that with the development of science, we receive more and more education from the internet)


; y7 G3 W, u7 U+ R" Y8 u9 X9 vThis can be aptly exemplified by the following case. We used to spend a great deal of time going to school and with a lot of students studying in a small classroom. However, with the development of Internet, we can stay at home and have our class (without the necessity of staying in class.). Consequently, we could save much time to do other things, after my study I will play the piano and have a talk with my friends. In addition, Internet also makes our work (more) efficient. Further lending credence to my position is the example of my friend Gee that who works in a company. He usually have participates his meeting through the computer. Obviously, (we could easily find) how important the Internet is. , g- ^( m& i/ n7 b/ p# K- x
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Another equally significant reason for my inclination lies in the fact that Internet has enriched our daily life. (不错的表达) There is a mass amount of interesting information from the Internet. Moreover, we often search the Internet. I can think of on matter illustrate than the example of Lily, who relax herself through the Internet. 这句重新写，有问题 达cre ently, necessity of staying in classent of science, we receive more and more edcation 这句有She is one of my friends who most likes to play the computer.(不地道啊) Everyday she watches movies, listens to the music, and researches the news through the Internet more than 5 hours. According to the current survey done by Chinese Internet Union (CIU),more than 78％ of the people in our city said(太口语化;claimed/stated) that the Internet work plays an essential role in our daily life, we should cost (spend/invest/focus)more on its building. So, we need improve our networking.
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Admittedly, this is not the whole story. The public transportation can not readily be ignored. It has shortened the distance between outsides and us. However, the Internet makes our life more efficient, convenient, and colorful. Therefore, I reinforce my standpoint that strengthens the Internet construction

最后一段写的太短了，没有展开。作为结尾段不妥。
首段没有把全文的结构给点出来。
主题段1太短了，内容不够充实。
其他内容还不错。
语法有不少问题，写的时候注意点。

kathryn慕云UID: 2638683

8# sdwgd

嗯嗯嗯。。。谢谢chao的建议。。。但是可悲的是我自己出现语法错误却不知道！

scarlettzfUID: 2594692

On account of the quickening pace of society, the Internet and public transportation go increasingly required. I am inclined to the view that we should spend more money on Internet's construction.7 （这段感觉你的观点陈述突然就蹦出来了，第二句和前面一句没太大联系，而且没有起到乘上启下的作用。你还用了一些惯用语，比如on account of, i am inclined to ,我觉得这样很好！）
        Initially, the main reason for my propensity is that Internet makes our life more convenient. There is no denying the fact with the development of science. We receive education through the Internet. !
        This can be aptly exemplified by the following case. （这句写得不错！）We used to spend a great deal of time going to school and with a lot of students study in a small classroom. However, with the development of Internet, we can stay at home and have our class. We save much time to do other things, after my study I will play the piano and have a talk with my friends. In addition, Internet also makes our work efficient. Further lending credence to my position is the example of my friend Gee that who works in a company. He usually have participate his meeting through the computer.（这句话语法上有错误，he usually participates his meeting...）Obviously, how important the Internet is. (是感叹句，但是放在obviously后面有点怪怪的，呵呵，个人感觉问题。)
         Another equally significant reason for my inclination lies in the fact that Internet has enriched our daily life. There is a mass amount of interesting information from the Internet. Moreover, we often search the Internet. I can think of on matter illustrate than the example of Lily（有点不明白是什么意思，:O ）, who relax herself through the Internet. She is one of my friends who most like to play the computer. Everyday she watches movies, listen to the music, and research the news through the Internet more than 5 hours. According to the current survey done by Chinese Internet Union (CIU),more than 78％ of the people in our city said that the Internet work plays an essential role in our daily life（haha，还有statistic的支撑！你写过GRE作文的吧？很好！）, we should cost more on its building.So, we need improve our networking.
         Admittedly, this is not the whole story. The public transportation can not readily be ignored. It has shortened the distance between outsides and us. However, the Internet makes our life more efficient, convenient, and colorful. Therefore, I reinforce my standpoint that strengthens the Internet construction. !（我觉的结尾的那个让步要是放在第一段就好了。）

总体感觉你写的很不错！连接语写的很好，而且还有点GRE作文的感觉，我要向你好好学习！！！有空的话请你帮我看看吧~~我没上过托福班，不知道托福的作文应该怎样写，请多多指教！谢谢！