issue235 改过的，互拍

weiweizhuUID：179352

It has long been a belief that loyalty is among the most significant virtues when      estimating a person. A hero is always venerated in the history for his loyalty to his country; friendship is usually portrayed as the most treasurable relation for the friends' loyalty to each other;  Adevoted employee is often praised and get promotion fast for his or her loyalty to the company. As the loyalty is so highly regarded and so excessively emphasized, it is necessary for us to realize that all too much loyalty would generate negative effects.前面说的太麻烦了。。。而观点不是太鲜明

When sense of loyalty is excessively propagated to instill into citizens, chauvinism 这些词用的太牛了。。。is usually evoked, which may lead a breakout of war. Until now, many people are still amazed by the Cavalier Spirit of Japanese during the World War Tow. When soldiers come into the battle, they can unbelievably sacrifice their life without consideration. They just ran forward and never turn back, killing enemy even themselves have already badly hurt. It is especially             imperceivable that although the soldiers have made all their efforts to fight, when defeated, nearly all captains suicide to show regret for the fallacy and loyalty for his countries. Just because of this irrational kind of loyalty, Japan commits so much guilt and bring diseastes to whole world. 都在说现象而没有说出坏处Unfortunately, chauvinism is still can be seen in nowadays society. Almost every day there are some reports about the Palestinian people, who are enforced by the so called "loyalty" to his country, use their own bodies to make bomb so as to kill Israelites.这种敏感话题还是算了吧~~~ When so many tragedies are caused by the impropriate sense of loyalty, loyalty should be revalued rationally. 感觉结尾句没有对全段进行总结甚至升华。。。

段落连接词~~~When too much emphasize the loyalty to friend, harmful result comes out which is demonstrated as nepotism这个词合适吗？？. It can be usually seen in contemporary society that when a manger face the dilemma that his imitate这是啥意思？ friend who do not have the required ability pleads him for a job, he usually offer for the sense of loyalty rather to turn it down for his friend do not equipped with suitable qualification. 这个不能叫做loyalty吧？？？This action may deteriorate the efficiency of the company by obstacle it from absorb excellent employees and place other applicants in a disadvantage and unfairly position.

Similarity can be draw out when a employee is frenetically这个词用的很好。。 loyalty to his company, he would do whatever things that benefit his own company, no matter it is illegal or it would deter the social welfare. He would consider flinch other company's commercial secrete is right because it will help his company to gain larger share of the market, he好象he用的太多了吧。。 would also advocate pollute the environment to cut the cost and ultimate这个是啥意思？好象没有动词的意思吧？ profit. To make his company successful, he can do anything at the expense of the whole society.

Such phenomena are not rare in our world , however, it still can not draw people's attention to the destructive effect of unconditional loyalty to one's country, friends and institution. To make our society keep stable and assure our world develop healthily, we should realize the double-edges effect of the loyalty and use it appropriately.

（588）

yoyo0707_0UID：157970

issue235 改过的，互拍

It has long been a belief that loyalty is among the most significant virtues when  estimating a person. A hero is always venerated in the history for his loyalty to his country; friendship is usually portrayed as the most treasurable relation for the friends' loyalty to each other;  Adevoted employee is often praised and get promotion fast for his or her loyalty to the company. As the loyalty is so highly regarded and so excessively emphasized, it is necessary for us to realize that all too much loyalty would generate negative effects. 同意？还是不同意？
When sense of loyalty is excessively propagated to instill into citizens, chauvinism is usually evoked, which may lead a breakout of war. Until now, many people are still amazed by the Cavalier Spirit of Japanese during the World War Tow（Two）. When soldiers come into the battle, they can unbelievably sacrifice their life without consideration (considering any of their personal interests). They just ran forward and never turn back, killing enemy even themselves have already badly hurt.(这一句和上一句的时态是不是有点不一致啊？) It is especially imperceivable that although the soldiers have made all their efforts to fight, when defeated, nearly all captains suicide to show regret for the fallacy and loyalty for his countries. Just because of this irrational kind of loyalty, Japan commits so much guilt and bring diseastes（disaster） to whole world. Unfortunately, chauvinism is still can be seen in nowadays society. Almost every day there are some reports about the Palestinian people, who are enforced by the so called "loyalty" to his country, use their own bodies to make bomb so as to kill Israelites. When so many tragedies are caused by the impropriate sense of loyalty, loyalty should be revalued rationally.

  When too much emphasize the loyalty to friend, harmful result comes out which is demonstrated as nepotism(?). It can be usually seen in contemporary society that when a manger face the dilemma that his imitate(intimate) friend who do not have the required ability pleads him for a job, he usually offer for the sense of loyalty rather to turn it down for his friend do not equipped with suitable qualification. This action may deteriorate the efficiency of the company by obstacle it from absorb excellent employees and place other applicants in a disadvantage and unfairly position.(这个列子举的有点不太好，似乎没到点子上)

Similarity can be draw out when a employee is frenetically这个词用的很好。。 loyalty to his company, he would do whatever things that benefit his own company, no matter it is illegal or it would deter the social welfare. He would consider flinch other company's commercial secrete is right because it will help his company to gain larger share of the market,(moreover)he would also advocate pollute(polluting) the environment to cut(minimize) the cost and (maximize)the ultimate这个是啥意思？好象没有动词的意思吧？ profit. To make his company successful, he can do anything (even)at the expense of the whole society.

Such phenomena are not rare in our world , however, it still can not draw people's attention to the destructive effect of unconditional loyalty to one's country, friends and institution. To make our society keep stable and assure our world develop healthily, we should realize the double-edges effect of the loyalty and use it appropriately.
有些词用的很好，也很有难度，但最好能理解了用，用的更准确一点就更好了，另外我觉得你句子写的挺长的，但之间的衔接紧凑关系不是很理想。
总体来说，也的不错，比我强多了， 继续加油啊