【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】03.08号作业 by lsr91

lsr91UID: 2540702

With the world's population growing up, most of it are young people and wrinkly. At the same time, the level of people's life is growing higher and higher, and there are more and more old people who live 100 years old or more. But it doesn't mean that old people can pass essential physical exercise. By contraries, they keep doing exercise. In my opinion, taking exercise is important for both old people and the young.



The young can not spare enough time to enjoy our lives before we retired. During their study or work lives, especially in China, the young even have few time to take a rest just like a long time vacation, let alone have exercise. But never health body, never good work. They always ignore their basic physical exercise so that they often have aliment like cough or something. To make matters worse, most of the young can not insist jogging until last. So keep exercising is necessary to them.



Old people need more logical sports. When they can retired, at the same time, that is when they can leave their works which they worked for most of their lives. Since then, if they do not keep doing exercise, their body apparatus would get old faster than ever, and their immunities would get down. The only way to slow it up is exercise. If a person keep doing exercise in time, by logical, he/she could live a long time. Also, old people should have a happy mood.



Furthermore, take exercise is neither only a thing for the young nor for old people, that is the key to keep human being's vigour, to keep people working faster and live healthier. And exercise can let people away from illness even though cancer. Oppositely, if a person ill cause in defect of enough physical exercise, he/she would cumber with his/her family.



In one word, keep body in a health way, leave illness away.


个人认为最后一段虽然只有一句话，但比画蛇添足的好，就想了个相对押韵的小句子~不知道是否恰当~

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

With the world's population growingup, most of it are young people and wrinkly. At the same time, thelevel of people's life is growing higher and higher, and there are moreand more old people who live 100 years old or more. But it doesn't meanthat old people can pass essential physical exercise. By contraries,they keep doing exercise. In my opinion, taking exercise is importantfor both old people and the young. 这段你在表达自己的观点之前做的铺垫好像只做了一半啊，你说both，但是前文只说了old，让我本以为你要说young更重要些。1 J) h: I9 p" [  ]* C0 V

6 U- w  }, ~. \" k; s1 \* z* L

& B8 H8 S; D+ r, qTheyoung can not spare enough time to enjoy our lives before we（注意人称一致问题，这里用they较好） retired.这是本段主题句吗？During their study or work lives, especially in China, the young evenhave few time to take a rest just like a long time vacation, let alonehave exercise. （我觉得这里逻辑上有问题，对比反了，exercise本不需要占用多少时间，你却说没有长假，更不用说锻炼了，这不是反过来了吗？没有时间锻炼，更别提长假了 这样才合理啊）But never health body, never good work.（这句什么意思？Without a healthy body, one can never achieve success at work?） They alwaysignore their basic physical exercise so that they often have alimentlike cough or something（不知道别的就不要or something了）. To make matters worse, most of the young cannot insist jogging until last（啥意思？）. So keep exercising is necessary to them.+ K+ X! O  L% q, ]& ^# S
  \" k0 m! B  v: g5 K* J" r7 m
/ n: q6 l6 Z$ i* ?5 a) g

9 V/ @$ B4 n: w& \5 Q& A8 V% xOldpeople need to do more logical sports. When they can（删） retired, at the sametime, that is when they can leave their works which they worked formost of their lives. （这句给人感觉有点啰嗦）Since then, if they do not keep doing exercise,their body apparatus would get old faster than ever, and theirimmunities would get down.（我能明白你的意思，但是我也不知道这样表达地道不地道） The only way to slow it up（down） is doing exercise. If aperson keep doing exercise in time, by logical,（删） he/she could live along time. Also, old people should have a happy mood. 最后一句突然冒出来不大合适，要么展开，要么不写，毕竟前文没有提到。
; ?0 N; S+ b' M( `
1 ~0 X( h& ]+ }# j1 k& \2 q3 j& M# n% A2 x) J1 t: B* d+ h
, @6 T" n/ h) M( ^& b! {
Furthermore, take exercise is neitheronly a thing for the young nor for old people, （either or 或者都加only for）that is the（but a） key to keephuman being's vigour, to keep people working faster and live healthier.And exercise can let people away from illness even though cancer.Oppositely, if a person ill cause in defect of enough physicalexercise, he/she would cumber with his/her family. 这个例子不是很懂。- M9 z9 P. ?1 E6 a# M' {

) U6 d. v" R0 i
/ q# P7 L% G0 |! ^5 x; I& ]$ |6 A
! [0 Q; m+ t5 F5 Q* GIn one word, keep body in a health way, leave illness away.不是说最后有个结尾不好，而是如果结尾是个病句的话就不好了。而且没有点题呀。如果时间不够的话我觉得还是可以不要这句的。或者把题目换个说法写一下。个人观点，共勉！