"为我所用"小组第十次作业issue70

rienziUID: 2402391

TOPIC: ISSUE70 - "In any profession-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."

WORDS: 600          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2008-4-3 21:58:38



    With the high changing speed of all the situations in the world, the planet now change more and more quickly then before. It is obvious that the statement has been put out in order to deal with the quick changes in those professions which are presented by it. But in my point of view, the leadership tenure change should be considered more carefully then the statement. Each profession and each situation of those should be thought about respectively.
    To begin with, in business field, the statement can not cover all the conditions and the specific revitalization time should be concerned again. In computer technology field, I mean for those software and harware cooperations which have earned very much since the past thirty years, the Chief Executive Official of those firms did not often change. Some of them took the highest position of a company from the very beginning of the company until now. For instance, the CEO of the world's biggest software maker Microsoft, who have been the richest man in the planet for a long time, has led the company for many decades until now. It is not exaggerate to say that he is the father of personal computer time and Microsoft itself. We wish the great Bill Gates to lead the company and our computer time continously and we do not want to see his expiration. In this case, the statement does not tell us a truth because the leader is so brilliant to make us believe that keeping his position for more than five years in power will definitely lead the company to a bright future. But sometimes, in order to improve the condition of a present gloomy company,  the people in power should consider to resign. I belive that this kind of example is far more easy to be presented. So in business field, the statement if not an certain way for companies to success forever.
    Second, politics and government field, the statement may be true but the specific step-down time should be concerned carefully. There is no doubt that every country, province, state and city needs great leaders to improve all people's living conditions their and provide people with what they need. In developing countries, like the U.S., there are always mature political systems. The president ,prime minister or other governors in power can change frequently without causing unstability of the society. Take the U.S. as an example, the president should step down after his two successive terms. And new president who is either a democrat or a republican will get the position through election. That is the so-called democracy. The process of election is secured by law and confirmed by the majority so the politics can be in stability. But in some developing countries, high frequency of change of those powered governor and cause some fatal disasters with the unstable factors their. In these countries order to solidify the politics, the governors, especially the prime man must be in position for a long time rather than five years. That is my opinion of the statement in two different kinds of political environments.
    The last, in education field, my view is that the powered people in this field should be in position for a long time but not five years, despite there are some weakpoints of them. Because the qualification of officials in educational field requires far more experience, a high frequency change of them can not be proper of our children and our future.
    As has been discussed above, the statement is too absolute that it has been used in all professions and situations.

jenniferganUID: 2443583

With the high changing speed of all the situations in the world, the planet now change more and more quickly then before. It is obvious that the statement has been put out in order to deal with the quick changes in those professions which are presented by it. But in my point of view, the leadership tenure change should be considered more carefully then the statement. Each profession and each situation of those should be thought about respectively.
    To begin with, in business field, the statement can not cover all the conditions and the specific revitalization time should be concerned again. 这里最好展开谈一下，或者就不要 In computer technology field, 否则连接不紧密 I mean for those software and harware cooperations which have earned very much since the past thirty years, the Chief Executive Official of those firms did not often change. Some of them took the highest position of a company from the very beginning of the company until now. For instance, the CEO of the world's biggest software maker Microsoft, who have been the richest man in the planet for a long time, has led the company for many decades until now. It is not exaggerate to say that he is the father of personal computer time and Microsoft itself. We wish the great Bill Gates to lead the company and our computer time continously and we do not want to see his expiration. In this case, the statement does not tell us a truth because the leader is so brilliant to make us believe that keeping his position for more than five years in power will definitely lead the company to a bright future. But sometimes, in order to improve the condition of a present gloomy company,  the people in power should consider to resign. I belive that this kind of example is far more easy to be presented. So in business field, the statement if not an certain way for companies to success forever.
这一段感觉逻辑有点混乱
    Second, politics and government field, the statement may be true but the specific step-down time should be concerned carefully. There is no doubt that every country, province, state and city needs great leaders to improve all people's living conditions their and provide people with what they need. In developing countries, like the U.S., there are always mature political systems. The president ,prime minister or other governors in power can change frequently without causing unstability of the society. Take the U.S. as an example, the president should step down after his two successive terms. And new president who is either a democrat or a republican will get the position through election. That is the so-called democracy. The process of election is secured by law and confirmed by the majority so the politics can be in stability. But in some developing countries, high frequency of change of those powered governor and cause some fatal disasters with the unstable factors their. In these countries order to solidify the politics, the governors, especially the prime man must be in position for a long time rather than five years. That is my opinion of the statement in two different kinds of political environments.
这一段论证不错
    The last, in education field, my view is that the powered people in this field should be in position for a long time but not five years, despite there are some weakpoints of them. Because the qualification of officials in educational field requires far more experience, a high frequency change of them can not be proper of our children and our future. 这里写的太少了，有点头重脚轻的感觉
    As has been discussed above, the statement is too absolute that it has been used in all professions and situations.

usayaUID: 2374023

With the high changing speed of all the situations inthe world, the planet now change more and more quickly then before(是不是表述的有点问题啊). Itis obvious that the statement has been put out in order to deal withthe quick changes in those professions which are presented by it. Butin my point of view, the leadership tenure change should be consideredmore carefully then the statement. Each profession and each situationof those should be thought about respectively.
    To begin with, in business field, the statement can not cover allthe conditions and the specific revitalization time should be concernedagain. In computer technology field, I mean for those software andharware cooperations which have earned very much since the past thirtyyears, the Chief Executive Official of those firms did not oftenchange. Some of them took the highest position of a company from thevery beginning of the company until now. For instance, the CEO of theworld's biggest software maker Microsoft, who have been the richest manin the planet for a long time, has led the company for many decadesuntil now. It is not exaggerate to say that he is the father ofpersonal computer time and Microsoft itself. We wish the great BillGates to lead the company and our computer time continously and we donot want to see his expiration. In this case, the statement does nottell us a truth because the leader is so brilliant to make us believethat keeping his position for more than five years in power willdefinitely lead the company to a bright future. But sometimes, in orderto improve the condition of a present gloomy company,  the people inpower should consider to resign. I belive that this kind of example isfar more easy to be presented. So in business field, the statement ifnot an certain way for companies to success forever.(其实这一段的论证很单薄,只有一个论点,但是例子占据了较大的篇幅,个人建议论证可以再深写,例子尽量写得简洁)
    Second, politics and government field, the statement may be truebut the specific step-down time should be concerned carefully. There isno doubt that every country, province, state and city needs greatleaders to improve all people's living conditions their(there) and providepeople with what they need. In developing countries, like the U.S.(US是发展中国家吗?),there are always mature political systems. The president ,primeminister or other governors in power can change frequently withoutcausing unstability of the society. Take the U.S. as an example, thepresident should step down after his two successive terms. And newpresident who is either a democrat or a republican will get theposition through election. That is the so-called democracy. The processof election is secured by law and confirmed by the majority so thepolitics can be in stability. But in some developing countries, highfrequency of change of those powered governor and cause some fataldisasters with the unstable factors their. In these countries order tosolidify the politics, the governors, especially the prime man must bein position for a long time rather than five years. That is my opinionof the statement in two different kinds of political environments.(这一段同样的问题如上,你的例子虽然很充实,但是太罗嗦;还有你的TS不是很明显)
    The last, in education field, my view is that the powered people inthis field should be in position for a long time but not five years,despite there are some weakpoints of them. Because the qualification ofofficials in educational field requires far more experience, a highfrequency change of them can not be proper of our children and ourfuture.(这一段观点同J, 论证得太少,如果不是为了凑数字用的话,宁可不要,或者在末段稍微提出下即可)
    As has been discussed above, the statement is too absolute that it has been used in all professions and situations.(结尾草率了点,而且里面没有你的观点)

感觉这篇I还是有点问题,其实你的观点很清晰,但是用来支持的理证实在太少,而例证太多,这样的论证模式不提倡(建议你去看看ETS的官方范文,满分的作文用在例子上的篇幅不是很多的)

估计你是限时写的,但是自己在复习的时候最好把你第三个观点叙述完整(虽然AW确实很变态,我自己已经快不行了.....)

anyway, bless...