进军美利坚IBT特训营——写作小组 yishancheng的作文贴

yishanchengUID: 2894733

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.


I disagree with the statement.
It is nature that everyone wants to get a better job, but how to do it? According to the recent statistic from the local government, more than 50 university students want to engage different part time jobs, such as, tutoring, seller, assistant and so on, before their career. It not only help young people find out their potentials but also learn various sorts of skills. These abilities are useful in the future. This is the reason why I disagree with the statement.

It will cultivate young people’s experience. Now, many firms require that applicants should have a little experience of the major. Part time job can be regarded as an experience of working. Take my classmate Wang as an example; he was often used of the spare time to do some part time jobs, such as tutoring, seller. Although the money is low, the skills and experience of working have been accumulated. It is easier to apply a job and it will be useful in the future.

We will make many friends when doing different simply job before our career. It is essential to make friends nowadays and making different friends may get help in the future. For instance, I made a part time job about selling and I made a friend called Tom. Last month, my classmates and I traveled in a new city and we couldn’t find a hotel in evening. Finally, Tom invited us to live in his home.

Doing part time jobs can make people realize the fact that what type of work suits them and their potential.
Nowadays we always witness that a great number of people are tired of the job. What are the reasons of these phenomena? I think the answer is before they step into their business they have not had a clear conception of their career. If they have this experience, they can save much time and obtain some achievement.
In a word, we can see that taking part time jobs before career exists many advantages. Therefore, I disagree with the statement.

yishanchengUID: 2894733

2009.8.1NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people think making sure that influential people or potential employers know about your strengths and accomplishments can help you succeed, and if you do not do this, you will not have a successful life.
It is human nature that all people dream of success, but how to gain success? I agree with the statement. According to a recent statistic from my local government, more than 90 percent of people show their talents, thinking or view and so on to the influential people and the success way of them is easier. This is the reason why I agree with the statement.

Letting influential people know your strength can provide you an opportunities to acquire success. Because they can offer you good job or some valuable suggestion and these help will have potential effect on the success. Take my classmate Mr. Wang as an example, although some aspects of him, previous score, educational background, are not as good as other applicants, he is good at showing himself to the employer, such as writing a brilliant resume, responding problem wonderful in interview, leaving employer a good impression and so on. Therefore, he obtains employer’s attention and is hired in the firm. Besides, the influential people can recommend you to the place which suits your development. Plato showed his talent and he was helped by Socrates. Marshall’s ability was loved by Roosevelt. Eisenhower’s ambition gets Marshall’s recommend. Only they show their talents to influential people are they gained some help. If they don’t like this, they may not get the key of dream.

Showing your strength and achievements to potential people can get confidence and inspiration. Take my classmate Wang as an example, although Wang was a student with poor score, he often proposed his view in class or out of class no matter these are right or wrong, therefore, he was fond of our professors. Due to this, he had confidence and respect and he converts these objects to motive. Afterwards, he studies so diligent that he gained some prizes, such as, progress prize, invent prize, second class of local Math contest and was elected as a president of consortium.


In a word, showing your talent or strengthen to influential people can make you success easier. Although other way also may make you success, there have few of probability.

lizhengjiangUID: 2619543

I disagree with the statement.
It is nature that everyone wants to get a better job, but how to do it? （本段并没有回答how to do it, 所以这个就不要放在这儿了）According to the recent statistic from the local government, more than 50 university students（undergraduates） want to engage different part time jobs, such as, tutoring(tutors), sellers, assistants and so on before their career. It not only （应放在find out 前面）helps young people find out their potentials but also learn various sorts of skills.
These abilities are useful in the future. This is the reason why I disagree with the statement.
8 h: A7 u" ^" H) a# S# L
It will（作文中一般用现在时,而且第一句不要用指代词了。 Part-time job） cultivate young people’s experience. Now, many firms require that applicants should have a little experience of the major.(这句话的意思是？公司只要求很少的专业知识吗) Part time jobs can be regarded as an experience of working. Take my classmate Wang as an example; he was often used of the spare time to do some part time jobs, such as tutoring, seller（这个不是jobs,而是一种身份）. Although the money is low, the skills and experience of working have been accumulated. It is easier to apply a job and it will be useful in the future. (呵呵。论述的不clear,, what kind of ability he learned from the part-time job to help him apply a job?　ｙｏｕ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔ　ｔｅｌｌ　ｍｅ）　

We will make many friends when doing different simple jobs before our career. It is essential to make friends nowadays and making different friends may get help in the future. For instance, I made a part time job about selling and I made a friend called Tom. Last month, my classmates and I traveled in a new city and we couldn’t find a hotel in evening. Finally, Tom invited us to live in his home 哈哈，这段比较简单。.

Doing part time jobs can （用词上还可以更精练）make people realize the fact that what type of work suits them and their potential.
Nowadays we always witness that a great number of people are tired of the job. What are the reasons of these phenomena? I think the answer is (that) 后面的句子长了，就注意这些小词before they step into their business they have not had a clear conception of their career. If they have this experience, they can save much time and obtain some achievement.
In a word, we can see that taking part time jobs before career exists many advantages. Therefore, I disagree with the statement.

好像是第一篇吧，呵呵，继续努力。。。

1# yishancheng

zcnvszwjUID: 2815734

2009.8.1NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people think making sure that influential people or potential employers know about your strengths and accomplishments can help you succeed, and if you do not do this, you will not have a successful life.
It is human nature that all people dream of success, but how to gain success? I agree with the statement.（来句补充，你赞同什么须说明） According to a recent statistic from my local government, more than 90 percent of people show their talents, thinking or view and so on to the influential people and the success way of them is easier. （这句有些晦涩，建议分开写）This is the reason why I agree with the statement. !
Letting influential people know your strength can provide you （an） opportunities to acquire success and these help will have potential effect (on the success). Take my classmate Mr. Wang as an example. Although some aspects of him, like previous score and educational background, are not as good as other applicants, he is good at showing (promoting更好点) himself to the employer, such as writing a brilliant resume, responding problem wonderfully in interview, leaving employer a good impression and so on.(such as…so on的句型不宜重复使用) Therefore, he obtains employer’s attention and is hired in the firm. （考官也许会怀疑你用词不简洁，建议换成therefore, he achieved the job successfully.）Besides, the influential people can recommend you to a place which suits your development. Plato showed his talent and he was helped by Socrates. Marshall’s ability was loved by Roosevelt. Eisenhower’s ambition gets Marshall’s recommend. Only they show their talents to influential people are they gained some help. If they don’t like (experience) this, they may not get the key of dream.
Showing your strength and accomplishment to potential people can get confidence and inspiration. Take my classmate Wang as an example,(take …as an example的句式也重复使用了，换成for instance 吧) although Wang was a student with poor score, he often proposed his view in class or out of class whether it’s right or wrong, therefore, he was fond of our professors. Due to this, he had confidence and respect and he converts these objects to motive.（后半句与前半句联系似乎不是那么明显） Afterwards, he studies so diligent that he gained some prizes, such as, progress prize, invent prize, second class of local Math contest and was elected as a president of consortium. （前面用列举太多了，这里再用感觉有点枯燥，换成一件具体事情的描述应该更好一点）
In a word, showing your talent or strengthen to influential people can make you success easier. Although other way also may make you success, there have few of probability. （这句话犯了there be句式的基本错误）
正面的东东我就不列举了，我的意见如下：
1、        语法有问题，甚至出现单复数的纠结；
2、        句式有点单调，可多阅读些佳作提高储备句式；
3、        少数句子有点晦涩，老美的思维很简单，倘若无法让他们一遍即懂，作文等级极有可能不高；
4、        中间那些名人的例子虽然很精彩，但如果不能全部准确记住名称，列举其中一两个即可，写错名字的事也会有负面效果；
5、        言语直接，还请见谅。

breezerhUID: 2819401

9.2 yishancheng.doc (37.5 KB, 下载次数: 24)

2010-9-6 00:19:34 上传

下载次数: 24

万分抱歉，9.02时出了趟门，出了点意外今晚才能回到学校……

这是改好的文章，希望能对你有帮助。

批改反馈晚了许多，再次道歉。

fair_ladyUID: 2836473

改好了~

yishanchengUID: 2894733

2009.8.7 NA  是否同意 parents help determined the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices
I agree with the statement that children should allow to make their own choices.
It is human nature that all people must face the changeable society and should cope with many things, such as, communication. What is more, they all want to live comfortable under themselves’ interest. However, if parents help determined the future of children, children may not like this way and can rely on their parents completely without self-dependence. Therefore, it is a disadvantage of people’s development. This is the reason why I hold the view.

The ability of independence can be cultivated by choice we make. For example, my classmate Mr. Wang love to make choice by himself and his parents less interfere his decision. Thus, he has mastered a few skill of life, such as, communication, learning. Besides, he is seemed more mature than us. Maybe most people say that if the decision is wrong, the result is fail. But failure can teach people some valuable experiences. As a saying goes, failure is mother of success.
It is much easier to achieve great success with determination by ourselves because we can determine our future in comply with the interests, for we will be possession of more passion and enthusiasm in the career. As an old saying goes, interest is the best teacher. If we engage the work we don’t like, the effect is not good even though the field is paid attention by most people. Besides, interest can arouse the love of work.

Although parents are more experienced and may be able to make much wiser decisions. However, we can not depend on parents all life and we must learn self-dependence. Most rich people want to bring up children’s ability and they all denote much fortune rather than leave it with their children, such as, Bill Gates, Buffett .

In a word, from these points and examples, we can see that it is benefit to make their own choice. Therefore, this is the reason why I hold the point.

canonleeUID: 2827997

修改情况见附件！
修改9.7-yishancheng.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 15)

2010-9-8 10:13:59 上传

下载次数: 15

yishanchengUID: 2894733

9月9日交! n% @* x/ K# M  g! F
2009.9.11NA  agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life
I disagree with the statement that watching movies can only teach us something about real life.

As an old saying goes, all roads lead to Roma. Similarly, we can understand the real life though all kinds of ways, such as, watching television, working in a firm, communication with other people, visiting a museum, travel in different places. Therefore, watching movie is not the only way that can teach us something about real life. This is the reason why I hold the point.

Watching television can let us learn the life. For instance, a program called exploration shows various countries to us. From the program, not only can I share different beautiful scenery but also increase much colorful knowledge, such as, history, geography, custom. The important is that we can understand the reality of life with harmony and tolerance.

As an old saying goes, walking thousands miles as if reading all kinds of books. Thus, if we travel in different places, we can master principle of life from the brilliant scenic and enough delight.

What is more, living is a better way to learn the real life. Because we can know advance from the failure, we can become mature from experience the hardships in life. Take my neighbor Mrs. Wang as an example, although her had little education, she masters many skills of life and experience the sharpen of life so that she was more understand reality of life than a few professional, such as, honest, communication, facing the problem.

In a word, from these points and examples, we can conclude that although few movies can let us know the reality of life, some movies only show us entertainment and we only get laughter from it. Besides, various methods can let us know the reality of life. Therefore, this is the reason why I choose the standpoint.

;

妄北EchoUID: 2854157

As an old saying goes, all roads lead to Roma. Similarly, we can understand the real life though(through) all kinds of ways, such as, watching television, working in a firm, communication(communicating) with other people, visiting a museum, (and) traveling in different places. Therefore, watching movie is not the only way that can teach us something about real life. This is the reason why I hold the point.

Watching television can let us learn the life. For instance, a program called exploration shows various countries to us. From the program, not only can I share(share的用法应该是share with sb.吧) different beautiful scenery but also increase much colorful knowledge(这里用coloful稍显奇怪), such as, history, geography, custom. The important(important是形容词，这里不能做主语，应改为What is important is) is that we can understand the reality of life with harmony and tolerance.

As an old saying goes, walking thousands miles as if reading all kinds of books. Thus, if we travel in different places, we can master principle of life from the brilliant scenic and enough delight.


What is more, living is a better way to learn the real life. Because we can know advance from the failure, we can become mature from experience the hardships in life. Take my neighbor Mrs. Wang as an example, although her(she) had little education, she masters many skills of life and experiences the sharpen(?) of life so that she was more understand(could understand more absolutely) reality of life than a few professional, such as, honest, communication, facing the problem.话说我觉得这里的句式用的很不错，赞一个！+ C; A# j
: K) G0 A5 @4 T4 x# N0 S, Y3 m
In a word, from these points and examples, we can conclude that although few movies can let us know the reality of life, some movies only show us entertainment and we only get laughter from it. Besides, various methods can let us know the reality of life. Therefore, this is the reason why I choose the standpoint.

总体来说我觉得作者是不是对题目的理解有一点偏差呢？
agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life。
这句话的意思应该是，只有那些能够教我们现实生活中的一些东西的电影才值得一看。
不知道我的意见楼主接不接受哈，只是一点小建议，愿与君共勉。

dailiangzhenUID: 2679058

:) 修改的作文在附件中！

小飞瞎UID: 2865496

修改好了！！

yishanchengUID: 2894733

  9月11日交
2009.9.19 NA   Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground
I agree with the statement that government should more support art museum and music performance.

As an old saying goes, if music and art are not exist, life is a mistake. According to a recent statistic from our local government, more than 90 percent people hunt for music and art because they want to learn much knowledge and boost their taste. However, recreational facilities can only give us leisure time. This is the reason why I hold the point.

Music and art can give people much knowledge, which can be used in life. For example, the stories about famous musician or artist can be effect on us. Beethoven’s spirit can make us adamancy. The story that Vinci draws eggs can let us become diligence.

What is more, music and art can bring fun to people. For instance, when we fell lonely, a sweet tune or a brilliant sculpture or a humorous picture can open your closed heart. When we encounter frustration, the bother can be resolved by an encourage song or a fascinate story or joke. Because these songs and stories can give us real leisure time and release the worry.

What is more, learning music and art can prompt the fact that other knowledge can be absorbed by us easily because inspiration can be endowed by art and music. Take my classmate Wang as an example, he always like music and he masters a few instruments, such as, violin, guitar, piano. However, his grade is good without enormous endeavor. From my perspective, the main reason may be that he can get not only a relax time but also motivation to study. Besides, drawing is in favor of the brain’s development.

Although recreational facilities also can bring us delight, it not only can not make us increase knowledge but also can make us become lazy.


In a word, from these points and reasons, we can see that government should more support art museum and music performance. This is the reason why I choose the view.

cqx83UID: 2671579

开头结尾有些过于短了，而且这题理解的有偏差。。。加油

kimi海纳UID: 2855420

改好了~~