09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组rainbowstarwqc的第十二次作业

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

agree or disagree:
taking exercise is more important for old people than the young.

Accompanying the improvement of people's life, people are getting gradually lazier than they used to be that they do much less exercise than before. Consequently, we have a higher incidence of heart attack, stroke, even sudden death than our harsh past. We used to blaming it for some other reasons other than lack of sport, like senile problem, which means older people are more vulnerable to diseases, thus they need more exercise than us youth do. Nevertheless, it is not the case, as a doctor, I have to advocate that no matter what your age is, exercise is equally cardinal to us ,especially youngest, for it will not only make us healthier, but also improve our efficiency to some extent.



In the first place, participating exercise is beneficial to our health, or we youngest may be threatened by various diseases, ranging from common cold to something lethal, like cancer. As an expert in this field, I have to claim that regular sport will keep our bodies in best condition, no matter what your age is,
for we are after all animals, who need considerable amount of movement. Otherwise we will properly lose the vigor of life. I am a good example of this. As an energetic young man, I used to doing a lot of sports, like basketball, tennis, etc, and thus i enjoy a sound health, seldom do I suffered from ailment, let alone those diseases. Conversely, some of my patients , who are as young as I am, are not interested in sports at all, they became common guests of my clinic, haunted by all kinds of discomfort as the elders.

Aside from the well being exercise brings us, it increases us young men’s efficiency on work, which is tedious and tough. As we all know, people nowadays are getting increasingly busy to handle work that seems endless, especially the young. If we do exercise regularly, we will have a better performance in our occupations, for instance, doctors. As a surgeon, I do a lot both in the wards and surgical suit, which require a strong build and plentiful vigor. Therefore I did a lot to enhance my strength in gyms, basketball courts, etc, with the sweat from my brow, I gain a ideal figure as well as useless energy. Similarly, It is applicable to other fields.

To sum up, I deem exercise as equally important for both young man and old man, to some scale, it is even more crucial to us youngest, for it will both enhance our health and efficiency.

nirvanahmjUID: 2534352

Accompanying the improvement of people's life, people are getting gradually lazier than they used to be that they do much less exercise than before. Consequently, we have a higher incidence of heart attack, stroke, even sudden death than our harsh past. We used to blaming [be used to doing/used to do 不知道您要表达哪种] it for some other reasons other than lack of sport, like senile problem, which means older people are more vulnerable to diseases, thus they need more exercise than us youth do. Nevertheless, it is not the case, as a doctor, I have to advocate that no matter what your age is, exercise is equally cardinal to us ,especially youngest, for it will not only make us healthier, but also improve our efficiency to some extent.
您的转折是不是多了点？观点不那么明确的说。

In the first place, participating exercise is beneficial to our health, or we youngest [young] may be threatened by various diseases, ranging from common cold to something lethal, like cancer. As an expert in this field, I have to claim that regular sport will keep our bodies in best condition, no matter what your age is, for we are after all animals, who need considerable amount of movement. [movements] Otherwise we will properly lose the vigor of life. I am a good example of this. As an energetic young man, I used to doing [和上面一个毛病] a lot of sports, like basketball, tennis, etc, and thus I enjoy a sound health, seldom do I suffered [suffer] from ailment, let alone those diseases. Conversely, some of my patients, who are as young as I am, are not interested in sports at all, they became common guests of my clinic, haunted by all kinds of discomfort as the elders.

Aside from the well being exercise brings us, it increases us young men’s efficiency on work, which is tedious and tough. As we all know, people nowadays are getting increasingly busy to handle work that seems endless, especially the young. If we do exercise regularly, we will have a better performance in our occupations, for instance, doctors. As a surgeon, I do a lot both in the wards and surgical suit, which require a strong build and plentiful vigor. Therefore I did a lot to enhance my strength in gyms, basketball courts, etc, with the sweat from my brow, I gain a [an] ideal figure as well as useless [useless应该是无用的吧？] energy. Similarly, It is applicable to other fields.

To sum up, I deem exercise as equally important for both young man and old man, to some scale, it is even more crucial to us youngest, for it will both enhance our health and efficiency.
无比崇敬您把自己的例子用的so好！句子也挺好看。不过您的开头过于长过于复杂了，个人认为简单的说明一下题目和自己的观点就可以了，就不用举例了吧。还有一个就是整篇文章看下来观点不是那么清楚，感觉在结尾的时候才清楚的提到了观点。

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

2# nirvanahmj
同学used to doing 不是指以前一直，现在也还是一直么？
used to do sth是以前曾经这样做，是这样吧？请指教！