issue136 熊熊的互拍组第四次作业~from熊熊~互拍！

sebarinaUID: 2108158

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回拍留链接~
这次写的不顺利~应该大有可拍
拍我拍得不好~
熊熊可就不能给你苛刻的熊熊拍啦~
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Issue136  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分3秒     555 words
从2005年7月9日12时48分到2005年7月9日13时45分
------题目------
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.
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基本同意这个观点。

1虽然有些事情是无法选择的：出生和死亡，种族，血统，家庭.但是一旦人们在社会上立足，成为一个独立的个体，缺乏选择的情况就会变得少之又少。
2首先人们在一个民主法制的社会是赋予了自由的权利的。democratic society->free choice-serves
3其次人们抱怨缺乏选择却不是真的这样而是因为他们不愿意选择那些不好的。
------正文------
Is the choice always sufficient in our life? The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly exists. While conceding that in some certain circumstances as birth and death we have little choices, however, I would assert that, in most circumstances of our daily life, the absence of choice is actually very, very rare.

To begin with, I concede that when we were born or when we will death is not held by all the people. The birth of us is endowed by our parents, which is not in our choice-range. To compensate for such deficiency of choice, we are also endowed the rights to give birth to other lives. In addition, companion with the birth, the people, the race, the family cannot be decided by us, either. We do not know whether the choice the birth, the race and other background will be favored by our children. And it was also unsure for our parents then. Life is so precious anyway  that we should not complaint about such absence of choice. Then we would like to concern about death, which is also a natural accident rather than human's choice. As it is necessary for human evolution, we will also accept this inevitable result, although it is definitely out of control. In sum, under these circumstances, the choice may be absent from our holds.

However, I should point out that, when one become an individual in daily life, not concerning the natural accidents, the choice will be almost always controlled by us, as the speaker asserts.

In the first place, people are individuals totally free in every democrat society. Constitute interprets the basic human rights, and society moral standard also emphasize individual freedom on choice, so they have their rights to enjoy the process of choice. Take Bill Gates for example. When he decided to give up the study in Harved, no one including his relatives could deny his decision. And even if there might be some opposite opinions, he finally successfully made his decision, and began a brand-new life. If there were no such freedom for choice and the willingness of Gates would be probably rejected, and then perhaps we will lose today's bloom of IT industry, which would impede the development of society.  Similar cases may happen on many of us, because our rights of free are protected in the society. While, if these rights can be trampled by others, the society will be totalized, which will lead to deterioration as is proved by history. So in nowadays, we can confirm that choice-rights are often held by ourselves, which is to say the absences of choice is always rare.

In the second place, people who think they are lack of choices are those who do not choose. In our life, we will hear many complaints that they have no choice. However, after carefully scrutiny, we will find people do not choose because they do not like to choose an inferior decision. Many people would like to say ''I have no choice but...” which can significantly illustrate this point. When an employer is dismissed, he or she do not find a satisfactory job, but has to do some boring work, and probably complaint to others:" Life is so tough, lack of choice.” Is there really no choice for such person? We would rather say he or she just mistakes choice of reluctance for absence of choice. Thus we will obviously find the problem for our society full of such voice. Maybe we can define the phenomenon more precisely, which can be expressed as lacking better choices.

In conclusion, except in some few cases, in which people can hardly make their decisions most times, we can choose free. What is more, that the only thing may obstacle us from choosing is the undesired thought.

foreveraUID: 202035

Is the choice always sufficient in our life? The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly exists. While conceding that in some certain circumstances as birth and death we have little choices, however, I would assert that, in most circumstances of our daily life, the absence of choice is actually very, very rare.恩这个开头比以前的就好多了嘛...HOHO

To begin with, I concede that when we were born or when we will deathdie is not held by all the people. The birth of us is endowed by our parents, which is not in our choice-range. 那death呢?最好要呼应起来To compensate for such deficiency of choice, we are also endowed the rights to give birth to other lives.这好象和choice没什么太大的联系吧 In addition, companionaccompanying? with the birth, the people, the race, the family cannot be decided by us, either. We do not know whether the choice of? the birth, the race and other background will be favored by our children. And it was also unsure for our parents then. Life is so precious anyway  that we should not complaint about such absence of choice. Then we would like to concern about death, which is also a natural accident rather than human's choice. 放在前面会比较好一点吧As it is necessary for human evolution, we will also accept this inevitable result, although it is definitely out of control. In sum, under these circumstances, the choice may be absent from our holds.熊熊这一段写的不太好哦,结构上不是太清晰,句子之间跳跃也有点大,建议自己多改一下

However, I should point out that, when one become an individual in daily life, not concerning the natural accidents, the choice will be almost always controlled by us, as the speaker asserts.

In the first place, people are individuals totally free in every democrat society. Constitute interprets the basic human rights, and society moral standard also emphasize individual freedom on choice, so they have their rights to enjoy the process of choice. Take Bill Gates for example. When he decided to give up the study in Harved, no one including his relatives could deny his decision. And even if there might be some opposite opinions, he finally successfully made his decision, and began a brand-new life. If there were no such freedom for choice and the willingness of Gates would be probably rejected, and then perhaps we will lose today's bloom of IT industry, which would impede the development of society.  Similar cases may happen on many of us, because our rights of free are protected in the society. While, if these rights can be trampled by others, the society will be totalized, which will lead to deterioration as is proved by history.这句没怎么看明白 So in nowadays, we can confirm that choice-rights are often held by ourselves, which is to say the absences of choice is always rare.

In the second place, people who think they are lack of choices are those who do not choose. In our life, we will hear many complaints that they have no choice. However, after carefully scrutiny, we will find people do not choose because they do not like to choose an inferior decision make inferior choices?. Many people would like to say ''I have no choice but...” which can significantly illustrate this point. When an employer is dismissed, he or she do not find a satisfactory job, but has to do some boring work, and probably complaint to others:" Life is so tough, lack of choice.” Is there really no choice for such person? We would rather say he or she just mistakes choice of reluctance for absence of choice. Thus we will obviously find the problem for our society full of such voice. Maybe we can define the phenomenon more precisely, which can be expressed as lacking better choices.以上2段写的都很不错,也没找到很多不够恰当的地方.

In conclusion, except in some few cases, in which people can hardly make their decisions most times, we can choose free. What is more, that the only thing may obstacle us from choosing is the undesired thought.


这个题目的确有点恶心,不过熊熊写的已经很不错了,不过第2段还需要多改一改....

晚上吃完饭交作业,熊熊也来拍我的哦...HOHO

dapopiUID: 191236

Is the choice always sufficient in our life?复数表达？ The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly exists.改写得很厉害哦 While conceding that in some certain circumstances as birth and death we have little choices, however, I would assert that, in most circumstances of our daily life, the absence of choice is actually very, very rare.

To begin with, I concede that when we were born or when we will deathdeath? is not held by all the people. The birth of us is endowed by our parents, which is not in our choice-range. To compensate for such deficiency of choice, we are also endowed the rights to give birth to other lives. In addition, companion with the birth, the people, the race, the family cannot be decided by us, either. We do not know whether the choice the birth, the race and other background will be favored by our children. And it was also unsure for our parents then. Life is so precious anyway  that we should not complaint about such absence of choice. Then we would like to concern about death, which is also a natural accident rather than human's choice. As it is necessary for human evolution, we will also accept this inevitable result, although it is definitely out of control. In sum, under these circumstances, the choice may be absent from our holds.

However, I should point out that, when one become an individual in daily life, not concerning the natural accidents, the choice will be almost always controlled by us, as the speaker asserts.

In the first place, people are individuals totally free in every democrat这个似乎是民主党，没查，好像用democratic society. Constitute interprets the basic human rights, and society moral standard also emphasize individual freedom on choice, so they have their rights to enjoy the process of choice. Take Bill Gates for example. When he decided to give up the study in Harved, no one including his relatives could deny his decision. And even if there might be some opposite opinions, he finally successfully made his decision, and began a brand-new life. If there were no such freedom for choice and the willingness of Gates would be probably rejected, and then perhaps we will lose today's bloom of IT industry, which would impede the development of society.  Similar cases may happen on many of us, because our rights of free are protected in the society. While, if these rights can be trampled by others, the society will be totalized, which will lead to deterioration as is proved by history.你是想讲选择权对社会的重要性吧，但是这样扯的似乎有点远了，造成前后有点不连贯 So in nowadays, we can confirm that choice-rights are often held by ourselves, which is to say the absences of choice is always rare.

In the second place, people who think they are lack of choices are those who do not choosedo not choose感觉很别扭，用can not see some choices是不是好一点，我胡扯的，你看着办. In our life, we will hear many complaints that they have no choice. However, after carefully scrutiny, we will find people do not choose because they do not like to choose an inferior decision. Many people would like to say ''I have no choice but...” which can significantly illustrate this point. When an employeremployee is dismissed, he or she docan好一点 not find a satisfactory job, but has to do some boring work, and probably complaint to others:" Life is so tough, lack of choice.” Is there really no choice for such person? We would rather say he or she just mistakes choice of reluctance for absence of choice. Thus we will obviously find the problem for our society full of such voice. Maybe we can define the phenomenon more precisely, which can be expressed as lacking better choices.

In conclusion, except in some few cases, in which people can hardly make their decisions most times, we can choose free. What is more, that the only thing may obstacle us from choosing is the undesired thought. 最后一句很精彩，怎么想出来的，强！

熊熊的提纲每次都是偶学习的对象，这次也不错！
Bill Gates的例子不错的，我觉得还可以继续说点（不过这个我也没想到，看高人指点吧）
但是最后devepment of society有点跑了，你说呢
TO sum up，45min能写这样的555words，已经非常好了，加油！

疑问：昨天不说issue185吗？怎么没认写，我又白写了，sigh~~~

cranlipUID: 2123168

Is the choice always sufficient(sufficen充足？与后面一句不太承接起来，不如说是noy deficiency好像也不太好，还是换一下词） in our life? The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly exists. While conceding that in some certain circumstances as birth and death we have little choices, however, I would assert that, in most circumstances of our daily life, the absence of choice is actually very, very rare.（开头形式很好，不过前面两句话顺承关系不是很明显）

To begin with, I concede that when we were born or when we will death is not held （determined)by all the people(ourselve). The birth of us is endowed by our parents, which is not in our choice-range. To compensate for such deficiency(选择的不足？
我知道你想表达的意思，但是，不是很地道） of choice, we are also endowed the rights to give birth to other lives. In addition, companion with the birth, the people, the race, the family cannot be decided by us, either（neither). We do not know whether the choice of the birth, the race and other background will be favored by our children. And it was also unsure for our parents then. Life is so precious anyway  that we should not complaint about such absence of choice按照逻辑，后面应该启下，讲不应该抱怨死亡，或者是为什么不抱怨死亡，你选择后者，那么连词应该用becase之类，而不是then. (Then we would like to concern about death, which is also a natural accident rather than human's choice. As it is necessary for human evolution, we will also accept this inevitable result, although it is definitely out of control. In sum, under these circumstances, the choice may be absent from our holds.(hold能用到这样表达，能的话我可要收入囊中咯）我认为这一段的重点应该是人们不应该抱怨没有选择的时候，逻辑关系上似乎还有点乱，意思就是巨资的承接关系还不明显，该承上启下还是该总结因果，不太看得出来。

However, I should point out that, when one become an individual in daily life, not concerning the natural accidents, the choice will be almost always controlled by us, as the speaker asserts.

In the first place, people are individuals totally free in every democrat society. Constitute interprets freedom as the basic human rights, and society moral standard also emphasize individual freedom on choice, so they have their rights to enjoy the process of choice. Take Bill Gates for example. When he decided to give up the study in Harved, no one including his relatives could deny his decision. And even if there might be some opposite opinions, he finally successfully made his decision, and began a brand-new life.（每个人都有自由选择的权利） If there were no such freedom for choice and the willingness of Gates would be probably rejected, and then perhaps we will lose today's bloom of IT industry, which would impede the development of society.  Similar cases may happen on many of us, because our rights of free are protected in the society. While, if these rights can be trampled by others, the society will be totalized, which will lead to deterioration as is proved by history. So in nowadays, we can confirm that choice-rights are often held by ourselves, which is to say the absences of choice is always rare. （这一段论证不大看得出什么问题，因为整篇文章和我的观点有点冲突，所以现在有点迷惑，提不出什么意见）

In the second place, people who think they are lack of choices are those who do not choose. In our life, we will hear many complaints that they have no choice. However, after carefully scrutiny, we will find people do not choose because they do not like to choose an inferior decision. Many people would like to say ''I have no choice but...” which can significantly illustrate this point. When an employer is dismissed, he or she do not find a satisfactory job, but has to do some boring work, and probably complaint to others:" Life is so tough, lack of choice.” Is there really no choice for such person? We would rather say he or she just mistakes choice of reluctance用得好 for absence of choice. Thus we will obviously find the problem for our society full of such voice. Maybe we can define the phenomenon more precisely, which can be expressed as lacking better choices.（没有讲到为什么会觉得lack of choice的真正原因，可以联系人性的弱点和心理学加以论述）

In conclusion, except in some few cases, in which people can hardly make their decisions most times, we can choose free. What is more, that the only thing may obstacle us from choosing is the undesired thought（.结尾太草率，熊头狗尾：）希望有些==升华

我觉得文章总体上还可以，第一段论证，反正不是很到位。
后面两段还可以，尤其是和例子结合得很好。但是每个点的句子的承接关系不是很好，而且有点批驳得比较肤浅，不够深入。
由于在观点上颌我比较大的冲突，所以。。。就这些吧

欢迎回拍  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... 3Dtype%26typeid%3D9   issues  136

sosoUID: 194270

Is the choice always sufficient in our life?这句问得好象不是很恰当,感觉和题目无选择的情况少不太搭配,考虑一下The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly exists. While conceding that in some certain circumstances as birth and death we have little choices, however, I would assert that, in most circumstances of our daily life, the absence of choice is actually very, very rare.

To begin with, I concede that when we were born or when we will death is not held by all the people. The birth of us is endowed by our parents, which is not in our choice-range. To compensate for such deficiency of choice, we are also endowed the rights to give birth to other lives.和TS貌似没关系 In addition, companion withsimilar to感觉好一些,而且名词短语不能当修饰成分吧 the birth, the people跟race重复了, the race, the family cannot be decided by us, either. We do not know whether the choice of the birth, the race and other backgrounds will be favored by our children. And it was also unsure for our parents then. Life is so precious anyway  that we should not complaint about such absence of choice. Then we would like to concern about death, which is also a natural accidentincident rather than human's choice. As it is necessary for human evolution, we will also accept this inevitable resultfact, although it is definitely out of control. In sum, under these circumstances, the choice may be absent from our holds.感觉这一段论述的有些主观和感性,而且把例子直接引入TS,会使论证的空间缩小,而且对于死亡人类有时候还是可以控制的,语气或许应该调整一下,不要那么绝对

However, I should point out that, when one become an individual 删掉,虽然知道你想说什么,感觉这样写还是罗嗦 in daily life, not concerning the natural accidents, the choice will be almost always controlled by us, as the speaker asserts.

In the first place, people are individuals totally太绝对了 free in every democrat society. Constitute interprets the basic human rights宾语省得不太合适, and society moral standard also emphasize individual freedom on choice, so they指代不清 have their rights to enjoy?? the process of choice. Take Bill Gates for example. When he decided to give up the study in HarvedHarvard哈佛会怒的, no one including his relatives could denyreject his decision. And even if there might be some opposite opinions, he finally successfully made his decision, and began a brand-new life. If there were no such freedom for choice and the willingness of Gates would be probably rejected, and then perhaps we will lose today's bloom of IT industrywe will not see the Microsoft Company today好一点IT是历史趋势, which would impede the development of society.  Similar cases may happen on many of us, because our rights of free are protected in the society. While, if these rights can be trampled by others, the society will be totalized, which will lead to deterioration as is proved by history. So in nowadays, we can confirm that choice-rights are often held by ourselves, which is to say the absences of choice is always rare. 这一段论证读了以后感觉是在说我们拥有作出选择的权利,而没有体现出我们有很多选择

In the second place, people who think they are lack of choices are those who do not choose. In our life, we will hear many complaints that they have no choice. However, after carefully scrutiny, we will find people do not choose because they do not like to choose an inferior decision. Many people would like to say ''I have no choice but...” which can significantly illustrate this point出现在这里感觉比较奇怪. When an employer is dismissed, he or she do not find a satisfactorysatisfied job, but has to do some boring work, and probably complaint to others:" Life is so tough, lack of choice.” Is there really no choice for such person? We would rather say he or she just mistakes choice of reluctance for absence of choice. Thus we will obviously find the problem for our society full of such voice. Maybe we can define the phenomenon more precisely, which can be expressed as lacking better choices.

In conclusion, except in some few cases, in which people can hardly make their decisions. Most times, we can choose free. What is more, that the only thing may obstacle us from choosing is the undesired thought. 结尾总结的不是很好.

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这篇文章有点有失小熊你的水准呀,回去再改改吧

                PS. 熊饼是啥?:O能吃么??

yurong84UID: 2120087

Is the choice always sufficient in our life? The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a circumstance that hardly exists. While conceding that in some certain circumstances as birth and death we have little choices, however（转折有些牵强，你和作者的观点其实是大体一致的对吧，可是后面用assert好像这个意见是自己提出来的一样）, I would assert that, in most circumstances of our daily life, the absence of choice is actually very, very rare.

To begin with, I concede that when we were born or when we will death（dead） is not held by all the people（不是被所有人？改成any people）. The birth of us is endowed by our parents, which is not in（beyond） our choice-range. To compensate for such deficiency of choice, we are also endowed the rights to give birth to other lives. In addition, companion with the birth, the people（people什么意思）, the race, the family cannot be decided by us, either. We do not know whether the choice the birth, the race and other background will be favored by our children. And it was also unsure（it is the same with ***） for our parents then. Life is so precious anyway (放到句首) that we should not complaint about such absence of choice. Then we would like to concern about death, which is also a natural accident rather than human's choice. As it is necessary for human evolution, we will also accept this inevitable result, although it is definitely out of control（有点罗嗦）. In sum, under these circumstances, the choice may be absent from our holds.
（这段不够简洁自然，最好用连贯一些的陈述将生死串起来，用一些比较地道的表述法就更好了。。。不过这种思路不错）

However, I should point out that, when one become an individual in daily life, not concerning the natural accidents, the choice will be almost always controlled by us, as the speaker asserts.
（when we put...aside and come into the field of daily life, we will find most choices left are at the mercy of ourselves.个人意见）

In the first place, people are individuals totally（绝对了） free in every democrat society. Constitute（constitution） interprets（guarantees有力些，光解释还不够） the basic human rights, and society moral standard also emphasizes individual freedom on choice, so they（注意单复数,前面用individual） have their rights to enjoy the process of choice. Take Bill Gates for example. When he decided to give up the study in Harved, no one including his relatives could deny his decision. And even if there might be some opposite opinions, he finally successfully made his decision, and began a brand-new life. If there were no such freedom for choice and（因果关系也能用and？） the willingness（will/intention什么的） of Gates would be probably rejected, and then perhaps we will lose today's bloom of IT industry, which would impede the development of society.  Similar cases may happen on many of us, because our rights of freedomare protected in the society. While, if these rights can be trampled by others, the society will be totalized（混乱？）, which will lead to deterioration as is proved by history（值得举例说明）. So in nowadays, we can confirm that choice-rights are often held by ourselves, which is to say the absences（你也犯不少低级错误嘛） of choice is always rare.

In the second place, people who think they are lack of choices are those who do not choose. In our life, we will hear many complaints that they have no choice. However, after carefully scrutiny, we will find people do not choose because they do not like to choose an inferior decision. Many people would like to say ''I have no choice but...” which can significantly illustrate this point. When an employer is dismissed, he or she do not find a satisfactory job, but has to do some boring work, and probably complaint to others:" Life is so tough, lack of choice.” Is there really no choice for such person? We would rather say he or she just mistakes choice of reluctance for absence of choice. Thus we will obviously find the problem for our society full of such voice（有这个推论？）. Maybe we can define the phenomenon more precisely, which can be expressed as lacking better choices.
（也可以说是他们没有注意到选择的可能，或者说他们在逃避挑战，不只是不利选择）
In conclusion, except in some few（special） cases, in which people can hardly make their decisions most times（别扭）, we can choose free. What is more, that the only（再次避免绝对化！） thing may obstacle us from choosing is the undesired thought.

是不是最后有点来不及了，有堆砌词汇之嫌哦
思路是挺清晰，不过观点最好全面一些
有空私下再讨论，反正欧也是这篇~~~

可能拍得还不到位，欢迎多提要求！！

sebarinaUID: 2108158

Originally posted by soso at 2005-8-9 23:25
Is the choice always sufficient in our life?这句问得好象不是很恰当,感觉和题目无选择的情况少不太搭配,考虑一下The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a ..
.这篇文章有点有失小熊你的水准呀,回去再改改吧

              PS. 熊饼是啥?能吃么??

555555确实写得不好~主要是我这次倒计时完了就没有大改动~思路也不太清晰~对不起大家了……
熊饼就是我被拍扁了~就像这次~~
最好还是不要吃了……

sebarinaUID: 2108158

奇怪了~最后一句~有说好的也有说不好的~到底是应该简练的表达还是复杂的论述呢？~
当然这篇文中自身写得不够好~但是其他情况呢？

dapopiUID: 191236

Originally posted by sebarina at 2005-8-10 00:40
奇怪了~最后一句~有说好的也有说不好的~到底是应该简练的表达还是复杂的论述呢？~
当然这篇文中自身写得不够好~但是其他情况呢？

about 结尾
我感觉可以把自己的观点总结起来就行了
当然，范文的一般比较长～