Issue130 [天道酬勤小组] 孩子的社会化和将来 欢迎互拍

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 536          TIME: 00:45:00 限时没有成功        DATE: 2007-7-23 上午 12:03:40

The speaker asserts that the children's socialization level makes a decisive role to the destiny of society and we have not got the effective way to educate our children to build a better society. However, I do not agree with him since how children are socialized is not the only factor to predominate the society’s future and we have always been trying our best to foster our children to address the needs of future development of society within which we have already got some meaningful progress.

Before we get down to further discussion we have to figure out the exact definition and function of socialization. As we all kwon, to be socialized is to develop the interpersonal skills such as communicating, cooperating, competing with others as well as tolerating diverse viewpoints and so forth, all of which play a significant role in children's social live and make them more competent to bring up a better society. Since children who possess such abilities would be more likely to get benefit from teamwork through sound cooperation and effective communication and that would enable them achieve greater success in relevant realm. For that matter, our society would probably get the chance to improve forward. Or otherwise people would trap into complex interpersonal relationship and can not concentrate on their destination. Therefore we should pay more attention to children's socialization level and encourage them to be better socialized for the sack of the future advance of our society.

However, socialization alone is far from the only decisive factor to determine the destiny of society. There are many other factors that are crucial to build a better future. As for a child who wants to be a prominent scientist, he should firstly acquire the fundamental knowledge of the corresponding area and possesses an creative mind to help him further the development of science by the means of invent an innovative method in research field. And for a child who wishes to be political officials, he has to develop an honesty, probity, and impartial personality to deal with the future political affairs without which he may come out to be adverse to social harmony and stability. Citing the pre-president Nixon for example, though he was perfectly socialized and thus skillful in coping with interpersonal affairs, he was the first president in American history to resign his position for his notorious scandal of water gate within which he deliberately ignore his subordinates’ bribe and misuse of power. So, from the above discussion, we can conclude that the socialization alone is not enough for children to bring up a brilliant future of our society, we should also place more emphasis on other vital factors.


On the other hand, as for the speaker’s second assertion, I still do not agree with him. Though our current education system has some deficiency in teaching our children, we have been making an all out effort to improve the education system to enable our children more competent to meet the needs of future development. Admittedly, nowadays we pay too much attention to the exam-oriented education which makes our children focus on their marks more than anything else. However, we are increasingly converting our emphasis on enhancing the quality of children such as interpersonal skills, the psychological health and moral and ethical standards through holding various competition campaign to promote teamwork, giving more psychological lecture to lay off children’s stress and establishing role modals to help children gain moral sense and so on. With the endeavors of our school, parents as well as the communities, we would be likely to see the more competent generation than the former which would be able to bring up a glorious future.

In conclusion, we have to recognize the importance of socializing our children to make greater achievement to develop our society. However, it is not the only factor that would determine the society’s future. Besides, we can and would better cultivate our children to improve our society to make it more prosperous.

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

嗯，郁闷的时候，即使偶尔被注意～
也会让人开心好一阵子

pippo1983UID: 172110

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 536          TIME: 00:45:00 限时没有成功        DATE: 2007-7-23 上午 12:03:40

The speaker asserts that the children's socialization level makes a decisive role to the destiny of society and we have not got the effective way to educate our children to build a better society. However, I do not agree with him since how children are socialized is not the only factor to predominate the society’s future and we have always been trying our best to foster our children to address the needs of future development of society within which we have already got some meaningful progress.（从你的立意来看应该跑题了，题目问的是社会化能否决定命运，而不是什么决定社会命运，你说not the only one,逻辑上讲你一纪念馆承认社会化的决定作用了，这样的话你再引出别的因素就脱离题目了）

Before we get down to further discussion we have to figure out the exact definition and function of socialization. As we all kwon, to be socialized is to develop the interpersonal skills such as communicating, cooperating, competing with others as well as tolerating (to tolerate) diverse viewpoints and so forth, all of which play a significant role in children's social live and make them more competent to bring up a better society. Since children who possess such abilities would be more likely to get benefit from teamwork through sound cooperation and effective communication and (去掉and) that would enable them achieve greater success in relevant realm. For that matter, our society would probably get the chance to improve forward. Or otherwise people would trap （be trapped） into complex interpersonal relationship and can not concentrate on their destination. Therefore we should pay more attention to children's socialization level and encourage them to be better socialized for the sack of the future advance of our society.（中规中矩的一段，论证的深度不足， Socialization is the process by which humans or animals learn the values, norms and culture of their particular society. They learn to conform to the way of life in their society.所以how to be socialized 更多的是关于如何调节自己的行为为社会所接受的过程，这一过程自然是有好有坏，你所提到的发展interpersonal skills是一个方面。但反过来说，如果社会化出现了问题，那么社会又会面临怎样的问题呢？比如枪击事件就是一个社会化失败的例子。决定命运，并不是说一定能带来更好，而是要同时考虑失败的情况下会带来什么。这个其实可以作为你第二段的内容，更深一步的探讨这个社会问题）


However, socialization alone is far from the only decisive factor to determine the destiny of society. There are many other factors that are crucial to build a better future. As for a child who wants to be a prominent scientist, he should firstly acquire the fundamental knowledge of the corresponding area and possesses an creative mind to help him further the development of science by the means of invent an innovative method in research field. And for a child who wishes to be political officials, he has to develop an honesty, probity, and impartial personality to deal with the future political affairs without which he may come out to be adverse to social harmony and stability. Citing the pre-president Nixon for example, though he was perfectly socialized and thus skillful in coping with interpersonal affairs, he was the first president in American history to resign his position for his notorious scandal of water gate within which he deliberately ignore his subordinates’ bribe and misuse of power. So, from the above discussion, we can conclude that the socialization alone is not enough for children to bring up a brilliant future of our society, we should also place more emphasis on other vital factors.（这段坚定了我认为你跑题的想法。。。）


On the other hand, as for the speaker’s second assertion, I still do not agree with him. Though our current education system （raise children不止是教育系统的问题，你把这个概念缩小了）has some deficiency in teaching our children, we have been making an all out effort to improve the education system to enable our children more competent to meet the needs of future development. Admittedly, nowadays we pay too much attention to the exam-oriented education which makes our children focus on their marks more than anything else. However, we are increasingly converting our emphasis on enhancing the quality of children such as interpersonal skills, the psychological health and moral and ethical standards through holding various competition campaign to promote teamwork, giving more psychological lecture to lay off children’s stress and establishing role modals to help children gain moral sense and so on. With the endeavors of our school, parents as well as the communities, we would be （不要用这种喊口号的句子，也不要预测未来，题目说的就是have not，完成时态，你得重点也应该集中在现在，尤其是你列举出来的这些方法有没有帮助孩子社会化，效果如何？只有当这些措施出现了成果，我们才有资格说Have learned how to。。。。）likely to see the more competent generation than the former which would be able to bring up a glorious future.

In conclusion, we have to recognize the importance of socializing our children to make greater achievement to develop our society. However, it is not the only factor that would determine the society’s future. Besides, we can and would better cultivate our children to improve our society to make it more prosperous.

题目论述有些偏了，不过感觉段内的论述还是可以的，缺少的是对问题比较深入的看法和思考，这些是进一步得高分的关键。

yaoqian0424UID: 2323517

有种醍醐灌顶的感觉，斑斑说得的问题都我不曾注意i的，也包含在我其他的作文里，自己修改的时候很多时候就只是看看前后逻辑通不通顺，语法拼写错误，没有考虑到更深层次的论证问题。

习惯了去攻击only,all等极端的逻辑错误，就容易自己错误假设题目的观点，从而导致了离题。
整篇的论证也没有举任何例子，都是在东戳西戳，避重就轻的讨论，实在是一个很好的反面教材！

再次感谢斑斑的修改！！！回去一定好好改改