Issue50【六人行小组7.26】by xyjprc

xyjprcUID: 2412778

首先十分感谢和我一组帮我批改作文的同学~这是我第一次动手第一次在AWP里写我的第一篇Issue，而且虽然以前英语功底比较好，毕竟相当长时间没有练习过，已经不会用英文表达自己的意思了，写作的词汇也捉襟见肘，再加上这是第一次和同学合作互改，所以写的时候也很紧张，逻辑很不连贯。。。
However真的很感谢你能耐心看完，看的过程可能会偶有不适。。。使劲拍砖吧，多谢多谢！
同时也感谢小组的组长，真的很负责，我之前还对自己信心满满的，加到组里以后才了解自己的差距。共同进步吧！

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 637          TIME: 01:50:35          DATE: 7/26/2010 5:53:12 PM

Is it necessary that all faculty in college and university be required to go out of their classrooms and work in professions relevant to the courses they teach? Although experiencing work would more or less consume certain time, I fundamentally agree with the topic that engaging in professions related to their course would provide more advantages. These off-campus working experience would not only refresh their knowledge base on their majors, but also provide concrete examples of knowledge applications to vivify their instructions.

The school faculty's taking work outside their academic world would make them able to experience the latest applied technologies in their professions. By working on themselves, they could acquire the latest technique and knowledge that has not yet been adopted on any textbooks, thus improving the quality of their instruction. In the field of science and engineering, the technology keeps developing faster and faster, and even the latest books would be outdated in several years. Take the field of economics as an example. The financial tools of long ago may be efficient at that time, but as the country shift policies against some ways of profiting, as other economists may have developed better financial tools, those of long ago ones may have been useless. An important task of economy teachers is to teach them with the most efficient financial tools, which the latest are, in most cases, better than the outdated ones. Keeping on books that cannot refresh themselves is useless. Rather, teachers on economy can familiarize with these changes by operating on security markets and figure out which financial tools are outdated and which are effective. In this way they are able to teach their students with more meaningful knowledges, thus improving the quality of instruction.

An working experience would also provide the teachers with the detailed process of application of knowledges. These concrete and vivid examples of knowledge application would help students better understand the dull theories on the books, thus improving the quality of instruction. Take the field of electronic engineering as an example. If a teacher merely teaches his student the function of a certain chipset from the perspective of circuit theory, students not knowing the application of the chipset would compare the teacher's analysis as an uninteresting math problem and lose the intension to listening to the teacher. However, if the teacher has working experience in the factory and know exactly what the chipset would be used for and how they would be used, he may present them to his students by noting that the chipset he is going to analyze is widely been adopted to various wireless controllers such as the Wii handset, and he can make a brief depiction of the process of manufacturing and adapting the chipset. The students' interest would more likely be aroused by the teacher's vivid narration of his experience and focus on what the teacher is saying, and the teacher's description of the manufacturing process would also help the students understand the basic principles of the chipset, thus the quality of instruction is improved.

However, spending too much time working outside the academic world could hamper the teachers' instruction. The teacher's most important task is teaching, and working could only serve as a matter to improve the quality of instruction. If a teacher is busy at work and merely have time to go to the classroom punctually, if working occupy all his leisure time and he seldom have time to communicate with his students, if a teacher is engaged in working  and gradually lose the interest to prepare for his class, then the outcoming may turn out to be harmful to his students.

In sum, it is of great benefit that the faculties be required to spend some time, but not to much, on working in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

thisisyishuUID: 2586842

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 637
TIME: 01:50:35
DATE: 7/26/2010 5:53:12 PM

Is it necessary that all faculty in college and university be required to go out of their classrooms（虽然也想不出来哪个词好 但是classroom是不是不太合适，因为大学的faculty不只呆在教室，还有lab 和studio之类的，要不然就说go out of campus 算了）and work in professions relevant to the courses they teach? Although experiencing work would more or less consume certain time, I fundamentally agree with the topic that engaging in professions related to their course would provide more advantages. These off-campus working experience would not only refresh their knowledge base on their majors, but also provide concrete examples of knowledge applications to vivify their instructions.

The school faculty's taking work outside their academic world would make them able to experience the latest applied technologies in their professions. By working on themselves, they could acquire the latest technique and knowledge that has not yet been adopted on any textbooks, thus improving the quality of their instruction. In the field of science and engineering, the technology keeps developing faster and faster, and even the latest books would be outdated in several years. Take the field of economics as an example. The financial tools of long ago may be efficient at that time, but as the country shift policies against some ways of profiting, as other economists may have developed better financial tools, those of long ago ones may have been useless. An important task of economy teachers is to teach them(them 是 students吧，有点指代不明) with the most efficient financial tools, which the latest are, in most cases, better than the outdated ones. Keeping on books that cannot refresh themselves is useless. Rather, teachers on economy can familiarize with these changes by operating on security markets and figure out （figure out 用得没有问题，但有点泛泛，用verify或者distinguish如何。抱歉我自己对用词没有什么信心，我觉得你这段的段意是两层,1实践可以update新知识，2实际经验帮助区分有效和无效的知识，从而更有效的教学。第二层应该比第一层单纯的理解更递进一步，当然，我觉得你的论述已经基本充分了）which financial tools are outdated and which are effective. In this way they are able to teach their students with more meaningful knowledges, thus improving the quality of instruction.

An working experience would also provide the teachers with the detailed process of application of knowledges. These concrete and vivid examples of knowledge application would help students better understand the dull theories on the books, thus improving the quality of instruction. Take the field of electronic engineering as an example. If a teacher merely teaches his student the function of a certain chipset from the perspective of circuit theory, students not knowing the application of the chipset would compare the teacher's analysis as an uninteresting math problem and lose the intension to listening to the teacher. However, if the teacher has working experience in the factory and know exactly what the chipset would be used for and how they would be used, he may present them to his students by noting that the chipset he is going to analyze is widely been adopted to various wireless controllers such as the Wii handset, and he can make a brief depiction of the process of manufacturing and adapting the chipset. The students' interest would more likely be aroused by the teacher's vivid narration of his experience and focus on what the teacher is saying, and the teacher's description of the manufacturing process would also help the students understand the basic principles of the chipset, thus the quality of instruction is improved.

However, spending too much time working outside the academic world could hamper the teachers' instruction. The teacher's most important task is teaching, and working could only serve as a matter（element） to improve the quality of instruction. If a teacher is busy at work and merely have time to go to the classroom punctually, if working occupy all his leisure time and he seldom have time to communicate with his students,（还可以加上没有时间进行全盘的教学计划安排，毕竟只有生动有效的narration是不够的，教师的一个重大责任是帮助学生建立起完整的知识结构体系，这需要花费精力做课程本身的研究）
if a teacher is engaged in working
and gradually lose the interest to prepare for his class, then the outcoming may turn out to be harmful to his students.

In sum, it is of great benefit that the faculties be required to spend some time, but not too much, on working in professions relevant to the courses they teach.

一口气读下来，觉得没有很多需要改的地方，反复读了，还是没有什么大错。楼主写得还不错啦：）学习了
通篇的结构没有什么问题，可以想象你写得过程是很顺利的，只是可能写得太顺手没有时间仔细推敲，有的论点感觉展开得不够到位，也没有举出让人觉得过目难忘，精彩深入支撑立论的例子来。还有不少比较口语化比较泛泛的用词，你在规定的时间内写得字数完全足够了，我想下次可以把每段的段首更用力地推敲一下，用更加精彩的例证和精准的词，以期抓住阅卷者的眼球。


最后很感谢你帮我改作文，和我并肩作战，认识大家是我的幸运。我们都继续努力吧！