[11.29]Sports

line126UID: 2556583

Seeing that the Olympic champions have gained great fame and incomes, plenty of parents are keen to get their children involved in sports contests, however, due to the negative consequences of that, I agree that children should only play sports for fun rather than doing that with the purpose to compete with others.

It's a popular notion that doing sports benefit one's health. Physical exercises play a positive role in muscle's training and also can offer one a stronger heart. I have no intention of understanding the value of competitions that they could motivate children to practise more, neither do I intend to negate the side effect of them for that it's not mere for an athlete to get hurt. Actually, competitions, especially severe ones, always accompany with kinetosis or traumas. In the view that children are still growing up, it is much safer for them to only play sports as games.

Further more, sports offer a series of advantages to children's mental health. Jogging can provide children with perseverance, basketball or volleyball can enhance the sense of cooperation, dancing can ease the tense and bring children joy. Doing sports with others is an access to friendship for children. However, races may trigger a large amount of problems to their relationship, which absolutely play an adverse role in their mental health by causing comparison with others and the sense of being a loser.

In addition, attending a competition also means a great mass time of training, which deprives children of happy childhoods as well as being a threaten to their study and normal life. Cite a friend of mine as an example, he, who have been an athlete since elementary school, complained to me about the hardship of training all the time and ascribed his poor marks to that.

We really should give the light-hearted childhood back to our children rather than fulfill it with rivalship and jealousy. Therefore, we should encourage children do sports more, however, only for fun.

angelloverUID: 199157

Seeing that the Olympic champions have gained great fame and incomes, plenty of parents are keen to get their children involved in sports contests, however,【However, 另起一句】 due to the negative consequences of that, I agree that children should only play sports for fun rather than doing [do] that with the purpose to compete with others.

It's a popular notion that doing sports benefit one's health. Physical exercises play a positive role in muscle's training and also can offer one a stronger heart. 【I have no intention of understanding the value of competitions that they could motivate children to practise more, neither do I intend to negate the side effect of them for that it's not mere for an athlete to get hurt.】[difficult to understand] Actually, competitions, especially severe ones, always accompany with kinetosis or traumas. In the view that children are still growing up, it is much safer for them to only play sports as games." Y2 H, H; T+ ?  ]8 Q" L
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Further more, sports offer a series of advantages to children's mental health. 【Jogging can provide children with perseverance, basketball or volleyball can enhance the sense of cooperation, dancing can ease the tense and bring children joy. 】[要分成3个单独的句子，或者加连词，不能这样堆在一起]Doing sports with others is an access to friendship for children. However, races may trigger a large amount of problems to their relationship, which absolutely play an adverse role in their mental health by causing comparison with others and the sense of being a loser.
[首句起不到主题句的作用。首句说：运动有益精神健康。后面however, 竞赛有害精神健康。论述就有点偏题了。这段最好能整合一下]


In addition, attending a competition also means a great mass time of training, which deprives children of happy childhoods as well as being a threaten to their study and normal life. Cite a friend of mine as an example, he, who have been an athlete since elementary school, complained to me about the hardship of training all the time and ascribed his poor marks to that.  g7 a( S0 N: n% Z' p9 z
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We really should give the light-hearted childhood back to our children rather than fulfill it with rivalship and jealousy. Therefore, we should encourage children do sports more, however, only for fun.

通篇结构不错，论述也不错，但论述的第二点不太清楚。
语法上，有些句子似乎人为给复杂化了，导致语义不太明白。
另外要注意句子结构。句子不能堆在一起，要么拆开，要么改成复合句。

line126UID: 2556583

我的意思是运动有益健康 所以要让小孩运动 然而竞争不理健康 所以运动就好 不要竞争

zhengping001UID: 2689322

Seeing that the Olympic champions havegained great fame and incomes, plenty of parents are keen to get their childreninvolved in sports contests, however, due to the negative consequences of that,I agree that children should only play sports for fun rather than doing (do) that with the purpose to compete withothers.第一段就一句话，太长了，可分开来写.$ X$ {2v, H- J2 U' C
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It's a popular notion that doing sports benefit one's health. Physicalexercises play a positive role in muscle's training and also can offer one astronger heart. I have no intention of understandingthe value of competitions that they could motivate children to practice more;neither do I intend to negate the side effect of them for that it's not mere(merely) for an athlete to get hurt(这句话理解起来有些困难，特别是后半句). Actually, competitions, especially severeones (especial some severe games), always accompany with kinetosis ortraumas. In the view that children are still growing up, it is much safer forthem to only play sports as games (game 也有很激烈的，someeasier and simpler games).
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Further more, sports offer a series of advantages to children's mental health.Jogging can provide children with perseverance, (and playing)basketball or volleyball can enhance the sense of cooperation, (and even) dancing can ease the tense (status or stress) and bring children joy. Doingsports with others is an access to(是不定式吧，后面还要加动词) friendship for children. However,races may trigger a large amount of problems to their relationship, whichabsolutely play an adverse role in their mental health by causing comparisonwith others and the sense of being a loser.9 e, `( x+ @' S% L7 [: @0 b# ]

8 F" g& }( f: \/ TInaddition(前面有一个further more,此处应用finally较合适些), attending a competition also means a great mass time of training,which deprives children of happy childhoods（ofhappy childhood） aswell as being a threaten(动词) to their study and normal life. Cite afriend of mine(my friend or one of my friends) as an example, he(最好编个人名出来), who have(has,第三人称单数) been an athlete since elementary school, complained to me about thehardship of training all the time and ascribed his poormarks to that.（上一段的however那一句放到这段来较好）
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We really should give the light-hearted childhood back to our children ratherthan fulfill it (指代什么) with rivalship and jealousy(这句话有点逻辑上的问题). Therefore, we should encouragechildren do sports more, however（去掉，however表转折的意思，可从这句话中是表递近关系，）, only for fun.