issue154 G-89-互助社-8.11日同主题作文！斑竹也不来帮个忙，太不够意思了？

polymathUID: 179557

一篇说理性很强的文章，欢迎大家评点，最好就你对本题的理解发表的意见，可以讨论一下你的思路和组织。:)谢谢

154. "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators." 家长和社区都必须参与到当地的学校中来。教育是如此重要，因此不能只依靠专业的教育者。（习作16，2005/08/11） ☆☆☆☆]！（未限时，中间吃饭又看别人的文章！效率真低，:L。）

Education is full of controversial topics；On how to reach a successful education, some people claim that such a great cause is only the task of a group of professional educators, while others support that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the latter point that not only professional educators but also parents and communities should play a active role in children’s education.

To begin with, professional educators who are specially trainned for this course must play a significant role in school education. Undeniablely, owing to teachers’ cultivation and trainning, we gradually formulate a systematic and scientific understanding on various realms of knowledge such as maths, physics, chemistry, music, art, etc. Every new subject or teacher opens us an interesting and mysterious window of the arcane nature and outside world. From what we learn from our respective teachers, we develop our ability to think, reason, judge, analyse and synthesize. And we learn how to distinguish right from wrong, good from evil, beauty from ugliness. Without the instruction of teachers, it is hard to imagine how we can complete the study life from elementary school to university or college. So education cannot live without professional educators who create successively talented men and women to society.

On the other hand, positive parents and communities engagement can improve students’ behavior, academic performance, and school climate. There are two compelling arguments for this point: First, parents are their children's first character educators, the behavior and personality of children are largely mimicked from their parents; As Hosea Ballou, a famous British educator once said(and I paraphrase), Education commences at the mother’s knee, and every word spoken with the hearsay of children tends to the formation of character. Therefore, to nurture children with love, honest and goodness and help them become a person both in sound body and mind, parents should take great responsiblities in the process of children’s education. Besides, compared with teachers, parents have a more clear understanding of their children. So they can give insightful and pertinent suggestion or help to children when needed, especially the problem like choosing university and specialization, even occupation. Second, no matter how much knowledge students have learned at school, the final academic performance is put to the adjudication of the society. Because the scholastical knowledge they acquired is much different from the real needed knowledge in practical use. In order to help the students grow into skilled personel, not only should students themselves bravely participate in social practise outside of campus, local communities as beneficiaries must also provide more opportunity for students to know the outside world. For example, they can provide some interesting trainning classes for these in-campus students or recruit part of them as trainees in their companies. In fact, many famous corporates such as Microsoft and P&G have alreadly taken these measures as a strategic program of their long-term progress.In short, both parents and communities play important roles in education.

Additionally, when the above three members all participate in local education, education will benefit tremendously and thoroughly. On the one hand, by recruiting parent volunteers and bringing in democratic supervision, the school educators can improve office staff morale and teaching responsibility. Moreover, due to cummunities’ involvement, school education could extend to raise students ability of being socialized. On the other hand, by avtively taking part in the work of the PTA, parent conferences, school academic and athletic contests, parents and other groups could contact with students more frequently and positively, thus keep every aspects of students develop soundly and rapidly.

In conclusion, only through combination of the efforts of teachers, parents and communities, can students be educated into all round persons. Education is such a sublime and important course that both professional educators and parents, even the whole society should give the contribution.(644)

[ Last edited by polymath on 2005-8-11 at 21:35 ]

polymathUID: 179557

自己顶！:$不会没有人敢改吧？:O

polymathUID: 179557

大胆的往前顶！斑竹也不赖帮忙！真不够意思！:@

ryanqUID: 154025

shafa

ryanqUID: 154025

154. "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators." 家长和社区都必须参与到当地的学校中来。教育是如此重要，因此不能只依靠专业的教育者。（习作16，2005/08/11） ☆☆☆☆]！（未限时，中间吃饭又看别人的文章！效率真低， 。）

Education is full of controversial topics；On how to reach a successful education, some people claim that such a great cause is only the task of a group of professional educators, while others support that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the latter point that not only professional educators but also parents and communities should play a active role in children’s education.

To begin with, professional educators who are specially trainned for this course must play a significant role in school education. Undeniablely, owing to teachers’ cultivation and [trainning], we gradually formulate a systematic and scientific understanding on various realms of knowledge such as maths, physics, chemistry, music, art, etc. Every new subject [or teacher] opens us an interesting and mysterious window of the arcane nature and outside world. From what we learn from our respective teachers, we develop our ability to think, reason, judge, analyse and synthesize. And we learn how to distinguish right from wrong, good from evil, beauty from ugliness. Without the instruction of teachers, it is hard to imagine how we can complete the study life from elementary school to university or college. So education cannot live without professional educators who create successively talented men and women to society.

On the other hand, positive parents and communities engagement can improve students’ behavior, academic performance, and school climate. There are two compelling arguments for this point: First, parents are their children's first character educators, the behavior and personality of children are largely mimicked from their parents; As Hosea Ballou, a famous British educator once said(and I paraphrase), Education commences at the mother’s knee, and every word spoken with the hearsay of children tends to the formation of character. Therefore, to nurture children with love, honest and goodness and help them become a person both in sound body and mind, parents should take great [responsiblities] in the process of children’s education. Besides, compared with teachers, parents have a more clear understanding of their children. So they can give insightful and pertinent suggestion or help to children when needed, especially the problem like choosing university and specialization, even occupation. Second, no matter how much knowledge students have learned at school, the final academic performance is put to the adjudication of the society. Because the [scholastical] knowledge they acquired is much different from the real needed knowledge in practical use. In order to help the students grow into skilled [personel], not only should students themselves bravely participate in social [practise] outside of campus, local communities as beneficiaries must also provide more opportunity for students to know the outside world. For example, they can provide some interesting [trainning] classes for these in-campus students or recruit part of them as trainees in their companies. In fact, many famous corporates such as Microsoft and P&G have [alreadly] taken these measures as a strategic program of their long-term progress. In short, both parents and communities play important roles in education. [Microsoft这个例子并不贴切，它制定这个program可以完全出于自身利益的考虑，最好找一个是为students带来利益的例子]

Additionally, when the above three members all participate in local education, education will benefit tremendously and thoroughly. [On the one hand(感觉下面的对应应该是on the other hand,但不是，所以这里也最好不要用)], by recruiting parent volunteers and bringing in democratic supervision, the school educators can improve office staff morale and teaching responsibility. Moreover, due to cummunities’ involvement, school education could extend to raise students ability of being socialized. On the other hand, by [avtively] taking part in the work of the PTA, parent conferences, school academic and athletic contests, parents and other groups could contact with students more frequently and positively, thus keep every aspects of students develop soundly and rapidly.

In conclusion, only through combination of the efforts of teachers, parents and communities, can students be educated into all round persons. Education is such a sublime and important course that both professional educators and parents, even the whole society should give the contribution.(644)

[一篇观点一边倒的文章，很难得，论证第二段最好能有个例子，另外用语重复，如果有一些变化会更好。我打4.5分。建议写完后多改改不光是错别字，实际上这个过程才是真正水平提高的过程，加油，共同进步]

polymathUID: 179557

不知道你用[]括起来的地方那里错来哦?请指出来!:)多谢!

fishjoyUID: 2116013

154. "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators." 家长和社区都必须参与到当地的学校中来。教育是如此重要，因此不能只依靠专业的教育者。（习作16，2005/08/11） ☆☆☆☆]！（未限时，中间吃饭又看别人的文章！效率真低，。）

Education is full of controversial topics；On how to reach a successful education, some people claim that such a great cause is only the task of a group of professional educators, while others support that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the latter point that not only professional educators but also parents and communities should play an active role in children’s education.

To begin with, professional educators who are specially trainned for this course must play a significant role in school education. Undeniablely, owing to teachers’ cultivation and trainning, we gradually formulate a systematic and scientific understanding on various realms of knowledge such as maths, physics, chemistry, music, art, etc. Every new subject or teacher opens for us an interesting and mysterious window of the arcane nature and outside world. From what we learn from our respective teachers, we develop our ability to think, reason, judge, analyse and synthesize. And we learn how to distinguish right from wrong, good from evil, beauty from ugliness. Without the instruction of teachers, it is hard to imagine how we can complete the study life from elementary school to university or college. So education cannot live without professional educators who create successively talented men and women to society. 有一段时间没看你的作文了，看到这里，感觉你进步很大，不论是语言还是分析，赞一个。

On the other hand, positive parents and communities engagement can improve students’ behavior, academic performance, and school climate. There are two compelling arguments for this point: First, parents are their children's first character educators, the behavior and personality of children are largely mimicked from their parents; As Hosea Ballou, a famous British educator once said(and I paraphrase), Education commences at the mother’s knee, and every word spoken with the hearsay of children tends to the formation of character. Therefore, to nurture children with love, honest and goodness and help them become a person grow into an adultboth in sound body and mind, parents should take great responsiblities in the process of children’s education. Besides, compared with teachers, parents have a more clear understanding of their children. So they can give insightful and pertinent suggestion or help to children when 因为状语从句的主语与主句不同，所以it is不能随便省略。needed, especially the problem like choosing university and specialization, even occupation. Second, no matter how much knowledge students have learned at school, the final academic performance is put to the adjudication of the society. Because the scholastical knowledge they acquired is much different from the real needed knowledge in practical use. In order to help the students grow into skilled personelgrow into skilled personel 是不是写错了？, not only should students themselves bravely participate in social practise outside ofof去掉 campus, local communities as beneficiaries must also provide more opportunity for students to know the outside world. For example, they can provide some interesting trainning classes for these in-campus students or recruit part of them as trainees in their companies. In fact, many famous corporates such as Microsoft and P&G have alreadly taken these measures as a strategic program of their long-term progress.In short, both parents and communities play important roles in education.微软的例子不贴切

Additionally, when the above three members all participate in local education, education will benefit tremendously and thoroughly. On the one hand, by recruiting parent volunteers and bringing in democratic supervision, the school educators can improve office staff morale and teaching responsibility. Moreover, due to cummunities’ involvement, school education could extend to raise students ability of being socialized. On the other hand, by avtively taking part in the work of the PTA, parent conferences, school academic and athletic contests, parents and other groups could contact with students more frequently and positively, thus keep every aspects of students develop soundly and rapidly.这一段写得挺乱的

In conclusion, only through combination of the efforts of teachers, parents and communities, can students be educated into all round persons. Education is such a sublime and important course that both professional educators and parents, even the whole society should give the contribution.(644)
写完文章，自己先改改，就像ryant说的（很有道理）。加油！:victory:

[ Last edited by fishjoy on 2005-8-11 at 23:56 ]

polymathUID: 179557

感谢ryanq，fishjoy两位兄弟的评点！先谢过了！

grow into skilled personel 是不是写错了？

原句的意思是帮助学生成为人才。偶查字典了！人才是用skilled personel翻译的！

微软的例子不贴切？

既然大家都说不适合！看来真要换了！帮忙参谋一下这里用那个例子比较好？提供点线索！谢谢！

practise

practise是美语习惯！偶查的郎文！ practice是英语习惯！没错！

zrreignUID: 179980

虽然改过了，我来学习学习

zrreignUID: 179980

我觉得语言水平是不错的，鼓掌！

但是说理部分重复性很大，就是把一个意思翻来覆去地说，例子虽然有但是感觉说服性并不清楚，所以不如分析一下例子，又够了字数又不会感觉在重复。

还是觉得语言不错，再赞一个！

staralwaysUID: 193479

标题……

polymathUID: 179557

Originally posted by staralways at 2005-8-13 16:11
标题……

呵呵！终于把你吸引来了！没有帮偶修改过一篇文章啊！:)快考试了！帮帮忙啊！