Daily Writing 作业 by 内牛满面

内牛满面UID：2980727

2.9         In order to become a financially independent adult, people should be taught how to manage their money at an early age

Money is always a sensitive topic, especially when it comes to children for their ability to manage money are not fully developed. Since so important but difficult to deal with, shall we taught our children manage their money at an early age in order to help them become financially independent adults? My answer is “yes”.
Most crucial, only with the knowledge of money, can a kid can gradually understand the meaning of money, not only what money is on the dictionary level, but also where it comes, especially how it comes to his or her pocket and how to use it fitting one`s need. For instance, when a child given 10 dollars to buy what he wants most, he will finally understand he must learn to give up another while getting something. And when the sale takes the note, he may understand it is work which takes this note to his parents` pocket like the sale dose. Those are basic living rules and knowledge a financially independent adult must has, and money managing is a good way to learn them.
Second, when managing money, a child may connect with different institutions on society. These experiences are necessary for an adult. Such as banks, when a child deposits and withdraws money from banks, he will understand the meaning of bank. When he finds extra money in his account, he will learn the meaning of interest. When he step into a toy shop for his superman toys, choosing, paying and counting will teach him what this business empire is doing every day. It is unimaginable that a child never has chance to do so to become a financially independent adult.
Moreover, when a child learns how to manage his money, he will finally regard it as something normal, rather than something could master anything, because he knows it is himself most significant in managing it. You shall be money`s master rather than slave. Only with the correct attitude, a child could finally become a financially independent adult.

内牛满面UID：2980727

感谢批改的同学！！！

henryguowencongUID：2992585

In order to become a financially independent adult, people should be taught how to manage their money at an early age


Money is always a sensitive topic, especially when it comes to children for their ability to manage money are not fully developed. Since so important but difficult to deal with, shall we taught（这里不需要用过去式） our children （how to/将manage改成managing） manage their money at an early age in order to help them become financially independent adults? My answer is “yes”.

Most crucial, only with the knowledge of money, can a kid can（删去） gradually understand the meaning of money, not only what money is on the dictionary level, but also where it comes（应该要加个from吧？）, especially how it comes to his or her pocket（s） and how to use it fitting one`s need.（这句话想表达什么？我是没看懂……句子的结构可以复杂，但是也要比较容易拆分理解，各短句之间的关系是什么，句子的重点是什么，最好让考官一目了然，否则非但别人难以看懂，而且更容易犯语法错误。你说是吗？） For instance, when a child （谓语在哪里？）given 10 dollars to buy what he wants most（这个most想表达什么？建议删去）, he will finally understand he must learn to give up another（这个another是指什么？之前没有交待） while getting something. And when the sale takes the note, he may understand it is (the)work which(改成that) takes this note to his parents` pocket（s） like the sale dose. Those are basic living rules and (lots of)knowledge a financially independent adult must has（换词）, and money managing is a good way to learn them.

Second, when managing money, a child may connect（be connected） with different institutions on (改成in the)society. These experiences are necessary for an adult. Such as banks, when a child deposits and withdraws money from banks, he will understand the meaning of （the）bank. When he finds extra money in his account, he will learn the meaning of (the)interest. When he step(s) into a toy shop for his superman toys, choosing, paying and counting will teach him what this business empire is doing every day. It is unimaginable that a child never has chance to do so to become a financially independent adult.

Moreover, when a child learns how to manage his money, he will finally regard it as something normal, rather than something could master anything, because he knows (that)it is himself (who is the)most significant in managing it. You shall be money`s master rather than slave. Only with the correct attitude, a child could finally become a financially independent adult.

我提几个建议吧：
写每一段前应该想好这一段的总体架构，想清楚这一段要表达什么，每一句话要表达什么。写完作文还是应该检查，一是检查语法错误，二是看一看你想表达的意思是不是表达清楚完整了
就这篇文章说，首先字数是够了，文章的结构也有点意思，但是可以发现文章的表达有些混乱，每一段的大意得不到很好的表达和例子的支撑。另外不知道你是不是限时写而最后时间不够，感觉缺少一个总结，或者说少了一段
大小错误都有，数量也不少，要加油哦！
我改是改了 但是由于水平有限 也有很多自己不确定的地方 希望各位斧正

内牛满面UID：2980727

感谢henryguowencong同学！

内牛满面UID：2980727

2.11  感谢批改的同学！！！
Some people think to watch a movie in a cinema is better, but others think at home is better.


Several years ago, when TVs in ordinary families became bigger and bigger, many people predicted that cinemas would disappear soon. However, movie industry today is developing better and better, even got a perfect score during last finance crisis. Cinemas are attracting billions of people every year, because watching movies on wide screens is still on a favorable position compared with watching in home.
First, only in cinema, can you enjoy the best projection equipment. With the development of computer science, more and more new technology is used in movies. Like 3D and IMAX, they all need professional equipment to show to audiences. However, in home, it is complete impossible. On the other hand, sound is an important part in a movie, especially in some movie with battle theme. Despite professional vision equipment a modern cinema could provide to you, a set of great audio equipment is another advantage over home watching. So, if you want to enjoy the fantastic vision experience, cinema is the best and only choice.
Second, there is always something bothering you while you are watching something at home. It may hinder you from focusing on the important story details. Why not try cinema? In cinemas, every audience is focusing on the story, nobody bothering you; big and comfortable chairs will provide you good experience during the whole movie. So, you see, a cinema is just the right place for watching movie.
Watching movie in home maybe more convince and economic for some people, but like wide screens, great audio equipment, which make movies different from TV shows cannot be achieve in home now, and in predictable future, it seems very difficult too. Whether the environment is suitable to tell a story is another important aspect effecting whether you can completely enjoy the story. Watching movies in cinemas will still be the best choice compared with home watching.

cherry_xiUID：2988732

Some people think to watch a movie in a cinema is better, but others think at home is better.( i4 }+ n- n+ ]
( c5 T" G2 t3 ]' ]6 x" w

Several years ago, when TVs in ordinary families became bigger and bigger, many people predicted that cinemas would disappear soon. However, movie industry today is developing better and better, even got（gotten） a perfect score during last finance crisis.（better用的有点平庸了，不知道这样怎么样：但是随着电影惊人的发展（怎样的发展加进去），那些预测的人都感到了震惊。） Cinemas are attracting billions of people every year, because watching movies on wide screens is still on a favorable position compared with watching in home. (我觉得还应该有自己的观点句，这样层次会比较清晰，虽然这样推也没错* *)
First, only in cinema, can you enjoy the best projection equipment. With the development of computer science, more and more（又来了far more…than before） new technology is (technologies are)used in movies(movie industy). Like 3D and IMAX(感觉怎么那么的别扭，when showing 3D and IMAX moives), they all need professional equipment to show to audiences. However, in home, it is complete（completely）impossible. On the other hand, (第一个hand是什么？)sound is an important part in a movie, especially in some movie with(in) battle theme. Despite professional vision equipment a modern cinema could provide to you, a set of great audio equipment is another advantage over home watching.（这个应该放on the other hand后面吧？）So, if you want to enjoy the fantastic vision experience, cinema is the best and only choice.
Second, （主题句）there is always something bothering you while you are watching something at home. It may hinder you from focusing on the important story details. Why not try cinema? In cinemas, every audience is focusing on the story（用现在进行时好吗？）, nobody bothering you; big and comfortable chairs will provide you（provide with）good experience during the whole movie. So, you see（不够正式）, a cinema is just the right place for watching movie.
Watching movie in home maybe more convince and economic for some people, but like wide screens, great audio equipment, which make movies different from TV shows cannot be achieve in home now，and in predictable future, it seems very difficult too.(感觉怎么不对呢，好像作者很喜欢用like，建议看下语法书like的用法，感觉是在直翻中文。主句在哪？谓语在哪？)Whether the environment is suitable to tell a story is another important aspect effecting whether you can completely enjoy the story. （A suitable environment told a story is a significant aspect of enjoying the story whether or not.）Watching movies in cinemas will still be the best choice compared with home watching.
（感觉用语不够准确。主题句我觉得应该更明确，这个很重要。可以练写提纲，给自己5分钟的审题时间，把观点，关键句写下来。）
第一次改，菜鸟一只，请多多指教

内牛满面UID：2980727

感谢cherry_xi(暮云昇昇)同学
感谢Henry！

内牛满面UID：2980727

2.12  感谢批改的同学！！！
独立
Do you agree with the following statement? Children should play sports only for fun, and should not attend competitions and contests.


Although, games are not the whole sports, nobody could deny that contests are important parts of sports. It is Olympic proverb that “higher, faster, stronger”, it is the one of precious spirit of modern sports. So, it is obvers that children should not be kept away from sports contests.
You can never separate contests from sports, because sports are always designed to show or to compete the power, skill, and beauty of human body. It means, only by the form of compete, can we achieve the goal, can we encourage people to take part in different kinds of sports. Especially for children, it their nature to compete with other children like other animal babies, sports games are the best choice for them.
Someone may announce that contests may develop too much aggressive attitudes in their heart. However, in my opinion, it depends on how parents guide their children. Competing is human nature. If we guide this nature correctly, it will not be evil; in contrast, it will help the child become a complete adult. For instance, we should never transport the attitudes such as “I must beat everyone, so that I will be the strongest one.” to a child. If the aim is just to beat others, it will always bring a tragedy consequence, because he only focus on others rather than himself. If children`s attitude is guide to be” Be the best you”, it will be an completely different, games become a way to improve he himself. And that is the aim of sports.
Some people express the worry on losing the joy of sports by attend competitions. It is reasonable worry, and we ever seen many professional players had huge stress on their games. However, it is not unavoidable. If the last paragraph talks about how to treat the attitudes towards winning, now, we are talking about how to face losing. Holding the belief that” This losing means I need improvement rather than I was completely beaten. ”, I don`t think any child will suffer too much pressure to enjoy the sports and games.
In summary, children should get chance to attend sports games with the attitudes to enjoy it and help themselves improved.

内牛满面UID：2980727

2.12 感谢批改的同学！！！
综合
In the lecture, the professor announce an opposite attitudes in the reading passage towards the private fossil trade, which claims that private trade on rare and important fossils is unfortunately for the society. The professor thinks this kind of trade do more advantages than disadvantages.
First, the professor disputes the viewpoint announced in the passage that private trade keeps public from those fossils because those buyers won`t donate then to public museum to display to public. She emphasizes it is commercial explore that unearth more fossils, and many of them are eventually displayed to public in schools and museums.
Second, the passage contends that commercial explore is lack of professional study, it may leads to miss of important discoveries. However, the professor points out that since the new unearthed fossils need scientists` identify it`s value. It means no important fossil will be ignored.
Third, the passage commercial explorers cannot provide all the details to scientists. It mentions a discovery made by science by the details from the location and other small fossils of the fossil. However the professor points out that commercial explore help make more fossils unearth, and it is much more important than those details` help to the science study.

伶女UID：2797207

学习啦

内牛满面UID：2980727

感谢伶女(伶女)！！！

PsMaggieUID：2861847

修改

内牛满面UID：2980727

感谢PsMaggie(Maggie)同学指导！！！

内牛满面UID：2980727

2.14 独立作文

谢谢批改的同学！！！

内牛满面UID：2980727

2.14 综合作文

谢谢批改的同学！