Argument39=美丽G程=小组第二次作业by猫斯基

猫斯基UID: 2607814

In the memorandum, the president believes that Humana College should initiate Omni University and actively promote long-distance degree programs like just like those at Omni. He cites that since last year, the number of students who take part in long-distance degree programs at Omni University increased by 50% while the expenditures for dormitory and classroom space have significantly decreased. However, on the contrary, the enrollment at Humana College has decreased and the costs of maintaining buildings have risen. Because of the above phenomenon, he thinks that they should adopt the idea. This well-organized memorandum seems logically reasonable at the very first glance, nevertheless, after comprehensive analysis, we will find that it has several fatal flaws.

On one hand, the writer unfairly thinks that the reason for the decrease of the expenditure for dormitory and classroom space is that 50% more students have enrolled in long-distance degree programs at Omni University. While the writer believes that possibly because of the instruction in the long-distance programs takes place via interactive video computer connections. However, there is no direct relationship. The 50% more students enrolled in long-distance degree programs does not mean that the students enrolled in Omni University have increased, it is possible that the total number has actually diminished, which leads to the decrease of the cost on dormitory and classroom space. And what is more, last year does not indicate that this is a common phenomenon.


On the other hand, the writer wrongly thinks that what is available in Omni University is also effective in Humana College. He thinks that in order to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficits at Humana College, they should adopt the way in Omni University. Even though the doing in Omni University is successful in the two facets, little evident is given to prove that the two universities are similar on all sides. It is possible that what is useful in Omni University does not go well in Humana College; maybe they will have to pay a lot more money on maintaining the video computers and training teachers in such areas compared with maintaining buildings. Or although they promote long-distance degree programs, few students have interest in attending the programs in Humana University.

Last but not least, the writer fails to consider other possible ways to solve the problems in Humana College. To attract more students to enroll in Humana, the school can set more unique and excellent classes, or promote the abilities of the teachers, or they can buy some more new and advanced equipments for their college students. At the same time, to solve the problem of budget deficits, the college may do some more profitable researches and investments; they may also cut some unimportant departments in the school system and streamline the organizations.

In sum, the memorandum is quite unilateral, in order to make a correct conclusion, the writer should comprehensively investigate the financial and enrollments instances in Omni University, clearly make out whether the plan in Omni University is successful and relatively see the similarities of the two school to check whether they should follow Omni University.

jessicamarineUID: 2595044

In the memorandum, the president believes that Humana College should initiate(imitate） Omni University and actively promote long-distance degree programs like just like those at Omni. He cites that since last year, the number of students who take part in long-distance degree programs at Omni University increased by 50% while the expenditures for dormitory and classroom space have significantly decreased. However, on the contrary（觉得“另一方面”用此短语不妥，再做斟酌）, the enrollment at Humana College has decreased and the costs of maintaining buildings have risen. Because of the above phenomenon, he thinks that they should adopt the idea. This well-organized memorandum seems logically reasonable at the very first glance, nevertheless, after comprehensive analysis, we will find that it has several fatal flaws.
首段，两段绿色字有重复，建议舍其一。最后一句，让步不错，但考虑再精简些

On one hand, the writer unfairly thinks that the reason for the decrease of the expenditure for dormitory and classroom space is that 50% more students have enrolled in long-distance degree programs at Omni University.（精简些） While the writer believes that possibly because of the instruction in the long-distance programs takes place via interactive video computer connections. However, there is no direct relationship. The 50% more students enrolled in long-distance degree programs does not mean （necessarily）that the students enrolled in Omni University have increased, it is possible that the total number has actually diminished, which leads to the decrease of the cost on dormitory and classroom space. And（不是口语，建议删掉） what is more, last year （建议添加alone）does not indicate that this is a common phenomenon.
二段：说明未必因果。

On the other hand, the writer wrongly thinks that what is available in Omni University is also effective in Humana College. He thinks that in order to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficits at Humana College, they should adopt the way in Omni University. Even though the doing in Omni University is successful in the two facets, little evident is given to prove that the two universities are similar on all sides. It is possible that what is useful in Omni University does not go well in Humana College; （.)maybe they will have to pay a lot more money on maintaining the video computers and training teachers in such areas compared with maintaining buildings. Or although they promote long-distance degree programs, few students have interest in attending the programs in Humana University. (建议加个精短小总结）
三段：质疑何以类比

Last but not least, the writer fails to consider other possible ways to solve the problems in Humana College. To attract more students to enroll in Humana, the school can set more unique and excellent classes, or promote the abilities of the teachers, or they can buy some more new and advanced equipments for their college students. At the same time, to solve the problem of budget deficits, the college may do some more profitable researches and investments; they may （may在此表示的是可能做了某事，建议的话，不妨用should）also cut some unimportant departments in the school system and streamline the organizations.
举例补充方案，例证充足但深度不够

In sum, the memorandum is quite unilateral, in order to make a correct conclusion, the writer should comprehensively investigate the financial and enrollments instances in Omni University, clearly make out whether the plan in Omni University is successful and relatively see the similarities （and differences) of the two school to check whether they should follow Omni University.
末端说明补救办法，很简洁，建议绿字部分换成说，为了让我们相信，为了让结果更有说服力


全文总评：结构、思路清晰。尝试把话说精简些，小句子换成短语，一些话也可以不必再说，因为前面已经提到，一般人都能理解上去的，还有就是，猫，咱俩语言水平都得提上去了，语言不够流畅，能看出很吃力。还有，觉得猫这次issue比argument语言要更好，可能要把驳论的语言好好熟悉一下了。

jessicamarineUID: 2595044

还有哦，以后要把题目、题目中文翻译、攻击点分析、提纲都放上来，加油哈^@^

猫斯基UID: 2607814

2# jessicamarine
我这几天觉得必须得从头补英语了。。语法，语言全是问题。。一坨一坨的问题。。。
知不知道为啥我的I比A写的顺。。因为拜某位大仙所教。。咱先开的I。。。这A刚刚开始。。我甚至有错觉。I比A简单。。特遭板砖的话。。

猫斯基UID: 2607814

3# jessicamarine
没问题。。这回懒了哈~~