【big fish】习作2月23日Argument10 by topran

topranUID: 2310216

TOPIC: ARGUMENT10 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.

"The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers."
WORDS: 374
TIME: 00:44:05
DATE: 2010/2/23 21:33:20

In this letter , the author recommend that the Batavia government should regulate the prices of retail milk because farmers are continuing receive excessive profits. To support this recomentdation the letter relies on the report of local agriculture department which shows the number of dairy farm in country has increased 25 percent during 10 years and the milk price in the local excello food market
has doubled. And the auther said the regulation can ensure lower prices and an adequate supply. However , close crutiny of these evidence reveals that it leads little support fot the recommendation .

First of all , the author unfairly assumes that with the number of dairy farm increase throughout the country means the number of dairy farm will increase in Batavia , even if the number of farm increased locally , we can not procede that the supply of dairy product is increase , even if the supply of the daity product is increase , it can not deduce that the certain product like mike is increased , there is highly possible people now in Batacia prefer cheese more , so the major product of dairy farm is not milk and the supply of milk can even decrease.

Secondly , the price goes high does not necessiarly means the profits will increase . It is quite normal for price to increase during ten years , with healthy economics , the comsumer price index will increase by certain speed , so the price of every product in the market has increased twice, in this case the profit
of the milk will be the same as ten years ago. Based on such unconvincing evident , it is not fair to say the farmer is continuing to receive profit.

Thirdly , can regulate retail milk prices ensure lower prices and an adequate supply of milk at same time ? No . For producer and seller , the supply and price is directly proportion ,with lower price , the farmer will provide less milk campare to the free maket.

In conclusion , the argument is unpersuasive as it stands . The author should provide more convincing evidence to show the supply of milk is increse and the existence of excessive profits .
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很是短小，时间来不及了，要去赶车，issue还没写完~~

jenius4869UID: 2659821

In this letter , the author recommend that the Batavia government should regulate the prices of retail milk because farmers are continuing receive excessive profits. To support this recomentdation the letter relies on the report of local agriculture department which shows the number of dairy farm in country has increased 25 percent during 10 years and the milk price in the local excello food market
has doubled. And the auther said the regulation can ensure lower prices and an adequate supply. However , close crutiny of these evidence reveals that it leads little support fot the recommendation .(开头很简洁很好)

First of all , the author unfairly assumes that with the number of dairy farm increase throughout the country means the number of dairy farm will increase in Batavia , even if the number of farm increased locally , we can not procede that the supply of dairy product is increase , even if the supply of the daity product is increase , it can not deduce that the certain product like mike is increased , there is highly possible people now in Batacia prefer cheese more , so the major product of dairy farm is not milk and the supply of milk can even decrease.（做了很多的三个让步假设，全国增长不一定local增长，增长也不一定产量增加，产量增加也不一定牛奶供应充足，但是只有最后一个做了解释，还有逗号有点多，整段就一句话了，也没有总结性的语句）

Secondly , the price goes high does not necessiarly means the profits will increase . It is quite normal for price to increase during ten years , with healthy economics , the comsumer price index will increase by certain speed , so the price of every product in the market has increased twice, in this case the profit
of the milk will be the same as ten years ago. Based on such unconvincing evident（evidence，应该是笔误吧） , it is not fair to say the farmer is continuing to receive profit.（觉得扣letter不紧，没有提到具体的author的论据，获利增多，是基于两个假设，一个是供应充分，还有是价格上涨，还有你说的超市所有商品价格都翻倍应该是中假设吧，但是却以论述事实的方式写了）

Thirdly , can regulate retail milk prices ensure lower prices and an adequate supply of milk at same time ? No . For producer and seller , the supply and price is directly proportion ,with lower price , the farmer will provide less milk campare to the free maket.（这句话感觉很中式，compare to 换个其他的词或换一种表达）（这段有点少哦，感觉没有把问题说细，比如说，farmers会减少牛奶供应，为什么呢，可以说明一下，这样就更充分字数也多啦~~）

In conclusion , the argument is unpersuasive as it stands . The author should provide more convincing evidence to show the supply of milk is increse and the existence of excessive profits .（简洁。。。会不会少了点）


argument一般写多少字？300~400吗？可能是因为我一向写得较多，所以觉得简单些会有些问题没说清楚。好像没有发现什么语法问题，连词可以再丰富一些，论述过程最好能紧凑更有说服力。

topranUID: 2310216

2# jenius4869
谢谢亲，估计这篇回头还要重写一遍
实在是没词说，套路也抓得不好，我先去背两模板