argument26 V6战队 8。19 八月高频

wineyreUID: 2106739

Argument26------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
'For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.'
------正文------
In this argument, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda recommends that the Saluda school board to hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system as during the past five years when Mr. Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments has improved markedly. A close inspection, the argument reveals several logical fallacies which make it unwarranted.

First of all, the author provides no direct link between Mr. Schade and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities or the quality of the school band of Steel City High School. Without Mr. Schade as its music director, the school band of Steel City High School may still has the capability to win the regional band competitions. And Steel City High School may have spent more money on improving the musical instruments then ever before, although Mr. Schade may play an important role in it, without money offered by Steel City High School, his plans may be not able to carry on. In addition, Mr. Schade may not be the only music director of Steel City High School in the past years, and the honor won by school band may be based on others' efforts. Hence, Mr. Schade may cannot be a successful music director if he cannot work independently.

Secondly, the author fails to convince us that hiring Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system can be really helpfully. Although Mr. Schade has successfully directed the school band of Steel City High School, the job he faces now may has very different properties than before. A common sense tells us that a general music education program is not the same as training a school band. The former needs general educational knowledges while the latter one mainly focuses on the improvement of skills. Moreover, Mr. Schade may be familiar with the type of music played by the school band of Steel City, but not all types of music. And students in Sadula may not like the teaching methods introduced by Mr. Schade, or the students’ quality to Sadula is much lower than those of Steel City High School. Whether Saluda can offer as much money as Steel City High School is open to question. Money may be more necessary in other aspects.

Thirdly, no evidence shows that the music directors of the schools in Saluda cannot do their jobs as Mr. Schade. Possibly the music skills of students in Saluda is quite high now and hiring Mr. Schade is useless, for instance, students have won a lot of prizes in the regional musical competitions.

In sum, taking into account all flaws mentioned above, the reasons used to support the conclusion cannot be relied on. To strengthen it, the author should verify it is Mr. Schade's effort that makes improvement of school band and musical instruments' quality. To better evaluate the conclusion, detailed information should be offered to support that Mr. Schade is suitable to be the music director for the entire Saluda school system.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-19 at 17:43 ]

hustzwjUID: 203387

我来看看！

hustzwjUID: 203387

In this argument, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda recommends that the Saluda school board to hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system as during the past five years when Mr. Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments has improved markedly. A close inspection, the argument reveals several logical fallacies which make it unwarranted.【开头太长了哈！点到为止嘛！】

First of all, the author provides no direct link between Mr. Schade and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities or the quality of the school band of Steel City High School. Without Mr. Schade as its music director, the school band of Steel City High School may still has the capability to win the regional band competitions. And Steel City High School may have spent more money on improving the musical instruments then ever before, although Mr. Schade may play an important role in it, without money offered by Steel City High School, his plans may be not able to carry on. In addition, Mr. Schade may not be the only music director of Steel City High School in the past years, and the honor won by school band may be based on others' efforts. Hence, Mr. Schade may cannot be a successful music director if he cannot work independently.
【这段里忽视了一点： even if it is ×× who has tried efforts to improve the instrument quality, it does not lend strong support to his ability on teaching!】

Secondly, the author fails to convince us that hiring Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system can be really helpfully. Although Mr. Schade has successfully directed the school band of Steel City High School, the job he faces now may has very different properties than before. A common sense tells us that a general music education program is not the same as training a school band. The former needs general educational knowledges while the latter one mainly focuses on the improvement of skills. Moreover, Mr. Schade may be familiar with the type of music played by the school band of Steel City, but not all types of music. And students in Sadula may not like the teaching methods introduced by Mr. Schade, or the students’ quality to Sadula is much lower than those of Steel City High School. Whether Saluda can offer as much money as Steel City High School is open to question. Money may be more necessary in other aspects.

Thirdly, no evidence shows that the music directors of the schools in Saluda cannot do their jobs as Mr. Schade. Possibly the music skills of students in Saluda is quite high now and hiring Mr. Schade is useless, for instance, students have won a lot of prizes in the regional musical competitions.

In sum, taking into account all flaws mentioned above, the reasons used to support the conclusion cannot be relied on. To strengthen it, the author should verify it is Mr. Schade's effort that makes improvement of school band and musical instruments' quality. To better evaluate the conclusion, detailed information should be offered to support that Mr. Schade is suitable to be the music director for the entire Saluda school system.

还有一点是entire。。部分道整体！
建议语言再精练些，突出重点！:)

[ Last edited by hustzwj on 2005-8-21 at 02:16 ]

drofrephUID: 2126193

In this argument, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda recommends that the Saluda school board to hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system as during the past five years when Mr. Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments has improved markedly. A close inspection, the argument reveals several logical fallacies which make it unwarranted.

the first sentence is unexpectedly long.
the second sentence has a flaw. It is the "inspection" that "reveals" the "fallacies", not the argument itself "reveals". Suggested sentence is as following.
A close inspection reveals several logical fallacies in this argument which make it unwarranted.

wineyreUID: 2106739

这两天看了队里最前面贴子，已经简化开头了。
至于攻击enitre我已经在B1里提了一下了，不过没有具体。呵呵，再修改。
想问一下，其实我经常分不出来应该哪个先攻击。然后是觉得很多错误其实是一个连一个，很难分的，想听听你有什么好的建议啊。