argument209 [酒香作文小组] 第二次作业_frapp

xihaiweiwei3UID: 2390076

Argument 209
The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."



Word: 425
time: 25min
In this argument, the Human Resources Manager suggests that in order to increase profits considerably the Fancy Toy Company should resign its president Pat and employ Rosa, a before-president of Starlight Jewelry (SJ). To support this suggestion, the author cites a fact that in SJ Company Rosa gain profits increase dramatically over the past several years. But this recommendation exposure several unsubstantiated faults.


First, Human Resources Manager cannot be convinced that the profit of SJ increases because of this Rosa, because the author provides no evidence to support profit earning way. On the one hand, it is entirely possible that chance of SJ is so accident that its profits increased dramatically and fortuitously. On the other hand, perhaps in the past several years, the production of SJ was needed largely by the society; as a result of it, profit is necessarily increasing. On balance, without ruling out these conditions, this suggestion should also be skeptical.



Second, even if the increase of profits in SJ ascribes the leadership of Rosa, the assumption that she would bring profits to the author's company, because the author provides no evidence to indicate that there is relationship between his company and SJ. There is a possibility that Rosa is adept in the item which SJ deals in, but management of the author's company is entirely different from that of SJ. So Rosa cannot bring profits to the author's company because of lacking knowledge on management of that company. Therefore, until the author provides more evidence to prove his company would increase profit by leadership of Rosa, I cannot be persuaded well.


Third, admittedly Rosa would bring profits to the author's company, but the expense that they should return their actual president Pat for a generous severance package and pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving would be well worthy. Obviously, this expense is so large that no one can forecast whether Rosa would bring more profits. Furthermore, the author ignores that there are other plans to help the author's company increase profits. Firstly, this company can absorb extraneous technology and improve the efficiency of production to abridge cost, then the profits would increase. Next it can advertise more than before to attract much attention on its production.



In conclusion, the Human Resources Manager fails to pervade board of directors of this company spend money in employing Rosa. To make this suggestion strong, the author should arrange more evidence that leadership of Rosa can directly increase profit in SJ, and it would works well in the author's company.

ice_ykUID: 2909502

argument209 [酒香作文小组] 第二次作业_frapp(xihaiweiwei)
Argument 209
The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."

Word: 425  time: 25min
In this argument, the Human Resources Manager suggests that in order to increase profits considerably the Fancy Toy Company should resign its president Pat and employ Rosa, a before-president of Starlight Jewelry (SJ). To support this suggestion, the author cites a fact that in SJ Company Rosa gain profits increase dramatically over the past several years. But this recommendation exposures several unsubstantiated faults.


First, Human Resources Manager cannot be convinced that the profit of SJ increases because of this Rosa, because the author provides no evidence to support profit earning way. On the one hand, it is entirely possible that chance of SJ is so accident that its profits increased dramatically and fortuitously. On the other hand, perhaps in the past several years, the production of SJ was needed largely by the society; as a result of it, profit is necessarily increasing. On balance, without ruling out these conditions, this suggestion should also be skeptical.

Second, even if the increase of profits in SJ ascribes the leadership of Rosa, the assumption that she would bring profits to the author's company, because the author provides no evidence to indicate that there is relationship between his company and SJ. There is a possibility that Rosa is adept in the item which SJ deals in, but management of the author's company is entirely different from that of SJ. So Rosa cannot bring profits to the author's company because of lacking knowledge on management of that company. Therefore, until the author provides more evidence to prove his company would increase profit by(under) leadership of Rosa, I cannot be persuaded well.


Third, admittedly Rosa would bring profits to the author's company, but the expense that they should return their actual president Pat for a generous severance package and pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving would be well worthy. Obviously, this expense is so large that no one can forecast whether Rosa would bring more profits. Furthermore, the author ignores that there are other plans to help the author's company increase profits. Firstly, this company can absorb extraneous technology and improve the efficiency of production to abridge cost, then the profits would increase. Next(这儿用这2个词是否合适？) it can advertise more than before to attract much attention on its production.
In conclusion, the Human Resources Manager fails to pervade board of directors of this company spend money in employing Rosa. To make this suggestion strong, the author should arrange more evidences that leadership of Rosa can directly increase profit in SJ, and it would works well in the author's company.
这次你也改了我的，很明显我俩在挑错误上的方向和程度不一样。Profits问题我们都说了；但是2个company的比较，你是说Rosa不一定胜任，我注重的是市场不一样；还有薪水问题，我不太敏感有什么错误就没怎么写，你倒是写了很多。
不过，还是向你学到好多。

frappuccinoUID: 2485406

:) :)    :)

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

2# ice_yk
你改文章太不认真了，作为一个过来人，看到你们这样的小组活动真的心寒~
LZ和我的LS是同一个人吧？
没有自改就把文章贴出来，你的态度不端正，我记得我备考时候有位版主写过篇文章，好像是你真的准备考AW吗？看看吧~
唉，你们这态度~无奈~
AW版现在太浮躁了，好久没有杰出的版主了~

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

好久没来作文版了，很怀念这个地方，刚才又去转了一圈~
发现那个作文评选活动参加的就是你们这个组吧？
就那两篇文章也真好意思拿出来评选？我纳闷那版主脑子是不是进水了，居然改这么烂的文章都能改下去，没有一个态度端正的！
不过，那版主改文章倒是挺认真的，看起来还有两下子~

ice_ykUID: 2909502

4# gongyuxiang1990 谢谢您扇我耳光，您的评价我记住了。