ARGUMENT53 同主题第四期-pewcg8留链互拍,欢迎砖头

pewcg8UID: 2143213

In this argument, the author claims that melatonin,　of which the levels increase during early autumn,  will cause shyness to infants who are conceived in that time of the year and this effect will continue to take place in their later life. Supporting with the two research cited by the author, this claim seems plausible at first thought, but when carefully examining its line of reasoning, some logical flaws come out immediately into my mind.

The first research mentioned in the argument only includes 25 infants and this surely weaken the strength of the evidence. One will doubt that whether the result will differ from the existing one if the researchers studied more infants. As we all know, when we are doing a research, especially scientific study, we have to include enough samples to make sure the result is convincing, unfortunately this research fail to do so. It is highly possible that when we have larger sample, the number of infants who show distress when they are surrounded by strange stimuli will be less great. If only a small group of infants show that kind of distress, we can never connect this phenomenon to melatonin. In addition, common sense tells us that infants are born to be sensitive to its surroundings and reacting to the stimuli mentioned in the argument might be common in physiology. Therefore, these signs of distress will have nothing to do with shyness. Actually, it is quite difficult to define shyness in infancy.

Moreover, the author fails to analyze melatonin and its effect in the argument. He only mentions that this kind of hormone will affect some brain functions, but what functions? When melatonin only changes the blood pressure in the infants’ brain or just slows down the growth of conarium of the brain a little, it will not be a factor to influence the character of the infants. Other statistics or studies are needed to set up interconnections with this kind of hormone to the action of shy infants. And I certainly doubt that whether the author can successfully rule out other possible factors when examining the links between melatonin and shyness, as human internal secretion system is so complicated that one can hardly divide those hormones into separate parts.

Also, the other study quoted by the author lacks logic. The author has not established direct relation between these two research. In other words, other factors that might be vital during the period of time they grow up are not excluded. People become shyness all the time when they are living with also shy parents, some people become shy after they have long been in their own world without connection to other people, and a child living with divorced parents will become shy as well. All these factors mentioned above might explain why more than 12 of 25 teenagers identify them as shy.

All in all, with a rather small sample and without ruling out other possible factors that might cause these infants grow up to be shy, the author makes a somewhat illogical argument. A research with a larger and more random sample as well as more detailed statistics about melatonin will make the reasoning of the author sounder.

[ 本帖最后由 pewcg8 于 2006-7-22 09:10 编辑 ]

geniegoUID: 201395

In this argument, the author claims that melatonin,　of which the levels increase during early autumn,  will cause shyness to infants who are conceived in that time of the year and this effect will continue to take place in their later life. Supporting with[我觉得应该用supported by被动形式] the two research [researchers] cited by the author, this claim seems plausible at first thought, but[你要表达转折？我觉得用递进比较好] when carefully examining its line of reasoning, some logical flaws come out immediately into my mind<这里的into my mind我觉得这个用法不像是议论文>.[这个句子很漂亮]

The first research mentioned in the argument only includes 25 infants and this surely[has] weaken the strength of the evidence. <One will doubt that whether the result will differ from the existing one if the researchers studied more infants.> As we all know, when we are doing a research, especially scientific study, we have to include enough samples to make sure the result is convincing, unfortunately this research fail to do so. <It is highly possible that when we have larger sample, the number of infants who show distress when they are surrounded by strange stimuli will be less great.> [这句和上面的一句内容重复] If only a small group of infants show that kind of distress, we can never connect [我觉得relate] this phenomenon to melatonin. In addition, common sense tells us that infants are born to be sensitive to its [their] surroundings and reacting to the stimuli mentioned in the argument might be common in physiology. Therefore, these signs of distress will have nothing to do with shyness. Actually, it is quite difficult to define shyness in infancy.[这段提出调查可靠性]
[这段你想集中说明melatonin没什么关系，基本上用了两个攻击点，第一个sample太小是一个不错的攻击点，但是为了保持这一段的同一性，应该在一开头是就指出，sample小将导致与melatonin无关]

Moreover, the author fails to analyze melatonin and its effect in the argument. He only mentions that this kind of hormone will affect some brain functions, but what functions? When melatonin only changes the blood pressure in the infants’ brain or just slows down the growth of conarium of the brain a little, it will not be a factor to influence the character of the infants. [我觉得这两个他因很具体，很好，但是有点太专业了吧，或者从生物的角度来说，也不十分普遍，你可以想一些其他的例子] Other statistics or studies are needed to set up interconnections with this kind of hormone to the action[acts比较好] of shy infants. And I certainly doubt that whether the author can successfully rule out[刚才看范文用到一个替换词不错，也推荐给你，preclude] other possible factors when examining the links between melatonin and shyness, as human internal secretion system is so complicated that one can hardly divide those hormones into separate parts.

Also, the other study quoted by the author lacks logic. The author has not established direct relation between these two research [researches]. In other words, other factors that might be vital during the period of time they grow [grew] up are not excluded. People become shyness [shy形容词形式] all the time[是要表达一直么？很奇怪]  when they are living with also shy parents, some people become shy after they have long been in their own world without connection[communication] to other people, and a child living with divorced parents will become shy as well. All these factors mentioned above might explain why more than 12 of 25 teenagers identify them as shy.
[这段好像说得不够明白，用语的问题，all the time用的不明白]

All in all, with a rather small sample and without ruling out other possible factors that might cause these infants grow up to be shy, the author makes a somewhat illogical argument. A research with a larger and more random sample as well as more detailed statistics about melatonin will make the reasoning of the author sounder[什么意思？没查到，用sensible不错].

[整体说来不错，开头写的很漂亮。
句子的表达上，有的时候，有点不明确，例如倒数第二段的 all the time，我明白你想说什么，但是你没有说明确。
另外，有时候会疏漏一些语法小错误]

[ 本帖最后由 geniego 于 2006-7-22 10:47 编辑 ]

pewcg8UID: 2143213

解释一下all th time,意思上应该等于when我记得以前看过这样用的，不知道对不对？

winnie_nnUID: 2208004

晚上传上来吧。

我哪儿是暴强啊，暴弱还差不多...今天写I130，慌死没写完，没思路，差点哭死，接着写A，上来就写错了，把人家没错的地方给挑出来了，我汉！

winnie_nnUID: 2208004

本来想发在上一楼的，但是怕你看见没有新加的回复就看不到我拍的啦，我就老干这种事，呵呵。

In this argument, the author claims that melatonin,　of which the levels increase during early autumn,  will cause shyness to infants who are conceived in that time of the year and this effect will continue to take place in their later life. Supporting [supported] with the two research[researches] cited by the author, this claim seems plausible at first thought, but when carefully examining its line of reasoning, some logical flaws come out immediately into my mind.

The first research mentioned in the argument only includes 25 infants and this surely weaken [weakens] the strength of the evidence. One will doubt that whether the result will differ from the existing one if the researchers studied more infants. As we all know, when we are doing a research, especially scientific study, we have to include enough samples to make sure the result is convincing, unfortunately this research fail [fails] to do so. It is highly possible that when we have larger sample, the number of infants who show distress when they are surrounded by strange stimuli will be less great. If only a small group of infants show that kind of distress, we can never connect this phenomenon to melatonin. In addition, common sense tells us that infants are born to be sensitive to its surroundings and reacting to the stimuli mentioned in the argument might be common in physiology. Therefore, these signs of distress will have nothing to do with shyness. Actually, it is quite difficult to define shyness in infancy. [你这里把distress和shyness看作是同一个意思，我觉得他们两个是不同的，题目中distress和shyness就是缺乏一个联系]

Moreover, the author fails to analyze melatonin and its effect in the argument. He only mentions that this kind of hormone will affect some brain functions, but what functions? When melatonin only changes the blood pressure in the infants’ brain or just slows down the growth of conarium of the brain a little, it will not be a factor to influence the character of the infants. Other statistics or studies are needed to set up interconnections with this kind of hormone to the action of shy infants. And I certainly doubt that whether the author can successfully rule out other possible factors when examining the links between melatonin and shyness, as human internal secretion system is so complicated that one can hardly divide those hormones into separate parts. [我觉得这一段还可以再说说，关于M这个东西的其他漏洞：Study的那一年，日照究竟是怎样的未知，更可能在早秋怀孕，也就是说有不是在早秋怀孕的，那他们又怎样解释？还有，其他在早秋出生的孩子是不是也有Distress的症状呢，如果没有，那M和早秋就不能够成为解释原因了]

Also, the other study quoted by the author lacks logic. The author has not established direct relation between these two research. In other words, other factors that might be vital during the period of time they grow up are not[不应该有not吧？] excluded. People become shyness all the time when they are living with also shy parents, some people become shy after they have long been in their own world without connection to other people, and a child living with divorced parents will become shy as well. All these factors mentioned above might explain why more than 12 of 25 teenagers identify them as shy.

All in all, with a rather small sample and without ruling out other possible factors that might cause these infants grow up to be shy, the author makes a somewhat illogical argument. A research with a larger and more random sample as well as more detailed statistics about melatonin will make the reasoning of the author sounder.

pewcg8UID: 2143213

呵呵,收到修改,万分感谢.

ddloveyyUID: 2225606

In this argument, the author claims that melatonin,　of which the levels increase during early autumn,  will cause shyness to infants who are conceived in that time of the year and this effect will continue to take place in their later life. Supporting (supported)with the two research cited by the author, this claim seems plausible at first thought, but when carefully examining its line of reasoning, some logical flaws come out immediately into my mind.

The first research mentioned in the argument only includes 25 infants and this surely weaken the strength of the evidence. One will doubt that whether the result will differ from the existing one if the researchers studied more infants. As we all know, when we are doing a research, especially scientific study, we have to include enough samples to make sure the result is convincing, unfortunately this research fail to do so. It is highly possible that when we have larger sample, the number of infants who show distress when they are surrounded by strange stimuli will be less great. If only a small group of infants show that kind of distress, we can never connect this phenomenon to melatonin. (一个简单的错误翻来覆去讲，有点罗嗦) In addition, common sense tells us that infants are born to be sensitive to its surroundings and reacting to the stimuli mentioned in the argument might be common in physiology. Therefore, these signs of distress will have nothing to do with shyness. Actually, it is quite difficult to define shyness in infancy.（应该说明shyness不等于distress，common sense 解决不了问题）

Moreover, the author fails to analyze melatonin and its effect in the argument. He only mentions that this kind of hormone will affect some brain functions, but what functions? （这句话读起来像汉语般通顺）When melatonin only changes the blood pressure in the infants’ brain or just slows down the growth of conarium （好专业的词，韦小宝都查不到）of the brain a little, it will not be a factor to influence the character of the infants. Other statistics or studies are needed to set up interconnections with this kind of hormone to the action of shy infants. And I  certainly doubt (adj, not verb) that whether the author can successfully rule out other possible factors when examining the links between melatonin and shyness, as human internal secretion system is so complicated that one can hardly divide those hormones into separate parts.（这段攻击的好专业，不建议）

Also, the other study quoted by the author lacks logic. The author has not established direct relation between these two research. In other words, other factors that might be vital during the period of time they grow up are not excluded. People become shyness all the time ？when they are living with also shy parents, some people become shy after they have long been in their own world without connection to other people, and a child living with divorced parents will become shy as well. All these factors mentioned above might explain why more than 12 of 25 teenagers identify them as shy. （来一句结论式的指出错误的话结束一段）

All in all, with a rather small sample and without ruling out other possible factors that might cause these infants grow up to be shy, the author makes a somewhat illogical argument. A research with a larger and more random sample as well as more detailed statistics about melatonin will make the reasoning of the author sounder.

总体讲有的错误批得过繁，有些批得过于专业，论述过程的层次度也有待提高。
我的文，末留情。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=509314&highlight=