0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by 艾尘草

艾尘草UID: 2591798

0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by 艾尘草
ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'

The notion that the publisher should cut off the international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the magazine covers’ in order to solve the
poor selling issues seemed relatively sound at first, but the author fails to recognize other elements. To substantiate the conclusion, the author indicates the passed three years’ poorest-selling magazine should be attributed to the front covers, and also cites the action of other competing news-magazines and assumes the maintaining foreign bureaus’ increase.

First of all, there’s no evidence to contribute the poor sell conditions to the international news on the covers. Firstly, we can’t define what the poorest selling magazine is, for different magazine has diversity audiences and the pursuit abilities may vary from different social classes. What’s more, even if we regard it as the poorest selling magazine, the author failing to consider other possible alternatives to the poor-selling events.
Such alternatives may include the fact that the disappointing contents , poor edits of the magazine, the subjective and extreme comments on the international issues, and a bad bargain for people to buy it. Therefore, the author should figure out the substantial reason for the poor-selling rather than making an arbitrary decision.
In addition, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it doesn’t taken into account of the inherent differences between the magazine and other competing one. No evidence has showed in the argument that the competing has profit lot after the reform of the cover.
What’s more, it is at least likely that other magazine has lay emphasis on entertainment realm other than the international stories. It may have the financial embarrassment in this magazine and is even poorer than the Newsbeat’s for the global depression of the economy. With out ruling out other possibilities relevant to the alter of the competing change, the conclusion is unwarranted.
Last but not least，another point the author stresses is that the cost of oversea bureaus is increasing. Will the profit decline while the cost is multiplying? Thus the cost may still grow while we make more money in the oversea countries, which can afford such an increase and profits more. In addition, whether the foreign bureaus would really be essential to support the magazine is open to question. The major market of the Newsbeat’s may still in the local places, and the overseas one may be only a fraction of it. For another, the actual new cover under the no international stories covered mode has yet been proved to be superior to previous methods.

To sum up, without enough inducts, and just judged by the author and decided they should take method to decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers; it is to hasting to make such decisions. Unless the author gives much more dates to illustrate his points, and much more dates to support his comments.
rules out other issues, and presents the cover is the only key to the point the author ‘s ,otherwise, conclusion is unconvincing.

fingshangUID: 2469559

晚了 要睡了 只是大概看了一下你的  感觉写的真好啊  向你学习 至于问题
我觉得还是尽量别用arbitrary decision 吧 arbitrary 这个词感觉太硬了  有点儿得理不饶人的意思

艾尘草UID: 2591798

2# fingshang
十分谢谢啊
当时没想到其他的单词 就写上了  呵呵 ~~

刚刚好UID: 2599482

The notion that the publisher should cut off the international news and (and 前后好像是一个意思) refrain from displaying such stories on the magazine covers’ in order to solve the poor selling issues seemed relatively sound at first, but the author fails to recognize other elements. To substantiate the conclusion, the author indicates that the passed three years’ poorest-selling magazine (issues) should be attributed to the front covers, and also cites the action of other competing news-magazines and assumes the maintaining foreign bureaus’ increase.

First of all, there’s no evidence to contribute the poor sell(selling) conditions to the international news on the covers. Firstly, we can’t define what the poorest selling magazine is(这句话没读懂，是想说杂志的内容吗？题目说是newsmagazine), for different magazine(s) has(have) diversity(diverse) audiences and the pursuit abilities may vary from different social classes. What’s more, even if we regard it as the poorest selling magazine, the author
(is) failing to consider other possible alternatives to the poor-selling events. Such alternatives may include the fact that the disappointing contents, poor edits of the magazine, the subjective and extreme comments on the international issues, and a bad bargain for people to buy it. Therefore, the author should figure out the substantial reason for the poor-selling rather than making an arbitrary decision.
第一个firstly的分论点不知道你要表达什么意思,是如何支持TS的？

In addition, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it doesn’t taken(take) into account of the inherent differences between the magazine and other competing one(s). No evidence has showed in the argument that the competing has(竞争者用复数好些吧因为文章里用的是news-magazines,后面还有类似的问题就不一一指出了) profit lot after the reform of the cover. What’s more, it is at least likely that other magazine has lay emphasis on entertainment realm other than the international stories. 这加上一个连词会不会好点？It may have the financial embarrassment in this magazine and is even poorer than the Newsbeat’s for the global depression of the economy. With out ruling out other possibilities elevant to the alter of the competing change, the conclusion is unwarranted.
我感觉TS需要改改，我在后文并没有看到我所期望看到的，也就是你在TS中提到的inherent differences. 我觉得如果按TS的说法就应该着重强调和竞争者之间的不同点，对照双方到底哪里不同展开，而文章中显然只有对竞争者的一系列假设。  

Last but not least，another point the author stresses is that the cost of oversea bureaus is increasing. Will the profit decline while the cost is multiplying? Thus the cost may still grow while we make more money in the oversea countries, which can afford such an increase and profits more. In addition, whether the foreign bureaus would really be essential to support the magazine is open to question. The major market of the Newsbeat’s may still in the local places, and the overseas one may be only a fraction of it. For another, the actual new cover under the no international stories covered mode has yet been proved to be superior to previous methods.
本段的TS是一句陈述句，并没有表达你的任何观点，不明白你想要表达什么意思？

To sum up, without enough inducts, and just judged by the author and decided they should take method to decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers; it is to(rather) hasting to make such decisions.Unless the author gives much more dates to illustrate his points, and much more dates to support his comments. rules out other issues, and presents the cover is the only key to the point the author ‘s ,otherwise, conclusion is unconvincing

你在传的时候格式出现了变化，应该是我整理的这样吧？
文章中出现一些小的语法错误，希望引起小艾同学的注意，我也是才写了一篇A所以也不知道到底应该怎么写，改得不好见谅哈

另:你的eco debates在哪里？这周末作业是我们交换看

XOXLOLUID: 2309408

The notion that the publisher should cut off(cut off太绝了，后面怎么refrain?) the international news and refrain from displaying such stories on the magazine covers’ in order to solve the
poor selling issues seemed(seems) relatively sound at first, but the author fails to recognize other elements. To substantiate the conclusion, the author indicates the passed three years’ poorest-selling magazine should be attributed to the front covers, and also cites the action of other competing news-magazines and assumes the maintaining foreign bureaus’ increase. [作者的观点被过多的restate覆盖了，建议表明立场更直接一点］

First of all, there’s no evidence to contribute the poor sell conditions to the international news on the covers. Firstly（前面刚用first of all,这里换个词吧）, we can’t（cannot考试别简写就行^^) define what the poorest selling magazine is, for different magazine has diversity(diverse) audiences(readers更好吧） and the pursuit(purchasing?) abilities may vary from different social classes(这里提出social class这个概念太大了吧）. What’s more, even if we regard it as the poorest selling magazine, the author failing（fails) to consider other possible alternatives to the poor-selling events(result?).
Such alternatives may include the fact that the disappointing contents , poor edits of the magazine, the subjective and extreme comments on the international issues, and a bad bargain for people to buy it. Therefore, the author should figure out the substantial reasons for the poor-selling rather than making an arbitrary(这个词有点不恰当） decision.
In addition, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it doesn’t taken（take) into account of the inherent differences between the magazine and other competing one. No evidence has showed in the argument that the competing (competing news magazine,感觉这里competing后面没写完，或者competing改成competitor）has profit （a) lot after the reform of the cover.
What’s more, it is at least likely that other magazine has lay(laid) emphasis on entertainment realm other than the international stories.(这个提得有点牵强，或者可以具体展开，因为why entertainment news?） It may have the financial embarrassment in this magazine and is even poorer than the Newsbeat’s for the global depression of the economy. With out ruling out other possibilities relevant to the alter of the competing change, the conclusion is unwarranted.
Last but not least，another point the author stresses is that the cost of oversea bureaus is increasing. Will the profit decline while the cost is multiplying? Thus the cost may still grow while we make more money in the oversea countries（make money in the oversea countries?这是根据哪来的？）, which can afford such an increase and profits more. In addition, whether the foreign bureaus would really be essential to support the magazine is open to question（这个提出来似乎在帮author说话了，不利于自己这边啊）. The major market of the Newsbeat’s may still in the local places, and the overseas one may be only a fraction of it. For another, the actual new cover under the no international stories covered mode has yet been proved to be superior to previous methods.［这一段的理解似乎偏离题目了，完全不能理解要表达的什么］

To sum up, without enough inducts, and just judged by the author and decided they should take method to decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers; it is to hasting to make such decisions. Unless the author gives much more dates to illustrate his points, and much more dates to support his comments.
rules out other issues, and presents the cover is the only key to the point the author ‘s ,otherwise, conclusion is unconvincing.
作者逻辑和语言都挺好，用词多变，注意小的语法细节就行。

艾尘草UID: 2591798

4# 刚刚好 谢谢啊 确实缺少对比~

艾尘草UID: 2591798

5# XOXLOL
THX