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[活动] 10.8 作业(进军美利坚) [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-10-8 21:39:14 |显示全部楼层
In the recent years, there is a generalcontroversy over the issue that which has more effects to the human being, thetelephone or television? Although some people claim that telephone is soconvenient that it makes a great influence on people's lives. Personally, Iprefer to support that television is more useful to us and I will provideconcrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.

First and foremost, there is no denyingthat people can access to large amounts of information from television, whichwill help them make decisions in the future. It is universally acknowledgedthat television is one of the most important media where we can search for news.For instance, when the serious flu attacks to United States and quickly spreadaround the world, although we did not experience it by ourselves, but throughwatching TV, nobody will miss knowing harm of this flu. As a result, we could prepareahead of time to make sure avoid from this disease, such as strengthen ourimmune system by taking exercises, injecting the vaccine and so forth.Accordingly, it is obvious that television plays a significant role in offeringpublic the lasted information allover the world, and helping them make an arrangement.

In the second place, television is also apopular relaxation method for most people. Along with the rapid development oftechnology, modern citizens are confronting with a variety of pressures fromboth daily life and workplace, which eventually brings us a lot of stress-relateddiseases, severely threatened the lives of human being. In order to keephealthy, we have no alternative but to learn how to relax. Since watchingtelevision is such an economical activity that it soon becomes the most popularrelaxation among public, we could not only watch movies, soap operas, entertainprograms on TV, but also could enjoy sports competition, music concert on it.Besides, it meanwhile provides a good opportunity for family members tocommunicate during the TV time.

Last but not least, by taking part in theactivities on TV, people could show their talents on stage. For example, the TVprogram super girl is such a pop competition that gives every girl an equalchance to perform their singing skills, making their dreams come true.

To sum up, taking into account of thediscussion mentioned above, we may safely reach the conclusion that televisionis absolutely bring more effects on human world.
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发表于 2009-10-9 19:56:53 |显示全部楼层
In the recent years, there is a general controversy over the issue that which has more effects to the human being, thetelephone or television? Although some people claim that telephone is so convenient that it makes a great influence on people's lives(主句呢?只有Althouhg引导的一个分句). Personally, I prefer to support that television is more useful to us and I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.
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First and foremost, there is no denying that people can access to large amounts of information from television, which will help them make decisions in the future. It is universally acknowledged that television is one of the most important media where we can search for news.For instance, when the serious flu attacks to United States and quickly spread around the world, although we did not experience it by ourselves, but(去掉) through watching TV, nobody will miss knowing harm of this flu. As a result, we could prepare a head of time to make sure avoid from this disease, such as strengthen our immune system by taking exercises, injecting the vaccine and so forth.Accordingly, it is obvious that television plays a significant role in offering public the lasted information all over the world, and helping them make an arrangement.
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% t! P$ f9 {  [! H. j+ xIn the second place, television is also a popular relaxation method for most people. Along with the rapid development of technology, modern citizens are confronting with a variety of pressures from both daily life and workplace, which eventually brings us a lot of stress-related diseases,  (the diseases) severely threatened the lives of human being(感觉是同位语,又像是定语,我就把它改成同位语了). In order to keep healthy, we have no alternative but to learn how to relax. Since watching television is such an economical activity that it soon becomes the most popularrelaxation among public, we could not only watch movies, soap operas, entertain programs on TV, but also could enjoy sports competition, music concert on it.Besides, it meanwhile provides a good opportunity for family members to communicate during the TV time.
4 F; R/ M! a0 h. s ) r0 P# R( b' R
Last but not least, by taking part in the activities on TV, people could show their talents on stage. For example, the TVprogram super girl is such a pop(popular) competition that gives every girl an equal chance to perform their singing skills, making their dreams come true.
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  I* k: _* u0 K1 O! h4 u  RTo sum up, taking into account of the discussion mentioned above, we may safely reach the conclusion that televisionis absolutely bring more effects on human world.

1.总体感觉比较顺,语言没什么大问题。
2.题目其实有一种比较的感觉,但是文章只说了电视,很少有比较,最后的结论more 的得出就比较牵强了。
3.其中有一些句子过分的长了,比如第二点的第二句,可以适当分成几句。
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RE: 10.8 作业(进军美利坚) [修改]

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