0910AW 同主题写作第一期 argument173 by 大洋彼岸之风

大洋彼岸之风UID: 2644427

A173
In this argument, the author recommends that in order to reduce costthe magazine should decrease emphasis on international news and refrainfrom displaying such stories on magazine covers. To support theconclusion, the arguer points out that our competing news-magazineshave significantly decreased the number of cover stories that theydevote to international news.The author also reasons that the cost ofmaintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news isincreasing.One several grounds, this evidence lends little crediblesupport for the memo’s conclusion.

First of all, the obvious flaw with this argument is that no evidenceis provided indicating that the international news on covers is notwelcomed by consumers. It is true that the magazine N has a poorselling over the past years. However, it may not because of theinternational news covers leading to this poor situation, but otherpossible factors. For examlpe. it is entirely possible that during thepast three years the quality of the content of N magazine has beendecreasing, and it is no longer attractive. In short, without rulingout other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of thoseparticular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude thatinternational cover stories were the cause of the relatively poor sales.

Secondly, from the argument we can hardly find any evidence to explainwhy other competing news-magazines have significantly decreased thenumber of cover stories that they devote the international news. It ispossible, for instance, that the other magazines experienced decliningsales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. If so, then thepublisher’s recommendation would make little sense.From auger'sdescription, we can hardly find out the actual reasons of thedecreasing in international news.

Last but not the least, the conclusion that N magazine should decreaseemphasis on international news is reliable. It’s foreign bureas 'increasing cost for maintaining cannot help people to draw a conclusionlike the argument suggests.It could be the case that the cost rise upalong with the global boom of economics or an inflation .It would behasty to implement the publisher’s suggestion without acknowledging andexploring this possible scenario.

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logicallyacceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that more evidenceconcerning the other problems occurring in foreign bureaus except forthe cost of maintaining it. We would have to give more sufficientevidence to guarantee the assumptions given above paragraphs so as tovalidate the conclusion.

seiranzcc1UID: 2514067

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to reduce cost, the magazine should decrease emphasis on international news and refrainfrom displaying such stories on magazine covers. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that our (their?)competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news.The author also reasons that the cost ofmaintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news isincreasing.One several grounds(水平比较有限，这个短语是什么意思啊？), this evidence lends little credible support for the memo’s conclusion.
我对开头还没有怎么研究过，但是我读着的第一感觉是对原题的叙述很长，是不是可以稍微精简一下？

First of all, the obvious flaw with this argument is that no evidenceis provided indicating （indicate?）that the international news on covers is not welcomed by consumers. It is true that the magazine N has a poorselling over the past years. However, it may not because of the international news covers leading to this poor situation, but other possible factors. For examlpe. it is entirely possible that during the past three years the quality of the content of N magazine has been decreasing, and it is no longer attractive. In short, without ruling out other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues, the publisher cannot justifiably conclude the tinternational cover stories were the cause of the relatively poor sales. 结论下的很好啊，简单直白
首句我划线不是因为有什么问题啦，我就是觉得“不受欢迎”这个说法有一点不够要害，其实你的意思就是说“封面的国际新闻不是可能不是影响销量的原因”吧，首句的说法有点绕弯子。。。个人觉得

Secondly, from the argument we can hardly find any evidence to explain why other competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote the international news. It is possible, for instance, that the other magazines experienced declining sales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. （这个，我怎么觉得有点绕弯子，不是很看得懂。。。）If so, then the publisher’s recommendation would make little sense.From auger's description, we can hardly find out the actual reasons of thedecreasing in international news.

Last but not the least, the conclusion that N magazine should decrease emphasis on international news is reliable. It’s foreign bureas 'increasing cost for maintaining cannot help people to draw a conclusion like the argument suggests.It could be the case that the cost rise up along with the global boom of economics or an inflation .It would be hasty to implement the publisher’s suggestion without acknowledging and exploring this possible scenario.
呃。。。这个究竟是说作者的决定对不对呢？。。。开头那句是reliable? or unreliable?我理解东西比较直线。。。总觉得有点绕。。。


As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that more evidence concerning the other problems occurring in foreign bureaus except forthe cost of maintaining it. We would have to give more sufficientevidence to guarantee the assumptions given above paragraphs so as tovalidate the conclusion.

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（一下纯属个人感想）
逻辑层次很清楚，但是在每一段的论述里面，很多地方的表达都不是很直接，感觉并没能把你自己的想法很好地表达出来，不过总的说来写的很好啦~~
有些词之间没有空格，是寄托的编辑又出问题了？。。。。

大洋彼岸之风UID: 2644427

2# seiranzcc1
谢谢啦 我崇拜的小组给我改 真荣幸啊

leopard2009UID: 2596872

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to reduce costthe magazine should decrease emphasis on international news and refrainfrom displaying such stories on magazine covers. To support theconclusion, the arguer points out that our competing news-magazineshave significantly decreased the number of cover stories that theydevote to international news.The author also reasons that the cost ofmaintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news isincreasing.One several grounds 没看懂个短语的意思, this evidence lends little crediblesupport for the memo’s conclusion.
自己感觉也是觉得文章的复述多了一些，进入主题慢了一些
First of all, the obvious flaw with this argument is that no evidenceis / direct evidenceprovided indicating indicates that the international news on covers is notwelcomed by consumers. It is true that the magazine N has /had a poorselling over the past years. However, it may not because of theinternational news covers leading to this poor situation 感觉这句话缺谓语哈, but otherpossible factors. For examlpe. it is entirely possible that during thepast three years the quality of the content of N magazine has beendecreasing, and it is no longer attractive. In short, without rulingout other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of thoseparticular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude thatinternational cover stories were the cause of the relatively poor sales.

Secondly, from the argument we can hardly find any evidence to explainwhy other competing news-magazines have significantly decreased thenumber of cover stories that they devote the international news. It ispossible, for instance, that the other magazines experienced decliningsales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. If so, then thepublisher’s recommendation would make little sense.From the auger'sdescription, we can hardly find out the actual reasons of thedecreasing in international news.

Last but not the least, the conclusion that N magazine should decreaseemphasis on international news is reliable Not reliable?. It’s foreign bureas 'increasing cost for maintaining cannot help people to draw a conclusionlike the argument suggests. 感觉这句话语法有问题 是强调句吗？ 但是强调句不能省略thatIt could be the case that the cost rise upalong with the global boom of economics or an inflation .It would behasty to implement the publisher’s suggestion without acknowledging andexploring this possible scenario.

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logicallyacceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that 感觉应该去掉这个thatmore evidenceconcerning the other problems occurring in foreign bureaus except forthe cost of maintaining it. We would have to give more sufficientevidence to guarantee the assumptions given above paragraphs so as tovalidate the conclusion.

总体感觉和seiranzcc1一样，我们一起努力吧

Element88UID: 2646667

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to reduce cost the magazine should decrease emphasis on international news and refrainfrom displaying such stories on magazine covers. To support theconclusion, the arguer points out that our competing news-magazineshave significantly decreased the number of cover stories that theydevote to international news.The author also reasons that the cost ofmaintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news isincreasing.One several grounds,（这个不大懂） this evidence lends little crediblesupport for the memo’s conclusion.（总结的文章论据少了很重要的第一条，另外语言可以精简些）
First of all, the obvious flaw with this argument is that no evidenceis provided indicating that the international news on covers is(are) not welcomed by consumers. It is true that the magazine N has a poorselling over the past years（where is magazine N come form？）. However, it may not because of theinternational news covers leading to this poor situation(有点问题好像), but otherpossible factors. For examlpe. it is entirely possible that during thepast three years the quality of the content of N magazine has beendecreasing, and it is no longer attractive. In short, without rulingout other possible explanations（既然是复数expansions，前面最好提出2点以上的other factors） for the relatively poor sales of thoseparticular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude thatinternational cover stories were the cause of the relatively poor sales.（关于这点读题可能不对，题目说的是过去三年销量最不好的是有国际新闻封面的，不是过去三年此杂志的销量都不好）
Secondly, from the argument we can hardly find any evidence to explainwhy other competing news-magazines have significantly decreased thenumber of cover stories that they devote the international news. It ispossible, for instance, that the other magazines experienced decliningsales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. （这里还需接着把你的前提和假设一层层解释清楚，Why does it make little sence? ）If so, then thepublisher’s recommendation would make little sense.From auger'sdescription, we can hardly find out the actual reasons of thedecreasing in international news.

Last but not the least, the conclusion that N magazine should decreaseemphasis on international news is reliable（not reliable？）. It’s foreign bureas 'increasing cost for maintaining cannot help people to draw a conclusionlike the argument suggests（如果是强调句的话好像不大对）.It could be the case that the cost rise upalong with the global boom of economics or an inflation （这个理由不错！）.It would behasty to implement the publisher’s suggestion without acknowledging andexploring this or other possible scenarios.

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logicallyacceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that(that引导句子) more evidenceconcerning the other problems occurring in foreign bureaus except forthe cost of maintaining it.（这是关闭foreign bureaus的理由，不是有关于international news covered magazine的理由） We would have to give more sufficientevidence to guarantee the assumptions given above paragraphs so as tovalidate the conclusion.

感觉说理的地方还需加强，有时简单一句话是不能把理由论述充分的，关于这点我也有不足，
一起努力吧O(∩_∩)O...

brianwangboUID: 2643722

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to reduce cost the magazine should decrease emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on magazine covers. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that our competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news.The author also reasons that the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. One several grounds（这是啥意思？短语？）, this evidence lends little credible support for the memo’s conclusion.

First of all, the obvious flaw with this argument is that no evidence is provided indicating that the international news on covers is not welcomed by consumers. It is true that the magazine N has a poor selling over the past years. However, it may not because of the international news covers leading to this poor situation, but other possible factors. For example . it is entirely possible that during the past three years the quality of the content of N magazine has been decreasing, and it is no longer attractive. In short, without ruling out other possible explanations for the relatively poor sales of those particular issues the publisher cannot justifiably conclude that international cover stories were the cause of the relatively poor sales.

Secondly, from the argument we can hardly find any evidence to explain why other competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote the international news. It is possible, for instance, that the other magazines experienced declining sales even for issues focusing only on domestic news. If so, then the publisher’s recommendation would make little sense. From  auger's description, we can hardly find out the actual reasons of the decreasing in international news.

Last but not the least, the conclusion that N magazine should decrease emphasis on international news is reliable. It’s foreign bureas ' increasing cost for maintaining cannot help people to draw a conclusion like the argument suggests. It could be the case that the cost rise up along with the global boom of economics or an inflation .It would be hasty to implement the publisher’s suggestion without acknowledging and exploring this possible scenario.（话说这里面很多句子都像模板里的~~o(∩_∩)o…）

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that more evidence concerning the other problems occurring in foreign bureaus except for the cost of maintaining it. We would have to give more sufficient evidence to guarantee the assumptions given above paragraphs so as to validate the conclusion.
下次写完记得把单词都用空格分开…………… 写得是我到目前为止看的逻辑最清楚的文章~~不过觉得其中的很多句子都和范文中的一样，不知道会不会有所影响~~加油~~大家感觉都一样～～～