Issue48一将功成万骨枯

shanekunUID: 2104358

Issue48  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：59分57秒     531 words
从2005年6月19日9时23分到2005年6月19日10时59分
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The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.
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Who contribute more to the most important events and trends in history, the highlighted individuals such as political leaders and eminent scientist, or the common citizens, soldiers, and common researchers? I think they are not mutually exclusive, on the contrary, they are interdependent thus equally important to the preceding of social and scientific events. The achievements and transformational events could only be take/carrier out by virtue of some individuals intelligence and abilities, at the same time be substantiated by enormous people who make possible of appropriate environments. Therefore, I would illustrate the relationship between them as follows, concerning politics and  science respectively.

To begin with, the most popular and prevailed figures in  history textbook and  researcher’s reports are those names which we were taught to attend , memorize even worship. We have learned significant detail about these individuals including their impressive response to specific diplomatic issues or strategies of some critical battles. It seems that It is only political and military leaders who set up the marvelous tracts and strategies , thus remarkably influenced the history events, while the tremendous electors, party members and soldiers even slaves were usually ignored, at most mentioned by piece of word with little attention or respect.
There is a Chinese saying : " The step stones of one general's promotion were made by the skeleton and corpse of his warriors." Just Think about the famous Battle of Normandy, the turning points of the European battle fields, even crucial to the whole status of The Second World War. It was Investigated and designated by General Eisenhower and Montgomery at the headquarters of allied force and successfully carrier out, by thousands people with incredible courage and braveness. Without either one’s contribute mentioned above the result of this decisive battle would be indefinite, moreover, the entire status of world would be derivate to extremely horrible. After the war, the generals gained the reputation all over the world; His name was printed and disseminated by every history textbook and appeared definitely as long as the war was mentioned. At the same time, the heroes died in this battle were represented by a cross gravestone in the graveyard, their name could hardly be recalled except their families and close friends, however, they should never be neglected or underestimated, due to the contribution they have made to the peace of world.

When it comes to scientific field, it is the same that we generally emphasized and pay tremendous attention and appreciation to the genius such as Archimedes, Newton, Einstein and so forth. We considered their exceptional intelligence make sparks in the dark, enlightened and drove the progress of human beings' understanding of the natural world and instituted their theory and formula which perfectly explained and illustrate the facts and phenomenon we encountered. How ever, as the Newton once said (I paraphrase) "I could see further than others because I stand on the shoulder of giant." Without sufficient theoretical basis and adequate research equipment and instruments, the success was absolutely dreams of some greatest inventions and technology. From Robert hook who invited the preliminary microscope, thought the enormous observation and recording, illustrating and comparing of plants, animals and human tissues, we gradually touch the secret of livings in this planet. As the progressing of life science especially the development of gene technologies attracted significant attention and debates around the world, the founder of DNA structure--Watson and Crick, win appropriate praise, including the Nobel Price. However, they could not deny that it is from the piles of picture of Nuclear Acid Crystallized fraction that they conceived and construct the genuine conception of double helix. With out the support team members in the laboratory who provided adequate instrument and equipment, we could not achieve so many exciting discoveries in scientific field.

To sum up , the succeed and progress was made possible by the corporation and interaction between intelligent individuals and competent an reliable groups of supports. To illustrate this point, we could compare the wheels of history was powered by the stimulus, related to the groups of people's dedication, at the same time, directed by the prospective scope from intelligences, either one is indispensable.

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

你留连接的ISSUE 7有人帮忙改掉了

我来帮你看这个零回复啦

改的不合适的地方我们再讨论好吧？

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

Who contribute more to the most important events and trends in history, the highlighted individuals such as political leaders and eminent scientist复数, or the common citizens后面也有COMMON,这里送你个别的说法 quotidian masses, soldiers, and common researchers? I think they are not mutually 这个词可以这样用么?好象一般用在金融或者财政上,我见过最多的是 mutual fund exclusive, on the contrary, they are interdependent thus 这个词不好,似乎没有所谓因果关系在里面啊,我觉得只是一个顺承 equally important to the preceding of social and scientific events. The achievements and transformational events could only be take/carrier BE动词后跟原形??虾米东东? out by virtue of some individuals intelligence and abilities, at the same time be substantiated by enormous people who make possible of appropriate environments. Therefore, I would illustrate the relationship between them as follows, concerning politics and  science respectively.
虽然很明白,但是似乎有点长啊,跟整个文章搭配起来,总觉得虎头蛇尾似的,而且前面做那么多铺垫,主题句却始终不出来,似乎有点浪费笔墨,看看大致的样子,就发现这个段落和后面第一段都差不多一样了，似乎不妥

To begin with, the most popular and prevailed figures in  history textbook复数 and  researcher’s reports are those names 前面是FIGURES,后面是NAMES,中文里这种修辞,但是似乎英语里这样行不通,前后文不一致 which we were taught to attend , memorize even worship. We have learned significant detail 复数 about these individuals including their impressive response复数要目单数加冠词  to specific diplomatic issues or strategies of some critical battles. It seems that It is only 限定了就基本等于特指,少数情况特殊，但是一般要加定冠词 political and military leaders who set up the marvelous tracts and strategies , thus remarkably influenced the history events, while the tremendous electors, party members and soldiers even slaves were usually ignored, at most mentioned by piece of word with little attention or respect.

There is a Chinese saying : " The step stones of one general's promotion were made by the skeleton and corpse of his warriors."虾米?? Just Think about the famous Battle of Normandy,这里要么句号,要目冒号,不过老外很少用冒号...  the turning points of the European battle fields, even crucial to the whole status of The Second World War. It was Investigated and designated by General Eisenhower and Montgomery at the headquarters of allied force and successfully carrier 拼写 out, by thousands people with incredible courage and braveness. Without either one’s contribute名词 mentioned above the result of this decisive battle would be indefinite,句号 moreover, the entire status of world would be derivate to extremely horrible. After the war, the generals gained the reputation all over the world; His name was printed and disseminated by every history textbook and appeared definitely as long as the war was mentioned. At the same time, the heroes died in this battle were represented by a cross gravestone in the graveyard, their name could hardly be recalled 后面是人，就是你除去的是他的家人，朋友,前面没有说明啊,加个 BY PEOPLE之类的会更清楚 except their families and close friends, however, they should never be neglected or underestimated, due to the contribution they have made to the peace of world.
是不是我理解错了,似乎上面这两段应该是一段?
虽然大政治包括军事,但是我不知道这样讲能不能行的通,最好再保险一下

When it comes to scientific field, it is the same that we generally emphasized and pay tremendous attention and appreciation to the genius such as Archimedes, Newton, Einstein and so forth. We considered their exceptional intelligence 加个介词似乎也不舒服,这句话有点语法毛病，楼主看着办吧 make sparks in the dark, enlightened and drove the progress of human beings' understanding of the natural world and instituted their theory and formula which perfectly explained and illustrate the facts and phenomenon we encountered. How ever表分开, as the牛顿不用THE,他是个人 Newton once said (I paraphrase) "I could see further than others because I stand on the shoulder of 定冠词 giant." Without sufficient theoretical basis and adequate research equipment and instruments, the success was absolutely dreams of some greatest inventions and technology. 这里已经点出了你要说的东西,就是科学成果是大家共同创造的,但是为什么不进一步说明呢?点了一下,就放在这里了,这个论证就不完满 From Robert hook who invited the preliminary microscope, thought the enormous observation and recording, illustrating and comparing of plants, animals and human tissues, we gradually touch the secret of livings in this planet. As the progressing of life science especially the development of gene technologies attracted significant attention and debates around the world, the founder of DNA structure--Watson and Crick, win appropriate praise, including the Nobel Price. However, they could not deny that it is from the piles of picture of Nuclear Acid Crystallized fraction that they conceived and construct the genuine conception of double helix. With out the support team members in the laboratory who provided adequate instrument and equipment, we could not achieve so many exciting discoveries in scientific field.
这段在我看来,除了第一句一句话是在说你的小中心外,剩下就开始用例子不停的ILLUSTRATE,引证也是如此,但是事实上你并没有说,或者说你没有解释一个WHY的问题.前面说了一个WHY,我们为什么要强调和更加关注那些科学巨人,后面呢?给出一堆例子之后就没有进一步的论述了,我觉得其实这段开头是比较好的,一个中心,一个说明，一个引证,比较的完满了,后面的那些例子,似乎在一个层面上,不说也罢,除非你找到另一个在科学问题方面的论点,来说明你的TS,比如反证.后面再说,要么是递进,要么是转折(如果还要照原观点叙述,那就没必要了),要么就是反证
另外一个问题就是,我觉得楼主这段有点跑了,题目是说 THE STUDY OF HISTORY,我不知道你怎么理解的,不过我觉得你这样分成两方面说是可以的,只是你怎么样把这两个方面能联系到一起呢?比如你说科学成果不是一个人的精华,是大家的结果,我觉得这里就是好象在讨论,技术进步或者说人类进步不是一个人的功劳一样了,但是如果把这样的话说出来,比如说人类的进步,那似乎就是和历史靠上了,楼主你怎么认为呢?我们再讨论好了，我是这样理解的

To sum up , the succeed and progress was made possible by the corporation and interaction between intelligent individuals and competent an reliable groups of supports. To illustrate this point, we could compare the wheels of history was powered by the stimulus, related to the groups of people's dedication, at the same time, directed by the prospective scope from intelligences, either one is indispensable.
结尾还好,在我看来又回来了

楼主加油