[clover]Issue170 by taotaole

taotaoleUID: 2694983

Issue170
The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people.
Key words: surest indicator, great nation, achievements & general welfare.

It is always controversial to entitle a great nation. While in the claim, the speaker thinks that the surest indicator of a great nation is the general welfare of its citizens, rather than the achievements of the governors, the artists and the scientists. However, a nation of greatness should show on various aspects as an integrated wholeness, and the achievements of the social elites represent as typically, if no more than, as the general welfare to be the one of the surest indicators.
To start with, a great nation is an ultimate judgment to the development of the country. The greatness is not narrowed but should have roughly covered every field of its development. We will see the great not only on its economic and political aspects, the academic and artistic field, or the civil beneficial extension; it also includes the morality, culture and international influential power. The so-called surest indicator is actually an illusion, since none of the separate element is adequate to be relied on, just as it is thoughtless to claim that the nation is great merely because the president wins the Nobel Prize, or solely because the citizens lead a peace and rich life even in the wartime since it’s neutral. Therefore, the surest indicator for a great nation is multipartite.
Admittedly, among all the factors deciding a great nation, the welfare of the general people, which is the status of the public health, happiness and prosperity, is indeed a credible reflection of the overall situation of the nation. The level of general welfare, especially for the situation of majority, is intimately based on the nation’s economic, culture, science and military condition. Only when the nation has a solid and buoyant economy, can the general own a considerable property; only when the social environment of the nation is flourishing, with elaborate artistic creation and highly-advanced technology, can the public lead a happy and healthy life; and only when the nation is strong armed to guard its territory and defend its people, can those benefit be accessible.
What’s more, the achievement of the ruler, the scientists and the artists is more than a credible reflection of the overall situations in a great nation---it also act as an active roles upon the nation and to the general welfare. On the one hand, a great nation always breeds great characters with significant accomplishments. It is the comprehensive strength of the country that lays a solid foundation for those achievements of individuals. Hardly do scientists attain accomplishments without sufficient fund and research resource the society supplies and the findings of the scientists will not receive the honor, and then become important achievements, unless the surrounding offers adequate support. This is also true on arts. A relative rich living condition ensures more people for more recreations and allows artists for prominent creations. On the other hand, the achievements of the social elites in a great nation will return to the foundation and as a result, improve the general welfare overall. What the leaders do in a democratic nation always gives enough consideration to general welfare, such as establishing the medical security system and legal institutions on individual rights and offering the comfortable living environment. And the accomplishments of scientists tend to transform into benefit in daily life, bring more convenience to general, like Faraday discovers electromagnetic induction and makes it possible to a brighter and more effective life.
Therefore, in these two aspects, the achievement of the social elites is more representative than the general welfare of the public to indicate a great nation.
All in all, the surest indicator of a great nation is not single and to a greater extent, the achievement of the great people in the nation is more credible to indicate the status of the nation than the level of general welfare.

misirUID: 2684938

红色有问题|蓝色为结构|高光为好词好句要学习的地方 |绿色表示我不确信用词是否恰当
Issue170 Words 637
The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people.
Key words: surest indicator, great nation, achievements & general welfare.

1.It is always controversial to entitle a great nation. While（为什么要用while呢？我觉得既然你前面说a great nation 的定义有争议，接下来就应该接上自己的定义，然后再指出题中的是不确切的） in the claim, the speaker thinks that the surest indicator of a great nation is the general welfare of its citizens, rather than the achievements of the governors（最好不要随便换词，我觉得）, the artists and the scientists. However,a nation of greatness should show on various aspects as an integrated wholeness, and the achievements of the social elites represent as typically, if no more than, as the general welfare to be the one of the surest（是否绝对化了？）
indicators.【你的TS说 ，great nation 是由不同方面整合来展示的，并且社会精英（不知道你是否想用social elites 来代替rules, scientists, and artists?）和公众幸福都是surest 的展示】
2.To start with, a great nation is an ultimate judgment(judgment 一般跟on | of ， 好像不跟to的) to the development of the country. The greatness is not narrowed but should have roughly covered every field of its development. We will see the great not only on its economic and political aspects, the academic and artistic field, or the civil beneficial extension; it also includes the morality, culture and international influential power. The so-called surest indicator is actually an illusion, since none of the separate element is adequate to be relied on, just as it is thoughtless to claim that the nation is great merely because the president wins the Nobel Prize, or solely because the citizen’s lead a peace and rich life even in the wartime since it’s neutral(since it’s neutral木有看懂是什么意思). Therefore, the surest indicator for a great nation is multipartite.【这段从定义入手，说明surest的不明确性。】
3.Admittedly, among all the factors deciding a great nation, the welfare of the general people, which is（means?） the status of the public health, happiness and prosperity, is indeed a credible reflection of the overall situations of the nation. The level of general welfare, especially for the situation of majority, is intimately based on the nation’s economic, culture, science and military condition. Only when the nation has a solid and buoyant economy, can the general own a considerable property; only when the social environment of the nation is flourishing, with elaborate artistic creation and highly-advanced technology, can the public lead a happy and healthy life; and only when the nation is strong armed to guard its territory and defend its people, can those benefit be accessible.【这段的排比论证很精彩~要学习下~。】
4.What’s more, the achievement of the ruler, the scientists and the artists is more than a credible reflection of the overall situations in a great nation---it also acts as an active role upon the nation and to the general welfare. ||On the one hand, a great nation always breeds great characters with significant accomplishments. It is the comprehensive strength of the country that lays a solid foundation for those achievements of individuals. Hardly do scientists attain accomplishments without sufficient fund and research resource the society supplies and the findings of the scientists will not receive the honor, and then become important achievements, unless the surrounding offers adequate support.（这句话读晕了。。。又是hardly 又是unless。。。） |This is also true on arts. A relative rich living condition ensures more people for more recreations and allows artists for prominent creations. ||On the other hand, the achievements of the social elites in a great nation will return to the foundation and as a result, improve the general welfare overall. What the leaders do in a democratic nation always gives enough consideration to general welfare, such as establishing the medical security system and legal institutions on individual rights and offering the comfortable living environment. And the accomplishments of scientists tend to transform into benefit in daily life, bring more convenience to general, like Faraday discovers（discovered?） electromagnetic induction and makes(made?) it possible to a brighter and more effective life.||
Therefore, in these two aspects, the achievement of the social elites is more representative than the general welfare of the public to indicate a great nation.【这段的层次是很清楚的，也有例证说明（Faraday）】
5.All in all, the surest indicator of a great nation is not single and to a greater extent, the achievement of the great people in the nation is more credible to indicate the status of the nation than the level of general welfare.【最后再次声明自己的观点。】
你很会使用adv.，这点值得学习，我一直不会使用。
我不是很确信题中的all是否需要我们来讨论，如果需要的话，你这点没有讨论。
另外好像看不出什么问题了~by Misir
---------------------直接看附件吧~

taotaoleUID: 2694983

先感谢详尽的批改。有些自己解释一下吧，修正了的在附件中。

1. While（A为什么要用while呢？我觉得既然你前面说a great nation 的定义有争议，接下来就应该接上自己的定义，然后再指出题中的是不确切的） in the claim, the speaker thinks that the surest indicator of a great nation is the general welfare of its citizens, rather than the achievements of the governors（B最好不要随便换词，我觉得）, the artists and the scientists. However,a nation of greatness should show on various aspects as an integrated wholeness, and the achievements of the social elites represent as typically, if no more than, as the general welfare to be the one of the surestC（是否绝对化了？）
indicators.【你的TS说 ，great nation 是由不同方面整合来展示的，并且社会精英（不知道你是否想用social elites 来代替rules, scientists, and artists?）和公众幸福都是surest 的展示C】

A.因为说了是争议性的，所以就指出论断的片面了啊，这里的while 是然而的转折。自己的主旨要留好一句话放在开头最后一句。
B.用社会精英还替换取得成就的政治家，科学家和艺术家应该合理吧。
C.题目中就是最高级的，而这里是one of the surest.而且貌似对TS的解读有误，后半句的意思是，社会精英的成就相较公共福利而言，更能作为最确定的指示之一。
2.To start with, a great nation is an ultimate judgment(judgment 一般跟on | of ， 好像不跟to的) to the development of the country. The greatness is not narrowed but should have roughly covered every field of its development. We will see the great not only on its economic and political aspects, the academic and artistic field, or the civil beneficial extension; it also includes the morality, culture and international influential power. The so-called surest indicator is actually an illusion, since none of the separate element is adequate to be relied on, just as it is thoughtless to claim that the nation is great merely because the president wins the Nobel Prize, or solely because the citizen’s lead a peace and rich life even in the wartime since it’s neutral(Asince it’s neutral木有看懂是什么意思). Therefore, the surest indicator for a great nation is multipartite.【这段从定义入手，说明surest的不明确性。】

A. neutral指的是（战时的）中立。那个例子暗指瑞士~觉得这个话题里直接指出国家名太尖锐了。

3.Admittedly, among all the factors deciding a great nation, the welfare of the general people, which is（A means?） the status of the public health, happiness and prosperity, is indeed a credible reflection of the overall situations of the nation. The level of general welfare, especially for the situation of majority, is intimately based on the nation’s economic, culture, science and military condition. Only when the nation has a solid and buoyant economy, can the general own a considerable property; only when the social environment of the nation is flourishing, with elaborate artistic creation and highly-advanced technology, can the public lead a happy and healthy life; and only when the nation is strong armed to guard its territory and defend its people, can those benefit be accessible.【这段的排比论证很精彩~要学习下~。】

A. 从句内容是查的welfare 的定义。所以直接用is

4.What’s more, the achievement of the ruler, the scientists and the artists is more than a credible reflection of the overall situations in a great nation---it also acts as an active role upon the nation and to the general welfare. ||On the one hand, a great nation always breeds great characters with significant accomplishments. It is the comprehensive strength of the country that lays a solid foundation for those achievements of individuals. Hardly do scientists attain accomplishments without sufficient fund and research resource the society supplies and the findings of the scientists will not receive the honor, and then become important achievements, unless the surrounding offers adequate support.（A 这句话读晕了。。。又是hardly 又是unless。。。） |This is also true on arts. A relative rich living condition ensures more people for more recreations and allows artists for prominent creations. ||On the other hand, the achievements of the social elites in a great nation will return to the foundation and as a result, improve the general welfare overall. What the leaders do in a democratic nation always gives enough consideration to general welfare, such as establishing the medical security system and legal institutions on individual rights and offering the comfortable living environment. And the accomplishments of scientists tend to transform into benefit in daily life, bring more convenience to general, like Faraday discovers（discovered?） electromagnetic induction and makes(made?) it possible to a brighter and more effective life.|| Therefore, in these two aspects, the achievement of the social elites is more representative than the general welfare of the public to indicate a great nation.【这段的层次是很清楚的，也有例证说明（Faraday）】

A，这里是用and连接的两个并列句，前一句是hardly倒装表强调；后一句带了个unless的条件句。

5.All in all, the surest indicator of a great nation is not single and to a greater extent, the achievement of the great people in the nation is more credible to indicate the status of the nation than the level of general welfare.【最后再次声明自己的观点。】

关于all 的问题，破题的时候没把这个当重点，I不是A，不用把错都挑了，找到立场写而已---当然也可以从all的角度破题写一篇。另外就是觉得general welfare，全民福利指的不就是所有人民的吗~所以就未深究这里。