argument51 0906G三月底AW“永不言弃”互改小组第一周第一次作业 on cuttlefishwang

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51. The following appeared in a medical newsletter.
"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
Ts: 1 premise: argument中并没有说病人是否二次感染        
   
2错误类比    patients 不同 doctor不同 sugar pills与 antibiotic 作用不同            
3急于概括   有的人可能对抗生素过敏或者抗生素有副作用
By doing a research of two groups of patients, the suspicion that secondary infections prevent patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain by doctors is confirmed, to be more convinced about the assertion, the author made a comparison between the two groups of patients who have different direction of doctors(感觉用specialize表达更好) at the same time, the former be in sports while the latter be in general physic. However, the recommendation is not so convincing as it seems to be, for it relies on(依靠的应该是正确的东西吧，我觉得问题应该用有之类的) a
series of unsubstantiated assumptions.
To begin with, the assertion stands on the assumption that secondary infections must take place. Yet, we are not confirmed that except the severe muscle strain, what else will actually happen to these patients. There are totally not a strong evidence attest that it is a must for patients who have muscle severe to have secondary infection（这句读不通，我认为文中所说的二次感染跟肌肉扭伤是两回事，不是具体严重程度决定的 这里的分歧以后再讨论）, or that it is easier for this kind of patients to be infected during the process of healing for the second time. It is of great possibility that other reasons do exist which slow down the speed of healing.
Secondly, even the assumption was reasonable enough to support its followthing research, the testers’ reliability of the test’s consequences is questionable. First, no any materials of the two groups of patients were given above involving their ages, sexual and other physiological characteristics. There do exists the possibility that patients of first group who recover better and faster than the second one for better quality of bodies, lighter infections ,or just because younger ages, with which condition a shorter process of recovery can be obtain. Second, whether a doctor is sitable for patients is a concerning factor, as （in）commen sense, a doctor major in sports medicine has a better knowledge of severe muscle strain than one who specializes in general physic ,on this condition,
methods of treatment become a crucial factor to the results of experiment. Third, patients of the second group who took sugar pills instead of antibiotics without the premise that sugar pills have neither positive nor negative effect on patients. What really make sense to patients may not be the benefite of antibiotic, but be the bad effect of sugar pills and again, author’s assertion loses it’s persuasion.
Thirdly, speaker extrapolate conclusion from results of the experiment without comprehensibly consideration. What if antibiotic ‘s side-effect by which other problems will show up companied by good ones ? what if排比用的好 patients are sensitive to antibiotics in which situation leading to a worse condition? Several other accidential conditions should be seriously figured out before making a conclusion.
In sum, the argument relies on several poor assumptions and hence make the conclusion not so convincing as it stands. To enforce persuation of conclusion, a particular and comprehensive meterial of relatively knowledge of severe muscle strain as well as introduction proving that the study of patients was done under the same condition, including treating way,treating environment ,and so forth.Only in this way can the argument be strong and persuable 应该用比较级吧 .


lz挑的错误很准确 句子的复杂程度也不错 只是希望楼主下次修改完拼写错误后再发帖 里面拼写错误很多 但由于本人水平有限出现错误也是在所难免的 请见谅