issue144 熊熊小组作业

yexiaocarrieUID: 2113665

up

yexiaocarrieUID: 2113665

issue144 熊熊小组作业

------题目------
It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
------正文------
The speaker claims that it is the artist rather than the critic who gives society something of lasting value. While, to some extent, I agree with the speaker, it is really true that the most valuable things [are] made from the artist. But do you notice that, without those critics, can we appreciate so highly  work [the high works] in modern society? Thus in my point of view, both the artist and critic are important to the valuable things, they are supplemented to [删掉] each other.

In the first place, I really admire the creative notions of the artist, no matter in which fields such as novels, films, music, painting, etc. All of the work is coming from their original thought, they bring the fresh air to the world, they give us memory of past. From their work, we can imagine our future, and we also can savor the value which has passed by【不太明白或许是savor the valuable time which has passed by？】. The famous work Gone With the Wind, which described the feeling of people during the Second World War【这不是一个句子，呵呵】. Though the war has passed too【删掉】 many years, but every time I read the novel, my thought will be brought to the war time. Not only the novel can express our emotion or register【不明白这个词想表达什么意思，reflect?】 the history, the  films, music, paintings are all【also】 the method[methods] to express those kinds of feeling, which provokes us to value the history. Such as the film Titanic, the music Internationale, the painting Sunflowers, etc. Every work has its own meaning that the artists wanted to transmit.

Admittedly, all the luminaries are from those well famous artists, but do you have thought that, without the critic who evaluates the work, can we have the chance to enjoy the so highly standard work? What I want to say is that the critic improves the quality of the artist's work and also [only] because of them the [value of the]work can be known to every one of us ordinary people[有点错误of the ordinary people].
[最后一句话的语序应该调整一下以引出下文，你觉得呢？the valuable role of critic lies on not only making the everyone of ordinary people to appreciate the value of the works, but also help to improve the quality of the artist’s works]

When the artist's work comes into being, it can not be famous as it later was. The critic will appreciate the work at first, they can give some suggestion to the artist, the artist can accept the good advice to improve their work, or even though the artist rejects the suggestion, he or she might reconsider the work in other way, which can make the work more appreciable. If the work is really fascinating to every one, then the critic will also play an important role to the work, because the critic can tell more and more people that the work is precious. Consequently, the work can be enjoyed by more and more people, which is also meaningful to the artist.

To sum up, only the artist can not improve the work effectively, only the artist can not prevail the important meaning which is involved in the work to most of people. While the same, only the critic can not transmit the value which has passed by, only the critic can not express the valuable thing in such creative way which gives us a deep impression of the true value. So in my opinion their supplement is important to the artist, to the critic, to the value and also to every of us.

初次帮别人改文章，没有理解的作者高明之处请见凉。总体还不错加油加油！

也帮我看看吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

foreveraUID: 202035

The speaker claims that it is the artist rather than the critic who gives society something of lasting value. While, to some extent, I agree with the speaker, it is really true that the most valuable things made from the artist. But do you notice that可以去掉的一句, without those critics, can we appreciate so highly work in modern society? Thus in my point of view, both the artist and critic are important to the valuable things, they are supplemented to each other.

In the first place, I really admire the creative notions of the artist, no matter in which fields such as novels, films, music, painting, etc. All of the work is coming from their original thought, 连词?they bring the fresh air to the world, 连词?they give us memory of past. From their work, we can imagine our future, and we also can savor这个词啥意思? the value which has passed by. The famous work Gone With the Wind, which described the feeling of people during the Second World War.咋没有谓语了呢? Though the war has passed too many years, but though和but能共存吗? every time I read the novel, my thought will be brought to the war time. Not only the novel can express our emotion or register the history, the  films, music, paintings are all the method to express those kinds of feeling, 这句感觉比较乱,not only 后面没有but also呼应,前后的谓语形式也不一致.which provokes us to value the history. Such as the film Titanic, the music Internationale, the painting Sunflowers, etc. 这不是个句子,只是个短语不能单独放在这.Every work has its own meaning that the artists wanted to transmit. 语法错误比较多,语言也有点罗嗦,句子之间也缺少必要的连接词进行串联.

Admittedly, all the luminaries这个词指人的情况多一点 are from those well famous artists, but do you have thought that可以去掉, without the critic who evaluates这个词用的不错 the work, can we have the chance to enjoy the so highly standard work? What I want to say is that the critic improves the quality of the artist's work and also because of them the work can be known to every one of us ordinary people.论述的太单薄,只是泛泛的叙述,没有令人信服的理由,而且问句的效果也不是太好.

When the artist's work comes into being, it can not be famous as it later was. The critic will appreciate the work at first, they can give some suggestion to the artist,连词 the artist can accept the good advice to improve their work, or even though the artist rejects the suggestion, he or she might reconsider the work in other way, which can make the work more appreciable. If the work is really fascinating to every one, then the critic will also play an important role to the work, because the critic can tell more and more people that the work is precious. Consequently, the work can be enjoyed by more and more people, which is also meaningful to the artist. 3.4段缺少比较鲜明的TS.

To sum up, only the artist can not improve the work effectively, only the artist can not prevail the important meaning which is involved in the work to most of people. While the same, only the critic can not transmit the value which has passed by, only the critic can not express the valuable thing in such creative way which gives us a deep impression of the true value. So in my opinion their supplement is important to the artist, to the critic, to the value and also to every of us.


总体说来问题比较多也比较严重,首先是语法错误很多,语言不够简洁,句子之间也缺少必要的连接词进行串联.还有在结构方面首段提出的观点决定了3.4段应该作为文章重心,而这部分花的笔墨不够,缺少例子和总结性的分析,造成论证不够有力,而第一部分非重点论证部分篇幅却很长,而且第2段开头in the first place用的也不恰当,这个短语暗示后面紧接着的部分和这一段应该是同一中心的...而这里却出现了转折,而转折也应该用强烈性转折however之类的.


俺下手狠了点,HOHO...

俺的issue147
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1725353

duckyl35UID: 201612

savor好像有品味的意思吧？我的意思是品味一部作品……有这么表达的么？
偶也不是很清楚，大家来看看的吧！
3，4 段我也觉得很单薄，可是没有时间了，其实最主要的原因是脑子里没货……哎！
forevera 拍的狠也没有关系咯，这样才能进步嘛！！：）

foreveraUID: 202035

duckly啥时候考啊？

sebarinaUID: 2108158

The speaker claims that it is the artist rather than the critic who gives society something of lasting value. While, to some extent, I agree with the speaker, it is really true that the most valuable things made from the artist. But do you notice that第二人称是大忌, without those critics, can we appreciate so highly work in modern society? 两个句子揉在一起了吧Thus in my point of view, both the artist and critic are important to the valuable things, they are supplemented to each other.

In the first place, I really admire the creative notions of the artist, no matter in which fields such as novels, films, music, painting, etc. All of the work is coming from their original thought, they bring the fresh air to the world, they give us memory of past. 语法！熊拍拍拍！From their work, we can imagine our future, and we also can savor the value which has passed by. 这段句式没有变化The famous work Gone With the Wind, which described the feeling of people during the Second World War. Though the war has passed too many years, but every time I read the novel, my thought will be brought to the war time. Not only the novel can express our emotion or register the history, the  films, music, paintings are all the method to express those kinds of feeling, which provokes 你前面列的不是一个吧us to value the history. Such as the film Titanic, the music Internationale, the painting Sunflowers, etc. Every work has its own meaning that the artists wanted to transmit.

Admittedly, all the luminaries are from those well famous artists, but do you have thought that, without the critic who evaluates the work, can we have the chance to enjoy the so highly standard work? What I want to say is that the critic improves the quality of the artist's work and also because of them the work can be known to every one of us ordinary people.

When the artist's work comes into being, it can not be famous as it later was. The critic will appreciate the work at first, they can give some suggestion to the artist, the artist can accept the good advice to improve their work, or even though the artist rejects the suggestion, he or she might reconsider the work in other way, which can make the work more appreciable. I自己找找连词f the work is really fascinating to every one, then the critic will also play an important role to the work, because the critic can tell more and more people that the work is precious. Consequently, the work can be enjoyed by more and more people, which is also meaningful to the artist.

To sum up, only the artist can not improve the work effectively,受不了了~这么多并列句就是没有连词~~熊拍！ only the artist can not prevail the important meaning which is involved in the work to most of people. While the same, only the critic can not transmit the value which has passed by, only the critic can not express the valuable thing in such creative way which gives us a deep impression of the true value. 崩溃了~~~~~~~~~~~~变成熊猫……So in my opinion their supplement is important to the artist, to the critic, to the value and also to every of us.
双重否定的结尾倒是不错就是为什么都没有连词呢？？
---------------------------
俺要睡去了~已经熊猫了……