argument159 G-89-互助社-14日同主题写作

huangdaoUID: 190018

还是有些仓促 大家给点意见吧

Argument159  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：34分53秒     355words
从2005年7月14日12时22分到2005年7月14日12时34分
------题目------
The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.
------正文------
The author recommends that for saving money the citizens of Claria should use both air conditioners and fans. To support the claim the author cites a study which reveals that it is the method to use both of the two electrical machines could use the least quantity of electricity, compared to use each alone. However, the conclusion relies on several suspicious evidences.

First of all, the study, on which author depends to make the conclusion, is unreliable.
There is no evidence offered to sustain the study, and several flaws remain in the study. At fist, the people's identities who take part in the study were unknown. It is likely the place where the people use fans are hotter than the place where people use air conditioners, as the vast physical area. Secondly, the cooling machines are not the only machines which consume the electricity; there are other electrical machines, like television, computer, and so on. Maybe these ones' uses take more part in the daily consume of electricity. Merely researching the use of cooling machine is deviate from the truth. Thus, the study itself maintains some suspicious points which render it unconvincing as it stands.

Secondly, the author makes a hasty conclusion that the citizens should use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity. The author fails to establish a causal relation between the use of cooling machine and the money on electricity. Firstly, the money paid on the both machines is known. That is the main problem. If the prices of both machines are higher than the money on the electricity saved, the action to buy the two seems useless. Then, as mentioned before, if the cooling machines are not the main consumer of electricity, the method seems of no use. Therefore, the author's conclusion remains unconvincing.

In sum, the editorial has several flaws which make it incredible as it stands. To strength the recommendation, the author should offer more details about the study in use of electricity. And for reinforce the conclusion; the author also should supply the relationship between the price of machines and the money saved.

vickycy6UID: 2107893

我来;)

vickycy6UID: 2107893

Argument159  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：34分53秒     355words
从2005年7月14日12时22分到2005年7月14日12时34分
------题目------
The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.
------正文------
The author recommends that for saving money the citizens of Claria should use both air conditioners and fans. To support the claim the author cites a study which reveals that it is the method to use both of the two electrical machines could use the least quantity of electricity, compared to use each alone. However, the conclusion relies on several suspicious evidences.

First of all, the study, on which author depends to make the conclusion, is unreliable.
There is no evidence offered to sustain the study, and several flaws remain in the study//这句话有点罗嗦哦到是可以把study的结论再抄一遍//. At fist, the people's identities who//你前面用了identity怎么还可以加who?// take part in the study were unknown. It is likely the place where the people use fans are hotter than the place where people use air conditioners, as the vast physical area. Secondly, the cooling machines are not the only machines which consume the electricity; there are other electrical machines, like television, computer, and so on. Maybe these ones' uses take more part in the daily consume of electricity. Merely researching the use of cooling machine is deviate from the truth. Thus, the study itself maintains some suspicious points which render it unconvincing as it stands.

Secondly, the author makes a hasty conclusion that the citizens should use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity. The author fails to establish a causal relation between the use of cooling machine and the money on electricity. Firstly, the money paid on the both machines is known. That is the main problem. If the prices of both machines are higher than the money on the electricity saved, the action to buy the two seems useless. Then, as mentioned before, if the cooling machines are not the main consumer of electricity, the method seems of no use. Therefore, the author's conclusion remains unconvincing. //主要的逻辑错误没有找出来哦，比如单价不一样，总价就不确定。你这讲的第二种错，第一段已经说了。。。//

In sum, the editorial has several flaws which make it incredible as it stands. To strength the recommendation, the author should offer more details about the study in use of electricity. And for reinforce the conclusion; the author also should supply the relationship between the price of machines and the money saved.

语言可能已经很熟练了，不过还得再练习。错误还要找得更准些。下面是我原来写的，有人已经改过了，不过你可以看看，也评论一下，谢谢！！！

vickycy6UID: 2107893

http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=:handshake
发完了才发现没有贴．．．:L

[ Last edited by vickycy6 on 2005-8-14 at 20:19 ]