issue115 argument12

maylUID: 2162549

TOPIC：ISSUE 115 - "It is through the use of logic and of precise, careful measurement that we become aware of our progress. Without such tools, we have no reference points to indicate how far we have advanced or retreated."
WORDS：488          TIME：0:27:26          DATE：2005-12-15
有些领域逻辑和精确的方法可以决定进程 经济指标
有些领域逻辑和精确的方法可以反映进程 身体健康
有些领域逻辑和精确的方法是没用的 物理发展进程 社会进程
The speaker claims that only through the use of logic and of precise, we can know how far we have advanced or retreated. Although in some fields, like the criterion of the economy, need the logic measurement; there are some areas that the use of logic and of precise is not as useful as in the former.

Under some circumstances, the use of logic and of precise are crucial to determine the progress for it can indicates the real condition have more credibility. For example, in the realm of economy, careful measurement are important for us to realize its condition. The growth rate reflects the condition of the economy last year. The GPA indicates the amount of the products and services that can be available in the market within a year. The high portion of the service economy implies the high quality of the economy. Without these criterions, we cannot have a clear view of the nation's economy, the reason that all countries take great efforts to survey data for these criterions. So, in some fields, the use of logic and of precise can determine the progress of the areas.

However, there are still some areas that the logic measurement can reflect the progress but not determine. One can better understand this when it comes to the physical health. The blood pressure, cholesterol level, and body weight are important indicators of the health. However, the level of comfortable and paining, the most important indicator of physical health, cannot be measured by precise measurement. And the well being of psychology, which has profound impact on the health, cannot be reflected by some data either.

And there are some area that the logic and precise have no use in measuring the progress of the areas. For instance, during the time between Newton and Einstein, someone thought that the laws of physics had been all found and the only thing that his peers could do was using them to explain all physical phenomenon. However, when it comes to the microcosms, the classic physical laws have no effect. And Einstein's theory of relativity destroyed the linear time and space concept, the basis of the classic physical laws. And no one knows the true status of the theory of relativity in the course of the physics.
For the development of the discipline is endless. Similarly, the progress of the democracy cannot be determined or even reflected by data. No one can use data to reflect the free speech, election and so on. So, the logic and the precise are useless in some areas. For they have no end and cannot be indicated by data.

In some, there are some areas that the use of logic and precise is the main measurement and indicator of the progress. But there some area that the logic, precise and careful measurement have no use or only reflect one respects of the whole condition.


TOPIC：ARGUMENT 12 - The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Alta Manufacturing.

"During the past year, Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on-the-job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts believe that a significant contributing factor in many on-the-job accidents is fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that our employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
WORDS：371          TIME：0:25:56          DATE：2005-12-15
不一定是疲劳导致事故
可能是其他原因导致事故
即使疲劳是事故原因，作者的建议未必有用
其它的改善安全措施
The arguer claims that Alta Manufacturing (AM) should shorten the work time to reduce the number of on-the-job accident. To justify the conclusion, the arguer point out that Panoply Industries (PI) has less on-job-accidents. In addition, the arguer also cites the words of experts that a significant contributing factor in many on-the-job accidents is fatigue and sleep deprivation. However, a careful scrutiny would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First of all, the arguer fails to prove that it is fatigue and sleep deprivation that result in the high number of on-the-job accidents. The arguer only cites one conclusion of the experts that a significant contributing factor in many on-the-job accidents is fatigue and sleep deprivation, but do not give direct evidence that the workers in AM lack sleep, which result in the accidents. So, the shortened work time would has no effect in reducing the accidents.

Secondly, the arguer ignores other factors that cause the on-the-job accidents. It is possible that the work in PI is much safer than in MA. For example, the PI produces food; while MA produces steel which should be melt to shape. Then it is common that the accidents in MA are more than that in the IP. Then the advice of the arguer has no merits for fewer accidents.

Another flaw with this analysis is that, even it is fatigue result the many accidents, the advice may do not have effort for the sleeping time of the workers do not necessarily increase. It is possible that the workers spent the one-hour that the factory gives in drinking, which would lead to more accidents.

Finally, the arguer ignores other ways to improve the safety condition of the factory, for example, the safety education, which are crucial to less accident. Another example is the improvement of the facilities and work environment.

In sum, the arguer fails to convince us that the on-the-job accidents would reduce if the factory exerts the advice. To strengthen the conclusion, the arguer should prove that fatigue and sleep deprivation is the main reason for the on-the-job accidents. To better evaluate the condition, the arguer should prove that his advice would be effective and there are no other ways for the goal.

BerlinbearUID: 207694

TOPIC：ISSUE 115 - "It is through the use of logic and of precise, careful measurement that we become aware of our progress. Without such tools, we have no reference points to indicate how far we have advanced or retreated."
WORDS：488          TIME：0:27:26          DATE：2005-12-15
有些领域逻辑和精确的方法可以决定进程 经济指标
有些领域逻辑和精确的方法可以反映进程 身体健康
有些领域逻辑和精确的方法是没用的 物理发展进程 社会进程
分的三个方面思路清晰，逻辑严密

The speaker claims that only through the use of logic and of precise, we can know how far we have advanced or retreated. Although in(去掉，不然从句缺主语)some fields, like the criterion of the economy, need the logic measurement; there are some areas that the use of logic and of precise is not as useful as in the former.

Under some circumstances, the use of logic and of precise are crucial to determine the progress for it can indicates the real condition have more credibility. For example, in the realm of economy, careful measurement are important for us to realize its condition. The growth rate reflects the condition of the economy last year. The GPA（应该是GDP吧？） indicates the amount of the products and services that can be available in the market within a year. The high portion of the service economy implies the high quality of the economy. Without these criterions, we cannot have a clear view of the nation's economy, the reason that all countries take great efforts to survey data for these criterions. So, in some fields, the use of logic and of precise can determine the progress of the areas.

However, there are still some areas that the logic measurement can reflect the progress but not determine. One can better understand this when it comes to the physical health. The blood pressure, cholesterol level, and body weight are important indicators of the health. However, the level of comfortable and paining, the most important indicator of physical health, cannot be measured by precise measurement. And the well being of psychology, which has profound impact on the health, cannot be reflected by some data either.这一段可以再展开说一下，比如进一步解释为什么well being等不能直接精确的测量，增强文章的说服力

And there are some area that the logic and precise have no use in measuring the progress of the areas. For instance, during the time between Newton and Einstein, someone thought that the laws of physics had been all found and the only thing that his peers could do was using them to explain all physical phenomenon. However, when it comes to the microcosms, the classic physical laws have no effect. And Einstein's theory of relativity destroyed the linear time and space concept, the basis of the classic physical laws. And no one knows the true status of the theory of relativity in the course of the physics.

For the development of the discipline is endless. Similarly, the progress of the democracy cannot be determined or even reflected by data. No one can use data to reflect the free speech, election and so on. So, the logic and the precise are useless in some areas. For they have no end and cannot be indicated by data.（可以再展开一下，虽然民主、自由不能被测量，但它们是人类进步的标志）

In some, there are some areas that the use of logic and precise is the main measurement and indicator of the progress. But there some area that the logic, precise and careful measurement have no use or only reflect one respects of the whole condition.

:)可以再在语言上下功夫，论证时再充分展开一些，扩充篇幅。
加油！

BerlinbearUID: 207694

TOPIC：ARGUMENT 12 - The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Alta Manufacturing.

"During the past year, Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on-the-job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts believe that a significant contributing factor in many on-the-job accidents is fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that our employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
WORDS：371          TIME：0:25:56          DATE：2005-12-15
不一定是疲劳导致事故
可能是其他原因导致事故
即使疲劳是事故原因，作者的建议未必有用
其它的改善安全措施
The arguer claims that Alta Manufacturing (AM) should shorten the work time to reduce the number of on-the-job accident. To justify the conclusion, the arguer point out that Panoply Industries (PI) has less on-job-accidents. In addition, the arguer also cites the words of experts that a significant contributing factor in many on-the-job accidents is fatigue and sleep deprivation. However, a careful scrutiny would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First of all, the arguer fails to prove that it is fatigue and sleep deprivation that result in the high number of on-the-job accidents. The arguer only cites one conclusion of the experts that a significant contributing factor in many on-the-job accidents is fatigue and sleep deprivation, but do not give direct evidence that the workers in AM lack sleep, which result in the accidents. So, the shortened work time would has no effect in reducing the accidents.(可以提出其他可能导致高事故的原因，如技术不熟练等，深入批驳 一般第一个错误是最明显的，论证篇幅也应该随之多些)

Secondly, the arguer ignores other factors that cause the on-the-job accidents.（后面的例子说的是两公司不具可比性的可能，和中心句不太相符合的说~~） It is possible that the work in PI is much safer than in MA. For example, the PI produces food; while MA produces steel which should be melt to shape. Then it is common that the accidents in MA are more than that in the IP. Then the advice of the arguer has no merits for fewer accidents.（即使业务相同，两个公司在其他方面可能做的也不同 比如对员工的培训等，不仅仅因为时间问题 可以再深入论证）

Another flaw with this analysis is that, even it is fatigue result the many accidents, the advice may do not have effort for the sleeping time of the workers do not necessarily increase. It is possible that the workers spent the one-hour that the factory gives in drinking, which would lead to more accidents.

Finally, the arguer ignores other ways to improve the safety condition of the factory, for example, the safety education, which are crucial to less accident. Another example is the improvement of the facilities and work environment.

In sum, the arguer fails to convince us that the on-the-job accidents would reduce if the factory exerts the advice. To strengthen the conclusion, the arguer should prove that fatigue and sleep deprivation is the main reason for the on-the-job accidents. To better evaluate the condition, the arguer should prove that his advice would be effective and there are no other ways for the goal.

开头和结尾偏长，模版的痕迹比较明显...而中间的论证部分不够深入，总给人浅尝辄止的感觉。并且在逻辑错误的分类上好像不是很清晰。建议可以多读些范文，学习怎样论证充分。

读了几次mayl的文章，感觉在语言方面，虽然没有什么大的错误，不过好像有点平淡，还有进步的空间。可以尝试在写完后修改自己的语言，专门用一些高级词汇和巨型做替换等联系。当然只是个人的一点看法，进供mayl参考啦。~~

yogurt4UID: 198389

下次一定不要在一个帖子里放2篇作文
这样会给我们整理帖子带来麻烦
谢谢:)