argument42 fantasy group 有拍必回！越写越没感觉

kionaUID：207479

好多东西都忘了怎么写了，郁闷！大家狠狠给我拍！

In this argument, the speaker concludes that Paraterra should begin to promote ecotourism in order to provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of their tiny country and in order to ensure that their advertising campaign is successful, Paraterra should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign. To evidence this conclusion, the arguer cites that last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began the advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism and they are successful. However, the argument ignore several important information in this argument, I will give my view as follows.
       
To begin with, there is a false analogy between these two countries. First of all, the conditions, such as economic condition, weather condition and societal condition may be different. Perhaps Bellegea is a country with low economic condition, however, Paraterra is a developed country. The economic condition of Paraterra is much better than that of Bellegea, even Bellegea carries out that advertising campaign. Or perhaps Paraterra's weather condition is bad, blows wind all years around, it is not suit for all visitors traveling in this country. Secondly, the travelers of these two countries are different in types. Perhaps the Bellegea’s culture can easily attract the foreign travelers, but Paraterra’s travelers are mainly from their own country. Last but not the least, the population of these two countries is different. Only depend on the advertising campaign can made the per capita income increased by ten percent, the country must have small population. But Paraterra does not suit this condition. Lacking of the introductions of these two countries, we cannot infer that the advertising campaign, which is successfully carried in Bellegea is also suit for Paraterra.
In Addition, the grounds of this argument has some problems. First, the arguer only cites that the foreign visitors who arrive the main airport are doubled but he ignores the foreign visitors who arrive to the other airports. We cannot get rid of the possibility that the foreign visitors who arrive to the other airports drop. At the same time, the total number of the foreign visitors is down. Second, how to recognize the foreign visitor and the foreign businessmen, if the arguer regards all the foreigner as the foreign visitors, the survey will not be correct. For the reason that maybe there is a communication meeting which be held in Bellegea, so, the survey, which is about the increasing of the foreign visitors is useless.

Finally, even though we hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign, we cannot ensure that our advertising campaign is successful. First, not only the director individual carries out the campaign. Second, the director maybe not familiar with the environment of Paraterra. Finally, the current director of Paraterra’s National Tourism Office may be more outstanding.

In sum, this argument cannot make us convince that carrying out the advertising campaign is necessary and it is must be successful. In order to convince us, the arguer should provide other evidence, such as the economic and societal conditions of Paraterra, and so on.

kionaUID：207479

嗯？没有人改？晕！

coquelicolUID：2117318

In this argument, the speaker concludes that Paraterra should begin to promote ecotourism in order to provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of their tiny country and in order to ensure that their advertising campaign is successful, Paraterra should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign. To evidence this conclusion, the arguer cites that last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began the advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism and they are successful. However, the argument ignore several important information in this argument,(是不是有点重复？) I will give my view as follows.
        
To begin with, there is a false analogy between these two countries. First of all, the conditions, such as economic condition, weather condition and societal condition may be different. Perhaps Bellegea is a country with low economic condition, however这里似乎用however不太合适, Paraterra is a developed country. The economic condition of Paraterra is much better than that of Bellegea直接用Bellegea就可以了吧，不过不知道这样算不算累赘 even Bellegea carries out that(?) advertising campaign. Or perhaps Paraterra's weather condition is bad, blows wind all years around, it is not suit(suitable?)for all visitors traveling in this country. Secondly, the travelers of these two countries are different in types. Perhaps the Bellegea’s culture can easily attract the foreign travelers, but Paraterra’s travelers are mainly from their own country. Last but not the least, the population of these two countries is different. Only depend on the advertising campaign can made the per capita income increased by ten percent, the country must have small population. But Paraterra does not suit this condition. Lacking of the introductions of these two countries, we cannot infer that the advertising campaign, which is successfully carried in Bellegea is also suit for Paraterra.
In Addition, the grounds of this argument has some problems. First, the arguer(称呼最好通篇保持一致) only cites that the foreign visitors who arrive the main airport are doubled but he ignores the foreign visitors who arrive to the other airports. We cannot get rid of the possibility that the foreign visitors who arrive to the other airports drop. At the same time, the total number of the foreign visitors is down.(是不是用may，might合适一些？) Second, how to recognize the foreign visitor and the foreign businessmen, if the arguer regards all the foreigner as the foreign visitors, the survey will not be correct. For the reason that maybe there is a communication meeting which be held in Bellegea, so, the survey, which is about the increasing of the foreign visitors is useless.

Finally, even though we hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign, we cannot ensure that our advertising campaign is successful. First, not only the director individual carries out the campaign. Second, the director maybe not familiar with the environment of Paraterra. Finally, the current director of Paraterra’s National Tourism Office may be more outstanding.

In sum, this argument cannot make us convince that carrying out the advertising campaign is necessary and it is must be successful. In order to convince us, the arguer should provide other evidence, such as the economic and societal conditions of Paraterra, and so on.

过路帮拍，不过小弟也是水平有限啊，借以参考

觉得楼主的文批判的错误第三段和第一段最后有点重复，或者说第一段最后关于advertisment应该去掉，然后第三段专门批advertisement。还有就是楼主关于序词的使用可以多变化变化

我是喜欢根据错误出现的顺序进行批判，基本是这么构思的
1, the survey only considered the mainly airport
2, may other reasons cause theincreasing of foreign visitors
3, whether the two cities are comparable?

kionaUID：207479

哦！明白了，写完也没好好看看！
你的思路挺值得学习！我也觉得很乱，改天用用你的方法！
谢了！

coquelicolUID：2117318

hiahia，不过也可以根据所犯的逻辑错误的重要程度来写，特别是那种错误很明确或者很有侧重性的时候

我用来避免比较乱就是在看到题目以后通常会有印象，然后读题到一半基本就可以想起3个逻辑错误了，然后就在下面先写好一些KW，比如compare，survey， other reasons，然后一个一个挨着写，最后再把这行删掉就好了

我7号就要上战场了啊，加油加油

kionaUID：207479

加油加油！我13号，在哈尔滨。
我一般情况下都把好写的放在前面，省得到了最后没有时间。
呵呵……

coquelicolUID：2117318

-_-先写开头结尾和每段中心句，，然后再写~
好写的放前面写到后面就乱套了，，，