argument76 第一次写argument 附连接必回拍！

jackieagUID：200204

76 The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.
'A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin.'


提纲：
1、        survey的可信度
a.        questions
b.        the representative of the volunteers
2、        causal relationship
a、        mild soap
b、        respondents’ habit
c、        the time that the test conducted
3、差异概念 improvement in the way their skin looked and felt 不等于 improving the condition of facial skin

The argument seems to be convincing and sounding when making readers believing that Luxess cream is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin. However, this argument cannot bear further examination since there are several flaws in it.

To begin with, the author fails to convince us the credibility of the survey, because we do not know how the survey conducted. If the questions are leading or self-reported, the conclusion might be unreliable since volunteers could only respond expected answers. In addition, any reader would have a question in mind whether the volunteer could be representative of the overall group of consumers. The arguer fails to make clear the exact number of those volunteers. If the survey was limited to merely small number of people, then the reason might be that the Luxess cream is right suitable for the participators of the survey. In this case, the generalization might not be applied to most of people. Or if, the respondents are those who seldom pay attention to their face before, then it is the regular washing per day that attributes to the change of skin. In lacking such information mentioned above, the survey author provided merely amounts to scant evidence of the cream’s effectiveness.

Moreover, given the survey is effective, the author commits a mistake of confusing occurrence and causality. The author failed to establish the causal relationship between the improvement of facial skin's condition and the use of Luxess. It is possible that it is the mild soap used every day attributes to the result of enhancing of facial skin, rather than the effectiveness of Luxess cream. It is also possible that it is the product used in other times that leads to the result, since the respondents only uses Luxess in the morning. Moreover, the time the survey is conducted would affects people face skin as well. For example, if the test were conducted in spring or summer, the agreeable weather would also cause the acclaimed amelioration. So, without ruling out all the possibility above, the author could not justify that it is the function of Luxess improving respondents’ face.

Before I come to my conclusion it is necessary to point out another flaw in the argument that the improvement in the way their skin looked and felt does not indicate the improving in the condition of skin. Perhaps the face seems to change as the respondents’ observation and feeling, but there is a good chance the skin is not improved at all or even become worst, owning to the use of chemical cream. So the conclusion drawn by the author is unfair.

To sum up, the author fails to persuade us believe that Luxess face cream has the ability to improve individual's face condition. To strengthen the argument, the author should rule out all the possibilities of the supposed causal relationship. And to better evaluate the argument, we would need more information of the survey regarding the amount of the respondents and their face condition and habits.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-19 at 17:05 ]

Lysia21UID：200871

The argument seems to be convincing and sounding when making readers believing that Luxess cream is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin. However, this argument cannot bear further examination since there are several flaws in it.

To begin with, the author fails to convince us the credibility of the survey, because we do not know how the survey conducted. If the questions are leading or self-reported, the conclusion might be unreliable since volunteers could only respond expected answers. In addition, any reader would have a question in mind whether the volunteer could be representative of the overall group of consumers. The arguer fails to make clear the exact number of those volunteers. If the survey was limited to merely small number of people, then the reason might be that the Luxess cream is right suitable for the participators of the survey. In this case, the generalization might not be applied to most of people. Or if, the respondents are those who seldom pay attention to their face before, then it is the regular washing per day that attributes to the change of skin. In lacking such information mentioned above, the survey author provided merely amounts to scant evidence of the cream’s effectiveness.（ 这段的错误找得很好， 但是注意一个问题， 你这段里面分两层是吧，加点联结词会不会好一点，否则好像有点乱）

Moreover, given the survey is effective, the author commits a mistake of confusing occurrence and causality. The author failed to establish the causal relationship between the improvement of facial skin's condition and the use of Luxess. It is possible that it is the mild soap used every day attributes to the result of enhancing of facial skin, rather than the effectiveness of Luxess cream. It is also possible that it is the product used in other times（other products ） that leads to the result, since the respondents only uses Luxess in the morning（there is no indication that the respondents would not use other products in except Luxess）. Moreover(这段的开头也是moreover吧，换一个吧), the time the survey is conducted would affects people face skin as well. For example, if the test were conducted in spring or summer, the agreeable weather would also cause the acclaimed amelioration. So, without ruling out all the possibility（possibilities） above, the author could not justify that it is the function of Luxess improving(that improve)respondents’ face.

Before I come to my conclusion it is necessary to point out another flaw in the argument that the improvement in the way their skin looked and felt does not indicate the improving in the condition of skin. Perhaps the face seems to change as the respondents’ observation and feeling, but there is a good chance the skin is not improved at all or even becomes worst, owning to the use of chemical cream. So the conclusion drawn by the author is unfair.

To sum up, the author fails to persuade us believe that Luxess face cream has the ability to improve individual's face condition. To strengthen the argument, the author should rule out all the possibilities of the supposed causal relationship. And to better evaluate the argument, we would need more information of the survey regarding the amount of the respondents and their face condition and habits.

第一次写很不错了，你的提纲是列的很好的，继续加油把
帮我看一篇吧https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

jackieagUID：200204

谢谢你。我帮你改了，不过我自己作文水平有限，可能该的不一定对，希望对你有帮助。你issue写得比我强多了，给点经验吧。:confused:

tsh11344UID：2108672

The argument seems to be convincing and sounding when making readers believing that Luxess cream is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin. However, this argument cannot bear further examination since there are several flaws in it.

To begin with, the author fails to convince us the credibility of the survey, because we do not know how the survey (is) conducted. If the questions are leading or self-reported, the conclusion might be unreliable since volunteers could only respond expected answers. In addition, any reader would have a question in mind whether the volunteer could be representative of the overall group of consumers. The arguer fails to make clear the exact number of those volunteers. If the survey was limited to merely small number of people, then the reason might be that the Luxess cream is right suitable for the participators of the survey. In this case, the generalization(why use generalization) might not be applied to most of people. Or if, the respondents are those who seldom pay attention to their face before, then it is the regular washing per day that attributes(是否该用contribute to) to the change of skin. In lacking such information mentioned above, the survey author provided merely amounts to scant evidence of the cream’s effectiveness.（ 这段的错误找得很好， 但是注意一个问题， 你这段里面分两层是吧，加点联结词会不会好一点，否则好像有点乱）

Moreover, given the survey is effective, the author commits a mistake of confusing occurrence and causality. The author failed to establish the causal relationship between the improvement of facial skin's condition and the use of Luxess. It is possible that it is the mild soap used every day (that)attributes to attribute to 是否应改为lead to / result in 等,attribute to 应该是前果后因,而后者用在前因后果the result of enhancing of facial skin, rather than the effectiveness of Luxess cream. It is also possible that it is the product used in other times（other products ） that leads to the result, since the respondents only uses Luxess in the morning（there is no indication that the respondents would not use other products in except Luxess）. Moreover(这段的开头也是moreover吧，换一个吧), the time the survey is conducted would affects(affect 应该用原形) people face skin as well. For example, if the test were conducted in spring or summer, the agreeable weather would also cause the acclaimed amelioration. So, without ruling out all the possibility（possibilities） above, the author could not justify that it is the function of Luxess improving(that improve)respondents’ face.(it is Luxess that improve repondents' face condition, 强调语句,强调主语)

Before I come to my conclusion it is necessary to point out another flaw in the argument that the improvement in the way their skin looked and felt does not indicate the improving in the condition of skin. Perhaps the face seems to change as the respondents’ observation and feeling, but there is a good chance the skin is not improved at all or even becomes worst, owning to the use of chemical cream. So the conclusion drawn by the author is unfair(unreasonable).

To sum up, the author fails to persuade us believe that Luxess face cream has the ability(function) to improve individual's face condition. To strengthen the argument, the author should rule out all the possibilities of the supposed causal relationship. And to better evaluate the argument, we would need more information of the survey regarding the amount of the respondents and their face condition and habits.