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a08805436UID：2725634

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latechocoUID：2432726

hello~无意间看到了你的文章 冒昧地问一下 你什么时候考T？

a08805436UID：2725634

2# latechoco
2.20  求修改意见~~

WoYaoChiJiTuiUID：2850295

2.1独立已修改，请查收

dfclihinUID：3002336

be more careful with your grammar.......lead a life,not live......increasingly changing,not changed,and do + s after singular nouns.......the 'though' in the 2nd paragragh is odd.......u still hv time,do rote more vocab,good luck : ]

静音UID：2893385

With the inflation and expansion of modernization and urbanization, huge amounts of people go outside to work and study rather than lives in rural areas where our ancestors once dwelled.（好多偏高级词汇。。赞赞） In my opinion, they are definitely more successful and happier than those that lives in villages. 4 c, ^8 b6 u: H1 ~) |3 q
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On the most abstract level, the trends of going outside to see more of the world have given rise to the spectacular development in the course of human civilization. In the old times, because of the restriction of space, people just stay in one place for their entire life, which makes it difficult for people to exchange their ideas and new thoughts. Today, though, different people from nearly all parts of the world could share their ideas, new thoughts and innovation in science and technology. In this way, individuals find new ways to improve themselves; corporations and scientific institutions could incur talented people to work together; nations manage all the resources and people more effectively and efficiently.（这个这个，有点小偏的感觉。） In a word, going outside maximize people's ability and thus makes them happier and more successful.（maximize people's ability总结的也有点牵强的感觉。重点不是share么）
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In a more specific aspect, going outside broaden （语法错误，s）people's mind and enhance their inner satisfaction. Compared with our pristine ancestors, who live（过去式吧） their nomadic life in a restricted location,（逻辑有点混乱。。nomadic怎么会在restriceted地区生活？） people today have more choices and opportunities to realize their dreams. In this sense, a variety of choices offer people more chances to strain after the goals rather than taking poor, mortal human nature as it is. Moreover, going outside makes people organize their life in a way that they can work peacefully, endure nobly and live happily. For example, before 1993 when my father lived in a rural area in the city of Wuhan, he kept on postulating of the unattainable （语法）and felt depressed and at a loss. After one year of work in Beijing, he changed drastically and kept smiling all the time. One year of experience outside makes him more dedicated to the jobs and thus makes him understand the meaning of life.; p: z! V6 R/ O" G
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Admittedly, there are some possible reasons for people to stay in villages to live a happy life, which could offer them a good environment and a tranquility of life. However, due to the increasingly changed conditions in big cities, city life provide a more challengeable and comfortable life, in which we have the easy access to cinemas, supermarkets and gyms. The more we scrutinize the benefit of going outside, the more we love it.
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In conclusion, going outside could improve both people's inner content and career performance, which makes people more successful and happier than staying in villages for their entire life.



用词很炫啊我好想请问您是怎么做到的～～背单词看起来不是很有用，有没有特别的办法～～


逻辑稍稍有点混乱，不过还是可以理解的，语法错误太多～～


我的独立作文会在2.3日中午贴出来，麻烦批阅！！