Issue212 【☆09GRE作文冲刺组】swbai2月14日作文

swbaiUID: 2600532

题目：ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."


All the accesses, especially the human history, can be concluded as the will, the course, and finally the ends. Someone strongly attributes the will as the key factor, and “there is the will, and there is the way" is famous. Someone even only think about the goal, without taking care about other factors. Yet, someone thinks carefully about the environment, and he/she considers the cost of the goal, which is essential to the result. So the question rises, should we only consider the goal to increase the efficiency of doing it, or should we calculating other factors as a guide, in case of not go to a wrong way?

As a target has its value, efforts must be taken to accomplish it. The human history has established one goal after another, thus made the development of the society. Through thousands of days of hardworking, Thomas Alva Edison finally made the first electric lamp, which brings human beings a great extent of life--they will never need candle again, thus made the start of the night-life. Columbus founded the new continent, and Copernicus discovered the earth goes around the sun, and both of them tried hard than anyone else, and their findings are essential to today's human life.

However, although these goals are worthy indeed, it does not mean that one can attain it by any means. In the process of attaining these goals, people such as political leaders and others should root in their minds that they can do nothing to harm the welfare of others. In business, the goal of maximizing profits, minimizing costs and expenses cannot be attained by illegal means or at the expense of social well beings. For example, it is unjustifiable for an enterprise to improve its profitability by releasing poisonous water into rivers. For the troops, the worst thing is capturing the city while the historical object is destroyed. When the Chinese Liberation Army faced the week enemy in Beijing, which is a city full of ancient architecture, it could destroy the enemy, but it make peaceful negotiations in order to protect what was left from the ancestors.

The means taken should be consistent with the ends in view. (1) In the realm of politics, it is justifiable to free Iraq from Saddam's autocracy. But would the justification of the goal automatically justify any means to attain this goal? (2) When it comes to reducing pollution of air and water, would it be justifiable to dismiss the entire industries that are mainly responsible for the pollution? In fact, such a public policy would lead to widespread unemployment and endanger the social stability. (3) In the realm of the education, the goal of finishing a treatise is worthy. But nobody could justify the means of plagiarism, cheating or fabrication to achieve the goal.

In sum, we should not only consider the profit of the goal, other situations are equally important. The way to achieve the goal, the environment of the goal, the change of the environment, the side effect of the goal, and the complexity of the goal must be considered. Only through attentive evaluation, the worthy goal can be attained.

d596086UID: 2522476

...题目：ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."


All the accesses, especially the human history, can be concluded as the will, the course, and finally the ends. Someone strongly attributes the will as the key factor, and “there is the will, and there is the way" is famous. Someone even only think about the goal, without taking care about other factors. Yet, someone thinks carefully about the environment, and he/she considers the cost of the goal, which is essential to the result. So the question rises, should we only consider the goal to increase the efficiency of doing it, or should we calculating other factors as a guide, in case of not go to a wrong way?

As a target has its value, efforts must be taken to accomplish it. The human history has established one goal after another, thus made the development of the society. Through thousands of days of hardworking, Thomas Alva Edison finally made the first electric lamp, which brings human beings a great extent of life--they will never need candle again, thus made the start of the night-life. Columbus founded the new continent, and Copernicus discovered the earth goes around the sun, and both of them tried hard than anyone else, and their findings are essential to today's human life.
这一段你举的例子是说明goal给人类社会带来进步么？但是这个例子只是列举了名人的成就，但没有加入针对性说明，和主题联系不够紧密

However, although these goals are worthy indeed, it does not mean that one can attain it by any means. In the process of attaining these goals, people such as political leaders and others should root in their minds that they can(should) do nothing to harm the welfare of others. In business, the goal of maximizing profits, minimizing costs and expenses cannot be attained by illegal means or at the expense of social well beings. For example, it is unjustifiable for an enterprise to improve its profitability by releasing poisonous water into rivers. For the troops, the worst thing is capturing the city while the historical object is destroyed. When the Chinese Liberation Army faced the week enemy in Beijing, which is a city full of ancient architecture, it could destroy the enemy, but it make peaceful negotiations in order to protect what was left from the ancestors.
这一段写得非常好，举了很多具体的例子说明为了达到目标所要采取的行为必须要考虑是否合适

The means taken should be consistent with the ends in view. (1) In the realm of politics, it is justifiable to free Iraq from Saddam's autocracy. But would the justification of the goal automatically justify any means to attain this goal? (2) When it comes to reducing pollution of air and water, would it be justifiable to dismiss the entire industries that are mainly responsible for the pollution? In fact, such a public policy would lead to widespread unemployment and endanger the social stability. (3) In the realm of the education, the goal of finishing a treatise is worthy. But nobody could justify the means of plagiarism, cheating or fabrication to achieve the goal.

In sum, we should not only consider the profit of the goal, other situations are equally important. The way to achieve the goal, the environment of the goal, the change of the environment, the side effect of the goal, and the complexity of the goal must be considered. Only through attentive evaluation, the worthy goal can be attained.

感觉你的文字功底很不错，文章语言很好
这篇文章你要表达的观点很清楚，而且举了很多的例子，第三段还采用分化的方式论述
这个题目很宽泛的，只要讨论为了好的目标采取的方式哪些是对的，哪些是不对的，还有如你所说，有很多因素应该考虑在内

唯一问题是你主体段论证方式有点特别，这个写不知道好不好

_xtUID: 2599830

All the accesses, especially the human history, can be concluded as the will, the course, and finally the ends. Someone strongly attributes the will as the key factor, and “there is the will, and there is the way" is famous. Someone even only think about the goal, without taking care about other factors. Yet, someone thinks carefully about the environment, and he/she considers the cost of the goal, which is essential to the result. So the question rises, should we only consider the goal to increase the efficiency（对题目的重定义可能不够严谨，个人认为any means不仅仅关乎如何提高效率，也关乎如何能够达到目标） of doing it, or should we calculating other factors as a guide, in case of not go to a wrong way?（开头只提出疑问，在后文作答，不错的形式！）

As a target has its value, efforts must be taken to accomplish it. （topic sentences简洁明了，值得我学习！）The human history has established one goal after another, thus made the development of the society. Through thousands of days of hardworking, Thomas Alva Edison finally made the first electric lamp, which brings human beings a great extent of life--they will never（never可以突出发明电灯的意义，但依然不够严谨，并非真的再也不用蜡烛了啊，作者可以考虑下换种表述） need candle again, thus made the start of the night-life. Columbus founded the new continent, and Copernicus discovered the earth goes around the sun, and both of them tried hard（harder） than anyone else, and their findings are essential to today's human life.（肯定努力实现目标的历史意义）

However, although these goals are worthy indeed, it does not mean that one can attain it by any means. In the process of attaining these goals, people such as political leaders and others should root in their minds that they can do nothing to harm the welfare of others. In business, the goal of maximizing profits, minimizing costs and expenses cannot be attained by illegal means or at the expense of social well beings. For example, it is unjustifiable for an enterprise to improve its profitability by releasing poisonous water into rivers. （这段可能很多人用的，最好改写下~）For the troops, the worst thing is capturing the city while the historical object is destroyed. When the Chinese Liberation Army faced the week enemy in Beijing, which is a city full of ancient architecture, it could destroy the enemy, but it make peaceful negotiations in order to protect what was left from the ancestors.（尽管目标值得实现，但并非所有方法都可用，有的会有负面影响。）

The means taken should be consistent with the ends in view. (1) In the realm of politics, it is justifiable to free Iraq from Saddam's autocracy. But would the justification of the goal automatically justify any means to attain this goal? (2) When it comes to reducing pollution of air and water, would it be justifiable to dismiss the entire industries that are mainly responsible for the pollution? In fact, such a public policy would lead to widespread unemployment and endanger the social stability. (3) In the realm of the education, the goal of finishing a treatise is worthy. But nobody could justify the means of plagiarism, cheating or fabrication to achieve the goal.（提出解决方案）

In sum, we should not only consider the profit of the goal, other situations are equally important. The way to achieve the goal, the environment of the goal, the change of the environment, the side effect of the goal, and the complexity of the goal must be considered. Only through attentive evaluation, the worthy goal can be attained.
小结：语言很好，语义十分清晰，鲜有语法拼写错误，很难得。有不少精心设计的过渡，如” So the question rises” ” When it comes to”等等。
不足：作者可能跟我一样，也是新手，对《作文大讲堂》的依赖比较大，直接用上面的观点和例子很容易被判雷同的，用的时候要注意改写，最好有自己的中心句和例子啦！
从文中可以看出楼主是个很认真的人呢~~~我看好楼主哦！

wuziqing1498UID: 2457562

the People’s Liberation Army of China
简称PLA 中国人民解放军