issue136 跟着同主题走，留链接回拍

11yvetteUID: 2102418

顶一顶
大家帮忙拍一拍吧~~~

谢了先啊~~~~

staralwaysUID: 193479

Which major should I choose in order to repay my knowledge and result back to the society to the largest extend some day in the future? Which school should I choose in order to feel the culture accumulated throughout her history, establish a helpful view of the universe and enhance my personality? [开头用提问句引出，不错。] There are dozens of choices for anyone when he or she decides to pursue his or her study. As the statement's assertion, choice is something will not lack which I would like to vote for.

The situation exists that choices are all around, but there is no right endowed for choose. Before the early 20th century, women were not allowed to appear in the [多余，去掉。] social activities, including working, engaging politics and so forth. Though there were lots of choices, but they had no right to select, thus the women’s rights was broke up. Finally, women gradually owe [own] the rights as men do, and the forbidden choices activated to women [them]. From which we learn that though the choices are standing, without the right, they cannot be operated. Yet, the rights can be strived to. [觉得关于“选择的权利可以争取到”这点和TS联系不大，个人认为还是stick to“缺乏选择的权利”这个中心分论点，可以再多举一个例子；另外照应一下题目：“缺乏选择的权利”也是a kind of lacking of choice。]

However, the time we live now is an informative explosion age. Science and technology develop more and more advanced based on the need of human beings. Every time we want to get information we just Google in the Internet, thousands of results showed up in just few seconds. That is to say that the numerous choices are around us all the time. For instance, there was a policy in China 30 years ago that if someone wanted to buy something, he or she cannot get what he or she wants without the ticket. Everything needed a ticket: for oil, there was oil-ticket; for rice, there was rice-ticket; and for cloth, there was cloth-ticket. All kinds of tickets distributed by the government to each citizen were limited every month, because the productivity at that time was so poor that the whole society immersed in a situation of the absence of the commodity. Contrasting to the past when people can not choose to buy what was needed, we are now getting our freedom to select the necessity from a great deal of merchandizes, while the tickets used then become the antique for the collectors. [我是把后面那段看过以后再来评这段。感觉这段的中心是“缺乏选择物”；那么关于信息时代的那部分内容感觉可以放到下面一段里去，因为下面那段是处理“信息时代”所面临的选择过剩的问题。这段就完全围绕“票据”的例子展开分析。]

Due to the characteristics of this age, the selective choice around us seems superfluous rather than what we need, which always makes people feel confused? Every day, people would face to at least a choice, and ask themselves which one should be chosen to make the largest [best] use of the selective resource. Confronting to the optimization problem, the more choices makes the problem more complex. Under the circumstance, People would go to the opposite way instead of their original direction, which one is good, which one is bad, which one is suitable, which one is improper. When the summer sale is coming, fashioned young ladies happily rush to the department stores to buy the discount clothes. However, they are totally losing themselves in front of so many beautiful suits, skirts and accessories. They do not consider deliberately for what is suitable or what is not but only pick up things with low price. As a result, lots of clothes bought at sale would hang peacefully in the closet. Facing the abundant choices calls for criteria of selection, which bases on the individual's aim and necessary with calm consideration. [这段分析、论证得不错。]

To sum up, the choices are ubiquitous in this informative explosion age and we would select commodities, decisions and even the future based on what we definitely need. Before elaborately thinking, facing to the overflowed information, we may lose our imperturbable analysis and choose the unsuitable alternative.

这篇文章开头给的立场是：并没有缺乏选择；个人认为从文章的内容来看，更恰当的是：随着时间、社会的变化，是否“缺乏选择”这种情况也在变化。

OceanDUID: 2118730

我最近才学会上论坛的，这是我写的第一张帖子，如果有什么不合规矩的地方，希望版主和各位朋友能多多包涵。
      我是先读了楼主的文章，才看了版主的评论。我也认为开头的几个文句排比写的很好，正文第一段的例子想的很好，妇女一向是ETS比较关心的话题，但是我觉得你用的不太好，没有很好的压题，写的不太透彻。第二段有点乱。第三段论证的挺好，算是主题的升华吧。另外就是你的字数，一直是我所羡慕的。如果你在以后的作文中中心句的突出我认为就更好了。加油！:)
      希望有机会你也能对我有所指教。

11yvetteUID: 2102418

很久没打开自己的这一贴了
一直以为它快变一个死贴,正准备改了再发

太感谢star斑斑帮我改了:
我对偏题,跑题一直是比较担心的,看来这次的B1中那句话是有点儿跑了
而且Body段对于TS来说也有一定程度的跑题:L
这样对审视自己其他文中是否出现跑题的文句也是有好处的啊~~

To OceanD:
谢谢你耐性看了我的拙文,你的意见也是一针见血啊~~
因为刚写时B1是最后写的,也就是B3
改的时候觉得有点不好,再把它提上来的
其中的例子不是很到位,我会再改
说到各段的TS不明确,我会谨记啊~~
谢谢你了:handshake

等你写了,发到坛子上来,我拍拍,咱们互相进步啊~~:)