2.14-slimh-作文求改

slimhUID: 2438517

2.14 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertain.

No one can deny the fact that television brings people information and affect people's thinking. I also do agree that some of the contents may have negative effects to the society should not be seen on television. But compare educative purpose to entertain, I definitely choose entertainment.


Happiness makes people live longer lives. As known to all, laugh as many as possible can brings positive attitude and mentally healthy to human being. A funny TV show brings people immense pleasure. For instance, I like to watch TV after diner. Usually comedy program is my first choice. A funny comic story provides me escapism from the pressure of daily work. It balances my mood. After I laugh out loud because of the comic situation from the story, I felt like getting released mentally and recharging my energy for the next day. Despite I do watch discovery program very often, entertain people should be the first purpose of television.


Entertainment not only relax people’s mood but also make them to get inspiration and creation. “American Idol”, a worldwide famous reality TV show, which is also one of my favorite shows, brings tremendous joy to many families. In recent season, a guy’s story just impressed me a lot. He was working for his father’s company, but before that he spent several years behind the bar. He went to the audition not only he likes singing but also to prove himself to his parents. He said he got inspired from other competitors’ spirits from the show and that would be a chance for him to make his parents proud of him. It shows us that entertainment gives people positive effect.

However, it is undeniable that educative contents are good for people especially to the kids. But as there are many ways we can get educative information, for example books, newspapers, internet surfing and so on. There is no necessarily to the entire television programs are being educative.

In conclusion, as the vast major of people, in general, choose to watch TV for relax and entertaining. Due to the positive influence to people from entertaining program, I support the purpose of television should be entertainingly not all educative.

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

2.14 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertain.

No one can deny the fact that television brings people information and affect people's thinking. I also do agree that some of the contents (which) may have negative effects to the society should not be seen (broadcasted) on television. But compare educative purpose to （compare…to是把…比作….  改成with）entertain, I definitely choose entertainment.

Happiness makes people live longer lives. As is known to all, laugh as many as possible can brings positive attitude and mentally healthy(mental health) to human being(要是我，会这么写 laugh contributes to people’s positive attitude and mental health). A funny TV show brings people immense pleasure. For instance, I like to watch TV after diner. Usually comedy program is my first choice. A funny comic story provides me escapism (这里是动词！！escape) from the pressure of daily work (最好用固定搭配release pressure from daily work). It balances my mood. After I laugh (laughing) out loudly because of the comic situation from the story, I felt like getting released mentally and recharging my energy for the next day. Despite I do watch discovery program very often, entertain people should be the first purpose of television. (突然冒出来一个对比性的观点，我还急着往下看你要怎么解释这个观点呢，去没了，刚才不是说自己经常看娱乐型的节目么？？怎么这句话又说自己常看探索类节目？？)


Entertainment not only relax people’s mood but also make them to get inspiration and creation（很明显的中式表达）. “American Idol”, a worldwide famous reality TV show, which is also one of my favorite shows, brings tremendous joy to many families. In recent season, a guy’s story just impressed me a lot. He was working for his father’s company, but before that he spent several years behind the bar(这句话读的很费力，不明白楼主想表达什么意思). He went to the audition not only he likes singing but also to prove himself to his parents. He said he got inspired from other competitors’ spirits from the show and that would be a chance for him to make his parents proud of him. It shows us that entertainment （最好再加个could also）gives people positive effect.6 t9 k2 G/ O$ p( |1 {: m3 h
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However（Admittedly）, it is undeniable that educative contents are good for people especially to the kids. But as there are many ways we can get educative information, for example books, newspapers, internet surfing and so on. There is no necessarily to the entire television programs are being educative. (这段想法不错，如果能再展开一下就能更好了~)
In conclusion, as the vast major of people, in general, choose to watch TV for relax and entertaining. Due to the positive influence to people from entertaining program, I support the purpose of television should be entertainingly not all educative（结尾观点不明确，你不支持all educative, 那你是支持平衡一下呢还是all entertainment?）.
楼主文章中存在一些语法错误（尤其是分不清adv.和adj.）和中式表达（有直译的感觉），这些应该容易改正的~~至于文章的结构，感觉你第二段和第三段有很多意思是重复的。而且楼主第三段的那个例子应该叙述的清楚些，和你想表达的主题贴近些~！~个人拙见，加油~

slimhUID: 2438517

escapisim 是名词阿。[NOUN] If you describe an activity or type of entertainment as escapism, you mean that it makes people think about pleasant things instead of the uninteresting or unpleasant aspects of their life.

from后面的时用充当状语成分来写的阿。。

behind the bar是口语，在监狱里度过的意思,我看到那个人直接这么说的，拿过来直接用了。

slimhUID: 2438517

还有，compare to/with用法一样的.. to可以用在及物不及物动词后

刚才查了，的确compare with 是正确的
In informal speech they are interchangeable. In writing, "compare with" means examine in order to note similarity or difference, while "compare to" means to suggest similarity. Further, in the sense of being worthy of comparison, only " compare with" is correct: Words do not compare with actions. Source: American Heritage Dictionary

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

4# slimh escapsim 是逃避现实，空想；逃避主义~~compare。。to。。。楼主可以去查一下字典~我查到是把。。。比作。。。
对于我的作文，and only in this way, can (这个can应该是放在the nation后面吧)the nation improve its people’s whole quality（是人素质的质量，不是人的质量吧？人不是物啊),这是个倒装，难道楼主没见过only在句首的倒装？？quality可表示人的品质~就像character
working(work related) stress  我在例文中见过working stress，却不知道work related stress是否地道？


entertainment is to our life what spice is to a good meal(这个语法有问题）。。。。。我晕！！这是个比喻句啊？楼主没见过这种用法么？？A is to B what C is to D      
还有spot =program  这是个同义替换啊~~！！！！

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

I can(可以去掉can) hardly agree with this statement中的I can hardly....是习惯用法~！！  according to只能引导名词和动名词，要引导从句，当然要加that了~~额~~

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

还有affect the TV site employees' income. (为什么收视率会影响电视工作者的收视率呢？）   我没说电视工作者的收视率吧？？？！！我说的是income！！收入！！

slimhUID: 2438517

I can(可以去掉can) hardly agree with this statement中的I can hardly....是习惯用法~！！  according to只能引导名词和动名词，要引导从句，当然要加that了~~额~~
小心littleheart 发表于 2010-2-15 21:50

我说了可以去掉can，没有说一定要去掉can,

至于according to后面加that的问题，很不好意思，我孤陋寡闻，硬是没找到，我是根据如下意思来理解的。
一忌与第一人称连用
按英语习惯，according to通常指的是根据别人或别处，而不能根据自己，所以它不能用于第一人称，同时也很少用于第二人称，而主要用于第三人称，如：
正：According to him, she is not honest. 据他说，她不诚实。
误：According to me, she is not honest.
二忌与表示观点的词语连用
according to后习惯上不接view(看法)和opinion(意见)这类词表示观点或看法的词，如：
依我看，这部电影很不错。
误：According to my opinion, the film is wonderful.
正：In my opinion, the film is wonderful.
三忌直接后跟句子
according to是介词，其后原则上只接名词或代词，不接句子。如：
According to the timetable, the train gets in at 8:27. 根据时刻表，火车8点27分进站。
According to the traffic rules, you must stop at a red light. 依照交通法规，遇到红灯必须停车。
When (it is) taken according to the instructions, the drug has no side effects. 若按说明服用，本药无任何副作用。

若接句子，则用according as。如(from www.yywords.com)：
Everyone contributes according as he is able. 每个人根据自己的能力作出贡献。
注意，对于那些由what, which, whether, how, when, where等引导的句子，其前要用according to，不用according as。如：
He is an honest businessman, according to what everyone says. 根据大家所说，他是位诚实的商人。
The amount of tax people pay varies according to where they live. 居住地不同，人们所交的税额也各不相同。
These apples have been graded according to how big they are. 这些苹果已经按照大小分了等级。
They were arranged according to when they happened. 它们是按发生的时间安排的。

slimhUID: 2438517

4# slimh escapsim 是逃避现实，空想；逃避主义~~compare。。to。。。楼主可以去查一下字典~我查到是把。。。比作。。。首先，provides me escapsim from这个是wentworth miller在一次采访中说得，我觉得不错，就拿过来直接用了，人家普林斯顿英专毕业的总比我们强多了吧？
对于我的作文，and only in this way, can (这个can应该是放在the nation后面吧)the nation  ...
小心littleheart 发表于 2010-2-15 21:46

至于people's quality,你去google搜索，只有中国人的论文才出现这个词，people's quality of life是别人常用法。anyway，我至少看懂了你想表达的是人们的素质，直译嘛，你想用也没问题，我不确定老外会不会看的懂，所以要求你改的，当然很多中国学生用people's quality他也看多了可能自然就明白了这个指的就是人民的素质。

其次，a is b to c is d的那个，我以为是你引用了哪里的名句还是什么现象的，你这么跟我分析语法我倒是明白了。明白贵明白，我还是看不习惯。当然，你继续用我也不反对，反正我也不是评分的。打分的看明白就行。

spot=program，我查了，发现他那么多用法中排列第37条的跟你说得意思比较接近，就是不知道人家有没有常用spot的这第37个意思，那我就无从而之了，你可以做参考：http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/spot

最后，那个收视率问题，我发现我码字时手抖打错了，把第２个改称收入了。就算我把中文改了又怎样呢？我看得时候还是不明白为什么收视率低人家电台的员工就收入低了。咱央视那些军事频道之类的没人看也没听说人家收入高低的问题，当然这也只是我个人意见，说不定人家评分得就看懂你的意思了，不防碍给你打高分。

总结：作文是自己的，我看你的作文也是带我的主观色彩，我只能假设如果我是评委的话我会挑哪些错误，仅此而已，至于你接受不接受，继续用不用是你的选择，我无权干涉你的想法。

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

楼主很认真~对于你跳出来的错误，我大多数是在范文中见过的，或是从写的好的同学那学到的~~自己没有这么细的查过~~我承认我的作文有很多不足，不过你提出来的那些，我以前在作文中常用，也没有被同学提出来过，甚至有同学说一些是亮点。所以我感觉很纳闷~不过多谢你在评论中附上的字典网址~~我觉得互改作文就是让别人发现自己发现不了的问题~·也许是我们的写作风格相差较大，所以楼主没必要在楼上......

slimhUID: 2438517

楼主很认真~对于你跳出来的错误，我大多数是在范文中见过的，或是从写的好的同学那学到的~~自己没有这么细的查过~~我承认我的作文有很多不足，不过你提出来的那些，我以前在作文中常用，也没有被同学提出来过，甚至有 ...
小心littleheart 发表于 2010-2-16 12:00

我自己语法跟词汇一直都是弱项，语法一直都是凭感觉的，词汇怎么都不想背。。但是这次准备发现这两点很致命。。
说实话，刚开始给别人改错时花了很长时间的，现在慢慢改的速度变快了，但是还是会琢磨词汇跟语法，因为我不能随便乱改别人的作文吧，所以边改觉得不妥当的地方我还是会先查有没有这样的说法，然后再批驻。。这样我也可以从中学到很多，至少因为你，我从新查了according to跟compaire with/to的用法，这样以后就永远记住了^^；

说实话，我身边很多老外跟海龟看了我给他们的作文之后会说（不是指你的作文哈）明显的中国风，而且很多词他们不会用在这个地方，但是感觉中国学生为了卖弄词汇，拼命的用比较高级的词汇代替一般的词汇，好比在现代小说里突然出现一段古文的感觉。。当然他们都不是rater，评分人的意见最重要。。

我自己也写得不好，但是希望大家可以做参考，毕竟写作不是一天两天就可以提高的。。Anyway..一起加油吧。

小心littleheartUID: 2726034

11# slimh    负责~thxs~