argument216 Clearview的广告~

wingerweskerUID：2154168

TOPIC: ARGUMENT216 - The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
WORDS: 422          TIME: 0:44:00          DATE: 2007-4-10

This article begins by stating its main point: Clearview is a top choice to live at after retirement. It continues by presenting supporting evidence concerning about housing cost, improving public services, and medical condition. Unfortunately, lack of comparison, superficial analysis, and incomplete thought lies in these evidences strongly degrade the overall credibility of this article.

The first problem of the author's praising of Clearview involves his or her assertion of that housing cost in this town is favorable. In presenting this piece of evidence, the author solely emphasizes the recent decrease of housing price and relatively low real estate taxes at Clearview; thus make this argument vulnerable to the fallacy of lack of comparison. Perhaps during the years before last year, housing price at Clearview is abnormally high to a prohibitive degree; and after last year's decrease it is still not competitive to its counterparts at other location. Though real estate taxes at Clearview is lower than those in neighboring towns, before a thorough comparison of housing price at Clerview and other places, concluding that housing cost at Clearview is attractively low is too subjective to be convincing.

Another problem in this Clearview-advocating article is its supporting point concerning about future improvement of schools, streets, and public services. Despite Clearview's current mayor's promise, the likelihood of actual effort remains unclear. Possibly, other problems, like air pollution or traffic overload, might rise before city hall's budget is allocated to these improvements, thus the actualizing such promise could be postpone to an uncertain time. Even the mayor's promise will be realized in a short time, it is still open to question that retirees will benefit from such improvement. What value do bettered schools have to those retired senior citizens? How much can retirees benefits from improved streets? Finally, the "public services" refer by the author is not specific enough to ensure retirees’ interests.

Last but not least, higher-than-average physician number dose not justify a better-than-general medical condition and health prospect. The author fails to provide any information about medical equipments of this town; perhaps greater number of physicians is merely an inadequate counterbalance of inferior equipments. Granted that medical equipments at Clearview are above national level, more physicians may still be an indicator of potential harm of health. Possibly, environmental pollution has already severely invaded Clearviews' ecosystem; and physician number just demonstrates the poor health of local residents.

To sum up, all the three evidences presented by the author in this article contain logical fallacy; thus render this "advertisement" of Clearview an unconvincing one.

iq28UID：2152875

;d: ;d: 这篇argu觉得很简单~看你能写成啥样;d: ;d:

This article begins by stating its main point: Clearview is a top choice to live at after retirement. It continues by presenting supporting evidence concerning about housing cost, improving public services, and medical condition. Unfortunately, lack of comparison, (yes,这个是一个非常major的错误) superficial analysis, and incomplete thought lies in these evidences strongly degrade the overall credibility of this article. (不错的开头.简明)

The first problem of the author's praising of Clearview involves his or her assertion of that housing cost in this town is favorable. In presenting this piece of evidence, the author solely emphasizes the recent decrease of housing price and relatively low real estate taxes at Clearview; thus make this argument vulnerable to the fallacy of lack of comparison. (层层推进的是不错,不过感觉还是长了点) Perhaps during the years before last year, housing price at Clearview is abnormally high to a prohibitive degree; and after last year's decrease it is still not competitive to its counterparts at other location. (太仁慈了,直接甩出一句the fact that the housing costs are decreasing does not equal to the low prices of the houses for the author does not mentioned the begining prices.岂不是更清楚,比那个perhaps更能说明问题,只说变化趋势不提及基础价格是木有用滴.后面再说可能原来的价格就很高,降了也没说幅度,可能还是巨高无比.) (没有结构词汇直接从房价开始转到税收问题了...还有你的ts也只是提到了房子的问题没有说到税收~改ts吧) Though real estate taxes at Clearview is lower than those in neighboring towns, (没想到这个点你居然轻易放过用来作让步用了....比周围的几个城市税率低,难道选择退休地点就只在这几个城市之间选择么~全美那么多周那么多城市的说~) before a thorough comparison of housing price at Clerview and other places, concluding that housing cost at Clearview is attractively low is too subjective to be convincing.

Another problem in this Clearview-advocating article is its supporting point concerning about future improvement of schools, streets, and public services. Despite Clearview's current mayor's promise, the likelihood of actual effort remains unclear. (这么个大的攻击点又用一个despite忽略过去了...其实连承诺不等于实际都是一个很小的攻击点,首先你要看那些项目,比如学校真的是老人需要的么?public services的项目是什么?是老人需要的服务还是小孩的游乐场?街道是改成老人的步行街还是飞车党的专属地?other problem适合放在最后一个段落作为补充说明) Possibly, other problems, like air pollution or traffic overload, might rise before city hall's budget is allocated to these improvements, thus the actualizing such promise could be postpone to an uncertain time. (小攻击点上面浪费了太多的笔墨) Even the mayor's promise will be realized in a short time, it is still open to question that retirees will benefit from such improvement. (个人觉得这个才是最符合这篇topic题材的大攻击点) What value do bettered schools have to those retired senior citizens? How much (空洞,需要展开) can retirees benefits from improved streets? Finally, the "public services" refer by the author is not specific enough to ensure retirees’ interests. (最后点需要展开啊...展开了一定会非常精彩的)
(段内结构有点乱了.首先说不提承诺,actual effort也不明确,一般人可能以为你先放下承诺到实际行动的距离,先说这些实际行动的成效会怎么样(不知道你是不是这个意思),不过你下面居然说到因为别的问题这个actual effort可能会被延迟,这个不久还是攻击despite的问题嘛,先说要despite然后紧接着又开始攻击,看了人很晕的.还有个人感觉还是把你的第二个攻击点放在前面重点说比较好,actual effort是否能短期实现放在后面补充点一下就可以了)

Last but not least, (据说是口语表达方式,慎用) higher-than-average physician number dose not justify a better-than-general medical condition and health prospect. (这个ts非常清楚) The author fails to provide any information about medical equipments of this town; (前面先要总领地来一句除了人数,还有别的很多的重要因素影响着medical的质量,比如什么什么,西面再开始上实例) perhaps greater number of physicians is merely an inadequate counterbalance of inferior equipments. (倒打一耙是很好的攻击手段) Granted that medical equipments at Clearview are above national level, more physicians may still be an indicator of potential harm of health. Possibly, environmental pollution has already severely invaded Clearviews' ecosystem; and physician number just demonstrates the poor health of local residents. (最后的一个点选取倒是很新奇,不错.不过最重要的攻击点就是医生多不等于医疗质量好说的还是不够透彻,最后的医生多可能是环境差可以作为锦上添花但不是最本质要攻击的错误)

To sum up, all the three evidences presented by the author in this article contain logical fallacy; thus render this "advertisement" of Clearview an unconvincing one.

改完鸟~
sigh
拖了那么多天的说~
不好意思~

wingerweskerUID：2154168

谢谢IQ啦~