Issue208【六人行小组7.28】&Agument 91 by Echo

echo23loveUID: 2802443

TOPIC: ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
WORDS: 444
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/7/28 18:10:44

The speaker claims that what
people would like to wear reveals their attitude and interests. And the speaker also claims that if you would like to know something about the country ,just find what the citizens would like to wear. I concede these two ideas partly wrong as I will pursed below.

Actually, you can see some personal interests through their clothes sometimes. If someone is wearing more than 10 earrings ,and dressed in gothic clothes, he or she must like gothic art or just like mental music. Or an individual who is wearing a lot in the hot days during summer ,you can conclude that he or she is very shy or just want to hide something .You can even make your own detection by seeing the color they like to wear. The one who likes yellow ,red ,orange and other warm color is just like to make friends with others and warm-hearted .In the opposite ,people who like to wear clothes in cold color is always calm and good at logic.

Even though the color and style of clothes people wear can reveals some of their characteristics ,but it can not be always true. The way people look depends on various reasons ,their interests is only a small part of it. Firstly, they may dress different according to their body figure .For example, a kind-hearted woman who always in big size .All though she likes the warm color and some stylish clothes ,but because of her size problem ,she has to choose some old-fashioned clothes in cold color. Can we just judge this woman by what she dressed ?Definitely, the answer is no .Secondly ,the way people look like also depends on their religion .For example ,in most Southeastern Asian countries ,women did not be allow to let others see their necks, so they have to wear long scarves and other traditional clothes.

As far as I am concerned, the second view that the speaker present is one-sided. You can not see all the people in the country and each individual has his or her own characteristics. You can not judge Indian for a open-minded country just because seeing 20 sexy girls on the street ,at the same time judging Japan for a developing country just because seeing groups of people wearing in old-fashioned clothes. They can not represent the country .And it also depends on people's lifestyle. For example, there are 56 nationalities in China ,and they have different habitant and lifestyle, you can not judge China by only one group of people.

TO sum up ,I think the speaker's idea is right for that people can show some of their attitude through their dressing, but the speaker is one-sided to think that all
the society's values can be represent by the appearance and behavior of its people .It is a complex question ,and we can not judge the country's value this simple.








TOPIC: ARGUMENT91 - The following appeared in an article in Supplements Today.

"Dieticians have long known that professional athletes who eat a lot of nuts have higher levels of endurance than those who do not. Researchers have recently discovered that the particular combination of vitamin N and fiber found in some nuts provides a boost for those who participate in strenuous physical activities daily. Both vitamin N and fiber supplements are easily synthesized and widely available. As a result, all those who participate in athletic activities will be able to increase their endurance and win more games by taking vitamin N along with a fiber supplement."
WORDS: 365
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/7/28 18:10:44

In this memo , the article claims that all who participate in athletic activities can increase their endurance by supplied vitamin N along with a fiber supplement. I think the author is one-sided and have logical mistakes in the article.
Firstly, the speaker claims that professional athletes who eat a lot of nuts have higher levels of endurance than those who not. And the speaker think that it is the function of vitamin N and fiber. But it can not be proved that only vitamin N and fiber do good to the athletes, maybe they are functioned with other vitamins or they can only do provide a boost with other vitamins .And the speaker did not offer the physical qualities of both the professional athletes who eat lot of nuts and those who do not. Maybe the athletes who eat lots of nuts already have higher level of endurance than those who do not before they eat nuts.
Secondly ,the speaker only claims that there is particular combination of vitamin N and fiber found in some nuts provide a boost for who participate in strenuous physical activities .Suppose that the vitamin N and fiber can truly strengthen their endurance, it may cause other effect :such as slow down their steps and makes them more lazy .The speaker also mentioned that vitamin N and fiber supplements are easily synthesized and widely available ,the athletes who do not take much nuts may eat other things which includes more vitamin N and fiber.

Thirdly,the speaker draw a conclusion that all those who participate in athletic activities will be able to increase their endurance
and win games by taking vitamin N along with fiber supplement.The conclusion is not true for that winning a game needs more than endurance ,if
the athlete take in a sport which needs speed ,they can not win by just increasing endurance .The function of the supplement also depends on the physical condition of the people ,if the individual is not healthy,he or she may not increase endurance by taking this supplement.

To sum up, the speaker draw a conclusion which is lacking evidence .To support the article ,the author should offer more evidence of that only nuts have vitamin N and fiber ,and just by these two can increase people's endurance.

xyjprcUID: 2412778

首先感谢你帮我批改习作啦~这篇文章的修改让你等了这么久，不好意思>.<
总地来说由于限时45分钟，写成这样很不容易了。However还是有一些比较大的问题。
一是逻辑本身还不够严谨，参看一下其他同学的习作吧，看是怎么让步，论述，填补漏洞的。这篇文章的提纲我觉得还是很值得推敲的。
二是语言对于论证的支持力度不够，碎句多，过渡少，暗示性副词几乎没有，所以段内的逻辑流程虽然还比较清楚，但不够有说服力。
三是论据的力度不够，可能因为这个论题不熟悉。还需要积累呢~
四是中式英语痕迹比较重，还有些地方不符合标准英文的规范，比如标点后打空格，而不是空格后打标点；一些语法错误，再写的时候注意就好。
嗯总之还是很不容易的，因为同样的文章我写了将近2小时，所以有时间字斟句酌。不过还要多多练习呀，还有时间~加油~
下面上文：

TOPIC: ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
WORDS: 444
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/7/28 18:10:44
The speaker claims that what people would like to wear reveals their attitude and interests. And the speaker also claims[尽量不要连续claim that，换一个表述] that if you[文章中最好不要出现you，用one代替] would like to know something about the country ,just find what the citizens would like to wear. I concede[是concede么？还是consider？] these two ideas partly wrong as I will pursed[钱包？不对吧。。。] below.
Actually, you[呃，不要用you，不是在和ETS老头对话] can see some personal interests through their clothes sometimes. If someone is wearing more than 10 earrings ,and dressed in gothic clothes, he or she must like gothic art or just like mental music. Or[“另举一例”有许多说法，但不要仅仅用一个Or] an individual who is wearing a lot in the hot days during summer ,you can conclude that he or she is very shy or just want to hide something[这里说的就不是interest而是attitude了吧] .You can even make your own detection[make detection? 有这个用法？] by seeing[see是“看见”的意思，而不是动作“看”，用在这里不合适] the color they like to wear. The one who likes yellow ,red ,orange and other warm color is just like to make friends with others and warm-hearted .In the opposite ,people who like to wear clothes in cold color is always calm and good at logic. [这个没有太大说服力吧]
[总之上面一段是想说透过人们的穿着可以看出他们的喜好，但有的例子不足以支撑这个论点，而且后面似乎专注于讲颜色了。。。不光要举例，还要分析这些例子如何能支持你的观点]
Even though[不要though] the color and style of clothes people wear can reveals some of their characteristics ,but[不要but，如果这两句是想作让步] it can not be always[cannot always be] true. The way people look depends on various reasons ,[run-on sentence，在这里加and] their interests is only a small part of it. Firstly, they may dress different[ly] according to their body figure[有点中式英语？] .For example, a kind-hearted woman who always in big size .All though she likes the warm color and some stylish clothes ,but because of her size problem ,she has to choose some old-fashioned clothes in cold color.[这个例子不太恰当吧，你可以参照一下北美范文和其他同学的习作中举的例子] Can we just judge this woman by what she dressed ?Definitely, the answer is no .[？！就没了？最关键的是why the answer is no，没有讲] Secondly ,the way people look like also depends on their religion .For example ,in most Southeastern Asian countries ,women did not be allow to [语法问题啊。。。]let others see their necks, so they have to wear long scarves and other traditional clothes.
As far as I am concerned, the second view that the speaker present is one-sided. You can not[cannot，不是can not，下同] see all the people in the country and each individual has his or her own characteristics. You can not judge Indian for a open-minded country just because seeing 20 sexy girls on the street ,at the same time judging Japan for a developing country just because seeing groups of people wearing in old-fashioned clothes[这实质还是穿着，但现在在谈行为呀]. They can not represent the country .And it[it指什么？] also depends on people's lifestyle. For example, there are 56 nationalities in China ,and they have different habitant and lifestyle, you can not judge China by only one group of people. [但既然穿着是从两个方面论述的，为什么行为不从两方面论述呢？]
TO sum up ,I think the speaker's idea is right for that people can show some of their attitude through their dressing, but the speaker is one-sided to think that all
the society's values can be represent[ed] by the appearance and behavior of its people .It is a complex question[表述无力，应该说考虑到XXX问题，而不仅仅说因为这个问题很复杂，所以我们不能把它想得太简单了] ,and we can not judge the country's value this simple.

zxwhy825UID: 2668443

对比一下。。What is a society's values and ideas? Society's values and ideas, broadly display the whole society's interest and attitude. Similarly, individual value, means personal attitude and interest to the outer world, such as the other people, nature, and so forth.
   Admittedly, society mainly consists of different races of people, living in its region. However, society's values and ideas does not equal to the sum of its people. First of all, different races own its own value, which render to the complexity of the social value. For instance, China is made up of 56 race, and Han is the majority. To foreigners, they may regard the value of Han as the society value neglect the other 55 races, because almost all the elites, managers, even the ever presidents are Han .Let alone, some cases, that society's value contradict with its people's value, which result to the independence of America. What's more, with the development of the society, the society's value changes, or so-called evolves as well. However, some people get ahead of the society. Some fall behind. If the assertion of the speaker is right, then comes the paradox, that before we know the society's value, we don't know which people's values reflect the society's value. On the other hand, we can't figure out the society's value without its people's value. Maybe the paradox will be mitigated when the society is at stable and peaceful period.      
      But even if the society is stable , does individual value rely on the way he ,or she look, dress, and act? The life has its answer. When you see a person wandering all day with a bottle of beer in TV, you will definitely get the conclusion, that the value of the person is nothing but indulgence. However, what will you feel, if I tell you the career of the person is actor or spy? The way people look, dress, and act does not always agree with their attitudes and interests. Sometimes even betrays it. People's appearance and behavior just like a mirror to their inner values, reflecting attitudes and interests in deep mind. However, you never, whether the mirror is plane mirror or just a distorting mirror(magic mirror).
    In sum, the value of a society and the people, is not like the things we in three dimensions. The only way to find it is to uncover it in its own dimension, deep in mind and in reality, not been treated by its appearance.

xyjprcUID: 2412778

攻击点基本都找出来了，虽然有些许细节没有注意到。主要问题和Issue中是一样的，比较突出的是表述上还需要下功夫，还有二三段段中的思维不太连贯。
还有18天，加油吧~

In this memo , the article claims that all who participate in athletic activities can increase their endurance by supplied[by doing something. 改成taking/englobing] vitamin N along with a fiber supplement. I think the author is one-sided and have logical mistakes in the article.
Firstly, the speaker claims that professional athletes who eat a lot of nuts have higher levels of endurance than those who not. And the speaker think that it is the function of vitamin N and fiber.[前两句合成一句吧，或者加暗示性副词，不然第三句才指出主题，太慢了] But it can not be proved [没有必要的被动式吧？ETS可能不喜欢没有必要的被动式] that only vitamin N and fiber do good to the athletes, maybe they are functioned with other vitamins or they can only do[删] provide a boost with other vitamins[语义重复？其实仔细看还可以看出，前面讲的是维生素和纤维的化合物有XX作用，后面讲的是吃维生素和纤维，这个是不是更好攻击一些？] .And the speaker did not offer the physical qualities of both the professional athletes who eat lot of nuts and those who do not. Maybe the athletes who eat lots of nuts already have higher level of endurance than those who do not before they eat nuts.[这句表述有点奇怪，修饰成分错乱了。如果不习惯用从句，改成and连接的句子其实更明晰]
Secondly ,the speaker only claims that there is particular combination of vitamin N and fiber found in some nuts provide a boost for who participate in strenuous physical activities .Suppose that the vitamin N and fiber can truly strengthen their endurance, it may cause other effect :such as[要么用冒号，要么用such as，不要都用，就像“等等”后面不用再加省略号一样] slow down their steps and makes them more lazy[可以用一些高级一点的词汇替代，hypnotize/dizzy/torpid…] .The speaker also mentioned that vitamin N and fiber supplements are easily synthesized and widely available ,[句子衔接]the athletes who do not take much nuts may eat other things which includes more vitamin N and fiber.[不是vitamin N and fiber，而是它们的复合物，被作者误导了吧。。。]

Thirdly,the speaker draw a conclusion that all those who participate in athletic activities will be able to increase their endurance
and win games by taking vitamin N along with fiber supplement.The conclusion is not true for that winning a game needs more than endurance ,[run-on sentence]if
the athlete take in a sport which needs speed ,they can not win by just[just by] increasing endurance .The function of the supplement also depends on the physical condition of the people ,if the individual is not healthy,he or she may not increase endurance by taking this supplement.

To sum up, the speaker draw a conclusion which is lacking evidence .To support the article ,the author should offer more evidence of that only nuts have vitamin N and fiber[vitamin N and fiber的这种特殊的复合物] ,and just by these two[Chinglish了] can increase people's endurance.