Argument170 交作业喽~ 大家新年快乐~~

@amy@UID: 209096

题目
Argument170 For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. Once consumers are made aware of the
increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters, they are likely to be willing to pay as much for Gulf Coast as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters, and greater profits for Gulf Coast oyster producers will follow.

翻译： 过去五年中，加州的消费者愿意花比Gulf Coast牡蛎贵一倍的价格来购买东北地区的Atlantic Coast牡蛎。这种趋势发生在一些Gulf Coast生牡蛎被查出含有有害细菌之后。但科学家现在已经设计了一套杀灭这些细菌的工艺。一旦消费者发觉Gulf Coast牡蛎的安全性提高了，他们将会愿意付出和东北的Atlantic Coast牡蛎同样的价格来购买它，并为Gulf Coast牡蛎的经营者带来更大的利润。

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提纲
（1）没有给出消费者愿意买Atlantic Coast牡蛎的真正原因，也许是因为他们的质量好，或者是广告的效果是最主要的原因。
（2）没有证据说明这套杀灭细菌的工艺杀灭细菌后会不会有什么副作用，或者破坏了牡蛎的营养和味道。
（3）即使工艺有效被采用了，这样市场上的安全牡蛎的供应就会增多，有可能会导致价格下降，甚至包括Atlantic Coast牡蛎。还有可能这套工艺的成本很贵，采用了以后即使Gulf Coast牡蛎的价格上涨了，经营者的利润也很小。  

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字数：498 words
时间：查阅资料（15分钟）+提纲（15分钟）+正文（1小时） = 1个半小时
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正文
In this argument, the arguer asserts Gulf Coast oyster producers will gain greater profits after the killing bacteria process is introduced to the production program. He supports his conclusion by a trend that in the past five years, consumers in California preferred to pay twice as much for Atlantic Coast oysters instead of Gulf Coast oysters because harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. He insists consumers will also be willing to buy Gulf Coast oysters at the same high price as Atlantic Coast oysters' price after the invention of the killing bacteria process. His conclusion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, there is no evidence to show the genuine reason for the phenomena that people more prefer Atlantic Coast oysters. In my point of view, I think although the harmful bacteria in Gulf Coast oysters do have some influence on the sell, the influence cannot be so dramatic, because the bacteria is found in a few raw oysters, so it is very possible that the bacteria can be killed after cooked and cannot do harm to people's health. In others words, there are highly possibly some other reasons having resulted in the trend. For example, maybe people found the quality of Atlantic Coast oysters were prior to that of Gulf Coast oysters. Perhaps, just during that period, the Atlantic Coast oyster producers efficient advertised at large scales, which attracted lots of consumers. With all these questions, it is very necessary for the arguer to conduct a full-scale survey to find out the real reason for the great sell difference between Atlantic Coast oysters and Gulf Coast oysters.

Secondly, the arguer fails to convince us that the process for killing the bacteria does not have any side-effect. For instance, if the process depends on chemical to kill bacteria, people will wonder if the chemical is harmful to their health. If the process depends on high temperature, people will wonder if the nutrition and delicious taste will also be destroyed. Unless strong evidence is provided, people will not believe the process is effectual and the safety of Gulf Coast oysters is really increased.

Last but not least, granted that the process is effective and the Gulf Coast oysters is absolutely safe, thus, the supply of safe oysters will be increased greatly, which will result in the decrease of oyster price, even including the price of Atlantic Coast oysters. What's more, the arguer does not tell the cost of adopting the process. If the cost is very high, then even the price of Gulf Coast oysters rises, the profits for producers will not follow. So this issue also needs to be confirmed.

To sum up, the arguer is too optimistically to predict the increase trend of profits because there are still some questionable facets that need to studied. To make his conclusion more convincing, the arguer has to take the facets discussed above into account.

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参考资料
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ghlight=argument170

@amy@UID: 209096

顶~~  谁来帮我拍拍？谢谢~~

OceanDUID: 2118730

In this argument, the arguer asserts Gulf Coast oyster producers will gain greater profits after the killing bacteria process is introduced to the production program. He supports his conclusion by a trend that in the past five years, consumers in California preferred to pay twice as much for Atlantic Coast oysters instead of Gulf Coast oysters because harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. He insists consumers will also be willing to buy Gulf Coast oysters at the same high price as Atlantic Coast oysters' price after the invention of the killing bacteria process.insist that 后面用虚拟 consumers be willing to… His conclusion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, there is no evidence to show the genuine reason for the phenomena that people more prefer prefer已经有比较了，就不要用more了Atlantic Coast oysters. In my point of view, I think although the harmful bacteria in Gulf Coast oysters do have some influence on the sell, the influence cannot be so dramatic, because the bacteria is found in a few raw oysters, so it is very possible that the bacteria can be killed after cooked and cannot do harm to people's health. 不错，可以说的再简洁一点。In my point of view, 和I think重复。In my point of view, it is very possible that there are no harmful bacteria found in cooked Gulf Coast oysters. Therefore the factor of harmful bacteria may not be the key in this phenomena.In others words, there are highly possibly some other reasons having resulted in the trend. For example, maybe people found the quality of Atlantic Coast oysters were prior to superior to吧？ that of Gulf Coast oysters.句式词语都不错 Perhaps, just during that period, the Atlantic Coast oyster producers efficient advertised at large scales, which attracted lots of consumers. With all these questions, it is very necessary for the arguer to conduct a full-scale survey to find out the real reason for the great sell difference between Atlantic Coast oysters and Gulf Coast oysters.最后这句就没必要了吧？argument还是批驳为主，尽量少加入个人意见，如果实在要说，放到结尾

Secondly, the arguer fails to convince us that the process for killing the bacteria does not have any side-effect. 用上whetherFor instance, if the process depends on chemical to kill bacteria, people will wonder if the chemical is harmful to their health. If the process depends on high temperature, people will wonder if the nutrition and delicious taste will also be destroyed. Unless strong evidence is provided, people will not believe the process is effectual and the safety of Gulf Coast oysters is really increased. 不错，但是people will wonder这三个词好像不太好，想想能不能换个更好的。

Last but not least, granted that the process is effective and the Gulf Coast oysters is absolutely safe, thus, the supply of safe oysters will be increased greatly, which will result in the decrease of oyster price, even including the price of Atlantic Coast oysters. What's more, the arguer does not tell the cost of adopting the process. If the cost is very high, then even the price of Gulf Coast oysters rises, the profits for producers will not follow. So this issue also needs to be confirmed. 第一点表述的不是很有力度，第二点还可以

To sum up, the arguer is too optimistically to predict the increase trend of profits because there are still some questionable facets that need to studied. To make his conclusion more convincing, the arguer has to take the facets discussed above into account.

OceanD小结：

我看见你说了你有参考别人的文章，我不知道你参考了多少，反正就你现在这篇文章，总体来说，还不错，逻辑分析、语言、句式、词语都不错。下面给你总结一下你的不足，希望对你有帮助
第一段：作为开头，虽然也算都交代清楚了，不过有点太繁琐，希望你能把它写得简洁点。蒙蒙写得分析argument开头的文章，很值得好好读读。
第二段：写得比较精彩，涉及的面也比较广，各种它因也都点到了。
第三段：句式和逻辑结构的表达也很精彩，不过内容就有点欠丰富。
第四段：这段相对不太好，逻辑不太清楚。参考：1假设安全，供应增加，然后收入多了，可是成本呢？2即使成本不高，收入能多吗？（推翻假设）你再说供应多了，价格怎样怎样。。。

我的铺子里还改过一篇argument170jingjing(kito)写的，在链接里找。你可以参考一下，那篇文章里面有些东西也挺好的。总之，你写的挺好的，希望继续努力。

[ 本帖最后由 OceanD 于 2006-1-6 15:00 编辑 ]

@amy@UID: 209096

非常感谢Ocean的修改，好仔细啊~~

In this argument, the arguer asserts Gulf Coast oyster producers will gain greater profits after the killing bacteria process is introduced to the production program. He supports his conclusion by a trend that in the past five years, consumers in California preferred to pay twice as much for Atlantic Coast oysters instead of Gulf Coast oysters because harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. He insists that consumers would also be willing to buy Gulf Coast oysters at the same high price as Atlantic Coast oysters' price after the invention of the killing bacteria process. His conclusion seems reasonable, but after careful examination, we can find out several flaws as follows.

First of all, there is no evidence to show the genuine reason for the phenomena that people prefer Atlantic Coast oysters. In my point of view, it is very possible that there are no harmful bacteria found in cooked Gulf Coast oysters. Therefore the factor of harmful bacteria may not be the key in this phenomenon. In others words, there are highly possibly some other reasons having resulted in the trend. For example, maybe people found the quality of Atlantic Coast oysters were superior to that of Gulf Coast oysters. Perhaps, just during that period, the Atlantic Coast oyster producers efficient advertised at large scales, which attracted lots of consumers.

Secondly, the arguer fails to convince us that the process for killing the bacteria does not have any side-effect. For instance, if the process depends on chemical to kill bacteria, people will question if the chemical is harmful to their health. If the process depends on high temperature, people will question if the nutrition and delicious taste will also be destroyed. Unless strong evidence is provided, people will not believe the process is effectual and the safety of Gulf Coast oysters is really increased.

Last but not least, granted that the process is effective and the Gulf Coast oysters is absolutely safe, the arguer does not tell the cost of adopting the process. If the cost is very high, then even the price of Gulf Coast oysters rises, the profits for producers will not follow. What is more, even if the cost of adopting the process is low, can the producers gain more profits affirmably? The answer is not certain because the supply of safe oysters will be increased greatly with the new process, which will result in the decrease of oyster price, even including the price of Atlantic Coast oysters. So this issue also needs to be confirmed.

To sum up, the arguer is too optimistically to predict the increase trend of profits because there are still some questionable facets that need to studied. To make his conclusion more convincing, the arguer has to take the facets discussed above into account, that is, he has to conduct a full-scale survey to find out the real reason for the great sell difference between Atlantic Coast oysters and Gulf Coast oysters, and proves that the process is truly effective and can improve the profits.

[ 本帖最后由 @amy@ 于 2006-1-12 10:40 编辑 ]