0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by winning1030

winning1030UID: 2538401

173The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.
'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'



Faced with the fact that the sales volume of Newsbeat's magazine issues which featured international news stories over the past three years is the worst and its rivals, in the meantime, have decreased the number of international news as its cover stories remarkably, the publisher of Newsbeat attributed the failure to the front covers with international news. In addition, the increasing cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news seems to make the matter worse. Thus, the factors induce the author to make his decision to decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. The author's analysis, on the surface, appears reasonable. However, it proves not on reflection.

First and foremost, it's presumptuous to own the poor sales to the front covers of international news regardless of other possibilities. Although it is admitted that front covers indeed make a difference to a magazine, what really matters is its content. Maybe the international news stories which were chosen as the front covers didn¡¯t' keep abreast with the current affairs, or insightful analysis didn't be given to the audience even though the international news selected catered for the masses or other issues were very disappointing despite that the cover and its content stood out. Only by comparing the sales volume of magazines which featured international news stories on their front covers with other counterparts can we make it clear whether it is international news as front covers that makes the magazine suffer the loss.

With respect to news-magazines, there is no evidence to show it's sensible for Newsbeat to follow its competitors. The information in the memorandum doesn't explain news-magazines¡¯ reasons to reduce the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. If their measurements were taken for their transition when some of they found they couldn't make progress in the field of reportage of international news, because of reserve for drought or something else rather than the same situation Newsbeat confronted with. Furthermore, even if Newsbeat and competing news-magazines were exposed to the same problems, the statement shows no sign of news-magazines' success. Thus, it's dangerous to imitate others' action when the author blindly believes his rivals are understanding the market trend better.


Moreover, to decrease the emphasis on international news is open to doubt just based on increasing cost of maintaining Newsbeat's foreign bureaus. Before we know whether Newsbeat could profit with higher cost, we can't give up international news. Meanwhile, we have to know whether higher cost was rife to other magazines. If so, Newsbeat could
deal with it more calmly. Besides, Newsbeat must be clear where its advantage over adversaries is. If the answer is international news, this imprudent action will result in a total fiasco to Newsbeat. Hence, it is significant to see clearly the external situation as well as the internal one.

To sum up, the conclusion should be drawn on the premise that other possible causes of the poor sales of international news as its front covers are considered, the reason why competing news-magazines responded to the market with the diminution of international news stories on their covers is found, the outcome of the action is known and the external and the internal situation for Newsbeat is understood thoroughly. Without those, Newsbeat will run a risk of its future.

archaeologyUID: 2598252

Faced with the fact that the sales volume of Newsbeat's magazine issues which featured international news stories over the past three years is the worst（感觉这句话头重脚轻的程度很重，这样写是不是更好呢？"the worst-selled Newsbeat's magazine issues are the ones which featured international news stories over the past three years" 薄见）and its rivals, in the meantime, have decreased the number of international news as its cover stories remarkably, the publisher of Newsbeat attributed the failure to the front covers with international news. In addition, the increasing cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news seems to make the matter worse（worser). Thus, the factors induce the author to make his decision to decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. The author's analysis, on the surface, appears reasonable. However, it proves not on reflection.（学习）

First and foremost, it's presumptuous（冒昧的） to own the poor sales to（这个用法没查到，不知道对不对，待定） the front covers of international news regardless of other possibilities. Although it is admitted that front covers indeed make a difference to a magazine, what really matters is its content. Maybe the international news stories which were chosen as the front covers didn‘t keep abreast with the current affairs, or insightful analysis didn't be given to the audience even though the international news selected（the selected international news.感觉这样写好一些） catered for the masses or other issues were very disappointing despite that the cover and its content stood out. Only by comparing the sales volume of magazines which featured international news stories on their front covers with other counterparts can we make it clear whether it is international news as front covers that makes the magazine suffer the loss.（这一句有些冗杂，而且还出现相同的东西，我觉得这样写稍好一些，“only compared the sales volume of magazines that selected international news stories as its covers with other counterparts can we find the reasons")
这一段我没有太看明白。winning 再修改一下吧

With respect to news-magazines, there is no evidence to show it's sensible for Newsbeat to follow its competitors. The information in the memorandum doesn't explain news-magazines’ reasons to reduce the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. If their measurements were taken for their transition when some of they found they couldn't make progress in the field of reportage of international news, because of reserve for drought or something else rather than the same situation Newsbeat confronted with. Furthermore, even if Newsbeat and competing news-magazines were exposed to the same problems, the statement shows no sign of news-magazines' success. Thus, it's dangerous to imitate others' action when the author blindly believes his rivals are understanding the market trend better.


Moreover, to decrease the emphasis on international news is open to doubt just based on increasing cost of maintaining Newsbeat's foreign bureaus.(这一句没看懂，尤其是红色的不明白，解释一下吧） Before we know whether Newsbeat could profit with higher cost, we can't give up international news. Meanwhile, we have to know whether higher cost was rife to（查不到） other magazines. If so, Newsbeat could deal with it more calmly. Besides, Newsbeat must be clear where its advantage over adversaries is. If the answer is international news, this imprudent action will result in a total fiasco to Newsbeat. Hence, it is significant to see clearly the external situation as well as the internal one.

To sum up, the conclusion should be drawn on the premise that other possible causes of(leading to)the poor sales of international news as its front covers(可以去掉，加上反而不好） are considered, the reason why competing news-magazines (competitors,精简)responded to the market with the diminution of international news stories on their covers is found,(又有些头重脚轻） the outcome of the action is known and the external and the internal situation for Newsbeat is understood thoroughly. Without those, Newsbeat will run a risk of its future.（in the future)


winning 这篇A比我写的好多了，有一点要注意：不要过分追求写长句，我觉得这篇文章你的长句反而起到了counteraction，如果能做到信息含量大，没有冗杂重复的东西，结构合理（不头重脚轻），这样的长句就是成功的。

archaeologyUID: 2598252

都是一些个人看法，如有不恰当的地方多包涵，欢迎一起探讨！

winning1030UID: 2538401

archaeology谢谢哦
改得非常认真，我也真的收获不少。
我写的时候也发现很多句子冗余了，不知道把国际新闻放封面要怎么表示才不会造成重复。原来用一个reason就可以代替了~~~学习了。因为怕ETS看不懂，有歧义才把句子每一句都弄很清楚，所以造成了废话连篇。
我也发现偶句子极容易头重脚轻，谢谢你的修改，改的很好，赞个~！
再回复下不清楚的地方
把owe sth to sth  写错了，第一段，见谅
恩，第二段的意思是，把销量不好归结为封面是武断的，三点可能
1.封面的时事没有紧跟潮流
2.即使紧跟潮流了，但米有好的分析
3.即使满足了封面选题和内容都很好，其他的文章又太糟糕了。