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发表于 2010-8-18 21:37:03 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
开作文贴 希望从大家的互相学习帮助之中 获取进步,

备战托福 不是一个人
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发表于 2010-8-18 21:38:24 |只看该作者
2010 0818 周三作文 SPORTS TEACHES PEOPLE LESSONS ABOUT LIFE


Sports teaches us lessons about life


  Living in such a modern life, most people may do sports to relax and relieve the pressure from ordinary life. Doing sports can not only enable people to build up a healthier body . Actually, sports teach us lessons about life. I want to discuss in three aspects: teamwork, patience, gains and losses.
  Sports teaches us lesson about teamwork of life. Most sports are team works. If one wants to play sports well, one should master some skills about how to adapt each other to achieve a common goal, how to communicate with others to match well and what parts team members should take charge of. Sports are not individual games. One should cooperate with others and to understand others mutually. We need to do team works in our ordinary life. Doing sports enable people to experience and to learn team work of life.
  Sports offer us choices to learn patience. There meets with plentiful obstacles in our life. We need patience to analyze these problems and to overcome them. Playing sports are easy but it is difficult to play sports well. As a saying goes, practices make perfect, one has to practice many times until he or she can play well. Practicing is a tough progress and many people may give up because they have no enough patience. If one decide to play a sport well and has enough determination to do. One can learn patience during playing sports.
  Sports tell us about gains and losses. We may obtain something or lose something when playing sports. Sports give us lessons about how to handle the gains and losses. One does a sport many times a week as much as possible in that one is preparing for a sport competition. On the day that one attends the competition, one exerts his or her ability as usual and finally one wins the game. One gains happiness from success and is motivated by what one gains from the game to do more efforts. If one loses the game unfortunately, one can watch the video about his or her game and find out why he or she would make mistakes , how to avoid the same situation in the next time. One can be encouraged to do more practices. People can learn how to deal with the gains and losses during playing sports.
  In fact, doing sports is a special part of life. There is no doubt that people can learn some lessons from playing sports.

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发表于 2010-8-19 19:36:13 |只看该作者
Living in such a modern life, most people may do sports to relax and relieve the pressure from ordinary life. Doing sports can not only enable people to build up a healthier body . Actually, sports teach us lessons about life. I want to discuss in three aspects: teamwork, patience, gains and losses.  开头很好!

  Sports teaches us lesson about teamwork of life. Most sports are team works. If one wants to play sports well, one should master some skills about how to adapt each other<改变别人? to 这个词adapt用的有点不妥 这里>achieve a common goal, how to communicate with others to match well and what parts team members should take charge of.<这句不太明白> Sports are not individual games. One should cooperate with others and to understand others mutually.<和前面的重复> We need to do team works in our ordinary life. Doing sports enable people to experience and to learn team work of life.
这段 说了一多半要teamwork 但是缺少事例 你可以举一项体育运动吗 比如 足球 什么的 不要一个意思 说来说去. 然后和life的结合也要有 别太少了

  Sports offer us choices to learn patience. There meets with plentiful obstacles in our life. We need patience to analyze these problems and to overcome them. Playing sports are easy but it is difficult to play sports well. As a saying goes, practices make perfect, one has to practice many times until he or she can play well. Practicing is a tough progress and many people may give up because they have no enough patience. If one decide to play a sport well and has enough determination to do. One can learn patience during playing sports. 这段说的很好

  Sports tell us about gains and losses. We may obtain something or lose something when playing sports. Sports give us lessons about how to handle the gains and losses. One does a sport many times a week as much as possible in that one is preparing for a sport competition. On the day that one attends the competition, one exerts his or her ability as usual and finally one wins the game. One gains happiness from success and is motivated by what one gains from the game to do more efforts. If one loses the game unfortunately, one can watch the video about his or her game and find out why he or she would make mistakes , how to avoid the same situation in the next time. One can be encouraged to do more practices. People can learn how to deal with the gains and losses during playing sports. 到底有多少个ONE啊.....:L  仍然是 这种讲道理好多 应该举个例子 比如说 意大利队要接受小组没出线的失败重整河山, 而西班牙队要以世界冠军的身份继续努力....

  In fact, doing sports is a special part of life. There is no doubt that people can learn some lessons from playing sports.

仅为个人意见, 水平有限, 如果您觉得不妥 就权当臭氧层子
我觉得作者的角度很好!!!
就是 缺少合适的例子  
剩下的 都很好!
God Bless me!
我想我可以的!是一定可以的!是一定一定不错的!

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地板
发表于 2010-8-19 21:29:58 |只看该作者

RE: alt735的作文贴

Living in such a modern life, most people may do sports to relax and relieve the pressure from ordinary life. Doing sports can not only enable people to build up a healthier body not only 后应该在有个but also我觉得这样才显得完整,不然感觉象活生生砍掉一半 . Actually, sports teach us lessons about life. I want to discuss in three aspects: teamwork, patience, gains and losses.5 X) y7 C! S  C4 a& M+ n+ J
  Sports teaches us lesson about teamwork of life. Most sports are team works. If one wants to play sports well, one should master some skills about how to adapt each other to achieve a common goal, how to communicate with others to match well and what parts team members should take charge of. Sports are not individual games. One should cooperate with others and to understand others mutually. We need to do team works in our ordinary life. Doing sports enable people to experience and to learn team work of life.我认为这段应该少陈述,尽量举一个例子6 p1 I" P% f歧视  \2 F
  Sports offer us choices to learn patience. There meets with plentiful obstacles in our life. We need patience to analyze these problems and to overcome them. Playing sports are easy but it is difficult to play sports well. As a saying goes, practices make perfect, one has to practice many times until he or she can play well. Practicing is a tough progress and many people may give up because they have no enough patience. If one decide to play a sport well and has enough determination to do. One can learn patience during playing sports.# Z. m; O) Z9 \8 `. p5 [2 D/ M5 \8 |
  Sports tell us about gains and losses. We may obtain something or lose something when playing sports. Sports give us lessons about how to handle the gains and losses. One does a sport many times a week as much as possible in that one is preparing for a sport competition. On the day that one attends the competition, one exerts his or her ability as usual and finally one wins the game. One gains happiness from success and is motivated by what one gains from the game to do more efforts. If one loses the game unfortunately, one can watch the video about his or her game and find out why he or she would make mistakes , how to avoid the same situation in the next time. One can be encouraged to do more practices. People can learn how to deal with the gains and losses during playing sports.3 _6 X# _5 x; ?3 E$ Q7 e$ n
  In fact, doing sports is a special part of life. There is no doubt that people can learn some lessons from playing sports.

整体文章还不错,就是例子少了点,语言还比较简单,我认为这种抽象类作文还是少陈述的好,因为毕竟大多数的我们语言运用还不是很过关。个人鄙见。

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发表于 2010-8-19 23:40:01 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 alt735 于 2010-8-20 20:16 编辑

TPO 03 Integrated


The professor casts doubt on the view that a portrait of an elderly woman was not attributed to Rembrandt’s painting in the reading passage.


Firstly, the professor talks about the color in the painting. Judged from the pigment in fur, the color was not the original vision by Rembrandt and it was over the top of the original one 100 year after the painting was meet because someone wanted to increase the value of painting by making the woman in the painting a formal lady.


Secondly, the professor explanted for the light and shadow in the painting. The reading passage considered that Rembrandt made a mistake about the woman’s face that should appear in the shadow. In the original painting, the woman dressed up a light collar so the fur in collar would reflect the light, which made woman’s face into light.


Thirdly, the professor debated for the back of the painting. The painting was painted on several pieces of wood glued together because in this circumstance, painting could be more valuable. The same kinds of several pieces of wood were also found in other various painting from Rembrandt.


To sum up, the professor believes that the portrait was painted by Rembrandt.

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发表于 2010-8-19 23:40:35 |只看该作者
819   
独立写作


Telephone has greater influence on people’s lives than TV

  Telephone and television both are the results of the development of science and techniques. Telephone and television all play a crucial role in people’s ordinary life. As far as I am concerned, I believed that telephone has great influence on people’s lives than television.
  Telephone can decrease the physical distance between people and people make it possible to communicate with through coast to coast. If you get a project and need to go out far away from your family for a time, a phone call from your mum or your dad may make something different. Hearing the genial acquainted sounds from your family with the telephone, you are enabled to be eased after onerous works as usual. If you and your friends separate for admitting by different universities in different districts, making phone calls in your spare time will strengthen your friendship although time goes by very quickly and things may change without your perceptions. Far as the distance, a phone call can connect you to others.
  Telephone makes it convenient to contact with society and outside circumstance.  When some accidents occur, you would better to dial emergency number for a help. From plentiful common senses from our daily life, we may obtain a package of guarantee bullets with some after-sale service numbers. While meet with some extra condition with commodity, we can call to ask for solutions on time. Pressing some bottom, you can contact with outside world.
  Now telephone is not only a tool to make a phone call, you can do more than a talk. There appear many kinds of telephone. You can even turn you computer into a telephone. Telephone can be a cinema, a radio etc. Waiting for a bus is extremely boring, you can watch movies, listen to music or radio, play games and then you are supposed to enjoy a colorful and interesting waiting moment more than a dull moment. You can also receive or send mails to your business colleagues or friends by a small mobile phone. Telephone is more than a telephone today.
  To draw a conclusion, telephone brings us more convenience than television. I think that telephone influences people’s life more.

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发表于 2010-8-20 17:43:15 |只看该作者
Telephone has greater influence on people’s lives than TV

  Telephone and television both are the results of the development of science and techniques. Telephone and television all play a crucial role in people’s ordinary life. As far as I am concerned, I believed that telephone has great(greater既然后面用了than比较) influence on people’s lives than television.
首段鲜明提出观点,ok

Telephone can decrease the physical distance between people and people make it possible to communicate with through coast to coast. If you get a project and need to go out far away from your family for a time, a phone call from your mum or your dad may make something different. Hearing the genial acquainted sounds from your family with the telephone, you are enabled to be eased after onerous works as usual. If you and your friends separate for (being admitted) admitting by different universities in different districts, making phone calls in your spare time will strengthen your friendship although time goes by very quickly and things may change without your perceptions. Far as the distance, a phone call can connect
论证1,缩短人与人的距离,ok

Telephone makes it convenient to contact with society and outside circumstance.  When some accidents occur, you would better to dial emergency number for a help. From plentiful common senses from our daily life, we may obtain a package of guarantee bullets with some after-sale service numbers. While meet with some extra condition with commodity, we can call to ask for solutions on time. Pressing some bottom, you can contact with outside world.
论证2,出现一些紧急情况利用电话解决,ok

Now telephone is not only a tool to make a phone call, you can do more than a talk. There appear many kinds of telephone. You can even turn you computer into a telephone. Telephone can be a cinema, a radio etc. Waiting for a bus is extremely boring, you can watch movies, listen to music or radio, play games and then you are supposed to enjoy a colorful and interesting waiting moment more than a dull moment. You can also receive or send mails to your business colleagues or friends by a small mobile phone. Telephone is more than a telephone today.
论证3,这个论证非常的有利,点名了,手机也有电视机,甚至更多的功能

  To draw a conclusion, telephone brings us more convenience than television. I think that telephone influences people’s life more.
论证的过程很清楚,没什么大问题,而且观点都提的很好,学习了。
不放弃,不灰心

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发表于 2010-8-20 20:51:43 |只看该作者
8-19tpo3 modified.doc (27 KB, 下载次数: 5) 8-19 综合
当你觉得为时已晚的时候,恰好是最早的时候

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枫华正茂 一帆枫顺

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发表于 2010-8-20 23:02:37 |只看该作者
改好了

New Microsoft Word 文档.doc

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发表于 2010-8-21 18:53:40 |只看该作者
Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits

  Advertisements contain various kinds of programs. Some advertisements give audiences wrong eating habits in order to obtain more profits. So many people consider their unhealthy eating habits as a result of advertisements. As far as I am concerned, I do think advertising is not the crucial cause of unhealthy eating habits. Unhealthy eating habits should be account for many factors.
  Initially, according to many research and surveys, unhealthy eating habits are always resulting from abnormal and unhealthy life habits. Due to inappropriate life habits, physical body might not run successfully. Thus, people may require food 混乱地 For example, one has to supply some food in order to get energy for continuing to work in which one stays up very late and becomes exhausted. As this unhealthy kind of life habit goes on constantly, one may be accustomed to having food in the midnight which gradually turns into a part of one’s life. Now I would like to point out another example that occurs widely between the teenagers. Some teenagers want to keep fit as a result of incorrect beauty standard. They often go on a diet many days. Actually, teenagers can not go on for study or life if they are short for energy, so they ask for food after few days. This kind of eating habits is absolutely unhealthy and it is caused by abnormal life habits.
  Moreover, as the improvement and development of regulatory system, advertisement with incorrect guidance would not be played in public. What’s more, plentiful advertisements give healthy examples of eating habits to audience when they are going to show their products. For instance, an advertisement of nutrition make a list of many unhealthy eating habits from modern citizens, and then they put forward many solutions respectively by using their products. People can get proper information from advertisements.
  Another cause of unhealthy eating habits is a deficiency of some eating knowledge. Lack of some common sense may leads people to lose a balance of food which cause unhealthy eating habits. Some little children do not like to eat vegetables and children only eat meat on table which is a serious unhealthy eating habit. Because little children can not really understand the importance of vitamin from vegetables, children may get entangled for some disease caused by insufficiency of nutrient substance. The unhealthy eating habits are caused by lack of knowledge.
  Many factors cause unhealthy eating habits. Advertising may be one of the factors but not the most important one. Each factor could be the most important one cause under the circumstance that people are running bad eating habits.

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发表于 2010-8-21 20:04:04 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 alt735 于 2010-8-21 22:27 编辑

综合
TPO 4

The professor casts doubt on the view that dinosaurs were endotherms in the reading passage.


First, the professor thinks that polar dinosaurs can not prove that dinosaurs were endotherms. From the reading passage, endotherms can survive in cool place, so dinosaurs living in polar were endotherms.
Polar area was warmer than now. It was warm enough for dinosaurs to live. But the professor says that dinosaurs could not migrate to polar.


Second, in the reading passage, it says that dinosaurs had legs underneath their bodies so dinosaurs can be considered as endotherms. In the listening materials, the professor indicates that the view about legs can not make a decision about whether dinosaurs were endotherms. Dinosaurs grew large size. Dinosaurs had legs underneath their bodies because they need legs underneath to support their weights.


Third, dinosaurs do had
Haversian canals but this phenomenon can not play a role for proving that dinosaurs were endotherms. Actually, dinosaurs had growth string, which dinosaurs would stop growing or growing slowly in cooler circumstance. And the growth string is a evidence to show dinosaurs were not endotherms. Human have no growth string so people can grow rapidly although in cool season.

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发表于 2010-8-21 23:05:27 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 alt735 于 2010-8-21 22:27 编辑 - h1 q. o1 N( s" I: {3 R$ m

, z3 q5 h* _& Z) S! M综合* T* j5 C5 i0 l; o4 A; ]& y) b( i" A
TPO 4: Z2 _/ V) A8 y

The professor casts doubt on the view that dinosaurs were endotherms in the reading passage.


First, the professor thinks that polar dinosaurs can not prove that dinosaurs were endotherms. From the reading passage, endotherms can survive in cool place, so dinosaurs living in polar were endotherms.Polar area was warmer than now. It was warm enough for dinosaurs to live. But the professor says that dinosaurs could not migrate to polar. 这段有点混乱啊,要是提到professor说了什么就在一处说清楚,不要开头说了,结尾又说了。

Second, in the reading passage, it says that dinosaurs had legs underneath their bodies so dinosaurs can be considered as endotherms. In the listening materials, the professor indicates that the view about legs can not make a decision about whether dinosaurs were endotherms. Dinosaurs grew large size.这句可以不要,但是明显这段太短了,大意是抓住了,但是再多写一些听力中的细节。 Dinosaurs had legs underneath their bodies because they need legs underneath to support their weights.

Third, dinosaurs do had( have 强调语气中do后加动词原形)Haversian canals but this phenomenon can not play a role for proving that dinosaurs were endotherms. Actually, dinosaurs had growth string(ring), which dinosaurs would stop growing or growing slowly in cooler circumstance还有在温暖的时候开始张. And the growth string is a evidence to show dinosaurs were not endotherms为什么那?因为恒温动物一直在张,这是不同处要提到. Human have no growth string so people can grow rapidly although in cool season有说掉人类吗??我给忘了。。。

同学在听力方面还是不错的,重点都听到了,但是没有听准确,篇幅还有点短,不要加入自己的所以然,要根据听到的内容来说,不要自己推论。就像最后那一点human那个,我觉得我没有听到这个内容,而且人类在天冷的时候张的快本身也是违反实情的啊。

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发表于 2010-8-21 23:47:54 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 alt735 于 2010-8-21 22:27 编辑 - h1 q. o1 N( s" I: {3 R$ m

, z3 q5 h* _& Z) S! M综合* T* j5 C5 i0 l; o4 A; ]& y) b( i" A
TPO 4: Z2 _/ V) A8 y

The professor casts doubt on the view th ...
louisa427 发表于 2010-8-21 23:05
谢谢啊  自己总是听清楚写不清楚  逻辑很有问题

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发表于 2010-8-21 23:49:14 |只看该作者
TPO5

TPO5 综合.doc

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发表于 2010-8-22 07:19:58 |只看该作者
cslee 修改  8.20

8.20修改作文.doc

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RE: alt735的作文贴 [修改]

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