小囧字的作文帖~~

小囧字UID: 2752429

0902~谢谢批改

Do you agree or disagreewith the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs whilethey are studying in universities.

Part-time job is a way to use part-timeefficiently. For a variety of reasons, more and more students choose part timejob as a part of their daily life. It is this phenomenon that get the attentionof society and lead to a aggressive debt among people. Considering the positiveand the negative, I approve the view of taking part-time job in campus.
First of all, taking part time job can geteconomical income. Believe it or not, finance back-off is critical reason forstudents choosing part-time job, especially me. As a student from an ordinaryfamily, I have responsibility to earn money and it is such a huge valuable toreduce my parents burden and release them from endless work that I cannot waitany more.
Second, the difference between society anduniversity require students getting some pre-studying in part time job. Peoplecan get some first-hand knowledge from practice and solve the unknownoccasional problems, which could be never mention in books. The typical exampleproving this theory is commerce. Without taking some part time job incommercial company, how could a student take in the mathematic theory theprofessor told in classes exactly?
The last but not the least, compared withstaying in academic world every day, it is more benefit to go outside and get apart time job. Even though complicated job tasks might be a kind of disaster tofresh students, it would not be a problem with the help of companies and seniorstudents. In contrary, it even could be a better chance to enhance one’s abilityto handle study and work.
To sum up, Based on the above analysis, wehave found that the merits of taking part-time job overweigh its downsides. Butuniversity students should arrange their schedule well when they are takingpart-time job to make sure it will not influence their study a lot. After all,study is the priority for students.

liuxzzUID: 2611311

lz看一下

liuxzzUID: 2611311

上次的没用红字标出
你看这个吧，更方便点

zjlkg2005UID: 2825578

Part-time job is a way to use part-time efficiently. For a variety of reasons, more and more students choose part time job as a part of their daily life.
It is this phenomenon that get the attention of society and lead to a aggressive debt among people.
Considering the positive and the negative, I approve the view of taking part-time job in campus.
First of all, taking part time job can get economical income. Believe it or not, finance back-off is critical reason for students choosing part-time job,
especially me.
As a student from an ordinary family,
I have responsibility to earn money and it is such a huge valuable to reduce my parents burden and release them from endless work that I cannot wait any more.
Second,
the difference between society and university requires students getting some pre-studying in part time job. People can get some first-hand knowledge from practice and solve the unknown occasional problems,(不需加逗号)
which could be never mention in books.
The typical example proving this theory is commerce. Without taking some part time job in commercial company, how could a student take in the mathematic theory the professor told in classes exactly?
The last but not the least,
compared with staying in academic world every day, it is more benefit to go outside and get a part time job.
Even though complicated job tasks（这两个放一起有点怪） might be a kind of disaster
to fresh students, it would not be a problem with the help of companies and senior students. In contrary(on the contrary 或in contrast), it even could be a better chance to enhance one’s ability to handle study and work.
To sum up, Based on the above analysis, we have found that the merits of taking part-time job overweigh its downsides. But university students should arrange their schedule well when they are taking part-time jobs to make sure it will not influence their study a lot. After all, study is the priority for students.

没什么语法错误  关键是句子有些简短  不够流畅  像是一句一句造的。
可以先慢慢写，想想怎么组织句子  还有第一段说什么引起社会关注什么的都没用
有点中国八股   开头要简练  最好立意新颖才能引起别人关注  
我是这样想的，虽然做不到   提高写作最好的方法就是多读好文章。