argument111 我们的九月 第十八次作业

juzijuntuanUID: 2231815

TOPIC: ARGUMENT111 - The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc.

"A recent study of Dura-Sock wearers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented "Endure" manufacturing process, which ensures that our socks are strong enough to last for two years. Dura-Sock has always advertised its use of the "Endure" process, but the new study shows that the average Dura-Sock customer actually purchases new Dura-Socks every three months. Furthermore, Dura-Sock customers surveyed in our largest market, northeastern United States cities, say that they most value Dura-Sock's stylish appearance and availability in many colors. These findings suggest that Dura-Sock can increase its profits by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process."
WORDS: 478          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-8-12

The author claims that Dura-Stock's profits will increase by discontinue to use "Endure" manufacturing process, for the evidence of the result of a study and a survey provided to support the assumption that it is wasting of money on the manufacturing process of  the patented "Endure" stocks for the customers are not concerned about the "Endure " of stocks. However, such claim is not persuasive, for careful examination reveals several flaws in some aspects.

First, the author is over simple to conclude that the customers are not focused on the endure of stocks according to the result of a study. The study shows that customers purchased new Dura-Stocks every three months, which is comparably short to the quality of two-years strong of the stocks, indicating that customers are not value the quality of the stocks. But it is equally possible the customers prefer the quality of endure of the stock and like to change them for a new style or the stocks are in great demand. Thus, it is unnecessarily that the customers change the stocks in a short-term indicated ignoring of the quality of endure and to spend money on endure manufacturing process is waste.

Moreover, the author bases his conclusion on the result of survey, which is not so representative and not efficiently supportive. For one hand, the survey is practiced in the largest market of Dura-Sock, which is unsurely represent the opinions of nationwide. Maybe, in other districts, customers hold the opposite views against the result of survey, For the other hand, though customers most value Dura-Sock's stylish appearance and availability in many colors, they are not ignore the quality of the stocks. Perhaps, if the stock is weak on quality, customers will choose other stocks with the same stylish appearance and availability in colors. Therefore, the result of survey is problematic to substantiate the author's assumption that the endure of stock is not important.

The last, the author questionably predicts that the profits will increase by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process. Since the increase of profits is lied on the decreasing of cost and the increasing of incomes, and no evidence is offered to bolster that to discontinuing "Endure" manufacturing process will lower the cost nor the information of the sure increasing of income and competition on market, it is possible that without the Endure process, customers will choose other stocks instead of Dura-Sock's. it is too hasty to foretell that the profits will increase by discontinuing use of the "Endure" manufacturing process.

To sum up , the author unconvincingly claim that Dura-Stock can increase its profits by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process, based on the unpersuasive evidence of the results of a study and a survey. And if no further information about the trend of customers and the details of market, the argument will not persuade me.

maggie-leeUID: 2220892

The author claims that Dura-Stock's profits will increase by discontinue(应该用 ing形式) to use "Endure" manufacturing process, for the evidence of the result of a study and a survey provided to support the assumption that it is wasting of money on the manufacturing process of  the patented "Endure" stocks for the customers are not concerned about the "Endure " of stocks. （建议把上一句话拆成两句，不然显得逻辑不清）However, such claim is not persuasive, for careful examination reveals several flaws in some aspects.

First, the author is over simple to conclude that the customers are not focused on the endure of stocks according to the result of a study. The study shows that customers purchased new Dura-Stocks every three months, which is comparably short to the quality of two-years strong of the stocks, indicating that customers are not value （两个谓语了） the quality of the stocks. But it is equally possible the customers prefer the quality of endure of the stock and like to change them for a new style or the stocks are in great demand. Thus, it is unnecessarily （用形容词性unnecessary）that the customers change the stocks in a short-term indicated ignoring of the quality of endure and to spend money on endure manufacturing process is waste.

Moreover, the author bases his conclusion on the result of survey, which is not so representative and not efficiently supportive. For one hand (for one thing, on the one hand 没听过for one hand 所以不知道可不可以这么用), the survey is practiced in the largest market of Dura-Sock, which is unsurely represent（is 和represent到底谁是谓语， unsurely是形容词） the opinions of nationwide（这是个形容词）. Maybe, in other districts, customers hold the opposite views against the result of survey, For the other hand, though customers most value Dura-Sock's stylish appearance and availability in many colors, they are not ignore（又有两个谓语） the quality of the stocks. Perhaps, if the stock is weak on quality, customers will choose other stocks with the same stylish appearance and availability in colors. Therefore, the result of survey is problematic to substantiate the author's assumption that the endure （endure是动词）of stock is not important.

The last, the author questionably predicts that the profits will increase by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process. Since the increase of profits is lied on（lies on） the decreasing of cost and the increasing of incomes, and no evidence is offered to bolster that to discontinuing "Endure" manufacturing process will lower the cost nor the information of the sure increasing of income and competition on market, it is possible that without the Endure process, customers will choose other stocks instead of Dura-Sock's. it is too hasty to foretell that the profits will increase by discontinuing use of the "Endure" manufacturing process.

To sum up , the author unconvincingly claim(s) that Dura-Stock can increase its profits by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process, based on the unpersuasive evidence of the results of a study and a survey. And if no further information about the trend of customers and the details of market, the argument will not persuade me.

最好避免不必要的语法错误。
觉得错误都找到了，但是语言显得单一，可以在语言上多加强