argument88 高频，有拍必回，

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

88The following appeared in a newsletter about health published in the country of Sauria.
"According to Sauria's leading nutritional experts, a diet high in complex carbohydrates, and low in fat is optimal for good health and longevity. Because this was the diet of the people who lived in ancient Sauria, one would expect them to have had long and healthy lives. Yet the mummified remains of Sauria's ruling classes from two to three thousand years ago show the existence of many medical problems among the ancient Saurians, including dental problems, elevated blood pressure, obesity, heart disease, and early mortality. Clearly, the diet of the ancient Saurians was responsible for these problems. The high incidence of high blood pressure, obesity, and heart disease in Sauria today even among those who have tried low-fat, high-carbohydrate diets further proves that Sauria's leading nutritional experts are wrong."




Merely depended on a series of unwarranted assumptions and dubious evidence, the arguer comes to the conclusion that the suggestion of Sauria's leading nutritional experts, that a diet high in complex carbohydrates, and low in fat optimal for good health and longevity, is wrong. Although it is credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal the hidden flaws as follows in his reasoning.

1) First, the arguer does not clearly demonstrate the health problems of the average people of ancient Sauria. The health problems of ruling class are not representative of overall ancient Sauria. Perhaps because of the extravagant and predominant lives the ruling classes are inclined to get more than sufficient nutrition, which may lead to their healthy problem. However, average people might often have a low-fat diet for inexpensive price. Or perhaps the average people often engage in the physical work for making a living. As a result, their health situation is far more than the ruling classes. Therefore the majority of average people do not suffer from the health problems like the ruling classes, such as dental problem and so on.


2) In addition, even if all Sauria’s suffer from the healthy problems, it is not necessarily mean that the diet of the ancient Saurians causes healthy problems. It is presumptuous for the arguer to only ascribe health problems of ancient S to the diet habit. Because the diet habit is only one of many factors that affect the healthy problems, generally speaking, there are many other factors for problems. Perhaps Saurians lack the necessary and basic medical common sense to protect the health and resist the disease because of poor knowledge. Or perhaps Saurians went in for enjoying, have the self-indulgent lives, make the irregular schedule for living and be lack of the sport activity. In fact these long-term unhealthy living habit contribute to the declining healthy conditions and bring about the disease such as dental problems, elevated blood pressure, obesity, heart disease, and early mortality.



3) Thirdly, even if we concede that the diet of the ancient Saurians causes healthy problems, we cannot assume that this same scenario will work in modern times. Perhaps the standard that measures the content of fat and carbohydrates might be different in modern from in the ancient times. Perhaps the physical condition of the people in modern times to resist the diseases, such as high blood pressure, obesity or heart disease and so on, is better than the people in ancient times. If these are the case, we cannot draw a conclusion only depending on the ancient cases.  


4) Finally, the fact those people who have tried low-fat, high-carbon diets will have high incidence of diseases is open to doubt. The arguer does not offer any solid information concerning these people. Perhaps majority of those people who tried such diets are so physically weak that they are susceptible to suffer from the diseases. Or perhaps those people comply with suggesting diet only within a limited days or they eat so little for losing weight that no enough nutrition to keep the consumption of everyday activity. As a result, people’s health will be harmed because people cannot strictly conform to the nutritious advices or are innately weak. Without precluding these possibilities, the conclusion is unconvincing.

To sum up, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. Only if the arguer could give us more information to support the evidence that diets does cause the health problems, we could not draw the conclusion that Sauria's leading nutritional experts are wrong.
（589Words）

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-15 at 11:33 ]

marine4246UID: 192140

88The following appeared in a newsletter about health published in the country of Sauria.
"According to Sauria's leading nutritional experts, a diet high in complex carbohydrates, and low in fat is optimal for good health and longevity. Because this was the diet of the people who lived in ancient Sauria, one would expect them to have had long and healthy lives. Yet the mummified remains of Sauria's ruling classes from two to three thousand years ago show the existence of many medical problems among the ancient Saurians, including dental problems, elevated blood pressure, obesity, heart disease, and early mortality. Clearly, the diet of the ancient Saurians was responsible for these problems. The high incidence of high blood pressure, obesity, and heart disease in Sauria today even among those who have tried low-fat, high-carbohydrate diets further proves that Sauria's leading nutritional experts are wrong."





Merely depended on a series of unwarranted assumptions and dubious evidence, the arguer comes to the conclusion that the suggestion of Sauria's leading nutritional experts, that a diet high in complex carbohydrates, and low in fat optimal for good health and longevity, is wrong. Although it is credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal the hidden flaws as follows in his reasoning.

1) First, the arguer does not clearly demonstrate the health problems of the average people of ancient Sauria. The health problems of ruling class are not representative of overall ancient Sauria. Perhaps because of the extravagant and predominant lives the ruling classes are inclined to get more than sufficient nutrition, which may lead to their healthy problem. However, 去掉however, 变成whileaverage people might often have a low-fat diet for inexpensive price. Or perhaps the average people often engage in the physical work for making a living. As a result, their health situation is far more far more? far betterthan that of the ruling classes. Therefore the majority of average people do not suffer from the samehealth problems likeas the ruling classes, such as dental problem and so on. 去掉吧


2) In addition, even if all Sauria’sSauria suffer from the healthyhealth problems, it isdoes not necessarily mean that the diet of the ancient Saurians causes healthy problems. It is presumptuous for the arguer to only ascribe health problems of ancient S to the diet habit. Because the diet habit is only one of many factors that affect the healthy problems, generally speaking, there are many other factors forcausing problems. Perhaps Saurians lack the necessary and basic medical common sense to protect the health and resist the disease because of poor knowledge. Or perhaps Saurians went in for enjoying, havehad the self-indulgent lives, makeand made the irregular schedule for living and bebeing lack of the sport activity. In fact these long-term unhealthy living habithabits contribute to the declining healthy conditions and bring about the disease such as dental problems, elevated blood pressure, obesity, heart disease, and early mortality.



3) Thirdly, even if we concede that the diet of the ancient Saurians causes healthyhealth problems, we cannot assume that this same scenario will work in modern times. Perhaps the standard that measures the content of fat and carbohydrates might be different in modern from in the ancient times. Perhaps the physical condition of the people in modern times to resist the diseases, such as high blood pressure, obesity or heart disease and so on, is better than the people in ancient times. If these are the case, we cannot draw a theconclusion only depending on the ancient cases.  


4) Finally, the fact those people who have tried low-fat, high-carbon diets will have high incidence of diseases is open to doubt. The arguer does not offer any solid information concerning these people. Perhaps majority of those people who tried such diets are so physically weak that they are susceptible to suffer from the diseases. Or perhaps those people comply with suggesting diet only within a limited days or they eat so little for losing weight that no enough nutrition to keep the consumption of everyday activity. As a result, people’s health will be harmed because people cannot strictly conform to the nutritious advices or are innately weak. Without precluding these possibilities, the conclusion is unconvincing.

To sum up, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. Only if the arguer could give us more information to support the evidence that diets does cause the health problems, we could not draw the conclusion that Sauria's leading nutritional experts are wrong.
（589Words）
文章的错误找得很全，并且作者很注意全篇的连贯性，这一点做得非常好！文中存在的主要问题还是有关连接词，可以再润润色，整体来说，已经做得非常好了，值得我学习！

zhaoll99UID: 2102916

谢谢marine4246，我会多加注意的。 今天好象没有看到你贴上来的文章呦

will4youUID: 192460

这是高频？

xiaoqing0822UID: 205711

Only if什么意思，我感觉它应该引导否定从句，你的意思才对呀！
不管是句式还是措辞变换都很多，只是像二楼提出来的小问题应该避免一下。
请问这么多字有必要吗？我感觉考试时肯定写不出这么多来，不过现在练习时是应该多写点。我写的请改一下！谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102