3.20作业

站着游泳的鱼UID: 2774999

They say that Students who can keep their own rooms organized are more likely to succeed. Is that true? Someone agree with this issue in that details of one’s life can reveal a lot, while someone disagree with it. In my prospective, I disagree with it.
First of all, when we are making up the decision about whether a person have the potential of succeed, it is better to find out the whole aspects of the person instead of just see one tiny point. A disorganized room just can tell us that the owner of the room doesn’t clean the room that frequency, but there may have a lot of reasons. For example he does not have time since he has to study for a long time or just because he is a spoiled child who doesn’t know how to organize his room and he has just started to live alone. But this point cannot be reasoned to the conclusion that the student cannot keep their own rooms organized are less likely to succeed. Keeping own rooms organized is just a personal custom that reveals nothing.
Someone may maintain that the details of a person always tell us a lot. But just like another old saying said that every man has his faults, we cannot negate one just because he has a fault. On the other hands there are many slovenly great men. Take Newton for an instance, when he was working he will forget about the whole things around him, he even can’t hear his wife calling him. Take Einstein for another example, he even has ever picked up and smoke the cigarette people threw away. Although they have such gross and creepy custom, they have contributed a lot to human science technology. In this word, even a great man has bad manners, no saying of us common ones. We cannot easily come to the conclusion about whether a person has the potential of succeed just through one tiny custom. A man picking up others’ dog-ends can invent the theory of relativity, why cannot a student whose room was out of order succeed in the future.
To sum up, whether a student can or cannot keep his own room organized, he has the potential of succeed in the future.

lain0119UID: 2695504

They(直接上来一个人称代词不好吧...代谁呢?!) say that Students who can keep their own rooms organized are more likely to succeed. Is that true?(咳...有点口语化了) Someone agree with this issue(opinion更合适~） in that details of one’s life can reveal a lot, while someone disagree with it. In my prospective, I disagree with it（后面两句其实可以合成一句的）.
First of all, when we are making up the decision（决定谁会成功？！顶多是看出来谁会成功吧。。。） about（about去掉） whether a person have the potential of succeed, it is better to find out（不是找出来，observe可能好些） the whole aspects of the person instead of just see one tiny point. A disorganized room just can tell us that the owner of the room doesn’t clean the room that frequency, but there may have（lz chenglish了，may be 不是have） a lot of reasons. For example he does not have time since he has to study for a long time or just because he is a spoiled child who doesn’t know how to organize his room and he has just started to live alone（同一个主语重复太多了，可以删掉一两个）. But this point cannot be reasoned to the conclusion that the student cannot keep their own rooms organized are less likely to succeed（这句话和一堆例子之前的那句有点重）. Keeping own rooms organized is just a personal custom（这个词有点大了） that reveals nothing.
Someone may maintain that the details of a person always tell us a lot. （这个让步段的位置有点奇怪，建议放在理由段的第一段或最后一段）But just like another old saying said that every man has his faults, we cannot negate one just because he has a fault（这句话和第一句没有逻辑关系= =）. On the other hands there are many slovenly great men（？？？）. Take Newton for an instance, when he was working he will forget about the whole things around him, he even can’t hear his wife calling him. Take Einstein for another example, he even has ever picked up and smoke the cigarette people threw away. Although they have such gross and creepy custom, they have contributed a lot to human science technology. In this word, even a great man has bad manners, no saying of us common ones. We cannot easily come to the conclusion about whether a person has the potential of succeed just through one tiny custom. A man picking up others’ dog-ends can invent the theory of relativity, why cannot a student whose room was out of order succeed in the future.（感觉这段的例子有点跑题，并且这段的内容和上一段有点重合的地方，层次不是很分明也~）
To sum up, （no matter）whether a student can or cannot（去掉or cannot） keep his own room organized, he has the potential of succeed in the future.
果然大家都讨厌写教育题材= =
个人觉得lz的逻辑层次有点confused啊~

站着游泳的鱼UID: 2774999

2# lain0119 灰常感谢lain童鞋的修改，我一看见教育题材的题目就没话说……逻辑就更别提了……我是该找些范文读一读了