argument238 临考互拍哦~~~~

bunnymz2005UID：2146758

【题目】2月6日机井题
238.The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumès and interviewing skills."

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【翻译】
邻近的Green Mountain学院拥有比Mira Vista学院更多的商业课程和就业顾问，去年其毕业生有90％得到了公司的工作机会。但去年在Mira Vista，所有通知了就业办公室说他们要就业的毕业生中只有70％的人在毕业后三个月内找到全职工作，而且这些毕业生只有一半在本专业就业。为帮助Mira Vista的毕业生找到工作，我们必须提供更多的商业和计算机技术课程，并雇佣更多的就业顾问来帮助学生提高准备简历和面试的技巧。
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【提纲】
1.        不一定是商业课程和商业顾问导致了G比M的毕业生得到更多的offer，很可能是因为前者的毕业生自身比较有才能。
2.        另外，根据文中提供的数据根本不能得出G的offer比M多的结论。因为作者提供的双方信息不对称。很可能G的毕业生花了一年的时间才找到工作，而且还是兼职。
3.        没有证据表明G和M具有可比性。两所学校的情况可能不同，一方面G在商科方面可能比较擅长，而M可能只在自然科学方面比较擅长，而商科比较差。另一方面，G很可能蜚声海内外，许多公司都争着与其学生签约，这也是offer多的一方面原因，而M可能仅是个无名小卒。
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【正文】
Prior to accepting the recommendation that Mira Vista College should offer more courses in business and computer technology and employ more counselors to help students to prepare their resumes and interviewing skill, I find the evidence presented in this argument requires an in-depth scrutiny from several aspects. In my opinion, the author seems to have posited that Green Mountain College and Mira Vista College are similar enough to compare with each other without ruling out other possible factors and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.

To begin with, the threshold problem with this argument is its establishment of a problematic causal relationship between the business courses as well as job counselors and the job offers students got. In fact, there are many other explanations for this phenomenon. One alternative may be that most students graduated from Green Mountain College are quite excellent in their own capabilities such as communicating to others, cooperation and also strong leadership, which are all favored by the firms. Actually, nowadays many companies pay less attention to what courses students study in the college or how well the resumes are prepared while they surly take the genuine ability of students seriously. Since the author fails to respond to this concern, the assumption that more business courses and more job counselors contribute to get more offer can not convince me at all.

In addition, the author also illogically presumes that students in Mira Vista College must get fewer offers merely on the evidence of the data invoked in this argument, which, however, may not be the case. As mentioned in the argument, the author provide detailed information about the students in Mira Vista who get offers; however, when it comes to students in Green Mountain College, we are only informed that 90 percent had found jobs without any other information such as the time they cost to find jobs or whether the jobs are full-time or part-time. For that matter, these two set of data cannot be compared with each other at all. Accordingly, we have sufficient reasons to assume that it took one year or more for the 90 percent of students in Green Mountain College to find a job which may be even a part-time job. Hence, without taking into consideration this possibility and the others, the author can not justify the authenticity and credibility of his assertion.

Before coming to finish my analysis, we might as well turn our focus to the author's conclusion which seems plausible. Nevertheless, after a close examination, I find there is nowhere more ridiculous than this conclusion. The author commits a fallacy of false analogy. While it may be true that due to more courses and job counselors the students in Green Mountain College smoothly got their offers, the author fails to provide any evidence that those measures would also have effect in Mira Vista College. There is a good chance that the latter may excel in physics or other nature science rather than the business as well as management. Or perhaps the Green Mountain College is so famous throughout the country that most firms are prone to contracting with the college students, which facilitates them to get more offers, while Mira Vista College may be only a small college with little reputation. Consequently, any of these scenarios would inevitably undermine the author's conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is weakened by a series of unwarranted evidence as it stands. To better evaluate it, I would need to know detailed information about the students in Green Mountain College who had got offers. Moreover, the author should also provide the evidence to show that the two colleges are similar enough; otherwise, the argument would be unfounded.

写了40分钟才写完，逻辑基本上没了~~~，错别字改过了，行文没改，想让大家看看问题出在哪里，谢谢您的修改啦，互拍哦~~~~

jingjingtousUID：2164820

238.The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumès and interviewing skills."

****************************************************************
【翻译】
邻近的Green Mountain学院拥有比Mira Vista学院更多的商业课程和就业顾问，去年其毕业生有90％得到了公司的工作机会。但去年在Mira Vista，所有通知了就业办公室说他们要就业的毕业生中只有70％的人在毕业后三个月内找到全职工作，而且这些毕业生只有一半在本专业就业。为帮助Mira Vista的毕业生找到工作，我们必须提供更多的商业和计算机技术课程，并雇佣更多的就业顾问来帮助学生提高准备简历和面试的技巧。
****************************************************************
【提纲】
1.        不一定是商业课程和商业顾问导致了G比M的毕业生得到更多的offer，很可能是因为前者的毕业生自身比较有才能。你把这个批驳点放在首位哟！
2.        另外，根据文中提供的数据根本不能得出G的offer比M多的结论。因为作者提供的双方信息不对称。很可能G的毕业生花了一年的时间才找到工作，而且还是兼职。应该是失业率的数据缺乏考证
3.        没有证据表明G和M具有可比性。两所学校的情况可能不同，一方面G在商科方面可能比较擅长，而M可能只在自然科学方面比较擅长，而商科比较差。另一方面，G很可能蜚声海内外，许多公司都争着与其学生签约，这也是offer多的一方面原因，而M可能仅是个无名小卒。
          提纲看罢，恩，分析的很有条理
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【正文】
Prior to accepting the recommendation that Mira Vista College should offer more courses in business and computer technology and employ more counselors to help students to prepare their resumes and interviewing skill, I find the evidence presented in this argument requires an in-depth scrutiny from several aspects. In my opinion, the author seems to have posited that Green Mountain College and Mira Vista College are similar enough to compare with each other without ruling out other possible factors and thus draw a conclusion that is fundamentally flawed.小花，这是你开头的通用型模板吗？你看，如果我也用的话咱俩会不会雷同呀？  Prior to accepting the author's recommendation that......I find all the evidence presented above require a close scrutiny/examination from several facets/aspects, the author seems to unduely rely on a myriad of unsubstantiated evidence/assumptions and draw a conclusion that is foundamentally flawed/unconvincing.我中间用了一些替换词，可能还有其它的我就不写的，你同意我用你的模板吗？^_^waiting for your reply......

To begin with, the threshold problem with this argument is its establishment of a problematic causal relationship between the business courses as well as job counselors and the job offers students got. 好像没有problematic causal relationship这样的说法哟，你如果在哪篇范文上看到贴出来给我们看看好吗？In fact, there are many other explanations for this phenomenon. One alternative may be that most students graduated from Green Mountain College are quite excellent in their own capabilities such as communicating to others, cooperation and also strong leadership, which are all favored by the firms. Actually, nowadays many companies pay less attention to what courses students study in the college or how well the resumes are prepared while they surly take the genuine ability of students seriously. Since the author fails to respond to this concern, the assumption that more business courses and more job counselors contribute to get more offer can not convince me at all. 你的主要alternative explanation是学生的quality对吧？我觉得这是一个方面，还有其它课程的contribution呢？还有，你对这些statistics的把握限于the number of job offers,但是我觉得应该从就业率来比较呀，数量不能决定质量对吗？

In addition, the author also illogically presumes that students in Mira Vista College must get fewer offers merely on the evidence of the data invoked in this argument, which, however, may not be the case. As mentioned in the argument, the author provide detailed information about the students in Mira Vista who get offers; however, when it comes to students in Green Mountain College, we are only informed that 90 percent had found jobs without any other information such as the time they cost to find jobs or whether the jobs are full-time or part-time.这句之前的论证，我知道你的意思是说应该全面比较，但是感觉太冗长，应该尽量精简  For that matter, these two set of data cannot be compared with each other at all. Accordingly, we have sufficient reasons to assume that it took one year or more for the 90 percent of students in Green Mountain College to find a job which may be even a part-time job. Hence, without taking into consideration this possibility and the others, the author can not justify the authenticity and credibility of his assertion.我觉得你直接把alternative explanation 列出来会好写，it is entirely possible that it took more than three months for Green Mountain's students to find a suitable job-let alone the job may be a part-time one.

Before coming to finish my analysis, we might as well turn our focus to the author's conclusion which seems plausible. Nevertheless, after a close examination, I find there is nowhere more ridiculous than this conclusion.这句话有点多余，尽量简洁吧，考试没有那么多时间的  The author commits a fallacy of false analogy. While it may be true that due to more courses and job counselors the students in Green Mountain College smoothly got their offers, the author fails to provide any evidence that those measures would also have effect in Mira Vista College. There is a good chance that the latter may excel in physics or other nature science rather than the business as well as management. Or perhaps the Green Mountain College is so famous throughout the country that most firms are prone to contracting with the college students, which facilitates them to get more offers, while Mira Vista College may be only a small college with little reputation. Consequently, any of these scenarios would inevitably undermine the author's conclusion.这段没有什么可说的，每个人思考的角度不同吧，你是从商科和理科的角度分析，我是从学校的排名，教学水平，reputation，geographic location（尽管这点有些牵强）等方面来反驳的，还有，我认为false analogy最重要，所以把它第一个批！
To sum up, the argument is weakened by a series of unwarranted evidence as it stands. To better evaluate it, I would need to know detailed information about the students in Green Mountain College who had got offers. Moreover, the author should also provide the evidence to show that the two colleges are similar enough; otherwise, the argument would be unfounded.这是你结尾的模板吗？感觉大家都差不多，这个我就不”借“了。

小花文章果然好，这里我就不罗嗦了，我只是从论证的思路上帮你理了下，也是对自己的提高，还有，差点忘了，就是，，，恩，，你同意我用你的开头模板吗？我好像找不到一个更容易记住的！