坚韧的AW之路

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."

Words 565, Time unlimited, Date 2-28


The speaker indicates that "Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress. “ As I see it, we cannot overestimate the importance of mistakes; however, we should develop a reflective consciousness and learn from mistakes, which basically give rise to many breakthroughs in both technological and social fields.

Admittedly, mistake is not the only way though which people make progresses and it also has some negative effects. Sometimes, unlike glorious victories, mistakes can lead people feel stressful. After a serious of mistakes, some people no more believe in themselves, hence giving it
up. Clacke, an Austria physicist, tried to discover the relationship between electricity and magnetism by carrying out experiments. However, he made a mistake in preparing his experimental equipments, so the experimental result turned out to be totally wrong. Faced with mistakes, Clacke gradually turned into a
After he became a all his life. Should Clacke didn’t make the mistake at the very beginning, he may have discovered the theorem. In this way, we can see that mistakes sometimes can hinder progress.

Nevertheless, at most times, should we really want success, we have to face up to mistakes and learn from them. Making mistakes is a contravention of objective laws. By analyzing our actions that lead to mistakes, we can make it clear where to be modified, hence forward. By correcting each mistake, we get one more step closer to the final success. Clacke, as mentioned above, just lacked such a spirit. Seven years after Clarke’s failure, Faraday, a younger Britain scientist，continued his antecedent’s experiment. Making and correcting mistakes for ten years, he finally achieved success. From the guest's perspective, by comparing the examples of Clacke and Faraday, we can get to the conclusion that we should take courage to face mistakes and seize the opportunity to learn from each of them.

Furthermore, I think it is the reflective and critical consciousness towards mistakes rather than mistakes themselves that serves as the drive of human society. To maintain such a consciousness is to keep assuming that ‘we are imperfect’ and introspecting ourselves. Only via reflective and critical consciousness can we keep our minds clear. A man without such consciousness has to lie in his comfort zone all his life. And a society that excluded mistakes will inevitably turn into stillness, supplant by ones with more reflective consciousness. Tseng Kuo-fan, a Chinese general living in the 19th century, was sent to command a war. At the first time, Tseng made several mistakes and failures beat him one by one. Faced with the mistakes, Tseng kept cautious. Humbly but stably, the soul examined and criticized itself. With the reflective consciousness, the army lead by Tseng became stronger and stronger. Meanwhile, Tseng’s ravel, king of Taiping Kingdom, never conceded any mistakes. Like any other tyrannies, the king was always right in his society. With no correction of any mistakes, the bumptious king and its kingdom came to a debacle and were finally defeated by General Tseng. Historical experience also suits modern society. Today is an era of information explosion. People’s old beliefs can be proved to be mistakes at any time, thus we can no longer avoid making mistakes. In this way, we should never forget to retrospect and criticize ourselves.

To sum up, through mistakes we can make great forward. We need to take a positive attitude to learn from mistakes and keep the reflective and critical consciousness in our minds.

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

另外大家再帮小弟看看俺写的第一篇ISSUE 不胜感激！

The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society’s ideas and values by observing their appearance and behaviors of people.

As I see it, although we cannot study the inside thoughts of a society merely via observing people’s life style, the way in which people act in a society basically not only represents the society’s temporal ideas but also stands for its culture and values.  
Sometimes, people’s appearance and behaviors may fail to represent the society’s inner spirits. For one reason, as links between different parts of the world are becoming more and more tight, people from different societies may share the same living style while their ideas and values are possibly significant different. For another reason, people may conform to their custom lasting for hundreds of years, while their value has changed with time. Singaporean and South Africa people may both feel like eating pizzas and watching Hollywood movies, but actually they have different kinds of ideas and value. Studying these societies’ by simply observing their people’s outlook will undoubtedly lead to ridiculous conclusions.
However, at most times, the appearance and behaviors the people belonging to a certain society can stand for its temporal ideas. And we can know the society’s thoughts at a certain time by consulting to its popular culture. Faced with the popularity of retro clothes, we are able to draw the conclusion that people nowadays are getting tired of the clamor of modernism. By considering American youngsters’ hippy way of dressing and singing, we can know the vanity of their minds. We can say the way people perform in their daily life is a reflection of the society’s popular culture and temporal ideas.
Moreover, by the observance of a people’s appearance and behaviors, we can probe into a society’s culture and values. The essence of culture of a society is highly related to its climate, environment and history, which will affect people’s outward manifestation. Ancient Greece people lived near the sea and developed into the so-called ocean culture, which is the spring of the Western culture. They had to go for sailing and to combat with waves and storms, creating a social value of mobility. So we won’t be surprised facing with the prevalence of extreme sports among the Western world, which represents a value consisting of adventure. Likewise, the popularity of the “static sports” like chess in Asia stands for a land culture and a value of pursuing harmonious life. By comparison of Western and Asian people’s life style, we can get to know the difference of the underlying social values.
All in all, people’s outer performance is a result of the social psychology, If we want to know deeply a society’s inner ideas and value, we should get to know its people and their life style first.

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

第二篇AGRU 继续前进！AGRU 188
时间： 3h   字数：520
A new report suggests that men and women experience pain very differently from one another, and that doctors should consider these differences when prescribing pain medications. When researchers administered the same dosage of kappa opioids — a painkiller — to 28 men and 20 women who were having their wisdom teeth extracted, the women reported feeling much less pain than the men, and the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women. This research suggests that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required, whereas men should be given other kinds of pain medication. In addition, researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women.

In this argument, the speaker tries to convince us  giving men and women different kinds of painkillers and  reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women, by showing the result of a newly printed reports, which turns out that men and women experience pain differently.  However, when we read through it，we can find several flaws lying in this argument which makes it less convincing, thus, we should think twice before following the speaker's suggestion.
First of all, as a scientific survey, the quantity of the sample mentioned above is too small for us to draw any conclusion. It is commonsense that we must take a sample that has a sufficiently large number when carrying out a survey to eliminate the effect of individual difference on the result; however, the researchers in this case just failed to do so.
There were only a total of 48 patients taking part in the research, which makes the result less cogent.
Secondly, men and women were asked to explain the level and duration of their painful feelings to researchers. However, to record the level and duration of pain feeling explained by surveyed people themselves is an unreliable way, as different people may explain their feeling in different ways basing different standards. So it is likely that men and women used different expressions to a same level of painful feelings, which directly affects the result of the research. As such, we can't harshly draw the conclusion that men feel more painful than women unless we find other ways to measure and record people's feeling more accurately.

Thirdly, except of the physical differences and linguistic factors, still there might be other factors that lead to the difference, for example, psychological differences.
When doing a survey, we have to consider people's psychological response to survey, so is it in this case.
What if women are shyer than men and would not like to explain their pains? Or what if men felt more nervous faced with the researchers and exaggerate their painful feeling? In the research above, the researchers failed to exclude other possible factors,  

At last, even if we concede K works better on women, we cannot simply follow the speaker's suggestion that giving K to all women suffering a pain while giving other painkillers to men, because several vital information is lacked. The speaker not only fails to provide us any information regarding the thorough effect of this medicine both on teeth and on other parts of body, but also forgets to mention the comparison of effect between K and other painkillers. We do not know whether K itself is effective for women to release from any level of pains in any part of body, thus we cannot harshly give K to women at any time when they need it, as K may only works to toothache. Meanwhile, if K works well on men (although not as well as on women) and there is no other better choices, then K should be also given to men.

To sum up, facing with so many vital logical faults in the argument, we should do more researches before do what the speaker suggest.

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

2# 坚韧杀神
第一篇ARGU A51


The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in
the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."



In this argument, basing on a long existing hypothesis and a study between two experiment groups, the speaker suggests patients who are suffering from muscle strain to take antibiotics in order to heal in a shorter time. However, we can find several flaws lying in the speaker’s statement, which make his argument less convincing.


First of all, the speaker advises all patients suffering from muscle strain to take antibiotics; however, we are not sure whether all of them will get infected. It is meaningless and even harmful to take antibiotics for a person who actually does not need them. The abuse of antibiotics has been strictly forbidden nowadays. Rashly applying antibiotics to all patients without checking their healthy condition would be regarded as severe medical malpractices.


Secondly, the study was carried out in an inexact way. As we all know, in scientific research it is very important to set a control group for comparison. However, the control group in this study was not satisfactory.
The speaker fails to provide us any information about the severity of injuries and healthy conditions of the patients in the two groups, thus we do not know if there are any other factors belonging to the patients that lead to the difference between the results of two groups. Besides the patients themselves, the treatment of the experiment group and the control group must be the same except the use of antibiotics, but the two group patients were treated respectively by two doctors. We have no idea whether the patients in two different groups were treated in the same way, so we cannot simply believe in the results. Besides, sugar pills were given to patients in the control group as placebos; however, their medical effects are not clear. What if the sugar pills had negative effects, so that the recovery time was extended? My suggestion is giving the control group placebos p that are widely accepted like starch pills instead.

At last, even if we regard the result of the study as convincing, still we cannot give antibiotics to all infected patients indiscriminately, for the reason that antibiotics are not suitable to all people. Some people are allergic to antibiotics and for these people antibiotics may lead to life-threatening dangers.
To sum up, considering the flaws lying in the argrment, we should do more convincing studies and think twice before giving antibiotics to patients who are suffering from severe muscle strain.

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

The speaker indicates that "Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress. “ As I see it, we cannot overestimate the importance of mistakes; however, (in fact) we should develop a reflective consciousness and learn from mistakes, which basically give rise to many breakthroughs in both technological and social fields.(要反省和从错误中吸取教训)

Admittedly, mistake is not the only way though which people make progresses and it also has some negative effects. Sometimes, unlike glorious victories, mistakes can lead people to feel stressful. After a serious of mistakes, some people no more believe in themselves, hence giving it up. Clacke, an Austria physicist, tried to discover the relationship between electricity and magnetism by carrying out experiments. However, he made a mistake in preparing his experimental equipments, so the experimental result turned out to be totally wrong. Faced with mistakes, Clacke gradually turned into a (?) After he became a ?all his life. Should (If) Clacke didn’t make the mistake at the very beginning, he may have discovered the theorem. In this way, we can see that mistakes sometimes can hinder progress. (失误过多，让人心灰意冷)

Nevertheless, at most times, should we really want success,(?，这一句好像很孤立) we have to face up to mistakes and learn (最好加上宾语)from them. Making mistakes is a contravention of objective laws. By analyzing our actions that lead to mistakes, we can make it clear where to be modified, hence forward. By correcting each mistake, we get one more step closer to the final success. Clacke, as mentioned above, just lacked such a spirit. Seven years after Clarke’s failure, Faraday, a younger Britain scientist，continued his antecedent’s experiment. Making and correcting mistakes for ten years, he finally achieved success. From the guest's perspective, (什么意思，客观角度吗？) by comparing the examples of Clacke and Faraday, we can get to （to去掉吧，或get to 改成come to）
the conclusion that we should take courage to face mistakes and seize the opportunity to learn from each of them.

Furthermore, I think it is the reflective and critical consciousness towards mistakes rather than mistakes themselves that serves as the drive of human society. To maintain such a consciousness is to keep assuming that ‘we are imperfect’ and introspecting ourselves. Only via reflective and critical consciousness can we keep our minds clear. A man without such consciousness has to lie in his comfort zone all his life. And a society that excluded mistakes will inevitably
turn into stillness, supplant by ones with more reflective consciousness. Tseng Kuo-fan, a Chinese general living in the 19th century, was sent to command a war. At the first time, Tseng made several mistakes and failures beat him one by one. Faced with the mistakes, Tseng kept cautious. Humbly but stably, the soul examined and criticized itself. With the reflective consciousness, the army lead by Tseng became stronger and stronger. Meanwhile, Tseng’s ravel,(opponent) king of Taiping Kingdom, never conceded any mistakes. Like any other tyrannies,(tyrants, tyranny是暴政) the king was always right in his society. With no correction of any mistakes, the bumptious king and its kingdom came to a debacle and were finally defeated by General Tseng. Historical experience also suits modern society. Today is an era of information explosion. People’s old beliefs can be proved to be mistakes at any time, thus we can no longer avoid making mistakes. In this way, we should never forget to retrospect and criticize ourselves.

To sum up, through mistakes we can make great forward. (forward 作名词是前锋) We need to take a positive attitude to learn from mistakes and keep the reflective and critical consciousness in our minds.
本文写得很不错，有推理，有实例；先举例说明如果不从错误中吸取教训，我们将不会成功；然后又给出相反事例说明如果能从错误中吸取教训，则我们会获得成功，形成对比，起到很好的说明效果。最后总结全文，我们要以积极的态度和反省的精神面对失误。
句语句之间的连接很好，只是段落之间过渡有些许不够。总之，是很不错的了，再接再厉哦！

sophie-zyUID: 2894667

改好啦~
能力不足，不妥之处请见谅哈~

zerrUID: 3006555

In this argument, thespeaker tries to convince us  to give men andwomen different kinds of painkillers and  reevaluate the effects ofall medications on men versus women, by showing the result of a newly printedreport, which turns out that men and women experience paindifferently.  However, when we read through it，we can find several flaws lying in thisargument which makes it less convincing. Therefore, we shouldthink twice before following the speaker's suggestion.
First of all, as a scientific survey, the quantity of the sample mentionedabove is too small for us to draw any conclusion. It is commonsense that wemust take a sample that has a sufficiently large number when carrying out asurvey to eliminate the effect of individual difference on the result; however,the researchers in this case just failed to do so.
There were only a total of 48 patients taking part in the research, which makesthe result less cogent.
Secondly, men and women were asked to explain the level and duration of theirpainful feelings to researchers. However, to record the level and duration ofpain feeling explained by surveyed people themselves is an unreliable way, asdifferent people may explain their feeling in different ways basing on differentstandards. So it is likely that men and women used different expressions to asame level of painful feelings, which directly affects the result of theresearch. As such, we can't harshly draw the conclusion that men feel morepainful than women unless we find other ways to measure and record people'sfeeling more accurately.

Thirdly, except of the physical differences and linguistic factors, still theremight be other factors that lead to the difference, for example, psychologicaldifferences. (和physical重复？)
Whendoing a survey, we have to consider people's psychological response to survey,so is it in this case.

Inaddition, what if women are shyer than men and would not like to explaintheir pains? Or what if men felt more nervous faced with the researchers andexaggerate their painful feeling? In the research above, the researchers failedto exclude other possible factors,  (这个点最好给出解决办法，或者归入样本数量较少的错误，否则我不太赞成，因为实验本身对被实验者没有利益冲突，不必撒谎，而且实验中多数人不会有这种情况。)

At last, even if we concede K works better on women, we cannot simply followthe speaker's suggestion that giving K to all women suffering a painwhile giving other painkillers to men（同位语从句缺少主语和谓语，没给你改）, because several vital information islacked. The speaker not only fails to provide us any information regarding thethorough effect of this medicine both on teeth and on other parts of body, butalso forgets to mention the comparison of effect between K and otherpainkillers. We do not know whether K itself is effective for women to releasefrom any level of pains in any part of body, so we cannotharshly give K to women at any time when they need painkiller, consideringthat K may only works to toothache. Meanwhile, if K works well onmen (although not as well as on women) and there is no other better choice,then K should be also given to men.

To sum up, facing with so many vital logical faults in the argument, we shoulddo more researches before doing what the speaker suggest.

错误找的比较全面，可以再加上对最后那句的质疑，即是否所有的药都需要被重新测试。
有个别的语法错误。
结尾可以在总结错误的基础上，给出一些合理的建议。
有些颜色显示不出来，可以晚上给你word文档。

cecyleyueyueUID: 2753319

"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."

Words 565, Time unlimited, Date 2-28


The speaker indicates that "Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress. “ As I see it, we cannot overestimate the importance of mistakes; however, we should develop a reflective consciousness and learn from mistakes, which basically give rise to many breakthroughs in both technological and social fields.

Admittedly, mistake is not the only way though（through 一字只差 谬以千里啊） which people make progresses and it also has some negative effects. Sometimes, unlike glorious victories, mistakes can lead people feel（to） stressful. After a serious of mistakes, some people no more believe in themselves, hence giving it
up. Clacke, an Austria physicist, tried to discover the relationship between electricity and magnetism by carrying out experiments. However, he made a mistake in preparing his experimental equipments, so the experimental result turned out to be totally wrong. Faced(Facing) with mistakes, Clacke gradually turned into a
? After he became a  ? all his life. Should Clacke didn’t make the mistake at the very beginning, he may have discovered the theorem. 虚拟用得可以In this way, we can see that mistakes sometimes can hinder progress.

Nevertheless, at most times, should we really want success, we have to face up to mistakes and learn from them. (额 一个句式离得这么近的地方重复用感觉不太好 而且这里不是很有必要 换个吧)Making mistakes is a contravention of objective laws. By analyzing our actions that lead to mistakes, we can make it clear where to be modified, hence forward. By correcting each mistake, we get one more step closer to the final success. Clacke, as mentioned above, just lacked such a spirit. Seven years after Clarke’s failure, Faraday, a younger Britain scientist，continued his antecedent’s experiment. Making and correcting mistakes for ten years, he finally achieved success. From the guest's （objective?）perspective, by comparing the examples of Clacke and Faraday, we can get to the conclusion that we should take courage to face mistakes and seize the opportunity to learn from each of them.

Furthermore, I think it is the reflective and critical consciousness towards mistakes rather than mistakes themselves that serves as the drive of human society. To maintain such a consciousness is to keep assuming that ‘we are imperfect’ and introspecting ourselves. Only via reflective and critical consciousness can we keep our minds clear. A man without such consciousness has to lie in his comfort zone all his life. And a society that excluded mistakes will inevitably turn into stillness, supplant by ones with more reflective consciousness. Tseng Kuo-fan, a Chinese general living in the 19th century, was sent to command a war. At the first time, Tseng made several mistakes and failures beat him one by one. Faced with the mistakes, Tseng kept cautious. Humbly but stably, the soul examined and criticized itself. 前面TSENG做主语 突然SOUL变主语 感觉为了变主被动很故意With the reflective consciousness, the army lead（led） by Tseng became stronger and stronger. Meanwhile, Tseng’s ravel, king of Taiping Kingdom, never conceded any mistakes. Like any other tyrannies(政权regimes), the king was always right in his society. With no correction of any mistakes, the bumptious king and its kingdom came to a debacle and were finally defeated by General Tseng. Historical experience also suits modern society. Today is an era of information explosion. People’s old beliefs can be proved to be mistakes at any time, thus we can no longer avoid making mistakes. In this way, we should never forget to retrospect and criticize ourselves.

To sum up, through mistakes we can make great forward. We need to take a positive attitude to learn from mistakes and keep the reflective and critical consciousness in our minds.

结构没问题 全文论点和每段主论点也很清晰有说服力
前两个例子之间有联系 感觉很巧妙 是本文亮点
句式比较多元 语言也比较好
不过最后一段又变新东方模式了 哈哈
建议后面写作时候放松一点 就想成你只是在写essay 可以摒弃一些模式化或者刻意化的东西 让文章更自然地道

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

Issue 112
time: 3h words: 508
"Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."
Today, faced with the tide of modernism, more and more educational systems forget to put more emotional education into themselves, emphasizing the importance of logical and critical thinking only. As I see it, an educational system teaching both rational thinking and emotional exploring would be more beneficial for students.
I admit that reasoning and logical thinking is the fundamental of education. The capacity of logical thinking helps student develop into a man with a spirit of doubting and analyzing. Sometimes, this capacity is the most important of all. In some fields of education, such as math and computer science, students are taught to be scientists or engineers. It is obvious that for these future scientists and engineers a rational education is more important, as it teaches them to calculate and analyze.
However, although we cannot deny the necessity of rational thinking, still we should emphasize the emotional education and let students explore their own emotion freely.  Firstly, emotional education can help students become more creative. It is well known that creativity was instigated by emotion. By exploring his own emotion can one person obtain the spark of creativity. In the history, many creative thinkers never forgot to explore their own emotion when fulfilling rational work. Einstein liked to play cello after work; Nobel did well in writing poems.  Without an educational system that calls for emotional education, students would become nothing more than tools--rich of knowledge but with no creativity. Their minds will become less and less active. Without any creative ideas, they will have to repeat others' work, no matter how critical or logical they are, which does no good to the development of students themselves and that of society.
Furthermore, emotional education can help people find themselves and obtain their beliefs, which is also the original purpose of education. A educational system without emotional teaching cannot do so.  Let’s take the Nazi scientists for an example. These scientists worked for Nazi government and indirectly helped the Nazi kill innocence people. These scientists were well educated by a educational system without any emotional teaching; they were clever, sophisticated, but without a soul. They lost their belief and used their logical minds to serve the evil. Their tragedy was just because Nazi government coerced free thinking and never taught the students to develop their emotions. As such, to really benefit our students and the society, we should never forget to bring emotional education into our educational system.
Finally, we need to balance the logical education and emotional education in our education system well. Only in this way can students be taught into a fully developed people--both in logic and in emotion. In the history, most successful educational system is a combination of these two kinds of education. In the educational system of ancient Greece, which is the spring of Western educational system, logical education and athletics always came in together. As to Eastern educational systems, Confucius put the same emphasis on math and music. Regarding of this, we modern people should also put both rational and emotional education in our educational system and balance them well.

噜噜噜啦啦UID: 2982014

9# 坚韧杀神
Today, faced with the tide of modernism, more and more（换increasing number of）educational systems forget to put more emotional education into themselves,(but)这个后面的句子没有主语，而且前面的句子已经完整了，所以要加点连词、介词什么的 emphasizing the importance of logical and critical thinking only. As I see it, an educational system teaching both rational thinking and emotional exploring would be more beneficial for students.
I admit that reasoning and logical thinking is the fundamental of education. The capacity of logical thinking helps student develop into a man with a spirit of doubting and analyzing. Sometimes, this capacity is the most important of all. In some fields of education, such as math and computer science, students are taught to be scientists or engineers. It is obvious that for these future scientists and engineers a rational education is more important (signigicant)—同一段不要出现两个距离比较近的IMPORTANT, as it teaches them to calculate and analyze.
However, although （HOWEVER后面不能加THOUGH/ALTHOUGH的吧，这个好像相当于though 后面加了but）we cannot deny the necessity of （加上TEACHING） rational thinking, still we should (这个应该是正常语序WE SHOULD STILL吧)emphasize the emotional education and let students explore their own emotion freely.  Firstly, emotional education can help students become more creative. It is well known that creativity was instigated by emotion. By exploring emotion can one person(BY 前面没有ONLY,所以不用倒装的吧) obtain the spark of creativity. In the history, many creative thinkers never forgot to explore their own emotion when fulfilling rational work. Einstein liked to play cello after work; Nobel did well in writing poems.  Without an educational system that calls for emotional education, students would become nothing more than tools--rich of knowledge but with no creativity. Their minds will become less and less active. Without any creative ideas, they will have to repeat others' work （加上tediously,其实每个人的工作大部分都在重复）, no matter how critical or logical they are, which does no good to the development of students themselves and that of society.
Furthermore, emotional education can help people find themselves and obtain their beliefs, which is also the original purpose of education. A educational system without emotional teaching can not do so.  Let’s take the Nazi scientists for an example. These scientists worked for Nazi government and indirectly helped the Nazi kill innocence people. These scientists were well educated by a educational system without any emotional teaching; they were clever, sophisticated, but without a soul. They lost their belief and used their logical minds to serve the evil（嗯，这个例子太精彩了！这个也想到了，牛掰~~）. Their tragedy was just because Nazi government coerced free thinking and never taught the students to develop their emotions. As such, to really benefit our students and the society, we should never forget to bring emotional education into our educational system.
Finally, we need to balance the logical education and emotional education in our education system well. Only in this way can students be taught into a fully developed people--both in logic and in emotion. In the history, most successful educational system is a combination of these two kinds of education. In the educational system of ancient Greece, which is the spring of Western educational system, logical education and athletics always came in together. As to Eastern educational systems, Confucius put the same emphasis on math and music.(这两个例子放一起说也很好~) Regarding of this, we modern people should also put both rational and emotional education in our educational system and balance them well.


不知道这是你的第几篇，总之比我强多了~
结构很清晰，思维也很连贯，例子比较多，尤其是最后两段的例子放的很到位。
我才写了第一篇ISSUE，所以目前只能在语法上纠一些错误，其他方面暂时做不出高层次的评价。不过我看了你的前一篇ISSUE的结尾，这篇进步了很多，不但收好了尾而且还很有说服力，从西方到东方，从古到今啊！很好的！

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

A53 a little bit feeling
Time:1.5h words: 400

Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin — a hormone known to affect some brain functions — would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children — now teenagers — who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

In this argument, the speaker tries to let us believe that melatonin before birth can cause shyness on babies and this effect will last their later life. However, when we read through it，we can find several flaws lying in this argument which makes it less convincing.

First of all, as a scientific study, the quantity of the sample mentioned above is too small for us to draw any conclusion. It is commonsense that we must take a sample that has a sufficiently large number when carrying out a survey to eliminate the effect of individual difference on the result; however, the researchers in this case just failed to do so. There were only a total of 25 infants taking part in the research. Such a small sample makes the result less cogent

Secondly, even if we assume the sample is large enough, still there are several faults in this argument. The speaker tries to accuse the infants' distressful feeling towards unfamiliar stimuli to melatonin by mentioning a fact that the shy babies tend to be conceived in autumn, when daylight decreases and their mother produce more melatonin. However, there is no 'if and only if’ logical relationship between these two facts. As we all know, daylight also decreases in the winter. Before accepting the speaker’s conclusion, we need to know whether the shy infants were likely to be conceived in the winter. Since the speaker fails to provide us information regarding this, we cannot simply believe in his allegiance.

At last, the speaker tries to strengthen his conclusion by showing us a follow-up study which showed that after 12 years, many of those sensitive infants thought themselves as shy. However, this study also has its own logical flaws. It is commonsense that one’s personality will be affected by his living environment and change with time. We can never deduce one's childhood personality all according to that of him when he has grown up, as factors such as education, culture and even climate contribute to the development of one's personality. The speaker views the growing up of the infants, thus he resulted in a ridiculous conclusion.

To sum up, facing with so many vital logical faults in the argument, we should do more researches before accept the speaker's conclusion. I think a study that focuses on the relationship between conceived time and personality of infants with a lager sample is needed.

卧沙场UID: 3016143

3.2 ISSUE
Today, faced with the tide of modernism, more and more educational systems forget to put more emotional education into themselves, emphasizing the importance of logical and critical thinking only（today, facing the tide of modernism, it is becoming an overwhelmingly controversial debate for the position of emotional education in our educational system, which used to emphasize logical and critical thinking only） . As I see it, an educational system teaching both rational thinking and emotional exploring would be more beneficial for students.
I admit (no one could deny, no proof so far yet could prove双重否定)that reasoning and logical thinking is the fundamental of education. The capacity of logical thinking helps student develop into a man with a spirit of doubting and analyzing（the capacity of logical thinking invites a spirit of doubting and analyzing, which benefits students in their growth）. Sometimes, this capacity is the most important of all. In some fields of education, such as math and computer science, students are taught to be scientists or engineers. It is obvious that for these future scientists and engineers a rational education is more important, as it teaches them to calculate and analyze.
However, although we cannot deny the necessity of rational thinking, still we should emphasize the emotional education and let students explore their own emotion freely. （ Firstly, emotional education can help students become more creative. It is well known that creativity was instigated by emotion. By exploring his own emotion can one person obtain the spark of creativity. ）组合成一句话：Certain that emotional education exerts an indispensible influence for creativity, it is widely believed as a shortcut for one person the obtain the spark of creativity by exploring its own emotions, which instigates the formation of creative nature.)in the history, many creative thinkers never forgot to explore their own emotion when fulfilling rational work. Einstein liked to play cello after work; Nobel did well in writing poems.  Without an educational system that calls for emotional education, students would become nothing more than tools--rich of knowledge but with no creativity. Their minds will become less and less active. Without any creative ideas, they will have to repeat others' work, no matter how critical or logical they are, which does no good to the development of students themselves and that of society.
Furthermore, emotional education can help people find themselves and obtain their beliefs, which is also the original purpose of education. A(an) educational system without emotional teaching cannot do so.  Let’s take the Nazi scientists for an example.(用冒号：可以增加句子长度) These scientists worked for Nazi government and indirectly helped the Nazi kill innocence people. These scientists were well educated by a educational system without any emotional teaching; they were clever, sophisticated, but without a soul. They lost their belief and used their logical minds to serve the evil. Their tragedy was just because Nazi government coerced free thinking and never taught the students to develop their emotions. As such, to really benefit our students and the society, we should never forget to bring emotional education into our educational system.（这段的举例与分析太平实了）
Finally, we need（it is necessary, there is an necessity that） to balance the logical education and emotional education in our education system well. Only in this way can students be taught into a fully developed people--both in logic and in emotion. In the history, most successful educational system is a combination of these two kinds of education (it has been proved innumerable times in the history that a successful education system is certainly founded as a combination of significant elements, involving some unrelated, controversial or even opposite alternatives). In the educational system of ancient Greece, which is the spring of Western educational system, logical education and athletics always came in together. As to Eastern educational systems, Confucius put the same emphasis on math and music. Regarding of this, we modern people should also put both rational and emotional education in our educational system and balance them well.

Comments: 读完你的作文，最大的感受就是你很有话说，不论例子，还是举例之后的推理。
你的问题在于chance of word。你的语言，太平实，感觉不地道：一是句子的形式变化不多，尤其是文章开头以后，我建议基本上不要开用少于一行的句子，能改写就改写；二是一些国内四六级的词组就别用了，如more and more, less and less。
我给你改几个句子，要么该表达方式，要么改部分，你考虑考虑。

FROM 卧沙场

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

谢谢你的批评，指出了我最大的问题。我也觉得现在主要的问题是语言，您觉得如何提升文章的语言呢？看范文还是。。另外开头结尾需要模板吗，哪里有比较好的哈？ 12# 卧沙场

坚韧杀神UID: 2703697

I170 未加入结尾 word：500 time: 2h

The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people
The speaker states that it is the general welfare of its entire people that best indicates the greatness of one country. As I see it, the general welfare system of one country stands for its success somehow while the achievements of great people also indicate the development of one country and benefit its people.

Admittedly, welfare of all the people stands for the level of development of the nation it belongs to. A good welfare system helps to create a harmonious society by serving the people affluent existence and keeping them rich in spirit. Only a great country has the source to maintain an even and long-lasting welfare system. On the contrary, it is the responsibility of a nation to support its people education, pension, medical treatment and other kinds of welfare. In the history, some nations focused merely the outside facade of themselves, showing off their power and the achievements of its great men, regardless what a miserable life their people were suffering from. During the Cold War, countries like Soviet Union, crazy of strengthening their army force and competing with western countries, just ignored to provide welfare to their people. Although there were still some great men in such countries, regarding their people's poor life, we can never say these are great, as they failed to guarantee their people the feeling of happiness.  

However, it is also truth that great men such as rulers, artists and scientists also stand for a country. At most times, only the country with a successful social welfare system has the chance to develop its great people. A great ruler elected by the people suggests a good political system, as tyrannies and mediocrity leaders often result in a political system in which people have no right to decide who to lead them. Great artists represent the prosperity of a nation's culture.  For the scientists, they stand for the success of the educational system of their country. The greatness of an individual person not only lies in his own gift and diligence, but also results from the society and nation he belongs to. In this way, we can appraise the development of a country by studying its great men.

Furthermore, countries that own plentiful great men are more likely to serve their people satisfactory welfare, as only through good social welfare system such as educational and medical systems can there be well-educated and healthy people, hence the generation of great men. On the contrary, it is also the great men's responsibility to improve the welfare system of their country for the people. As to the ruler of a nation, who take the responsibility to enact laws and govern the society. A clever and levelheaded leader can keep the country strong and in peace. People benefit from the great ideas of such a great ruler. The artists compose great artistic works to cheer up and enlighten the people. Scientists should create to facilitate people's life. All the work done by great men should at least on the purpose to benefit the people and only in this way can there be a great nation.

卧沙场UID: 3016143

13# 坚韧杀神

其实说实话，这个不是一天两天的活。大家早晚都要出国，所以要想真正积累起来，还是平时一点一滴，比如我曾经买过英语沙龙出的 春 夏 秋 冬 诵，尤其是诵，基本是每篇都是精华（全是历史上的顶级演讲、散文、诗歌，如果有机会，看了就知道）。
现在最快的方法就是模版，什么都要来个模版，一定是自己的，反复修改。模版的作用一是减少我们思考的时间，而是可以不费力的写出自己最好的句子。