issue235 fantasy

weiweizhuUID：179352

题目：ISSUE 235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
字数：513          用时：0:45:00          日期：2005-9-4

It has long been a belief that loyalty is among the most significant virtues when estimating a person. A hero is always venerated in the history for his loyalty to his country; friendship is usually portrayed as the most treasurable relation for the friends' loyalty to each other;  Adevoted employee is often praised and get promotion fast for his or her loyalty to the company. As the loyalty is so highly regarded and so excessively emphasized, it is necessary for us to realize that all too much loyalty would generate negative effects.

When sense of loyalty is excessively propagated to instill into citizens, chauvinism is usually evoked, which may lead a breakout of war. Until now, many people are still amazed by the Cavalier Spirit of Japanese during the World War Tow. When soldiers come into the battle, they can unbelievably sacrifice their life without consideration. They just ran forward and never turn back, killing enemy even themselves have already badly hurt. It is especially imperceivable that although the soldiers have made all their efforts to fight, when defeated, nearly all captains suicide to show regret for the fallacy and loyalty for his countries. Just because of this irrational kind of loyalty, Japan commits so much guilt and bring diseastes to whole world. Unfortunately, chauvinism is still can be seen in nowadays society. Almost every day there are some reports about the Palestinian people, who are enforced by the so called "loyalty" to his country, use their own bodies to make bomb so as to kill Israelites. When so many tragedies are caused by the impropriate sense of loyalty, loyalty should be revalued rationally.

When too much emphasize the loyalty to friend, harmful result comes out which is demonstrated as nepotism. It can be usually seen in contemporary society that when a manger face the dilemma that his imitate friend who do not have the required ability pleads him for a job, he usually offer for the sense of loyalty rather to turn it down for his friend do not equipped with suitable qualification. This action may deteriorate the efficiency of the company by obstacle it from absorb excellent employees and place other applicants in a disadvantage and unfairly position.

Similarity can be draw out when a employee is frenetically loyalty to his company, he would do whatever things that benefit his own company, no matter it is illegal or it would deter the social welfare. He would consider flinch other company's commercial secrete is right because it will help his company to gain larger share of the market, he would also advocate pollute the environment to cut the cost and ultimate profit. To make his company successful, he can do anything at the expense of the whole society.

Such phenomena are not rare in our world , however, it still can not draw people's attention to the destructive effect of unconditional loyalty to one's country, friends and institution. To make our society keep stable and assure our world develop healthily, we should realize the double-edges effect of the loyalty and use it appropriately.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-9-4 at 22:10 ]

foreveraUID：202035

It has long been a belief that loyalty is among the most significant virtues when      estimating a person. A hero is always venerated in the history for his loyalty to his country; friendship is usually portrayed as the most treasurable relation for the friends' loyalty to each other;  Adevoted employee is often praised and get promotion fast for his or her loyalty to the company. As the loyalty is so highly regarded and so excessively emphasized, it is necessary for us to realize that all too much loyalty would generate negative effects.前面说的太麻烦了。。。而观点不是太鲜明

When sense of loyalty is excessively propagated to instill into citizens, chauvinism 这些词用的太牛了。。。is usually evoked, which may lead a breakout of war. Until now, many people are still amazed by the Cavalier Spirit of Japanese during the World War Tow. When soldiers come into the battle, they can unbelievably sacrifice their life without consideration. They just ran forward and never turn back, killing enemy even themselves have already badly hurt. It is especially             imperceivable that although the soldiers have made all their efforts to fight, when defeated, nearly all captains suicide to show regret for the fallacy and loyalty for his countries. Just because of this irrational kind of loyalty, Japan commits so much guilt and bring diseastes to whole world. 都在说现象而没有说出坏处Unfortunately, chauvinism is still can be seen in nowadays society. Almost every day there are some reports about the Palestinian people, who are enforced by the so called "loyalty" to his country, use their own bodies to make bomb so as to kill Israelites.这种敏感话题还是算了吧~~~ When so many tragedies are caused by the impropriate sense of loyalty, loyalty should be revalued rationally. 感觉结尾句没有对全段进行总结甚至升华。。。

段落连接词~~~When too much emphasize the loyalty to friend, harmful result comes out which is demonstrated as nepotism这个词合适吗？？. It can be usually seen in contemporary society that when a manger face the dilemma that his imitate这是啥意思？ friend who do not have the required ability pleads him for a job, he usually offer for the sense of loyalty rather to turn it down for his friend do not equipped with suitable qualification. 这个不能叫做loyalty吧？？？This action may deteriorate the efficiency of the company by obstacle it from absorb excellent employees and place other applicants in a disadvantage and unfairly position.

Similarity can be draw out when a employee is frenetically这个词用的很好。。 loyalty to his company, he would do whatever things that benefit his own company, no matter it is illegal or it would deter the social welfare. He would consider flinch other company's commercial secrete is right because it will help his company to gain larger share of the market, he好象he用的太多了吧。。 would also advocate pollute the environment to cut the cost and ultimate这个是啥意思？好象没有动词的意思吧？ profit. To make his company successful, he can do anything at the expense of the whole society.

Such phenomena are not rare in our world , however, it still can not draw people's attention to the destructive effect of unconditional loyalty to one's country, friends and institution. To make our society keep stable and assure our world develop healthily, we should realize the double-edges effect of the loyalty and use it appropriately.


有好多地方用词不知道什么意思。。。而且段落之间层次感不强。。其他的地方都很不错了~~~

weiweizhuUID：179352

还有我常常背错单词
比如想写亲密intimate却写成 imitate
utilize 却写成 ultimate
diseastes 我想表达灾难的意思
但不知道怎么写

第一段我是想表示LOYALTY是很重要的
没有另开一段直接这样写好像是不大好

mmeiwUID：2101523

It has long been a belief that loyalty is among the most significant virtues when estimating a person. A hero is always venerated in the history for his loyalty to his country; friendship is usually portrayed as the most treasurable relation for the friends' loyalty to each other;  Adevoted employee is often praised and get promotion fast for his or her loyalty to the company. As the loyalty is so highly regarded and so excessively emphasized, it is necessary for us to realize that all too much loyalty would generate negative effects.(是有些麻烦了，开头是否应表明态度？且最后一句感觉有点唐突，据说三、四句话最好。 我也没做到，嘿嘿:$)
When sense of loyalty is excessively propagated to instill into citizens, chauvinism is usually evoked, which may lead to a breakout of war. Until now, many people are still amazed by the Cavalier Spirit of Japanese during the World War Tow. When soldiers come into the battle, they can unbelievably sacrifice their life without consideration (hesitating?) . They just ran forward and never turned back, killing enemy even themselves have already badly hurt. It is especially imperceivable that although the soldiers have made all their efforts to fight, when defeated, nearly all captains suicide to show regret for the fallacy and loyalty for his countries. Just because of this irrational kind of loyalty, Japan commits so much guilt and bring diseastes to whole world (恩，有点敏感) . Unfortunately, chauvinism is still can be seen in nowadays society. Almost every day there are some reports about the Palestinian people, who are enforced by the so called "loyalty" to his country, use their own bodies to make bomb so as to kill Israelites. When so many tragedies are caused by the impropriate sense of loyalty, loyalty should be revalued rationally. （举过去的例子可能要好一些？比如拿破伦、希特勒之类的）

When too much emphasize the loyalty to friend, harmful result comes out which is demonstrated as nepotism. It can be usually seen in contemporary society that when a manger face the dilemma that his imitate friend who do not have the required ability pleads him for a job, he usually offer for the sense of loyalty rather to turn it down for his friend do not equipped with suitable qualification. This action may deteriorate the efficiency of the company by obstacle it from absorb excellent employees and place other applicants in a disadvantage and unfairly position.（是否重点可以描述：因为相信朋友对自己忠诚，所以才任人唯亲，然后再说一下危害？）

Similarity can be draw out when a employee is frenetically loyalty to his company, he would do whatever things that (改为what he can to) benefit his own company, no matter it is illegal or it would deter the social welfare. He would consider (that) flinch? other company's commercial secrete is right because it will help his company to gain larger share of the market, he would also advocate pollute the environment to cut the cost and ultimate profit (减少利润？) . To make his company successful, he can do anything at the expense of the whole society.

Such phenomena are not rare in our world , however, it still can not draw people's attention to the destructive effect of unconditional loyalty to one's country, friends and institution. To make our society keep stable and assure our world develop healthily, we should realize the double-edges effect of the loyalty and use it appropriately. （你只提到了过分忠诚的坏处，没有提到好处，这样写结尾是否有点与前面内容不太相符？）
（adj. loyal; n.loyalty）
注：蓝色字体是我添加内容，红色字体表示有疑义。

[ Last edited by mmeiw on 2005-9-5 at 15:54 ]