frlender 的作文帖

frlenderUID: 2629962

date 7.15
topic：people should live in the city or country all life instead of movingto another place.

Some people might want to adopt a stable lifestyleand stay in one place either in the country or city for his/her whole lifetime.But personally I completely disagree with this point of view. I believe it willbe beneficial to both a person himself/herself and the entire society for himor her to try to move to another place.

First, migration promotes the development of oursociety. This can be easily seen in the growth of many big cities in China.Let's take a look at the capital city --Beijing. For the approximately 20million people who live there, a vast majority of them are migrants, especiallythose from the countryside. It is literally these people who build the manyedifices and broad avenues in the capital and it is also these people who workin the city factories to manufacture the myriad of cars on the road, thebeautiful clothes we wear and the durable chairs we are sitting on. Withoutthem and the migration, none of these can be possible.

Second, migration can help a person to achieve hisor her life goal. If your dream is to become a scientist, it is impossible foryou to achieve this ideal simply living in the countryside where there existsnot a high school. But this is the dream of the many children who are born in arural area. So if they stay in their hometown and do not migrate, I see nochance that their dreams can be realized.

Finally, along with the rapid development of thecity, more factories are built and private cars are in growing numbers. Pollutionis inevitable. So In order to enjoy a healthy lifestyle, an increasing numberof city dwellers are moving towards the peaceful countryside where the air isclean. With their migration, their large amount of money is also introducedthere, which could facilitate the local development. So it is such a wonderfulwin-win process.

From what has been discussed above, it is evidentthat no matter you are a city resident or living in the country, transferringto another place is worth your try.


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梦的弃儿UID: 2840846

Some people might want to adopt a stable life style and stay in one place either （either or说不出哪里不对，但用的有点奇怪）in the country or city for his/her whole life time. But personally I completely disagree with this point of view. I believe it will be beneficial to（it is adj. for sb. to do sth. 所以这句话应该是It will be beneficial for both *** and *** to try… ） both a person himself/herself and the entire society for him or her to try to move to another place.

First, migration promotes the development of our society. This can be easily seen in the growth of many big cities in China. Let's take a look at the capital city --Beijing. For（可能用among比较好吧） the approximately 20million people who live there, a vast majority of them are migrants, especially those from the countryside（esp后面不是一个句子。我想你要表达的意思是especially a lot of them are from the countryside吧）. It is literally these people who build the many edifices and broad avenues in the capital and it is also these（为什么要分两个句子但又都是强调句呢） people who work in the city factories to manufacture the myriad(向你学习这个说法) of cars on the road, the beautiful clothes we wear and the durable chairs we are sitting on. Without them（them不就是migrants么，还是我理解问题？） and the migration, none of these can be possible.

Second, migration can help a person to achieve his or her life goal. If your dream is to become a scientist, it is impossible for you to achieve this ideal simply living in the countryside where there exists not a high school.（读着别扭，可能说No high school exists会比较通） But this is the dream of the many children who are born in a rural area. So if they stay in their hometown and do not migrate, I see no chance that their dreams can be realized.

Finally, along with the rapid development of the city, more factories are built and private cars are in growing numbers. Pollution is inevitable. So In order to enjoy a healthy lifestyle, an increasing number of city dwellers are moving towards the peaceful countryside where the air is clean. With their migration, their large amount of money is also introduced there, which could facilitate the local development. So it is such a wonderful win-win process. (说的很好)

From what has been discussed above, it is evident that no matter you are a city resident or living in the country, transferring to another place is worth your try.

frlenderUID: 2629962

In the popular mind, all the students should takesome basic science classes even if their majors do not fall in this category. They thinkthese basic classes will be helpful for students in their later life. However,although this point really makes sense to some extent, I do not completelyagree with this idea personally.

As for the students of science such as students inphysics, they indeed need to take basic science classes like basic chemistrybecause along with the rapid development of science and technology, all thefields of science are becoming more and more interrelated. I am a student ofbiology and I can really feel this. I have found that the basic science classesI was taught in my freshman year are really important in my later study of biology.Just last semester I began to learn how to operate an electromicroscope. Theprotocol of how to operate it was very complex and it requires the operator tohave a good knowledge of physics. Thanks to the basic physics classes, Ieventually got through it.

Nevertheless, I am not convinced that a student ofart really needs these classes. I think these classes have nothing to do withtheir majors and would certainly be a waste of time for them. Let's take a lookat the most successful blogger and one of the best writers in China--Han Han.Han Han dropped out of school after finishing the second year in high schoolfor the reason he had got seven classes failed by then. Consequently, he is definitelyextremely poor at science but now he is maybe the most influential author inChina and draw thousands of fans to his blog every day. So from him I cannotsee students of art really need those unrelated science classes.

breezerhUID: 2819401

同学，作文已收到……明早批改好就上传您。

水平有限……先打个招呼哈...

breezerhUID: 2819401

错了……好像不是我改……额，那个第一次体验，没经验的说。
狐狸斑竹分组一组3人，是上家帮下家改，形成一个循环么？

frlenderUID: 2629962

5# breezerh
不是啊，两个人都改，两个人都给你改

breezerhUID: 2819401

In the popular mind, all the students should take some basic science classes even if their majors do not fall in this category. They think these basic classes will be helpful for students in their later life. However, although this point really makes sense to some extent, I do not completely agree with this idea personally.
* A& ?7 R9 k  ?# e1 K, w3 ^4 F8 F
As for the students of science such as students in physics, they indeed need to take basic science classes like basic chemistry because along with the rapid development of science and technology, all the fields of science are becoming more and more interrelated. I am a student of(in吧？) biology and I can really feel this. I have found that the basic science classes I was taught in my freshman year are really important in my later study of biology. Just last semester I began to learn how to operate an electro microscope. The protocol of how to operate it was very complex and it requires the operator to have a good knowledge of physics. Thanks to the basic physics classes, I eventually got through it.. X( Q7 D' E' V' Q4 S% e
  g5 Z: o1 m* @: w' t% p6 X
Nevertheless, I am not convinced that a student of art really needs these classes. I think these classes have nothing to do with their majors and would certainly be a waste of time for them. Let's take a look at the most successful blogger and one of the best writers in China--Han Han. Han Han dropped out of school after finishing the second year in high school for the reason he had got seven classes failed by then. Consequently, he is definitely extremely poor at science but now he is maybe the most influential author in China and draws thousands of fans to his blog every day. So from him I cannot see students of art really need those unrelated science classes.




送到……
童鞋……那个不是我不努力哈……我非常认真的又查又读了几次了。可是抓出来的能在文章上面直接修改的就真只有这么一点点……
一方面我真的是水平太烂。
另一方面……我认为你essay已经写得很fluency了。例证也很充分了……
我只能对着老师上课的笔记，说一些大体的想法了（实在羞愧啊……特别是您帮我的文章改得如此认真……抱歉抱歉）

1、观点尽量明确。童鞋的文章结构似乎是一段赞成，另一段反对……这样的话读到最后也没有一个有力量的站点。老师说托福是西方考试，不喜欢咱的中庸思想。要立明观点的说。
2、 2个论证段的篇幅，力度都同等。上课时老师建议我们使用2+1 的写作手法。就是2段力撑自己的观点，然后再给1段略略的说一下对方的不足或者对方的足。
3、语言多样性

再次抱歉……
望今后同学能多点指导我……

frlenderUID: 2629962

7# breezerh
确实有道理，谢谢了！

mollymollymollyUID: 2839509

In the popular mind(没见过的用法 相信楼主是高端), all the students should take忘了空格some basic science classes even if their majors do not fall in this category. They think these basic classes will be helpful for students in their later life. However,although this point really makes sense to some extent, I do not completelyagree with this idea personally.+ W5 v# _" f" V; m5 F% _, ]

, O  Q( x, a- H4 jAs for the students of science such as students inphysics, they indeed need to take basic science classes like basic chemistrybecause along with the rapid development of science and technology, all thefields of science are becoming more and more interrelated. I am a student ofbiology and I can really feel this. I have found that the basic science classesI was taught in my freshman year are really important in my later study of biology.Just last semester I began to learn how to operate an electromicroscope. Theprotocol of how to operate it was very complex and it requires the operator tohave a good knowledge of physics. Thanks to the basic physics classes, Ieventually got through it.# u1 U. \8 Z1 u0 L; J5 ]

. o# I. r; g& v! O% A9 sNevertheless, I am not convinced that a student ofart really needs these classes. I think these classes have nothing to do withtheir majors and would certainly be a waste of time for them. Let's take a lookat the most successful blogger and one of the best writers in China--Han Han.Han Han dropped out of school after finishing the second year in high schoolfor the reason he had got seven classes failed by then. Consequently, he is definitelyextremely poor at science but now he is maybe the most influential author inChina and draw 第三人称thousands of fans to his blog every day. So from him I cannotsee students of art really need those unrelated science classes.
没有结尾吗 感觉内容单薄了点 你第一段最好不要说不同意 而要说depends 因为你第一个例子是同意的


问下 我的作文除了 写的比较急 语法错的比较多 如果排开不看这些呢

frlenderUID: 2629962

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

At the mere mention of business, most of people will link them to money. They think making money is what business is meant for and thus businessmen leave an impression on us that they are only driven by profit. However, although there might be some businessmen who merely focus themselves on money, I disagree with this popular thinking. I believe that more businessmen, especially those who do the best in business field, are motivated by some other desires, desires far nobler than that of money.  

  In fact, there are many good examples of best businessmen who are motivated by respectable desires. The once richest man in the world Bill Gates said I felt happy in each morning when I woke up. It was not because I sensed I was the wealthiest man in the world but because the products of Microsoft had improved so many people's life. And, he added, it was the goal of his company. Masayoshi, founder and chief executive of SoftBank Capital, the richest man in Japan, also said the money a company made would be meaningless if the company only centered itself on profit and in comparison the ultimate goal of the SoftBank was to promote the common welfare of humanity. So from both of the top businessmen in the world, I can hardly see they are only propelled by money.

   Moreover, just around me, I can find many people who base their business career on a lofty desire. In recent years many professors in our school begin to take part in business activities and some of them even set up their own company. These professors can certainly be defined as businessmen. But what they are intrigued by is not money but something else. The goal they really mean to realize is to transform their research achievements into commercial products as soon as possible so that more people could benefit from their academic attainments.

fanfan1247UID: 2591669

修改好啦~~~~~~

fanfan1247修改friender 7.20.doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-7-21 09:51:09 上传

下载次数: 6

欢迎互相交流~~~~

xcvivaUID: 209139

见附件~

xcvivaUID: 209139

抱歉，家里网太差了，我再试试

frlenderUID: 2629962

13# xcviva
还是看不见啊

xcvivaUID: 209139

xcviva改friender_7.20.doc (31 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2010-7-21 15:59:15 上传

下载次数: 3

抱歉，家里网太差啦~ 我再试试